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Chapter no 1

Not in Love

SIMPLE ENOUGH

 

RUE

Ladies, this is a genuine, nonrhetorical question: How do the twoย of you survive in the real world?โ€

I stared at Nyotaโ€™s contemptuous expression, reflecting on the unique brand of humiliation that came with having oneโ€™s best friendโ€™s little sister (whoโ€™d been repeatedly rebuffed when attempting to enter the backyard tree house; whoโ€™d publicly feasted on a booger at Christmas 2009; whoโ€™d been caught French-kissing a clementine in the linen closet a few short months later) question oneโ€™s ability to carry out a productive existence.

Then again, back in the day, Tisha and I had been three whole years older than her, and weโ€™d harbored a clearly misplaced superiority complex. We knew better now that little Nyota was twenty-four, a law school prodigy, and a newly minted bankruptcy lawyer whose billable hours were worth more than my tragically high car insurance premium. To add insult to injury, I followed her on Instagram, which was how I knew she could bench-press more than her weight, looked incredible in a monokini, and regularly baked onion rosemary focaccia from scratch.

In a powerful flex whose brilliance kept me awake at night, Nyota had never followed me back.

โ€œYou know us,โ€ I said, choosing honesty over pride. Tisha and I were holed up inside my closet-sized office at Kline, FaceTiming someone whoโ€™d probably never even saved our phone numbers. Dignity was the least of our worries. โ€œWe are barely hanging on.โ€

โ€œCan you just answer the question?โ€ Tisha bristled. As humbling as this was for me, it had to be much worse for her. Nyota wasย herย sister, after all.

โ€œReally? You call me in the middle of the workday to ask what aย loan assignmentย is? You couldnโ€™t google it?โ€

โ€œWe did,โ€ I said, omitting that weโ€™d addedย for dummiesย to the search.

And yet. โ€œWe got the gist of it, we think.โ€

โ€œGreat, then youโ€™re golden. Iโ€™m hanging up, see you both at Thanksgivingโ€”โ€

โ€œHowever,โ€ I interrupted. It was late May. โ€œThe reactions of other Kline employees seem to suggest that we might not be fully grasping the implications of thisย loan assignment.โ€ My threshold for odd was high, and Iโ€™d been able to brush off the HR rep brazenly browsingย monster.comย at his standing desk, the chemists whoโ€™d bumped into me face-first and run away with nary an oops, the vacant stare of my usually dictatorial boss, Matt, when Iโ€™d informed him that the report he was waiting on would take at least three more hours. Then, while I was emptying my water bottle into a potted plant that had lived in the break room longer than Iโ€™d been in the workforce, a technician had burst into tears and suggested,ย You should take Christofern home, Dr. Siebert. It shouldnโ€™t die just because of whatโ€™s about to happen to Kline.

I hadย no clueย what was going on. All I knew was that I loved my current job at Kline, the most important project of my life was at a pivotal point, and I was too socially challenged to easily transition to another workplace. Todayโ€™s event did not bode well. โ€œThereโ€™s going to be an assembly in fifteen minutes,โ€ I explained, โ€œand weโ€™d love to walk in with a better idea of what

โ€”โ€

โ€œNy, stop bitching and just regurgitate it for us like weโ€™re five,โ€ Tisha ordered.

โ€œYou guys areย doctors,โ€ Nyota pointed outโ€”notย as a compliment. โ€œOkay, listen carefully, Ny, โ€™cause this will blow your mind and we

might have to report it to the UN and have a trial at The Hague: the topic of private equity firms and loan assignments didย notย come up inย anyย class

during our chemical engineering PhDs. Aย shockingย oversight, I know, and Iโ€™m sure NATO will want to take military actionโ€”โ€

โ€œZip it, Tish. You donโ€™t get to snark whenย youย need something fromย me.

Rue, how did you find out about the loan assignment?โ€

โ€œFlorence sent out a company-wide email,โ€ I said. โ€œThis morning.โ€ โ€œFlorence is Klineโ€™s CEO?โ€

โ€œYes.โ€ It seemed reductive, so I added, โ€œAnd founder.โ€ Still not exhaustive, but there was a time and place for fangirling, and this wasnโ€™t it.

