โโฆCalled and called and he didnโt come.โ
I blinked away the remnants of my dream. My
neck hurt fiercely, wedged at an awkward angle against the arm of the chair.
Across the room, a broad silhouette sat before Mischeโs bed, backlit by the lanterns.
โWhy didnโt he come?โ she whimpered, over and over. โI canโt get him to answer. I canโt, Iโโ
Raihn murmured, โDonโt worry about that right now.โ โHow can I worry about anything else? How can Iโโ
โWorry about getting better. Just rest. Can you do that?โ โIโโ
But the silhouette shifted, his hand going to her faceโ perhaps using magicโand Mische went silent.
I struggled to fight the haze of sleep. Vampire venom was a sedative. The Ministaerโs, old as he was, hit me hard. I ignored the spinning room and pushed myself upright.
Raihn rose, very slowly. Something was odd about the movement, but I couldnโt place what. He turned, just enough to show me the profile of his face. He raised a finger to his lips, then nodded to the door to the next room.
When I stood, the floor tilted so sharply I was sure Iโd topple over. Somehow I managed to follow Raihn into the adjoining bedroom. When I closed the door behind me, the
shock was enough to jerk me from the remnants of my haze.
The back of Raihnโs shirt, once white linen, was soaked through with blood. The stains bloomed over his back like flowersโsome patches of dry near-black, some streaks of stiffening burgundy, some blotches of fresh dark crimson. It covered the full expanse of his form, plastering the fabric to his flesh and dousing the tips of his hair.
โFuck,โ I whispered.
He let out a light scoff, then seized, as if the expression had hurt. โYes.โ
โIโwhatโwhat happened?โ
What a stupid fucking question. As if I didnโt know exactly what would happen to the Rishan in questioning.
Raihn kept his back to me. His arms lifted, the movement stiff and stilted.
โHow is Mische?โ he asked. โSheโs beenโโ
As if he hoped the answer would distract him, he yanked his shirt off over his head.
โโthe same.โ The words deflated.
Raihnโs body went rigid with pain for several long seconds.
โFuck,โ I whispered.
โFu-u-u-u-ck,โ he agreed, in a ragged hiss.
There was so much blood on his back that at first, I couldnโt even tell what I was looking at. Only the harsh side-lighting of the lanterns cut through it, orange light defining the borders of the brutal wounds. The two gashes were symmetrical, running down each side of his back from the curve of his shoulder, over his shoulder blades, all the way to the dips at the base of his spine. They were deep, the flesh split in layer-by-layerโdeep enough that I could have sworn I saw the movement of muscle as his back shifted.
Not a single strike. Nothing quick. No, the skin had been carefully flayed away, a fine network of wounds fanning out in all directions from the cuts.
Another mark ran down the center of his back, tooโa large diamond-shaped patch of mottled flesh over his shoulders, which then continued down his spine. The blood covered so much that I wasnโt sure if it was a part of his fresh injuries or something older.
I was speechless, even though I shouldnโt have been. It wasnโt the first time I had seen the results of torture. I knew that the Nightborn Guard was relentless. Trained to wield pain as just another weapon.
And yet, a dizzying bolt of rage speared me at the sight of it. Rage, and strange betrayal, and a single sentence:ย I told him not to break him.
And Vincent had looked me in the eye and agreed.
How old were the freshest of these wounds? How many had been inflicted after I had spoken to him? Did he know he was lying to me when he said it?
These questions shook me, hard, one after the other like arrows. Immediately, the voice in the back of my head smoothed over the sharpest of their accusationsโhe has a million other things on his mind; he had nothing to do with it; he had to do what was right for his kingdom.
But deep, deep inside my heart, somewhere I wouldnโt look at too closely, I could feel it. A crack.
โYour wings,โ I choked out. โAre theyโโ
Raihn gave me a weak smirk over his shoulder. โThis happened because I refused to reveal my wings. Made the right choice, donโt you think?โ
The relief at this was short-lived.
He still had his wings, yes. But conjuring them with these wounds, right where they would connect to his bodyโฆ it would be agonizing, if not impossible, until they healed.
