Don’t Ask the Question if You Can’t Handle the Answer
I stand, staring down at where Jaxon should be but isn’t for several seconds. He couldn’t have just disappeared. It’s impossible.
I start down after him—the sane way—but I’ve barely made it four steps before someone is calling behind me. “Hey, Grace! Where are you going?”
I turn to see Lia coming across the landing toward me. She’s dressed in all black, as per usual, and looks totally badass in a chic, feminine way. Also as per usual.
“I wanted to talk to Jaxon, but he’s too fast for me.”
“No news there. When Jaxon doesn’t want to be caught, he’s too fast for everyone.” She rests a hand lightly on my shoulder. “But, Grace, honey, are you okay? You don’t look so good.”
I’m pretty sure that’s the understatement of the year, so I just kind of shake my head. “It’s been a weird day. And a long one.”
“It always is when Jaxon is involved,” she tells me with a laugh. “What you need is a little more of my tea and some girl time. We should arrange that for later.”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“In the meantime, maybe you should go after Jaxon.
Otherwise who knows how long he’ll brood.”
I think about it, I really do. But I have no idea where he went—or even if he’s still in the castle. And if he’s not inside, it’s not like I can exactly go chasing after him in my pajamas.
Which is why, in the end, I just kind of sigh and say, “I think I’m going to go back to my room for now. Maybe try to text him.”
“Oh, yeah, of course you could do that.” She sounds a
little patronizing, but it could just be that I’m pissy. Which is why, when she says, “Here, let me help you back to your room. You look like you’re going to collapse at any second,” I try not to be annoyed.
I feel like I’m going to collapse at any second, but I figure
that’s no one’s business but my own. Especially in this school, where physical weakness seems like a character flaw.
Which is why, instead of answering her, I cast one more look down the stairs after Jaxon—to no avail—before turning to walk back the way I came. Lia seems to think I’m going to fall at any moment, though, because she walks right next to me, hand up like she’s prepared to catch me if I fall. Which I absolutely am not going to do. I’ve caused enough trouble this week to last a lifetime.
“So what’s going on?” she asks as we slowly make our way back to my room. “I thought I’d see you at dinner, but you weren’t there.”
“Oh, yeah. I had a little…accident.”
“I can see that.” She eyes the bandages covering too many of my visible surfaces. “Anything serious? Because
you look like you went three rounds with a polar bear. And lost.”
I shake my head with a laugh. “A little flying glass from the earthquake earlier, no big deal.”
“Oh, right. The earthquake.” She studies me for a second. “You know, we’ve had more tremors since you got here than we’ve had in the last year. I’m beginning to think you brought them with you, California girl.”
I snort. “Yeah, I’ve already had that discussion today. But I have to tell you, I never got hurt like this from a quake in California.”
“Oh yeah? Well, you know what they say about Alaska.” “North to the Future?” I respond, quoting the state motto I
found online when I was researching this state.
She laughs. “More like, everything here is designed to kill you in ten seconds or less.”
“I thought that was Australia?”
“I’m pretty sure it works for any place that begins and ends with an A.” She grins, but there’s a bite to the words that reminds me just how bad things can get here. I may have fallen out of a tree and gotten cut by some glass since I got here, but Lia lost her boyfriend. And Jaxon lost his brother.
“How are you doing?” I ask as we get closer to my room.
“Me?” She looks startled. “You’re the one who’s all cut up.”
“I didn’t mean physically. I meant…” I take a deep breath, blow it out slowly. “About Hudson. How are you doing?”
For a second, just a second, rage flashes in her eyes. Towering, unadulterated, infinite. But then she blinks, and
it’s replaced with a bland, pleasant expression that is somehow a million times worse than the fury beneath it.
“I’m doing all right,” she says with a strange little smile that makes me ache in sympathy. “I mean, I’m not good. I’ll never be good. But I’ve figured out how to say no, so that’s something.”
“To say no?”
“Yeah, we talked about this before. Everyone wants me to just move on, and I can’t. They tell me that nothing has to change, that Jaxon’s a perfectly good replacement—”
“Jaxon?” My whole body tightens up at the mention of his name linked with hers. She can’t be serious…can she?
“I know. It’s absurd. He and Hudson are nothing alike. And I don’t care about politics or family dynasties even if he does. I just want Hudson back.”
I’m reeling under the news that she and Jaxon are supposed to be together—and the implication that he’s willing to go along with it. But she looks so small when she says it, so exposed, that my heart twists for her.
Besides, it doesn’t make sense. Not with the way he held me earlier. Not with the way he kissed me. He didn’t do either of those things like a guy who had another girl on his mind. He did them like a guy who was as desperate for me as I was for him.
Yeah, he tried to take it back on the stairs a few minutes ago, but you can’t just take something like that back. Not when I’ve never felt anything close to it before in my whole life, and I would swear he never had, either.
So what’s all this about, then? What’s Lia getting at? And why is she talking about it to me, of all people?
I don’t have answers to those questions and, more than likely, I’m not going to find them standing in the middle of the dorm hallway. Especially not when the combination of sedative and blood loss is still fogging up my brain, making me feel like half my body isn’t even here.
