AOIFE
THE NEXT SEVERAL weeks passed by in a horrendous blur of deception, heartbreak, and broken promises.
Joey’s descent into addiction had come on as rapidly as the weight he continued to lose.
He was barely recognizable now.
With track marks on his arms and bruising on his veins, I watched on helplessly as he continued to numb his pain.
My boyfriend was back in the flesh, but the boy I’d fallen in love with all those years ago, seldom made an appearance anymore.
As the child in my belly continued to grow, so did the gaping ridge between us.
I couldn’t seem to reach him anymore.
It didn’t matter what I said or did, he wasn’t listening. Joey had well and truly checked out on life.
He was my closest friend, and I felt his absence everywhere I went and in
everything I did. I felt his withdrawal in the deepest corners of my heart.
He had fallen headfirst into old patterns and, right there with him, I was repeating past mistakes.
Giving him a pass and turning a blind eye to things that I knew were wrong. Things that I knew could destroy him. Because the fear I had of losing him was too great.
Falling in love had exposed the biggest weakness in me because my heart refused to allow me to walk away from him, no matter how hopeless it seemed. Weakened and demoralized, I watched on daily as he continued to splinter both his world and mine, because I knew he was still my Joey underneath the ghost he had become.
Every now and then, rare as they had become, I saw glimpses of that boy who stole my heart all those years ago. I saw the person he used to be, and I reveled in it. It gave me hope, seeing him, knowing he was still in there somewhere.
With his father hiding from the law in rehab, his mother falling apart at home, and his brother’s sudden reappearance, I knew the pressure my boyfriend was under was insurmountable. It didn’t take away the fact, though, that time was ticking, and we had a baby on the way.
It didn’t take away the fact that in a few short months, I would have a choice to make.
If Joey didn’t get a handle on things, he was going to end up forcing my hand. The thought of what might happen when that day came caused my heart to shrivel up and die.
Because I couldn’t do this without him, but I refused to repeat past mistakes.
I refused to subject our baby to the same ordeal their father had been exposed to.
I wouldn’t be Marie Lynch.
My baby would come first.