I swallowed thickly.
โThat needs to be treated,โ I said.
โMische has a pouch of supplies in her pack.โ He started to turn, then winced and gave me an apologetic look. โCould youโโ
I nodded and went to the next room, grabbing Mischeโs bag and returning. Raihn was exactly where I left him, like moving even slightly was too much for him.
โCould youโcould you kneel in front of the bed, maybe?โ I said. โYou could lean on it.โ
โYou implying I canโt keep myself upright, princess?โ
I wasnโtย implyingย anything. The minute I started stabbing, I was certain heโd double over and rip all the stitches out. Even if he had the pain tolerance of a statue.ย Statuesย would fucking crumble at that.
Apparently my face had changed, because he rasped a laugh. โI concede. Fine. You got me. Youโre right.โ
โI could try to find some alcohol,โ I offered.
โIโll be sending you off into the human districts to bring me some of that piss beer after this.โ
โYouโd have earned it,โ I said, and meant it.
He chuckled againโMother, I almost felt bad for making him do thatโand slowly turned around.
The torture, it seemed, had been limited to his back. A small mercy for him. There wasnโt a scratch on the front of his torso, though little scars nicked his skin, clearly much older than tonight. Warm light cascaded over the swells and valleys of his fleshโilluminating the landscape of his muscular form and highlighting every raised or pitted scar.
In any other moment, I might have wished I could freeze time there. He looked like a painting. Beautiful, but also interesting, every expanse of skin whispering of another story, another past.
The strange, irrational, overwhelming urge to step closerโto touch himโhit me in a wave, crashing and then mercifully subsiding.
I swallowed and pushed away those thoughts. โKneel there. Iโll sit behind you.โ
He obeyed, each movement slow and stiff. So painfully different than his typical grace. He kneeled at the edge of the bed and leaned against it, his arms crossed over the bedspread.
I sat behind him. Up close, the wounds looked even worse.
I let out a hiss through my teeth. How could I even begin to close these?
โThat sounds promising,โ Raihn said.
โI justโIโm sorry for what Iโm about to do to you.โ
โIโm glad your bedside manner is about as delicate as I would have expected.โ
I didnโt even crack a smile.
I rummaged through the medical box. Mische had everything in hereโdisinfectants, needles, string, bandages, even little splints. I pulled out the disinfectant and hoped that it was magically enhanced in some way.
โYou want a warning?โ I asked. โProbably notโFUCK.โ
His hands clenched the bedspread as I poured the disinfectant over his back.
โI figured you were least expecting it then.โ โYou figured right,โ he grunted.
I strung the needle, eyeing his wounds. I felt like I was preparing for a whole other trial.
Trials. The thought of the word made my chest clench. Vampires healed much, much faster than humans. Butโฆ fuck, how could he compete like this?
โYouโve got to talk to me through this,โ Raihn said. โA whole conversation. Then youโll be in as much pain as I am.โ
I choked out a laugh at that, though I quickly tried to disguise it as a scoff.
โI have to stitch you upย andย talk to you?โ
No warning,ย heโd said.
So I didnโt give him any as I began stitching.
His entire body tensed. The bedspread shifted as he clutched it tighter.
โYou alright?โ I asked. โDefine โalright.โโ
โAlive.โ
He scoffed. โGlad you have such high standards.โ
I didnโt want to ask. But I had to, even though I already hated the answer I knew was coming. โWhat did they ask you?โ
โAsk. You make it sound so politeโfff.โ He hissed as I made another stitch. โThey wanted to know what I knew about the attack.โ His voice took on an exaggerated flat, hard edge, mimicking Jesmineโs. โWas I sympathetic to the Rishan cause? Did I know of the assailants? Had I ever summoned Nightborn demons before? Was I aware of an organized Rishan rebellion? Mostly, they wanted to know if I destroyed the fucking Moon Palace.โ
Did you?ย I almost asked. Vincentโs words echoed in my ears. I had little reason to trust Raihn.
But I didnโt say it aloud. I didnโt because I already knew that the answer was no, and already knew I believed him. Even if Vincent thought I was a fool for it.
