I don’t think I have been this nervous in a long time. The past few days have been torture. With what happened at the party, play-offs coming up, and of course, Ava, my nerves have sky-rocketed. Ava is the only thing that calms me, but I haven’t heard from her at all.
I’ve tried to give her some space and it’s worked. If you don’t count the several voicemails and text messages that I’ve left over the past three days, that is. But in my defence, I’ve never been a patient guy.
I thought that after the first day she would break and pick up the phone—even to dump me and put me out of my misery. But she hasn’t and I can’t wait anymore. I need to tell her what happened before I lose my damn mind.
Spending these past few days knowing that she’s been sitting at home thinking I did anything with another girl is eating away at me. I would be damned to ruin what we have for some casual hookup. She needs to know that she’s it for me—forever. Or as long as she’ll have me.
That’s why I’ve been staring at her door for the past ten minutes. I practiced my speech in the car the entire way here and was confident that I could get my girl back, but that flew out the window the second I stepped inside her building.
My hands are clammy, and my heart is pounding. Do it, I tell myself firmly and rap smartly on the door.
Moments pass and nothing—then I hear hushed voices coming from behind the door. I hear Ava’s voice and my breathing starts to slow. That is until a furious Morgan opens the door. She opens her mouth to hurl insults at me, but I look past her into the apartment.
I spot my girl standing with her arms crossed, leaning against the back of their couch biting her nails. She pushes herself off the sofa and
walks over to us. She stops a few feet away from me, not maintaining eye contact.
Her hair is thrown into a bun on the top of her head, and her face is makeup-free. Just how I like it. I find it difficult to breathe when I take notice of my Saints hoodie hanging carelessly off of her shoulders. That’s a good sign, right?
When our eyes meet, the urge to rush over to her and wrap her up in my arms is overwhelming.
Morgan pulls me inside and slams the door shut behind me. “State your business before I drop-kick your ass to Mexico.”
I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to the girl I came here for. “I need to talk to you.”
Ava scoffs and puts her hands on her hips. “Now you want to talk, Oakley? You didn’t have a problem with ignoring me before.”
“Okay, I deserved that. Just let me explain. Please?” I beg.
“If she wanted to talk to you, she would have,” Morgan jabs, and I glare at her.
To my surprise—and delight, Ava says, “I got this, M. We need some time alone.”
Morgan glowers at me on her way to her bedroom. “Just yell if you need me.”
Ava sits down on the far side of the couch, crosses her legs and looks up at me expectantly. “Well? Explain.”
Do I sit beside her? Did she sit on the far side because she doesn’t want me to sit close to her?
I shake my head as if to clear it of these stupid questions and make my way to the couch. I sit in the middle, leaving some space between us for her sake.
“It wasn’t my intention to disappear like that. It just happened,” I say
quietly.
She scoffs at my words and I have to bite my tongue to keep myself
from making a sarcastic remark.
“It just happened? It isn’t hard to send a damn text message! You could have been lying dead somewhere for all I knew!”
“I know, okay? I’m sorry. I just needed to talk to my mom about something and get away from here for a couple of days,” I confess and instantly curse myself.
Ava frowns in bemusement. “What was so important you had to go all the way home for, then? Or do I not get to know that either?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I grumble. “What does matter is you knowing what happened at that damn party.”
She rolls her eyes, unconvinced by my noticeable subject change, but shrugs her shoulders all the same.
I blow out a sigh of relief and lean back against the cushions. “I was only at that party because I wanted to clear my mind and see a couple of friends. Not to get laid by some random girl.”
Ava stays silent. Her body is rigid and her eyes are locked on the
T.V. She’s not showing any sign as to whether or not she believes me so far, which only adds to my panic.
Come on, Oakley, man up.
“The last thing that I remember is fighting with Andre. Everything else is a blur. We’re pretty sure I was drugged. I need you to believe me, baby. I woke up in my bed, alone. Andre said he got me a ride home as soon as that girl answered my phone,” I explain. My body yearns to move closer to her and wrap my arms around her.
“Okay. I believe you,” she mumbles and her shoulders relax slightly. Relief washes over me—until I catch the unshed tears in her eyes. “But you need to tell me what was so important. Why did you need to clear your mind? I think I have a right to know when something important happens to you.”
She’s right. She always is.
“I’ll tell you, but you have to promise that you won’t get upset.” She bites her lip and nods reluctantly. “I promise.”
“My agent called me that morning to tell me where I’m predicted to go in the draft,” I mutter and look away when her face falls.
