Poppy went stiff against me as we rode the horses—provided to us at the edge of Stonehill—past grazing sheep. She’d been mostly quiet since we’d left what remained of the homes, but this was different.
The clusterfuck that was my mind since we’d left Carsodonia slowed as I glanced down at the top of her head, her hair a deep copper in the sunlight.
A smile spread across Poppy’s upturned face—the first one I’d seen since we’d walked out of the rubble of that home. “Padonia.”
My heart actually skipped at the sight of the smile. “What?”
Eyes closed, she held up a hand. Then, I understood. Poppy had been using the Primal notam to reach the wolven for the last couple of hours— namely Delano.
The Primal notam took on a whole new meaning now.
Wonder swept through me once more, along with a lingering trace of disbelief as the pinch of concentration settled into her brow. My wife was a Primal god.
Man, if I didn’t think I was worthy before…
I almost laughed, except the deaths of the mortal couple who’d aided us was a haunting presence.
As was the way the mortals had responded to Poppy, fleeing farther into Carsodonia in fear.
My gaze flipped to the rolling green hills. All I saw were sheep, nervous farmers, and Rise Guards. Couldn’t really blame the anxious mortals. Our group drew attention, and it had nothing to do with us traveling outside the Rise without a guard or any Huntsmen.
It was partly because of Kieran. In his wolven form prowling beside us, he was larger than any wolf the farmers or guards had ever seen. And it was
also Malik, bound by a portion of the chains that had been around my wrists and astride a horse guided by the draken. None of us trusted that he wouldn’t run back to Carsodonia the very second he got a chance.
That beautiful curve of Poppy’s lips faded as the thick fringes of her lashes swept up. “I reached Delano,” she said, like it was nothing. As if she had spoken to him while he stood a few feet away. “They were supposed to wait for us in Three Rivers, but he said they had to go to Padonia first—it’s near Lockswood.”
My arm tightened around her waist. “I know where it is.” I didn’t know much about the mostly farming community. Had no idea what Ascended ruled or how many called the isolated town home. But I did know that Craven attacks were frequent due to its proximity to the Blood Forest. “Did he say why they went there?”
She shook her head. “Delano said he would explain once we got there but that we’d understand. The bulk of the armies are with them, except for a few battalions they left to secure the other cities we took.” Her hand returned to my arm, and her fingers moved idly. “I don’t know what could’ve drawn them there. We didn’t plan on taking Padonia, instead focusing on the larger cities first. But I…I sensed it wasn’t good.”
Only the gods knew what level of fuckery had drawn them there. I shifted behind her, sliding my hand to her hip as I looked past the hills to the distant crimson glow on the horizon where the Blood Forest loomed. “Padonia is closer to the Blood Forest than Three Rivers. We’ll meet with everyone, see what the hell is going on, and then travel to the Blood Forest from there.”
Poppy turned her head to me, her voice low. “I let Delano know about Malik. I wasn’t able to tell him a lot, other than it’s complicated.” She paused. “I thought your father should be given a heads-up.”
While I wasn’t sure my father deserved it, our friends did. I lowered my head, kissing her cheek. “Thank you.”
A smile started to return, but she turned her head suddenly, inhaling sharply as she raised her hand to her other cheek, rubbing just below the bone.
“You okay?” I asked as quietly as possible. Still, the draken and Kieran turned their attention to us.
“Just an ache. I think I’ve been grinding my teeth,” she said, glancing back at the mortals as she lowered her hand to my wrist. That simple
touch…gods, I cherished it. Several long moments passed before she said, “I should’ve known she’d do something so terrible.”
I knew exactly where her mind had not only gone but also stayed since we’d ridden out of the capital, passing homes here and there adorned with white banners above the doors. Banners that, according to Malik, signified that they were a haven for Descenters. “The fact that you didn’t is why you’re nothing like her.” Dipping my head, I touched my lips to her temple once more. “Some things you can’t prepare yourself for, even if you see them coming. She is one of them.”
Poppy shifted her attention forward, to where the horizon shone as if it had been bathed in blood. “How long do you think it will take for us to reach Padonia?”
