“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?” My brother’s voice screeches like a hyena through my headphones.
I lower the volume and pocket my phone.
It’s a good sign that Lily hasn’t left yet. Maybe there’s hope I can rectify the disaster I caused yesterday.
“Hello to you too, Luca.” I wade nervously around the kitchen, watching the water boil for Lily’s apology tea.
“No ‘hello to you, Luca.’ What the hell, Nico? You abandoned Lily yesterday.”
Since we were little, we’ve had a perfectly functioning ecosystem. Luca, the doting older brother who needs to be in control of every minute of every day, and me, the apparent wild child who has no idea how to take care of himself.
He loves telling me what to do, and I love ignoring him. Synergy.
But right now, our harmony isn’t working in my favor. “How do you—”
“My wife is her best friend. You don’t think they were up half the night complaining about you?”
The tightness in my chest constricts once again.
“I didn’t do it on purpose; something came up.” Marcelo needed help moving a couch and I was already there, I figured it would only take a couple of minutes, but then it was suddenly 5:00pm.
Honestly, I should’ve let her know as soon as he asked me, but I’ve never had to keep anyone appraised of my plans.
I’m not used to having someone rely on me.
Guilt steeps heavily through my bones. I really hate that I disappointed Lily and let time slip away from me. Especially when I’ve agonized over how to be around her more often. It was a colossal fuck up.
I don’t know what I was thinking. Actually, I wasn’t fucking thinking at all. That’s the problem. I messed up with Lily the way I would with my casual dates or acquaintances. But I don’t want to be casual with Lily. I can’t keep treating her like anyone else.
She means more to me.
“I knew that both of you doing anything together would turn into a disaster.” Luca sighs. “You don’t consider how your actions affect others. You’ve done it to me the entire time we were growing up. It’s always your priorities before others.”
My brother’s always been blunt, but the weight of truth in his words hurts.
Though when I was working on Flight Falcon, I looked out for my cofounder all the time. “Not fair, dude. I traveled with Keith for well over a year and we managed to not have issues like this.”
My brother clicks his tongue. “It’s not the same thing. Keith is like you. Or, at the very least, he’s patient. Lily, on the other hand, has never been out of the country, nor has she traveled on her own. You can’t just ditch her.”
“I thought she’d be okay. She’s been navigating Rio alone while I’m in class,” I say, trying to convince myself of this more than my brother, but the excuse seems flimsy. I never want to make Lily feel unsafe. “I let her know I couldn’t make it.” Even if it was an hour late, but I always lose track of time. “Besides, Lily said herself she was fine with my go-with-the-flow attitude.”
She also mentioned that she functions better with plans and goals, but wasn’t the entire conversation we had on the hike supposed to encourage her to try something new, to be more flexible?
I pull the whistling kettle off the stovetop and pour boiling water into Lily’s mug of apology tea.
“Nico, look, you can’t convince me that canceling on her an hour into your plans was the right thing to do. A plan is a plan.”
“If you plan for everything, you’ll miss new opportunities.”
“You sound like a fucking motivational poster. Ditching Lily was a way for you to experience new opportunities?”
My palm wipes the irritation pulling at my face. “Well, when you put it
—”
“There’s no other way to put it.” My brother’s growl interrupts me.
“You fucked up. Avery wanted to fly down there herself to yell at you. I do not like it when my wife is upset, Nico.”
Great. Now I’ve hurt three people I care the most about in my life. “Okay.” After a few short breaths, I tentatively ask, “How do I fix it?”
“You buy her a plane ticket home.”
Not an option. I’m not going to lose Lily for the rest of the summer. “I like having her here.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean?”
“If, and only if, you can tell me why you like having Lily there, a reason that doesn’t revolve around how she looks”—my brother sighs heavily on the line—“then I’ll help you.”
The rhythm of my pulse works itself up into a frenzy. “Okay, uh, um, well…” Quiet hangs between us as I try to piece together the best way to phrase this. “I don’t just like the way she looks, although it’s a perk.”
“Nico.” Luca’s scolding tone swipes at me like a machete.