โ€œDid it say anything about which private equity bought your loan?โ€ I skimmed the body of the email. โ€œThe Harkness Group.โ€

โ€œHmm. Rings a bell.โ€ Nyota typed away in silence, the New York City skyline gleaming behind her. Her office was in a high-riseโ€”thousands of miles and an entire universe from North Austin. Like Tisha and me, sheโ€™d been eager to get out of Texas. Unlike us, sheโ€™d never moved back. โ€œAh, yeah.ย Thoseย guys,โ€ she said eventually, squinting at her computer screen.

โ€œDo you know them?โ€ Tisha asked. โ€œAre they, like, famous?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s a private equity firm, not a K-pop band. But theyย areย well known in tech circles.โ€ She bit her lip. Suddenly her expression was the opposite of reassuring, and I felt Tisha tense beside me.

โ€œThis is not the first time something like this has happened,โ€ I said, refusing to give in to panic. I had graduated from UT Austin a year earlier, but Iโ€™d been working for Florence Kline since before finishing my PhD. None of this felt new. โ€œThere are management shake-ups and investor issues all the time. It always settles down.โ€

โ€œNot sure about this time, Rue.โ€ Nyotaโ€™s brow creased into a scowl. โ€œListen, Harkness is a private equity firm.โ€

โ€œStill donโ€™t know what that means,โ€ Tisha bristled.

โ€œAs I was going to explain, private equities are . . . groups of people with lots and lots of money and spare time. And instead of frolicking in their hard-earned cash Scrooge McDuckโ€“style, or leaving it in savings accounts like the two of youโ€”โ€

โ€œBold of you to assume I have savings,โ€ Tisha muttered. โ€œโ€”they use it to buy other companies.โ€

โ€œAnd they bought Kline?โ€ I asked.

โ€œNope. Kline hasnโ€™t gone publicโ€”you canโ€™t buy Klineโ€™s stocks. But back when it was founded, it needed money to develop . . . ravioli? Is that what you guys do?โ€

โ€œFood nanotechnology.โ€

โ€œSure. Letโ€™s pretend that means something. Anyway, when Florence founded Kline, she got a big loan. But now, whoever gave her the money decided to sell that loan to Harkness.โ€

โ€œWhich means that now Kline owes the money to Harkness?โ€

โ€œCorrect. See, Rue, I knew you werenโ€™tย totallyย useless. My sister, on the other hand, never ceases to . . .โ€ Nyotaโ€™s voice drifted as she frowned at her computer.

โ€œWhat?โ€ Tisha asked, alarmed. Nyota wasnโ€™t the type to stop mid-insult. โ€œWhat happened?โ€

โ€œNothing. Iโ€™m just reading up on Harkness. Theyโ€™re well respected. Focused on midsize tech startups. I think they have a couple of science guys on the inside? They acquire promising companies, provide capital and support to grow them, sell them for a profit. Buying a loan seems a little out of their MO.โ€

Tishaโ€™s fingers closed around my thigh, and I covered her hand with my palm. Physical comfort was rarely in my repertoire, but making exceptions for Tisha was no trouble. โ€œSo all Florence needs to do is pay back the loan to Harkness, and Harkness will be out of the picture?โ€ I asked. Seemed simple enough. No need to involveย monster.com.

โ€œUh . . . in the rainbow world you live in, maybe. Have fun frolicking with the unicorns, Rue. Thereโ€™s no way Florence has the money.โ€

Tishaโ€™s grip tightened. โ€œNy, what does it mean, in practice? Does it mean that they take control of the company?โ€

โ€œMaybe. Itโ€™ll depend on the loan contract.โ€

I shook my head. โ€œFlorence would never let them do that.โ€

โ€œFlorence might not have a choice.โ€ Nyotaโ€™s voice softened abruptly, and thatโ€”out of everything,ย thatย made the first tinges of fear hook into my stomach. โ€œDepending on the terms of the agreement, Harkness might have the right to install a new CTO and seriously interfere in day-to-day operations.โ€

Asking what a CTO was wasnโ€™t going to get me any closer to an Instagram follow, so I just said, โ€œOkay. Whatโ€™s the bottom line?โ€

โ€œHarkness might end up being a nonissue. Or it might be the reason you need to find new jobs. Right now, itโ€™s impossible to tell.โ€