“About a day’s ride, less if we push. But I don’t think these horses can handle that.”
“I don’t either.” She patted the mare. “They’ll need the rest.”
We traveled a few more hours. Along the way, Kieran snooped around the abandoned farmhouses, alerting us when he found something of use in those that appeared recently vacated. A few blankets here. Bundles of cured beef there. The draken spotted cherry bushes near the old road. It wasn’t much, but we’d make do.
The sky was turning a shade of deep blue and violet when Poppy pulled herself from her thoughts. “After we find Malec and make sure the curse is lifted…” Poppy rested against me, but her body was slowly becoming taut with tension. “We need to end this.”
End this.
I’d spent the better part of my life working toward destroying the Blood Crown. So long that it almost felt surreal now that we were on the cusp of doing it.
That we’d come to a point where the end was in sight.
“We do.” I moved my thumb in a slow, steady circle on her hip, knowing she liked it as much as I did. The ancient Temple Isbeth had designated as a meeting place formed in my mind, a blurry memory from many years ago. “The Bone Temple is outside the Rises of both Carsodonia and Pensdurth, situated in the shadow of the capital. Our armies should be able to enter Carsodonia through their northern gates.”
“It’s not an ideal entry point,” Poppy said. “We’d be coming in through Stonehill and Croft’s Cross, and we wouldn’t be able to give people any
warning.”
“No, we wouldn’t be able to.” That knowledge settled heavily in my gut. “But the gates there won’t be as reinforced as the main ones.”
She nodded, exhaling slowly. “Those white cloths on the doors of homes? Windows? In Masadonia, they meant that one was cursed—infected by a Craven. I had no idea they meant anything else, especially not that they designated a haven for Descenters.”
Neither had I.
“How many?” Reaver asked of Malik, and I tensed. “Do you know how many?”
Malik lifted his head. “Thousands, if not more. All who would give aid the moment they realized that Atlantian armies were at the Rise.”
“Thousands,” Poppy murmured. “That’s…that’s a lot.”
“But there are hundreds of thousands that believe you to be the Harbinger,” Malik added. “And what happened in Stonehill won’t do much to sway their minds or loyalties.”
Poppy stiffened. “Shut up,” I warned.
“It’s not personal,” he said, looking at Poppy. “I’m just telling the truth.”
“I know,” she replied quietly. “What I did won’t help our cause.”
By sheer force of will, I managed to stop myself from launching from the horse and doing worse than bloodying my brother’s nose again. There was a whole lot of shit between us. I could’ve eventually accepted why he’d chosen to remain under the Blood Queen’s fist—fuck, I’d do the same if she had Poppy. I wasn’t a big enough asshole not to admit that. But it was him. The Dark One who haunted Poppy’s nightmares. And he was looking at her for far longer than he fucking deserved.
Poppy squeezed my wrist, and I unlocked my jaw, forcing my attention from him.
“I can’t believe you are all actually planning to give her Malec.” Malik faced forward, adding his two-fucking cents that none of us had asked for. “That you would do anything she wants.”
“Perhaps I knocked your head around a little too hard since it appears you’ve forgotten that we don’t have a choice.” My eyes narrowed on him. “We will not let any harm come to Kieran.”
Malik’s gaze cut to the wolven, who eyeballed him as if he wanted to take a chunk out of his leg. He shuddered, stretching his fingers where they were bound at his back. “I don’t want to see anything bad happen to you. It’s not like I don’t care.”
“You know what I don’t care about?” I smiled tightly. “Your opinion on this.”
“Real mature,” Malik spat. “Go fuck yourself.”
Poppy’s hand tightened on my wrist once more. “She won’t be able to keep him because she will be dead soon afterward,” she told him. “And it’s not like Malec is a risk. He can be in no condition to be a threat to us or anyone. At least, not in the short period of time he will be in her presence. But even if freeing Malec poses a risk, we’re still taking it.”
The draken frowned. “Are you all really that worried about the curse?” He asked what had to be the most idiotic question one could.
“Yes,” Poppy stated flatly. “We’re really that worried.”