I droop against the kitchen counter, watching Lily’s tea steep. “I don’t know, bro. I like everything about her. I look forward to waking up to her, talking to her, or having lunch with her on the beach.” Even if Lily hasn’t completely forgiven me for ruining our lunch over a week ago. “She has a great sense of humor, and it’s like she pushes me. Whatever, I don’t know. Lily’s a friend I can’t seem to spend enough time with. That good for you?”
The undeniable awkward silence stretches between us again, and I pull out my phone to check the line hasn’t died.
“Luca?”
“You’re having s*x with Lily, aren’t you?” “No.”
Only foreplay. Lots and lots of incredible foreplay. Well, not anymore after last night’s mistake.
My fingers wrap around the mug, and I carry it into Lily’s room before placing it on the desk that overlooks the beach. The shower runs behind her closed bathroom door.
I figure I’ll attempt my apology after she’s done.
“For fuck’s sake, Nico. You’re fucking my wife’s best friend. I can hear it in your voice.”
My brother’s a maniac and a genius. “Bro, are you listening to yourself? You can suddenly tell who I’m having s*x with by the sound of my voice?”
Lily’s bedroom is the messiest I’ve ever seen it. Half her clothes litter the floor, and the other half is neatly packed into the suitcase on her bed. It looks like she was at war with indecision all night.
Maybe she couldn’t find a plane ticket home?
A wave of hope returns to me, but a groan sizzles my eardrums. “It’s your tone.” My brother drones on about how irresponsible it is to pursue anything with Lily. It’s the same lecture he gave me the night of his wedding.
I peek around Lily’s desk. The typically organized items are scattered over the wood. A stray pen decorated with the words Zoe Mona lays beside her sticker-clad laptop. Huh. That’s the same name that was on her computer screen a few days ago. I itch to find out more, but next to the mess, I catch sight of her emotional-support journal peeking out of her tote bag.
My fingers itch to flip through the pages. Is this invading her privacy?
No.
I’ll only look at the first page and give myself a reminder of the rules we made. Especially if I’m going to try and convince her to stay. She’ll appreciate me making some effort to be more disciplined.
Besides, we wrote these rules together, and I won’t read anything else. RULES.
The black ink title stares back at me when I open the cover.
I turn to the next page, ignoring the voice in my head screaming, Stop snooping. The page is empty. Disappointment floods over me.
What was I expecting? A to-do list with my name scribbled on the page? Maybe a to-ignore-for-the-rest-of-eternity list with Nico written out in bold letters?
I need to fix this.
“Are you going to help me or not, dude?” I interrupt my brother’s ongoing tirade. He didn’t even notice I was ignoring him.
“Fine,” he sighs. “But not for you. For my wife. She said her best friend seems happier and could use some time off, so I’m only looking out for
Lily’s best interests.”
“Only for Lily’s best interests. Got it,” I assure him. “I don’t know how to go about saying I’m sorry.”
“You haven’t said you’re sorry for abandoning her?”
“I said sorry. I don’t know how to apologize any better than that.” I’m so painfully and uncomfortably exposed, having to ask my brother for advice on talking to a woman. My workaholic brother, who, prior to Avery, maybe had three dates total in his life.
“You need to explain to Lily why you’re sorry and how you’ll prevent a situation like this from happening again. And, Nico, it can’t happen again.”
“I know. I know.” I glance over at the closed bathroom door. “I’ll get better at using my phone and keeping her updated. I’ll even set more alarms to remind me of things, and I won’t let anything else take priority while she’s here.”
“A start.” There’s a collection of whispers on the line until my brother’s voice returns. “Ave thinks if you want Lily to stay for the rest of the summer, you’re going to need to put together a plan. No more booking flights a day before you leave and hoping for the best.”
Right. Okay. Maybe I can.
“How do I know what to plan? What if she doesn’t like it?”
“Then you sit her down and ask her what she wants to do. You can make a plan together and execute it.” My brother turns on his CEO tone, but perhaps he’s onto something.
“I can try.”
“Don’t try, Nico. Do. No one enjoys feeling like their friends don’t listen to them or care about what’s important to them.”
