Chapter no 17 – Derek

The Rule Book

โ€ŒA dramatic southern accent perks up behind me. โ€œExcuse me, kind sir, could I bother you for an autograph? You see, Iโ€™m your biggest fan in all the world! And it would mean ever so muchโ€”โ€โ€Œ

โ€œWhy the hell arenโ€™t you sleeping?โ€ I ask Nora as she slips onto the barstool beside me, lookingโ€ฆdamn sheโ€™s so pretty.ย Her hair is all up on her head in a messy bun that drives me literally wild. Sheโ€™s in her same outfit that she changed into at the airport after our flightโ€”bright pink leather sandals, light blue flowy pants, and a white short-sleeve button-down tucked into the high waistline of the pants. I canโ€™t quite describe it, but just looking at her you know she smells goodโ€”sweet and delicious. Like a dream.

She has no business looking this good after the insane day weโ€™ve had. We got into Vegas around nine-thirtyย A.M. and were immediately driven to the set of the commercialโ€”which took place in a casino. They threw me into an indigo suit that fit me like a glove and the crew shot a few different moody, ritzy-looking scenes of me playing blackjack, roulette, and pool. Turns out, pool is difficult to play in a skintight suit when youโ€™re a person my size. On the last take of the night, the fabric couldnโ€™t handle the strain any longer and split down the back of the jacket.

Other than leaving the jacket behind, I didnโ€™t bother changing when we made it to our hotel, where I deposited Nora at her room and told her Iโ€™d tie her down if she didnโ€™t sleep. We finished filming about elevenย P.M., and

Nora hung on set with me the whole day even though I tried multiple times to get her to go back to the hotel and nap. She wasnโ€™t having it. Sheโ€™s by far the most thorough agent Iโ€™ve ever hadโ€”which makes it even tougher that Iโ€™ve decided to dissolve our contract.

I really donโ€™t want to. Not only do I need a good agent and think sheโ€™d fit the bill perfectly, judging by how she handed me my ass the other night when I was all but giving up on my career, but Iโ€™m dreading letting her out of my life again.

Itโ€™s not like all the pain Iโ€™ve been carrying from losing the woman I loved magically disappeared when I learned the truth, but it did take on a new light. I respect Nora for the decision she made for herself. And dammit if respecting her doesnโ€™t make me love her that much more.

In order for me to move on, I canโ€™t be faced with her day in and day out.

Itโ€™ll hurt too much.

Nora doesnโ€™t even bother looking guilty for popping up beside me at the bar now. โ€œI tried to sleep. But itโ€™s too noisy.โ€

โ€œI can get you some earplugs.โ€

She scrunches her nose and wiggles her fingers beside her head. โ€œI mean itโ€™s too noisy in my brain. I canโ€™t stop thinking of all the potential endorsement deals youโ€™d be incredible forโ€”especially now knowing you can act. What do you think aboutโ€”โ€

โ€œNora.โ€ I interrupt her while looking down at my empty glass. She can hear the change in my voice and knows what Iโ€™m about to say.

Her smile fades. I hate that Iโ€™m the reason for it dimming.

I grip my glass and stare into it as I say the words I know are going to hurt her. โ€œIโ€ฆI canโ€™t do this. I thought I could, but I canโ€™t. I need to dissolve our contract.โ€

Thereโ€™s a beat of silence between us where only the sounds of Vegas fill the lull. From the corner of my eye, I see her shoulders rise and fall. โ€œIs itโ€ฆ was Iโ€ฆdid I not do a good job with the commercial?โ€

I look sharply at her. โ€œWhat? No. You are incredible at your job and under different circumstancesโ€ฆIโ€™d be lucky to have you.โ€ Those words felt thick in my mouth. โ€œButโ€ฆโ€ย Damn, I donโ€™t want to say it.ย โ€œBecause of our

history, this is too much for me. Iโ€™m glad we talked the other night and cleared the air. I meant everything I said about understanding your side of things, butโ€ฆโ€ย I canโ€™t get over you.