“And?” Her voice shakes.
My stomach jolts. “It’ll be somewhere in the United States, baby.”
I keep my gaze on her and when her lips wobble, I pull her close, as if on instinct. With her back in my arms, I feel myself relax for the first time in three days. I bury my face in her warm neck and breathe in the familiar smell of her shampoo.
“I’m so proud of you,” she whispers, effectively making me feel
worse.
“It doesn’t have to change anything. I already told you I’d keep my place here and just travel back and forth.”
Her back stiffens against me, making my nerves return instantly. “We both know it will change things. It isn’t as easy as just keeping a place here, Oakley,” she counters, shaking her head at my suggestion.
I know what she’s trying to do. She wants to run.
“What if it wasn’t just mine? What if it was ours? Would that make it easier?” I murmur and push down the excitement bubbling inside of me at the mere thought of it.
She moves around in my arms and looks at me with wide eyes. I shrug and cup her cheek, letting my thumb brush across her soft skin. I want nothing more than to plant my lips on hers. I’ve missed her.
“You’re ridiculous,” she says and pulls away from me. I hate the empty feeling that swallows me whole when she returns to the opposite end of the couch.
“I just want this to work. I don’t know if you do anymore, though.” My jaw clenches and I shut my mouth before saying something I don’t mean out of hurt.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Ava demands, scowling at me.
“You know exactly what it means,” I say quietly. “It sure feels like you’re looking for something to use as an escape route.”
“I have too much to deal with right now.” Her sudden change in tone tells me everything I need to know.
Suddenly, a loose thread on the couch becomes the most interesting thing in the room. “What do you mean?”
Her change in breathing makes me look at her again. Tears fill her beautiful green eyes, and I want nothing more than to reach forward and wipe them away. But I stay still.
“Let me help you deal with it then. That’s what I’m here for.” Again, she doesn’t say anything. “What if I wait until you graduate? Will that make it better? Just say the word and I’ll wait,” I plead.
A slight shake of her head is the only response I get. Pain rises in my chest and I blink rapidly.
“You’re really going to sit there and not say anything? How do you not have anything to say? I have a lot I want to say.”
I’m angry now. Her silence is only hurting—and frustrating me even more. “Why are you running away from this? Is it just that I’m being
drafted, or have you had this planned for a while?”
“Of course I haven’t been planning this!” she snaps, furious. “I just can’t do it. I can’t be that girl again! What happened at that party will happen over and over again. I know you didn’t do anything with that girl, I believe you, but it’s just going to get worse! I can’t deal with it. I’m not strong enough!” she adds in a shout with tears streaming down her cheeks.
“I’m not letting you run away,” I say desperately—and I mean it. “I love you, and you love me. That’s all that matters.”
She shakes her head again and walks into the kitchen. “You’re being naive, Oakley.”
“I’m not being naive. I just don’t want to lose you.” I follow closely behind her and grab her arm, closing the space between us. “Please don’t do this. Don’t push me away right now.”
Her eyes dart around the room, looking everywhere but at me. “I need to do this.”
“No, you don’t. The only thing you need to do is have faith in us. Let me take care of the rest.” I would get down on my knees and beg her not to walk away if that’s what it took.
“You’re making this harder than it needs to be, Oakley. Just stop,” she says, her voice trembling.
I nearly clutch at my chest, hoping to ease the pain. This can’t be happening.
“Just tell me you don’t want this anymore, and I’ll leave. But you have to say it, Ava. Loud and clear. You need to know it was you who pushed me away, not the other way around. In days to come, when you’re missing me, remember it was you who ran,” I add bitterly, my anger and hurt overwhelming me.
I release her arm and wait, my heart pounding. If she tells me to go, it’ll devastate me. She’s become a crucial part of my life, and I can’t imagine being without her. This is why I was so reluctant to get into a relationship.
“I don’t want this anymore.” Her words slice through the tense silence, shattering my resolve.
I try to respond, but my words come out incoherent, as if I’m choking.
“Okay,” is all I manage to say. I turn halfway toward the door but stop, turning back to face her one last time.
“You’re making a mistake.”
Without waiting for her reaction, I turn and leave. I feel like I’m moving on autopilot as I exit her apartment. Stepping outside, the sun blazes through the clouds, burning my eyes. I look away, fighting back tears, and rush to my truck, finally allowing myself to process what just happened.
This whole situation feels almost surreal. Everyone warned me not to break her heart, but in the end, it’s me who’s been shattered.