“You’ve become such a softie. Has anyone told you?”
Luca doesn’t laugh at my teasing. “Don’t fuck this up and don’t hurt Lily.”
“I’ll try not to. Thanks, bro.”
Fuck. I pull a shot of air through my teeth, stretching my arms over my head.
I’m not screwing this up.
My fingers scoop up one of the pens on Lily’s desk, and I check if the bathroom door is still closed.
All clear.
I click the pen open and scribble out an apology on a clean page in her journal.
I’m sorry for leaving you, princesa, I promise it’ll never happen again.
A puddle of warmth flushes over my body as I sketch a little drawing of my face next to hers.
The shower turns off, and I slam the notebook shut.
Here goes nothing.
“What are you doing in my room?” Lily’s voice is flat. She has a towel wrapped around her torso and emotionless eyes.
I force a smile. “I’m glad you’re still here.” “Not for long. Now get out.”
“I need to apologize.” I grab the mug of tea from her desk, presenting it to her, but Lily stands motionless.
You need to explain to Lily why you’re sorry and how you’ll prevent it from happening again.
“I’m sorry, Lily. I should’ve texted you earlier. The last thing I want to do is miss out on time with you.” She doesn’t mirror my blaring grin. I have to be fucking this apology up. “And you’re right. I’ve never cared for someone else or needed to keep anyone updated on my whereabouts. I don’t know how to, and it’s not fair on you.”
Lily unwraps the second towel perched on her head and scrunches her damp strands. “No, it isn’t fair.”
Nerves strum in my chest at her sternness. She’s going to leave, isn’t she?
“Look, Lil, I’m not asking you to watch over me at all. But, I promise, I’m gonna try to turn it around. Please give me a chance to stop being such a selfish prick.”
“I’ve dealt with selfish pricks my whole life, Nico.” Her brows crease with disappointment. “As my friend, I expected you to treat me differently.” “I’m not trying to make excuses, but I fuck up like this with my friends
all the time.” What I can’t say is that it feels like the lines of friendship between us are blurred. If I can’t remedy this, I don’t know what I’ll do. “No one has stuck around long enough to make me fess up to my flaws.”
Except for my family, or Keith, but it’s different. It never mattered. Lily frowns. “It’s not my job to try and change you.”
“I know, and it’s not what I’m asking. I just appreciate you calling me out on it. I want to do better for you.”
“Why?” She eyes me suspiciously. “Why what?”
“We’re friends,” she reminds me. “Our little arrangement doesn’t change that. Why do you want me to be the one to call you out on your fuckups? Hell, why do you even want me here? I’m not at all cut out for your lifestyle.”
This isn’t going according to plan. I’m losing her. “You don’t need to do or be anything you aren’t. Lil, I promised you a vacation, an opportunity to relax. So that’s what I’ll give you. Besides, I like having you here. It makes me happy.” My heart beats loud and steady as I clear my throat. “And I—I want to care about someone other than myself for once.” The words slip out, and I mean them.
It sucks being the kind of man people can’t rely on. I’m also tired of my brother always treating me like we’re still kids and he’s waiting for me to fuck up.
Change is imminent.
“Is that even possible?”
“Come on, princesa.” I resist dropping to my knees and begging. “Let me spoil you and give you a summer you’ll never forget.”
“Being attacked with a selfie stick and breaking my phone. Unforgettable.” She frowns, but I can see the smallest gleam in her eyes, the same one she has when suppressing a laugh.
“You can’t go home with that as your highlight. Please give me some more time. The month isn’t even over yet.”
Lily considers me, the gears in her head operating on all cylinders.
We watch each other from across the room. Worry wraps around my throat in a suffocating embrace.
“I’m really, truly sorry, Lil. I was an asshole.”
“You were.” She stretches her neck from side to side. “I’m sorry I blew up at you, but you have to I understand I was terrified.”
My heart sinks deeper into my chest. She was scared and alone because of me. “I do get it. I deserved every second.”
“You did.” Lily eyes me for another couple of seconds before walking over to me and pulling the mug of tea out of my hand. “So, what are you going to do to grovel?”
“Everything.”