โYou said you donโt think this was Rishan work.โ โNo. I donโt.โ
โWhy?โ
โThe Rishan arenโt organized anymore. Your dear father has done a wonderful job whittling them down over the last few centuries. They couldnโt get their shit together enough to do this.โ
They. Notย we. But then, I hadnโt seen Raihn so much as speak to any of the other Rishan contestants here. Not that that was unusual. Vampires were territorial and unfriendly creatures. Hell, most of the Hiaj didnโt talk to each other, either.
โI told them that, too,โ Raihn chuckled, then seized, fingers tightening again. โDidnโt seem to believe me.โ
I eyed the wounds before me. No, they didnโt. They didnโt believe him for hours and hours and hours. They didnโt believe him, by my estimation, dozens and dozens of times.
I decided to give him good news, because he probably needed it. โThe Ministaer accepted Mischeโs withdrawal.โ
โHeย what?โ He tensed, as if his instinct was to whirl around to look at me and he had to stop himself.
โNyaxia must have changed her mind.โ
He let out a long, long sighโso relieved he didnโt even flinch at the next stitch.
โYou did this,โ he said, finally.
I blinked. He thought better of me than I thought, for him to come to that conclusion so quickly. It wasโฆ touching.
โNo,โ I said. โMaybe they realized it just made the most sense.โ
โYouโre a terrible actress.โ I could hear the smile in his voice. Warm enough to ease the sting in my right hand. Almost warm enough to make me forget the way the Ministaerโs lips felt against my skin.
โWe can take her somewhere when the sun sets,โ I said. โIโll figure something out. Hopefully sheโll still be too
groggy to argue.โ
Three more stitches. I had to pause to wipe my hands with Raihnโs discarded shirt, leaving smears of red-black on the few clean patches left.
Raihn said softly, as if he didnโt mean to speak, โI havenโt seen her like this in a very, very long time.โ
โHer wounds are already starting to heal.โ โIโm not worried about those. Itโsโฆโ
He trailed off. In the silence, Mischeโs agonized words echoed in my head.
He left me. I called and called and he wouldnโt come.
Only now did it occur to me that she hadnโt been talking about Raihn.
โDo you know what she was trying to do, when we found her?โ he said, voice full of quiet wrath. โShe was trying to call upon Atroxus. Her magic failed her and she couldnโt get it back. She was there with those demons and that fucking Nightfire begging her god for help. If she died there, the last thing she heard would have been his silence.โ
His fingers tightened around the fabric as I made another stitch.
โI told her it would happen. It hurt her every time she used that magic. And I told her, I fuckingย toldย her, that one day he would stop answering. That the God of the Sun wouldnโt keep allowing one ofย Nyaxiaโs childrenโโhe spat the term in disgustโโto draw upon his power. But she justโฆโ
The burns on Mischeโs arms. Yearsโ and yearsโ worth.
Suddenly so much made sad, morbid sense.
โHow was she ever able to do it?โ I asked. โWield that magic?โ
โShe was a priestess. Before. When she was human.โ My brows leapt. โA priestess of Atroxus?โ
โMhm. In Pachnai. Came here for some kind of missionary work. Isnโt that something?โ A short laugh, cut off with a wince. โMissionaries coming to preach to fucking vampires. And thatโs when it happened. Whoever Turned her just left her there to die. Probably figured he had a nice little eternal slave if she lived, and at least got a decent meal out of it if she didnโt. Decided she was too much trouble when she got sick and left. She didnโt even know what he was doing to her.โ
I had long ago grown accustomed to the careless cruelty of the vampires. But it still sickened me to imagine what Mische, a foreigner barely older than a teenager, must have gone through.
I thought again of the Ministaerโs mouth on my skin, just hours ago. Thought of a kiss on my throat, and teeth, and painโthen jerked back to reality when Raihn cursed because I jabbed him a little too hard.
โSorry.โ I steadied my hand. โWho? Who was it?โ
โI wish I fucking knew. I donโt even know what House she is. She wonโt tell me. If I found outโฆโ
He let out a low breath that made all sorts of wordless promises.