His head tilted. “The curse probably won’t work on your wolven—” He stopped himself. “Well, then again, it might work. The essence the Revenant used carried Kolis’s stench. That was a Primal curse. So, maybe you have a right to worry.”
I stared at the draken. “Care to elaborate on this thought process?”
“I can’t believe I have to explain this out loud,” the draken muttered. “You’re Joined, right? Both of your lives are tied to hers—to her very long, like nearly unending lifespan. Unless she goes down, neither of you two should.”
I heard Poppy’s sharp inhale.
“But again,” the draken went on, “that was a Primal curse, so…”
The draken was still talking, but I wasn’t listening. Poppy’s nails dug into my wrist as she stared down at Kieran. He’d slowed, only because our horse had. Under the thick, fawn-colored fur, I saw that the muscles of his shoulders were tense.
“Hell,” Malik muttered and then laughed roughly. The lines of his face relaxed. “I hadn’t even thought of that.”
I tightened my arm around Poppy’s waist. Her grip on my wrist eased, and her fingers moved, mimicking the circles I made on her hip. She relaxed.
And so did I.
 |
Poppy
My mind drifted from what I’d learned and all that had happened as we stopped for the night, eating our dinner of cured meat and cherries amid the black walnut trees.
Everything was hard to take in. But Casteel was here.
He was free. So was his brother—whether he liked it or not. They were both free. That was almost all that mattered right now.
Almost.
Unfortunately, the curse that Callum had placed on Kieran ground all other thoughts to a halt. It also mattered now. My chest clenched as, in my mind, I saw that shadowy smoke seeping into his skin. Heard what Reaver had said—had suggested could be an answer in case we couldn’t find Malec, or Isbeth sought to betray us just as we plotted to do the same to her.
It also wasn’t the first time I’d thought of the Joining being—
A dull flare of pain spread across my upper jaw, causing me to inhale sharply. Wincing, I rubbed at my cheek. The ache sank into the very roots of my teeth and then faded as quickly as it had appeared.
“Your head hurting?” Kieran asked from where he sat beside me, having shifted into his mortal form a bit ago.
“Just a little, but not anymore.” I glanced down at his arm. The shallow cut was still there. My touch had done nothing. “How are you feeling?”
“The same as the last time you asked. I feel fine.” Kieran studied me closely. “You’ve been quiet today.”
I lifted a shoulder. “There’s a lot to think about.”
“There is,” he agreed. “But I know what one of those things is. What you did in Stonehill.”
I opened my mouth then closed it. My mind kept getting stuck on a lot of things, but that…I couldn’t stop thinking about that cold spot spreading
through my body when Isbeth had ordered the mortal couple slaughtered. “I lost control,” I whispered.
“But you didn’t.”
“Only because Casteel stopped me.”
Kieran leaned in, his head low. “Is that what you really think? That Cas or any of us could really stop you?” When I said nothing, he curled his fingers around my chin, lifting my gaze to his. “You stopped yourself. Don’t forget that.”
I wanted that to be true. So did he. That didn’t make it true. “And don’t forget what you promised.”
“I wish I could, Poppy.” He dropped his hand. “But I can’t.” My throat burned. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” He lifted his chin. “Cas comes.”
I turned as Casteel prowled out from the mass of trees. He’d been scouting the surrounding area to see if there were any signs of Craven nearby.
“Are we good here?” I asked.
“As good as we can be anywhere,” he answered as Kieran rose, stopping long enough to tug gently on a strand of my hair. I didn’t even want to think about the mess my hair had to be in. Casteel extended his hand. “Come. I want to show you something.”
I arched a brow but took his hand. As I stood, I saw that Kieran had stopped by Malik, who was being watched over by Reaver.
“Careful,” Casteel advised as he led me through the trees. “There was no sign of Craven activity, but there are a lot of unripe walnuts scattered about.”
Looking down, I wondered exactly how I was supposed to avoid them since the floor of the woods was nothing but shadows of grass and rocks. “What are you showing me?”
“It’s a surprise.”