Tishaโ€™s โ€œfuckโ€ was a soft muttering.ย Florence, I thought, and my mouth felt dry.ย Where is Florence right now?ย Howย is Florence right now?ย โ€œThank

you, Nyota,โ€ I said. โ€œThis was very helpful.โ€

โ€œCall me after todayโ€™s assemblyโ€”weโ€™ll have a better idea by then.โ€ It was nice of her, thatย we. โ€œBut it wouldnโ€™t hurt to start sprucing up your CV, just in case. Austin is a great place for tech startups. Look around online, ask your nerd friends if they have leads. Do you guys have any friends, aside from each other?โ€

โ€œI have Bruce.โ€

โ€œBruce isย a cat, Tish.โ€ โ€œAnd your point?โ€

They started bickering, and I tuned them out, trying to calculate the likelihood of Tisha and me finding another job together. One that would pay well and afford us the scientific freedom we currently had. Florence had even allowed me toโ€”

A horrifying thought stabbed at me. โ€œWhat about our personal projects?

Employeesโ€™ patents?โ€

โ€œMm?โ€ Nyota cocked her head. โ€œEmployeesโ€™ patents? For what?โ€ โ€œIn my case, a bio-nanocomposite thatโ€”โ€

โ€œUh-huh, hold the TED Talk.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s something that makes produce stay fresher. Longer.โ€

โ€œAh. I see.โ€ She nodded in understanding, her eyes suddenly warmer, and I wondered what she knew. Tisha would never mention my history, but Nyota was observant and could very well have noticed on her own. After all, for years Iโ€™d spent every spare moment at their house, just to avoid returning to my own. โ€œThis isย yourย project?ย Yourย patent? And you have an agreement that guaranteesย youย ownership of this tech?โ€

โ€œYes. But if Kline changes handsโ€”โ€

โ€œAs long as the agreement is in writing, youโ€™re good.โ€

I remembered an email from Florence. Long words, small fonts, electronic signatures. Relief punched through me.ย Thank you, Florence.

โ€œGuys, try not to sweat this too much, okay? Go to the assembly youโ€™re probably already late for. Find out all you can and report back. And for the love of Justice Brown Jackson, update your damn CVs. You havenโ€™t been a pet groomer since undergrad, Tish.โ€

โ€œGet off my LinkedIn,โ€ Tisha muttered, but she was flipping off an already blank screen. So she leaned back in her chair and settled for another subdued โ€œfuck.โ€

I stared ahead and nodded. โ€œIndeed.โ€

โ€œNeither of us has the emotional constitution for job insecurity.โ€ โ€œNope.โ€

โ€œI mean, weโ€™ll be all right. Weโ€™re in tech. Itโ€™s just . . .โ€

I nodded once more. We were happy at Kline. Together. With Florence.

Florence. โ€œLast night, Florence texted me,โ€ I told Tisha. โ€œAsked if I wanted to go over to her place.โ€

She turned. โ€œDid she say why?โ€

I shook my head, feeling half-embarrassed, half-guilty.ย Way to show up for your friends, Rue. โ€œI told her I had plans.โ€

โ€œWhat were youโ€”oh, right. Your quarterly sex-up. Rue After Dark. Oh my god, how have we not talked aboutย the guy.โ€

โ€œWhat guy?โ€

โ€œReally? You send me a picture of some dudeโ€™s driverโ€™s license and then askย what guy? Nice try.โ€

โ€œIt was a valiant attempt.โ€ I stood, trying to avoid remembering deep-set blue eyes. That Grecian urn profile that had forced me to stare. The short brown curls, just this side of too messy. Heโ€™d kept his eyes straight ahead as he drove me home, as if adamant not to look in my direction.

โ€œHave you heard from him? Assuming you did the unthinkable andโ€โ€” she gasped, clutching her sternumโ€”โ€œgave him yourย number.โ€

โ€œI havenโ€™t checked my phone.โ€ It now lived at the very bottom of my backpack, pressed under an extra hoodie, and my water bottle, and a stack of books that were due back at the library in two days. It was going to stay there, at least as long as I caught myself wondering every ten minutes whether he had texted.

I liked to force myself to keep a certain detachment when it came toย hes. โ€œI should have gone to Florenceโ€™s,โ€ I said, remorse prickling at the

bottom of my stomach.

โ€œNah. Having to choose between you getting laid and having a heads-up on this here clusterfuck, Iโ€™d probably choose orgasms for you. Iโ€™m a generous soul like that.โ€ Tisha lowered her voice as we walked side by side, treading down Klineโ€™s sea-blue, ultramodern hallways that teemed with employees, all heading toward the open space on the first floor. They all smiled at Tishaโ€”and nodded atย me, polite but much more somber.