On the plus side, we’re finally back at my and Macy’s room. I’m exhausted and more than ready to be back in my own bed. I’m also more than ready to be away from Lia, at least until I figure out if I’m being paranoid or if she’s trying to subtly warn me off Jaxon because she considers him hers. If that is what she’s doing, it isn’t going to work. Not when
I already feel this connection to Jaxon. It’s strange, I know, considering we’ve spent as much time sniping at each other as we have talking, but the more time I spend with him, the more time I want to spend. Like there’s something pushing me toward him, making me want him. There’s not a chance her subtle little speech about how everyone wants her and Jaxon to be together because of family reasons is going to change that.
I reach up to knock—I was in such a hurry to get to the incredible disappearing Jaxon Vega that I forgot my key—but the door flies open before my fist can so much as touch the wood.
“There you are!” Macy exclaims. “I was just about to come looking—”
She breaks off when she sees Lia standing behind me. “Oh, hi, Lia.” She nervously smooths her hair down. “How are you?”
“Good,” Lia tells her dismissively before turning back to me with a concerned look on her face. “Rest up, okay,
Grace? I’ll come by to check on you tomorrow. Bring you a special blend of tea that will help you feel better faster.”
“You don’t have to do that.” I cross through the beaded curtain into my room. “But I appreciate you walking me back. Thanks.”
“Of course. And the tea is no bother.” She smiles sweetly. “Get some rest.”
“I will. Thanks.” I don’t bother to smile.
“Thanks for bringing her back. I appreciate it,” Macy tells her with a grateful smile that gets my back up.
Lia ignores her. “I can bring the tea by now if you want it, Grace.”
“I’m good.” I wave a dismissive hand at her as I flop down on my bed. “I think I’m just going to sleep.”
To prove my point, I lie down on my freshly made bed (again) and turn so I’m facing the wall, my back to the door
—and Lia. I know it’s rude, but right now, I don’t actually
care. I’m so done with this conversation, and for the moment, I’m done with Lia, too. Not just because of the Jaxon thing but because I really don’t like how she treats Macy. I can’t stand how abrupt she is with her, like my cousin is some annoying puppy nipping at her shoes.
There’s some soft murmuring from the door—my cousin apologizing to Lia for my churlish behavior, I’m sure—and then the door closes softly.
I roll over right away, and as I do, I come face-to-face with the bag of cookies and fresh glass of juice Macy has put on my nightstand.
“You really are the best cousin in the world,” I tell her as I sit up. “You know that, right?”
“I do,” she agrees, settling down on the bed next to me. “How are you feeling?”
“The truth?” “Always.”
“Awful. I should have listened to you.” But it’s ridiculous. And I hate it. All I did was run down the hall after Jaxon, and my body feels weak, exhausted.
“No shit.” She reaches for the glass of juice and holds it out to me. “Drink up, buttercup.”
For the first time, I can’t help thinking about how much blood I must have actually lost.
It’s that thought that has me taking the glass from her and downing the juice in a couple of swallows. It’s what also has me eating a cookie even though my stomach is roiling and food is the last thing I want.
Macy watches me like a hawk, then smiles her approval when I manage to choke down a second cookie as well as a glass of water. Only then does she ask, “So are you going to tell me how you left here chasing Jaxon and came back with Lia?”
“Not much to tell. Jaxon did what he always does.” “And what’s that?”
“He disappeared.” Macy nods. “Yeah.”
I think about the look on Jaxon’s face when I was trying to talk to him at the top of the stairs, then I think about what Lia just let “slip.”
I think about the way Jaxon has managed to help me every time something bad happens to me. And I think about how he finds it so easy to walk away, time and time again.
It’s enough to have my already addled brain begging for mercy.
“We should get some sleep,” Macy says and, for the first time, I realize she’s already in her pajamas. “It’s after two.”
“It’s really that late? How long was I out?”
“Long enough.” She gives me a hug before crawling off my bed. “Get some sleep. We’ll talk more about the ins and outs of Jaxon Vega’s brain tomorrow.”
I nod and try to do as she suggests. But I can’t stop thinking about how late it is. And about how much time I’ve lost. I must have been out a lot longer than I thought if it’s really—I pick up my phone to check the time—2:31 in the morning.
There are a couple of messages from Heather—about how much Calculus sucks and how she wishes she could work up the nerve to talk to Veronica (her current crush). I shoot back a couple of texts of my own. Nothing about my most recent near-death experience, just encouragement about Veronica and Calculus. Plus a little whining of my own over Jaxon.
She doesn’t answer—probably because it’s the middle of the night. So I spend a few minutes scrolling through my Insta feed. As I stare blankly at the pics, I can’t help thinking about this afternoon. Can’t help wondering what happened in the time I was so out of it.
Was it exactly as Marise said? That Jaxon rushed me to her office and she drugged me so she could repair the “nick” in my artery? Or is there something more to the story, something that accounts for why my uncle was so nervous and Jaxon so determined to put distance between us?
It’s these thoughts that have me staring at the ceiling until nearly three in the morning.
These thoughts that finally have me heading to the bathroom and closing the door between Macy and me.
And it’s these thoughts that have me peeling back the bandage I promised I wouldn’t lift for at least a few days and staring at the cut on my neck.
Or, more precisely, at the two perfectly round, perfectly spaced puncture marks about an inch below a jagged cut.