We walked deeper into the woods where the last rays of sun barely penetrated the heavy limbs. Cas lifted a low-hanging branch out of the way. “Here.” He tugged me forward. “Look.”
I eased past him and the tightly packed trees, dipping under a limb. What I saw left me speechless. I straightened, my eyes wide. Casteel had brought me to the edge of the walnut tree grove, to where the earth sloped sharply down into a valley full of stunning shades of blue and purple
soaking up what remained of the sun. A river snaked among the vivid trees, its water so clear, I knew immediately that it was the River of Rhain.
“The Wisteria Woods,” Casteel said, curling an arm around me from behind. “They follow the road to Padonia and all the way to the Blood Forest.”
“I forgot about them.” My gaze lifted to where I could see crimson staining the horizon. “It’s beautiful.”
“Magnificent,” he murmured, and when I looked over my shoulder, I saw that his attention was fixed on me. He drew me close to his chest, and gods, I’d missed this. The feel of him—his body pressed so tightly to mine. The confidence in how his hand ran up the side of my body, and the ease in which I sank into his embrace. “I did think you’d like the view, but I also had an ulterior motive for leading you away from the group.”
My mind immediately went to very, very inappropriate places when I thought about those ulterior motives. I imagined he needed to feed again to fully restore his strength. Something which my body immediately gave its approval for with a flush of heat. “Ulterior motives? You? Never.”
His laugh touched my cheek. “I wanted to see how you were holding up.
A lot of unexpected news was just dumped on you.”
My brows lifted. “Your ulterior motive is that you wanted to talk?”
“Of course.” His palm grazed the curve of my breast, causing me to gasp. “What else could it be?”
I bit my lip. “I’m okay.”
His hand made another slow, sweeping pass down my side. “Remember what you said to me in Stonehill? I said that first, Poppy. It’s okay not to be okay when you’re with me.”
“I haven’t forgotten.” My heart swelled as I watched a breeze stir the heavy stems of the wisterias below. “Secrets and new discoveries about myself don’t really rattle me like they used to.”
“I don’t know if that is a good or a bad thing.”
Neither did I. “It just is. But I’m…I’m processing it all.” I turned my head to the side. “And you? How are you feeling?”
“I’m processing what all those tiny hooks in your vest are keeping hidden from me,” he said, sliding his hand over my stomach. “And the fact that it was I who clasped them.”
I laughed. “That is not what you’re processing.”
“Is, too.” His breath teased my lips. “And I’m also processing my need to rip my brother’s throat out. I can multitask like that.”
My heart stuttered. “Cas—”
His mouth took mine as his chest rumbled against my back, and that hand…it slid up over my breast until those nimble fingers, his thumb and middle, found the hardened peak through the thin vest and blouse beneath. He pinched. Not hard, just enough to cause my hips to twitch as a bolt of wicked pleasure darted from my breasts. “I don’t want to talk about him. Later, we can. Just not now.”
I wanted to know what he was thinking, but I could taste the tart conflict and confusion he felt. So, I let it go—for now. I kissed him instead, and received another teasing tug on my tingling, sensitive flesh.
“I’m also thinking about how amazing you are,” he said when our mouths parted. “You’re a force to be reckoned with, Poppy.”
The building heat cooled as that cold place inside me stirred, and the eather throbbed. I turned my head back to the valley. “I’m something, all right.”
His fingers eased from my breast. “What is that supposed to mean?”
I opened my mouth but couldn’t find the words to describe what it meant. It wasn’t like I didn’t have any words. I had too many. “I…I blew apart that house.”
“You did.” His hand at my hip moved then, sliding toward my navel.
“I damaged other homes.” My eyes closed as those fingers started to move over my breast. “I could’ve killed innocent people.”
“You could have.” My heart lurched.
“But you didn’t,” he said softly, slipping his right hand past my navel. “You know that.”
All I knew was that I hadn’t sensed any pain as we left Stonehill, but that didn’t mean I hadn’t ended the life of someone innocent. That was possible. “Are you sure?” I whispered.
“I am,” he assured. “You didn’t hurt anyone innocent, Poppy.”