Her usual smile is nowhere in sight. โ€œYou donโ€™t think with timeโ€ฆ?โ€

I laugh once. โ€œItโ€™s been eight years. I think if time was going to fix this, it would have already.โ€

I feel like Iโ€™m being pretty transparent here. That sheโ€™s understanding what Iโ€™m saying without me having to say the awkward wordsย Hey, Iโ€™m still in love with you and unless you love me back, we canโ€™t do this because it hurts so damn much to be near you and not have you.

But then she says, โ€œIs itโ€ฆdo youโ€ฆdo you still hate me?โ€ My heart rips down the middle.

Do I hate her?ย I hate that when your mouth curves into a smile, I canโ€™t kiss it. I hate that you hold my heart in a vise grip and you have no idea. I hate that Iโ€™ve never been able to move on from youโ€”not for a single day. I hate that if I were to tell you all of this, youโ€™d leave, and Iโ€™d be left vulnerable and bleeding out at the bar.

โ€œNo.ย Hateย is not the right word for it,โ€ I say, because I canโ€™t bring myself to lay my heart out on the line in the middle of a Vegas bar. Itโ€™s time to move on and just let her go.

Weโ€™re interrupted when the bartender steps up and asks Nora what she wants, leaning over the counter toward her so he can hearโ€”or maybe because he notices how beautiful her eyes are and wants a closer look.

โ€œWhat can I get you?โ€ he asks, and then with an obnoxious smirk, he tacks on, โ€œMy number maybe?โ€

And now I have the strongest urge to slam his face down into the bar and break his nose. Which, yep, this only solidifies why I canโ€™t work with Nora. I canโ€™t be around this all the time. Everyone seems to want herโ€”with good reason.

She laughs at his flirty comment, and I bite the insides of my cheeks not to say anything. But then her hand juts out and lands on the side of my neck where it meets my shoulder. She grips it once, possessively, and I cut my eyes to her.ย What the hell?

โ€œSorryโ€”Iโ€™m taken,โ€ she says, and my heartโ€”my pitiful little sad sap of a heartโ€”rockets against my sternum.

โ€œAh, too bad,โ€ says the bartender, turning to me with unapologetic eyes.

I keep quiet as Nora rattles off her orderโ€”a gin gimletโ€”all the while keeping her hand fixed on my neck. Her thumb glides up and down my skin and I doubt she understands how completely sheโ€™s torturing me right now. Also how confused sheโ€™s making me. Did I not just essentially fire her? What the hell is happening? And why am I contemplating sweeping her into my arms and carrying her straight up to my hotel room?

The bartender walks off and the moment his back is to us, Nora drops her hand away along with her smile.

โ€œIโ€™m so sorry!โ€ she says, turning wide-eyed at me. โ€œHe hit on me and Iโ€™m just so tired. Plus he was definitely giving off the vibes of a guy who would only take a rejection as incentive to try harder, but then I realized you were here, and you already hate me, and Iโ€™m already fired so what do I have to lose, right?โ€ She smile-grimaces at me. โ€œOh gosh, you donโ€™t look so happy. Are you going to fire me a second time? Hereโ€ฆIโ€™ll justโ€ฆscootch right over here.โ€ Sheโ€™s shuffling her chair farther down the bar. โ€œConsider me thoroughly fired. I wonโ€™t bug you anymore. In fact, Iโ€™ll zip it, lock it, and put it in my pocket.โ€ Of course she mimes this entire monologue by locking up her lips with an imaginary key and shoving it in her nonexistent pocket.

I watch as Nora sits ramrod straight and turns her face forward as if she no longer notices me.ย This woman.

โ€œNora, what are you doing?โ€ I ask, trying to keep the laughter from my voice.

She blinks over at me and then pretends to take the key from her pocket and unlocks her lips. โ€œIโ€™m giving you space.โ€

โ€œThis is space? Youโ€™re going to sit an armโ€™s length away from me and pretend I donโ€™t exist?โ€

โ€œYesโ€”because Iโ€™m professional. The peak of professionalism.โ€ Sheโ€™s doing something with her hand now. A round-and-round gesture. Nora is a real full-body-conversation kind of person.