Fuck, Iโd help.
โThe thing that kills me,โ Raihn said, โis that the bastard didnโt even know or care that he was taking literally everything from her. Didnโt even give enough of a shit to drag her to civilization before leaving her to die. And nowโฆโ
And now the final vestige of her humanity was gone. โThey donโt care,โ I said softly. โThey never care.โ
โNo. They never fucking care. And sometimesโโ He tensed. Maybe because of the stitch. Maybe not. โSometimes Iโm ashamed to call myself one of them.โ
I donโt want to watch you become one of them,ย Ilana had said to me.
And until nowโuntil this exact momentโI hadnโt even thought about it as giving something up. Not until I heard the ache in Raihnโs voice that had nothing to do with the wounds on his back.
โWhat was it like?โ I asked. โTurning?โ
โIxโs tits. Your bedside manner really is awful, princess.โ
I could hear the expression on his face. My mouth tightened. Almost a smile.
I didnโt think he would answer, but he said, โIt feels like death. I donโt remember most of it.โ
โWhoโ?โ
โNowย thatโsย a question I canโt answer in a moment like this.โ The cadence of a joke. The edge of a rebuke. Fair enough.
I finished the last two stitches, then admired my handiwork.
โHow does it look?โ he asked.
I answered honestly. โFucking awful.โ He sighed. โTerrific.โ
Blood still covered the rest of his back. I took the towel and gently wiped it awayโfrom his shoulders, his sides, and finally, down the middle of his spine.
There, I paused, the cloth half raised. I had been rightโ the mark down the center of his back was a scar, a big one, far older than the marks from tonight. It carved a large triangle across his upper back, then trailed all the way down its center. A burn, maybe?
โHow did you get this?โ
โNo, no, no. That isnโt how this works.โ With a grunt of pain, he rose. โI donโt need to be distracted anymore, which means that I donโt have to answer your questions.โ
I stood, too, wincing as I stretched the stiff fingers of my right hand. He turned to me, the corner of his mouth quirked, clearly about to say something insultingโbut then he noticed me rubbing my bandaged wrist, and his face changed.
The smirk was gone. โWhatโs that?โ
โNothing. A little cut.โ โWhat happened, Oraya?โ
The intensity of his voice struck me in places I didnโt expect.
โNothing happened,โ I said, tucking my hand away. โItโs from the attack.โ
His eyes searched my face, unblinking. They looked redder than ever in the firelight, reflecting the orange of the lanterns behind me. He didnโt believe me, but he didnโt say so.
I reached into the medicine bag and pulled out a little glass bottle of tablets. I took his hand and placed the vial in
it. โHere. They wonโt heal you, but at least theyโll help the pain enough for you to sleep.โ
I didnโt know why I didnโt remove my hand. Nor why I didnโt step back, even though he was so closeโclose enough his body heat surrounded me.
I swallowed. โIโm sorry. Iโm sorry that he did this to you.โ
โIt isnโt your fault.โ
Still. I felt it, even if I didnโt know why.
And I still didnโt move when he said, โOne honest thing, Oraya. Do you want a different partner for the Halfmoon trial?โ
I knew why he was asking. Because now it was just me and him. Because his back was destroyed. Because he couldnโt use his wings.
โYou could find one,โ he went on. โPeople died in the attack. They left partners behind. I would understand.โ
It surprised me that the answer was so clear, so immediate.
โToo late for that. Youโre stuck with me.โ
I watched his lips curl. The smile looked real. Different than the smirks.
โThe human and the cripple,โ he murmured. โThe others should be trembling in pure fucking terror.โ
I surprised myself by returning it. โTheyโd better.โ
My hand still lay over Raihnโs calloused palm. His fingers curled around mine, as if in silent agreement.
One more day.
When the Halfmoon was over, we would be enemies. Maybe this felt something like intimacy, but soon, we would try to kill each other.
I never forgot that.
Tonight, though, my soul was heavyโwith Raihnโs torture and Mischeโs past, with Vincentโs lies and the dark
memories stirred by the Ministaerโs mouth on my skin. Maybe I was weak. Maybe I was foolish.