“Because you stopped me,” I whispered, my lips parting as he quickly undid the clasps on my breeches. The flap parted, and the material loosened. “Casteel.”
“What?”
The breath I took hitched as his fingers slipped inside the thin scrap of undergarments I wore. “You know what.”
“I know I had nothing to do with you not harming anyone innocent,” he countered, dipping those fingers between my thighs. My entire body jerked as my eyes fluttered open.
It was strange—the seriousness of the conversation and how my body responded nonetheless to the teasing touch. My stance widened, giving him more access. “How do you know that?”
“Because if that were what you wanted?” His finger dragged over the aching flesh. “If that was your will, you would’ve harmed those mortals before I could stop you.” He sank a finger into my heat, wringing another gasp from me. “You made a conscious effort to stop. I know that because I know how the essence works, Poppy.”
I stared at the wisteria trees as his finger moved, slowly in and out, never going too deep. My hips chased those shallow plunges. Heat flowed through my veins, easing the knot of coldness that pulsed near the essence. Maybe he was right. When I summoned the mist, my will had not been to cause harm. Nor had it been when the wave of rage left me.
But was that true when it came to the explosion of rage?
I hadn’t really been thinking at all. I’d just been furious. Had I gotten lucky then?
“You understand that, right?” Casteel’s breath was hot against my neck. “Your will, as you said, is yours.”
My heart beat faster as his finger thrust deeper, and the pastel hues of the wisteria trees turned darker.
“Your will is not controlled by a prophecy,” he continued, the sharp edge of his fangs grazing my throat and sending my pulse skittering. “Your will is not controlled by a Queen or anyone else but you.” He worked another finger in, and my knees stiffened as I rose onto the tips of my toes. “You are not a harbinger of death and destruction, Poppy. You’re a harbinger of change and new beginnings. Tell me you believe that.”
“Yes,” I panted. “I do.”
Casteel’s head tilted, and the pierce of his fangs in the wound he’d created before stunned me. My muscles tightened, and my thighs clamped around his hand as the fiery sting traveled through me, quickly followed by a roar of acute pleasure as his mouth closed over the reopened marks, and he drank.
Shuddering, my eyes fell shut as he drank from me—took my blood and took me with his fingers, as that insidious voice in the back of my mind scolded me. I wanted so badly to tell him that I believed what he’d said as strongly as both he and Kieran did. So, that was what I’d done. I’d lied. I lied to him, and I didn’t like it. Didn’t like how it made me feel. And I didn’t like that I’d made Kieran promise what he could never share with Casteel. But his touch—those fingers and his mouth—chased away more than the coldness. It crowded out the guilt as I rode Cas’s fingers, rocking against his palm and the hardness pressing against my lower back. With my senses open, the smoky flavor of his lust and the sweetness of his love drove me to a rippling, sudden release that he wisely silenced with his hand. I was still trembling when his fingers eased from me, and he took one last, dragging pull from my throat. His arm loosened at my waist as he lifted his hand. I turned halfway, halting when heated, golden eyes met mine. My breath caught as his blood-tinged lips closed over his slick
fingers.
“I don’t know which part of you tastes better,” he murmured. My body flushed hot. “You are…you are so very bad.”
He grinned down at me but it was lost in a stark pulse of need as I reached for his breeches. He said nothing, simply watched me intently as I undid the flap, tugging the breeches down his lean hips. His body jerked as I curled my fingers around his cock, and he groaned as I went to my knees.
“Who’s the bad one?” he asked, his voice thick and wonderfully rough. “You.” I drew my hand up his length. “And you’re a bad influence.”
His hand curled around the back of my head as he drew me in until my lips brushed his tip. “I’ve told you before, Poppy. Only the bad can be influenced.”
I grinned up at him, enjoying these stolen moments where nothing existed but us. “I read something in Willa’s journal.”
“I bet you read all kinds of things in her journal,” he replied, fingers tangling in my hair. “But what are you thinking of now?”
“She wrote that the vein…this vein—” I said, dragging my thumb across it. He groaned. “Can be extraordinarily sensitive. Is that true?”