โ€œWhat are you doing with your hand?โ€ I ask.

โ€œRolling up my window so we donโ€™t talk anymore. Youโ€™re free of me.โ€

โ€œYou can have any imaginary car in the world, and you choose one with a manual window crank?โ€

She still wonโ€™t look at me. โ€œOf course because thisโ€โ€”she mimes pressing an imaginary button on the barโ€”โ€œdoesnโ€™t look nearly as cool.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m not sureย coolย is the word youโ€™re looking for.โ€

Nora smiles and slowly turns her face in my direction again. Itโ€™s like a light has turned on behind her eyes. โ€œYouโ€™re not mad? Youโ€™re joking with me?โ€

โ€œWell, I would if your window was down, butโ€ฆโ€ I shrug and smile into my glass.

I notice the bartender headed our way again with Noraโ€™s drink. Against my better judgment, I lean over and hook my hand under Noraโ€™s stool, dragging her back to my side. Closer this time. The bartender sets her drink down and lingers a second, hoping to catch her eye (because I guess he feels like dying tonight). But Nora doesnโ€™t see him. Sheโ€™s staring at me.

Weโ€™re both confused as hell.

I donโ€™t acknowledge how close Iโ€™ve pulled her. I donโ€™t acknowledge how incredible her hair smells. Instead, I continue like nothing out of the ordinary is happening. โ€œAre you going to be okay once the contract is dissolved?โ€

โ€œWas Matthew Macfadyen the best Mr. Darcy to ever grace the screen?โ€

โ€œWhat?โ€

She takes a sip of her drink and licks her lips. โ€œThe answer is yes to both. Iโ€™ll be fine.โ€ Except her eyes dart away from me quickly, like she doesnโ€™t want me to see the truth. She might not be okay. Her agency might think something was her fault.ย Dammit.

โ€œIโ€™ll call them and tell them everything. Make sure they know itโ€™s nothing you did but because of my own issues.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s okay. I can handle them myself,โ€ she says with her usual Nora steel, and then takes a long drink, nearly downing her whole gimlet. She hisses once she swallows.

โ€œA little tart?โ€ I ask with a grin.

She doesnโ€™t answer. She swivels on her barstool and her knees push into the outside of my thigh. โ€œSo if Iโ€™m no longer your agentโ€ฆtonight weโ€™re justโ€ฆ?โ€

โ€œTwo people having drinks.โ€

โ€œPeople,โ€ she says with heavy inflection. โ€œRight. Not friends. Because you hate me.โ€

โ€œAgainโ€”hateย is not the word for it.โ€

โ€œOkay, well, whatever we areโ€ฆโ€ Her hand wraps around her glass and puts it to her mouth, tipping it back to drink the last swig of it. โ€œCan we be it while drinking? Because Iโ€™ve had a long week and I think Iโ€™d like to get drunk safely. And youโ€™re a big guy,โ€ she says like maybe I didnโ€™t already know this. โ€œAnd a gentleman. I think even though you hate me youโ€™ll keep me safe.โ€

โ€œOnce againโ€ฆhateย is not the word.โ€

She throws her hands up dramatically. โ€œLoathe me, are annoyed by me, despise me, abhor meโ€ฆโ€

Fucking love you.

โ€œโ€ฆHave a distaste for me, wish ill upon my soul!โ€

I raise my hand in the air to catch my least favorite bartenderโ€™s attention. Noraโ€™s gaze slides up my arm and her eyes sparkle. โ€œOoh, what are you doing? Are you getting his attention? Should I sit in your lap while you do?โ€

My eyes cut slowly to her, and she smiles wickedly up at me. For some reasonโ€”thinking I dislike her is giving her a whole new freedom. Fine. Whatever it takes to get through this last night before we go our separate ways and I make myself get over her for good.

I order us both another round of drinks as well as shots, and a few minutes later, weโ€™re raising our glasses in a toast.

โ€œTo the official end of us,โ€ she says in her usual candidness, making me want to laugh even as my chest hurts at the thought of losing her.

โ€œTo the end of us.โ€

Our glasses clink together and then we both toss back our drinks.

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