But even though I knew I should pull away, I didnโt.
No, I drank up Raihnโs touch like one last gulp of wine.
A secret, shameful vice.
 |
MISCHE WANTED TO STAY. Even in her half-conscious, delirious state, she protested as Raihn carried her from the Moon Palace. He had some friends, he told me, who would take her away from Sivrinaj and care for her until she recovered. I was secretly glad she was not only leaving the Kejari, but leaving Sivrinaj entirely. I couldnโt shake the feeling that things here would get far worse before they got better.
She was conscious when I said goodbye to her. She gave my hand a weak squeeze when I approachedโand I let her, even though I didnโt like goodbyes.
โTake care of yourself,โ I told her.
โYou too. Keep feeding that shy magic.โ Her weak smile softened. โAndโฆ keep an eye on him, alright?โ
She didnโt need to specify who.
โHe acts tough, but he needs someone. And he likes you.โ
No, he doesnโt,ย I wanted to say.ย He shouldnโt. The worst possible thing he could do is like me.
But I just gave Mische my best attempt at a comforting smile and said, โRest. Get better quickly.โ
To which she gave me an equally weak, but much brighter, wave. โIโll see you soon.โ
|
WE WERE SUMMONEDย only hours later. Raihn and I didnโt speak to each other on the walk thereโwhat was there to say? We only nodded at each other in grim acceptance of our task.
We all stood in awkward silence in the great room. The only sounds were the hushed whispers shared between teammates. I looked around the room, carefully memorizing who had paired with who. Three House of Blood contestants stood together. Beside them, Angelika and her partner, a slight blood magic user by the name of Ivan. Ibrihim had managed to find a partner, a Shadowborn man, who had also been badly injured in the last trial. Apparently no one else would have them. Neither looked pleased.
They werenโt the only ones who appeared to have paired up out of sheer necessity. Four other Rishan contestants now partnered with each otherโpresumably out of last-minute changes, dumped by their previous partners after Jesmineโs torture. I eyed them and tried not to show it, a knot in my stomach.
Their backs were sealed beneath layers of armor, but they moved sti๏ฌy, and I could imagine what they looked like. Still, they didnโt seem to be in as much pain as Raihn, who couldnโt even get into his own armor. I had to strap the leather over his back while he gripped the edge of the bureau and cursed through teeth so tight I was sure heโd crack them. He hid it now, though, and well, tucking every wince and slow movement away. This was not the time to show weakness.
I saw it anyway.
Vampires healed fast, but his wounds had improved only a little. I was disappointed, but not surprised. Nightborn soldiers wielded all kinds of tricksโpoison, magic, whatever it tookโto inflict as much pain as their task warranted. Raihnโs, apparently, had warranted it all.
As I watched the other Rishan, I couldnโt help but wonder if his had been worse. If he had been kept longer, tortured more, because of his connection to me.
He nudged my arm, snapping me from my thoughts. โWeโre famous,โ he muttered, motioning to the other side of the room, where several Hiaj contestants stared.
We did make one of the moreโฆ unusual pairs.
โTheyโre jealous,โ I said flatly, and he chuckled. โWeโll give them a show.โ
Mother, I hoped so.
We all waited in silenceโprepared to be spirited away at any moment. But instead, a string of Nyaxiaโs acolytes filed into the room. Each bore a silver goblet. They stopped at each set of allies, offering them the cup.
They didnโt say a wordโours didnโt even lift his eyesโ but the unspoken message was clear:ย drink.
Raihn took the goblet first, making a face of disgust as he swallowed. โUnpleasant, but not poison,โ he said, after a moment, and passed it to me.
The liquid was dark red, nearly black, and thick. Faint smoke rolled from its surface. It smelled slightly musty. I couldnโt even begin to imagine its purpose. Iโd studied every Kejari, and none included a start like this.
I drank.ย Ugh. Raihn was right. It was disgusting.
I glanced at him after handing the goblet back to the acolyte, and the corner of his mouth curled. โGood luโโ