“Can be.” His chest rose sharply.
“She also claimed that it was even more sensitive to the tongue,” I said, my face warming.
“Why don’t you assuage that curiosity of yours and find out?” He paused. “For research purposes.”
I laughed and then found out as I dragged my tongue along that thick vein. Willa had been correct. It was a sensitive spot. Liquid had already begun beading on the head of his cock when I closed my mouth over him. I drew him in as deeply as I could and didn’t worry about what I was doing because I knew he loved it. The way his hand tightened on the back of my head told me that. As did the thrusts of his hips and the spicy taste that joined the earthy flavor of his skin.
“You know, I think…” He shuddered as he gathered the strands of my hair away from my face with his other hand. “I think you really like my cock in your mouth,” he said, and I sucked harder. He groaned. “I also think you like it when I say inappropriate things like that.”
My face heated even more because I really did.
“My Queen is a very—” His curse was sharp, and the rhythm of his hips picked up. “Fuck.”
Casteel didn’t try to pull away. This time, he held me there as he came, his entire body shaking as the release took him. When his tremors subsided, I kissed the underside of his cock and then the faded brand on his hip before redoing his breeches. His hands slipped to my shoulders, but he didn’t draw me to my feet. Instead, he joined me on the ground, pulling me into his lap and against his chest. We were both still breathing a little fast as he redid the clasp on my breeches.
“There is something else we need to talk about,” he said as he straightened the edge of my vest.
My head was nestled under his chin as I watched the moon rise. We probably had a long list of things we needed to discuss, but I suspected I knew what was the most pressing. “The Joining?”
He folded his arms around me. “What are you thinking?”
A lot. In those quiet moments that followed, as the moon continued its nightly climb, I was thinking a lot. “I can’t bring wolven back,” I said finally, unsure if I had told him that when I’d bathed him at Stonehill. “Or draken. I can’t bring back any being of two worlds.”
Casteel said nothing.
“And Kieran…he was okay with that, even though it terrified me. Losing him.” Shuddering, I closed my eyes and drew in a staggered, too- short breath. “I can barely even think it.”
“Don’t.” Casteel’s fingertips grazed my cheek as he tilted my chin up and back. I opened my eyes. “You’re not going to lose Kieran.”
“I want to believe that.” I turned my head, kissing the palm of his injured hand. “I want to believe that we’ll find Malec, and that Isbeth won’t betray us. That we’ll take Carsodonia and suffer no losses. That we will survive this, and everyone we care about will, too. But that’s a fairy-tale ending. A perfect one that most likely won’t become reality.”
Casteel traced the lines of my face, and for a moment, I soaked up the feel of his touch, letting there be nothing but that. “We can make it the closest thing to reality.”
“With the Joining,” I whispered.
His gaze returned to mine as he nodded. “It won’t protect everyone.”
My chest ached. “If I could Join with all those I care about, as awkward as that would be,” I said, and Casteel gave me a half-grin, “I would. But I don’t think it works that way, does it?”
“I don’t think so.”
I sighed. “But it will offer Kieran and you a better level of protection.
Right? It could supersede this curse.”
“Right.” He moved his thumb to my lower lip. “We would live as long as you. The way you age, however that will be, will also be the way we age.” He lowered his head, kissing me. “But it’s a big decision, Poppy. It will not just be your life that you bear the weight of. It will be mine and Kieran’s.”
“But as the Queen, don’t I already bear the weight of the lives of all our people?” I asked. “Don’t you?”
A faint smile appeared as the sweet and rich, clove-y taste of cinnamon reached me. Love. Pride. I kissed his thumb. “You do. We both do. But this is different.” With his other hand, he tucked several strands of my hair back behind my ear. “The Joining can be intense.”
Warmth crept up my throat. “I know.”
“Even if it doesn’t become something sexual, the sheer intimacy of the act goes beyond that.”
I swallowed. “What does it actually entail?” I asked, unsure that what little Alastir had said was true.