Kline had started out as a small tech startup, then quickly ballooned to several hundred employees, and Iโ€™d stopped keeping track of new hires. Plus, the solitary nature of my project made me a bit of an unknown

quantity. The tall, serious, distant girlโ€”who always hung out with theย otherย tall girl, the funny and delightful one everybody loved. At Kline, Tishaโ€™s and my popularity levels were as mismatched as theyโ€™d been since elementary school. Luckily, Iโ€™d learned not to mind.

โ€œSadly,โ€ I murmured, โ€œno orgasms were had.โ€ โ€œWhat?ย He didย notย look like heโ€™d be bad at sex!โ€ โ€œI wouldnโ€™t know.โ€

She scowled. โ€œIsnโ€™t that what you met him for?โ€ โ€œOriginally.โ€

โ€œAnd?โ€

โ€œVincent showed up.โ€

โ€œOh,ย fuckย Vincent. How did heโ€”I donโ€™t even wanna know. Next time, then?โ€

Since you never do repeats, heโ€™d said, and my body had heated at the wistfulness in his tone.

โ€œI donโ€™t know,โ€ I whispered truthfully, feeling some of that wistfulness myself as Tisha and I took a seat on a couch at the back of the room. โ€œI think thatโ€”โ€

โ€œNever a dull fucking moment,โ€ said a musical voice, and the cushion dipped on my left side. Jay was our favorite lab technician. Or, more accurately, Tishaโ€™s favorite, whom sheโ€™d swiftly befriended. By virtue of always being around her, Iโ€™d been folded into that relationship. It was the unabridged story of my social life. โ€œI swear to god,โ€ he said, โ€œif they fire all of us and my visa falls through and I have to go back to Portugal and Sana breaks up with meโ€”โ€

โ€œLove the optimism, babe.โ€ From the other side of me, Tisha leaned forward with a grin. โ€œWe researched this whole mess, by the way. We can tell you what a loan assignment is.โ€

Jayโ€™s eyebrow arched, and the piercings speared through it flickered. โ€œYou didnโ€™t knowย before?โ€

Tisha shrank back, disappearing behind me. โ€œThere, there.โ€ I patted her leg comfortingly. โ€œAt least weโ€™ve never pretended to be anything but what we are.โ€

โ€œDumbasses?โ€ โ€œApparently.โ€

A waterfall of red curls appeared in the crowd, and the knot of panic in my chest instantly loosened.ย Florence. Brilliant, resourceful Florence. She

wasย Kline. Sheโ€™d fought tooth and nail for it, and wasnโ€™t going to allow anyone to take it from her. Certainly not someโ€”

โ€œWho are those four?โ€ Tisha whispered in the sudden hush of the room.

Her gaze had drifted past Florence, to the figures standing beside her. โ€œSomeone from Harkness?โ€ Jay guessed.

I had expected slicked-back hair, and suits, and that uniquely off-putting finance bro flair. The Harkness people, however, looked like they might have belonged at Kline in a different timeline. Maybe dressing down was just a power move on their part, but they seemed . . . normal. Approachable. The long-haired woman was at ease in her jeans and seemed pleased with the turnout, and so did the broad-shouldered man who stood just a little too close to her. The tall figure in the well-groomed beard surveyed the room a touch haughtily, but who wasย Iย to judge? Iโ€™d been told several times I didnโ€™t exactly inspire fuzzy warmth. And the fourth man, the one who joined the group last, gait unhurried and smile confident, he seemed . . .

The blood congealed in my veins.

โ€œI already hate them,โ€ Jay mumbled, making Tisha laugh. โ€œYou hateย everybody.โ€

โ€œNo, I donโ€™t.โ€

โ€œYes, you do. Doesnโ€™t he, Rue?โ€

I nodded absently, eyes stuck on the fourth Harkness man like a bird caught in an oil spill. My head spun and the room ran out of air, because unlike the othersโ€™, his face was familiar.

Unlike the others, I knew exactly who he was.

Enjoy a fast, distraction-free reading experience. 'Request a Book' and other cool features are coming soon,

Enjoy a fast, distraction-free reading experience. 'Request a Book' and other cool features are coming soon.

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