“It has to be under the moon, among nature. I don’t know why, but that’s a part of the unknown when it comes to how it works. There’s a… magical quality to it that goes beyond blood. There have been rumors of it
not working in the past—like the intentions to do it were not genuine or something,” he shared. “But other than that unknown part, there can be nothing between us. And, yes, by nothing, I mean clothing.”
My face began to warm even more. “Oh.”
“All of us would have to be bare and open to one another. To the elements and to the Fates,” he explained, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at the mention of the Arae. “We must remain in contact with one another throughout the entire ritual.”
“And we would drink from one another?”
“You would feed from us first.” His fingers dropped to the skin below the sensitive bite on the side of my neck as he went into more detail. It was a lot, and my body already felt as if it were as red as the Blood Forest. “You can see how things can…escalate into more.”
Oh, did I ever. “I don’t know how they couldn’t,” I admitted.
“They don’t if you don’t want them to,” he told me. “And if it does become something you need, then it does. Nothing that you’re not comfortable with would ever transpire. I wouldn’t allow it. Neither would Kieran. It’s as simple as that.”
Was it really? I twisted in his lap, looking at him straight on. “And if it did…become more? What would happen afterward? Between us?”
His head tilted as his eyes searched mine. “You love me, right?” “Yes.”
“I love you,” he said, flattening his palm against my cheek. “And you love Kieran.”
I jolted, my stomach dipping. “I…” I didn’t know how to answer that.
“I love him,” Casteel said in the silence. “Though not in the same way. Not as I feel for you. Because what I feel for you…no one has ever owned that before. No one ever will.”
My throat dried. He didn’t have to tell me that. I already knew it. “Kieran…he means a lot to me.”
“You mean a lot to him.”
A burn filled my eyes for some silly reason as I stared at Casteel’s throat. “I don’t know how to explain what I feel. Because I don’t understand it.”
“I get it,” he said, and I really thought he did. “There’s more.”
I blinked away tears and peeked up at him. “There’s more to take into consideration. Really?”
He nodded. “We both have to be prepared that this may not be the only Joining. If Kieran were to find someone, he may want to join their life to yours. You’d have to go through the Joining again.”
“So he wouldn’t outlive them.” I exhaled slowly. “I wouldn’t want him to face that. I would do the Joining again if that was what he wanted.”
“No. You wouldn’t allow him to go through that.” Casteel dragged his hand through my hair, pressing his lips to my temple.
“And what do you think Kieran wants?” I asked. “Would he want to do this?”
Casteel stared at me for what felt like a full minute. “Honestly?” “Of course.”
“Before you came into the picture, Kieran would’ve agreed simply because it would’ve been something I requested. Not because there was a bond, but because he would do anything for me. Just like I would do anything for him. But now? He would do it for you.”
I frowned. “But we’re doing it for him.”
“And for me in a roundabout way, but he’d do it if that’s what you wanted,” he insisted.
My stomach and chest fluttered as if a dozen birds were taking flight all at once. “And if we decide to do this, when would it happen?”
“Knowing you, you’ll probably want to do it as soon as possible.” He kissed my forehead. “But I think we should wait until after we go into the Blood Forest and return to Padonia—”
“But—”
“This is a big choice to make, Poppy. One that can’t be undone. You may not think you need the time to make sure, and maybe you don’t, but I still want you to have that time.”
“You don’t need that time, though. You know what you want.”
He brushed several strands of hair back from my face. “I do, but that’s because I grew up knowing what the Joining is and everything it entails. This is something new to you.”
I appreciated the thoughtfulness behind making sure that I didn’t change my mind. This was a big deal, and there was also the chance that if we did the Joining, it wouldn’t protect Kieran against the Primal curse. Even knowing that, the chance that it would was more important. The Joining could also protect Kieran and Casteel in the battles to come.
It also meant never having to say goodbye to either of them.
But it was also more than all that. It was also the knowledge that if Kieran ever had to honor the promise he’d made to me, and I misjudged what Casteel would do, he wouldn’t be able to truly harm Kieran. Both would remain safe if I were entombed.
Meeting Casteel’s gaze, I drew in a deep breath. “I will take the time, but I know my answer won’t change. I want to do the Joining.”
