AOIFE

MAM WAS WAITING for me at the front door when I got home from school on Tuesday evening.

“Well?” she asked, tone hopeful, as she stepped sideways to let me inside. “Did you tell him? Is he coming over?”

Yes, I told him, but he was on another planet and didn’t hear a word of it.

Shaking my head, I dropped my bag in the hallway, and hung my coat on the banister, feeling thoroughly deflated.

“Aoife.” Her expression fell. “You need to tell the boy.“

“I know,” I quickly cut her off, moving for the kitchen, as my body thrummed with anxiety. “I tried. He was busy.”

Busy losing his mind.

“We’re all busy, Aoife,” Mam offered, closing the front door and trailing after me. “There’s never going to be a right time to have this conversation, but it has to be done.”

“I know,” I repeated, shoulders knotted with tension, as I rummaged in the fridge. “I tried.”

“Do you want me to talk to him for you?”

“What?” Slamming the fridge door shut, I swung around to gape at her. “No, Mam. Jesus!”

“If you don’t tell him soon, it’s only going to make matters a million times worse.”

My eyes narrowed. “I’m trying, Mam, but it’s not something that spills off the tongue easily, okay. What am I supposed to do, huh? Just blurt it out in class?”

“You should call him,” Mam said, moving to place a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “If you can’t tell him face to face, then do it over the phone.”

“Mam, I already tried.” Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I implored her with my eyes to understand. I felt broken enough from this afternoon’s shit storm without my mother pouring on the pressure. “Just let it go, okay?”

“You need to do this, Aoife,” she pushed. “You have the hospital on Friday and Joey needs to be there. He needs to know that he’s about to become a father. He has rights, you know.“

“A father?” Kev deadpanned, and I swung around to find him standing in the kitchen doorway.

“Kev, you really shouldn’t eavesdrop on people,” Mam admonished, pressing her hand to her chest, as she scolded my brother. “It’s not nice.”

“Joey Lynch is going to be a father,” he repeated, eyes locked on mine. “Which clearly means you’re going to be a mother.”

“No, I’m not,” I lied, red-faced and flustered, as I stepped around Mam and moved for the kettle. “Don’t be thick.”

“I’m not thick,” my brother was quick to shoot back, stalking into the kitchen. “I happen to be your twin, you know? I could sense something was off with you for a while now.” He shook his head. “And now it all makes sense.” He turned and glared at Mam. “The two of you have been joined at the hip for days now. Whispering and sneaking off together,” he sneered. “Because she’s pregnant.”

“Stop saying that,” I strangled out, feeling weak. “It’s not true.”

“Bullshit,” he argued, tone vehement. “You’ve been a nightmare to live with for weeks. It’s like mood swing central in this place – not to mention all of the school Mam just let you skip.” He looked me up and down, eyes narrowing in disgust. “It’s because you let that waster get you pregnant?”

“That’s enough, Kev,” Mam warned, speaking up for me when I couldn’t. “You need to back off right now, young man. This has nothing to do with you, so just drop it.”

“Nothing to do with me?” he spat, looking furious. “Are you joking? I live here, too, you know. If she’s bringing a baby into this house, then I have a right to know, and so does Dad.”

“Stop it,” I begged, feeling the blood drain from my face. “Just stop talking, Kev.”

“At first, I thought you were just getting fat, but now it makes sense. All the weird food you’ve been eating is because of pregnancy cravings.”

“Kevin!”

“You can’t even deny it, can you?” he argued, ignoring our mother’s protests, and keeping his furious eyes on me. “Because there’s no denying that belly you’ve been trying to hide.”

“Kevin!” Mam snapped. “I told you that’s enough!”

“Yeah, I see it. I’m not blind, and I’m far from stupid,” my brother sneered, glowering at me. “Unlike you. The fucking idiot who laid on her back and let a loose cannon like Lynchy get her pregnant.”

“Fuck you,” I choked out, feeling the tears spill from my eyes, as my brother hit me with a cold hard dose of reality. “You have no idea, Kev. No goddamn clue.”

“Congratulations, sister,” he continued to sneer. “You just let that asshole turn you into another teenage pregnancy statistic. Well done. You can kiss your future goodbye now that you’ve joined the long list of hopeless girls from our school that were thick enough to open their legs to fellas like that.”

“I said that’s enough, Kevin,” Mam shouted, coming to stand between us. “I don’t care how surprised or upset you are, don’t you ever speak to your sister – or any woman, for that matter, like that again. You were raised, not dragged up.”

“Yeah, and so was she,” he countered, defensively. “But apparently, only one of us got the memo.”

“That’s not fair,” Mam replied, tone thick with emotion. “You don’t understand what your sister is going through.”

“No, because I actually happen to possess a brain between my ears,” he agreed, furious. “Unlike this idiot.”

“Kevin!”

“Jesus, I always knew you weren’t the brightest crayon in the box, but this?” my brother accused, eyes narrowed in challenge. “Getting pregnant while you’re still in school? Off a fucking scumbag like Joey Lynch? Wow,

talk about scraping the barrel by mixing your genes with his. That poor fucking kid’s going to come out with a cocaine habit and the IQ of a gummy bear!”

“I said that’s enough!” Mam screamed, opening the cupboard door just to slam it shut. She did it three more times until she had my brother’s attention. “You,” she hissed, pointing a finger in my brother’s face. “Not another word.”

“But—”

Mam slammed the cupboard door again. “Not another fucking word, Kevin, or the next thing I’ll slam will be my hand across your face.”

“So, she gets pregnant, and I get threatened with a slap?” my brother huffed, folding his arms across his chest. “Talk about favoritism.”

“This has nothing to do with favoritism and everything to do with human decency,” Mam growled, poking his chest with her finger. “And I’m telling you now, young man, you better not breathe a word of this to anyone. Do you hear me, Kevin? Not a soul.”

“I’m obviously going to tell Dad.“

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep that mouth shut,” Mam warned in a rare, threatening tone. “This is not your news to tell, Kevin. This is not about you. This is about your sister, and Aoife has the right to tell your father, and everyone else, when she’s ready.”

“Are you crazy? This is Aoife we’re talking about. She’s never going to be ready to have a baby,” my brother said, pointing out one of my biggest fears. “She can’t even clean up after Spud, and she’s the one who begged you guys for him. How do you suppose she’s going to look after an actual living,

breathing human?” He looked to me and said, “You should do yourself a favor and get an abortion. Fix this mess while you still can.”

“Fuck you!” With tears streaming down my cheeks, I shoved my brother out of my way, and ran for the stairs.

“You know I’m right,” Kev called after me. “You won’t last a day of motherhood until you’re pawning the kid off on our mother to do it for you.”

 

 

A SOFT KNOCK on my bedroom door drew my attention away from the pillow I was attempting to drown out the sound of my banshee pitched wailing with.

“Aoife, love, it’s Mam. Can I come in and talk to you?” Why the hell not?

I was a pregnant teenager in secondary school. My twin brother, upon hearing the news, had labeled me a mindless slut, before berating me for my chosen mate, and threatening to out me to our father. All this while said chosen mate was passed out cold somewhere, blissfully sleeping off any memory he had of the lifechanging news I’d given him.

In all honesty, nothing my mother wanted to talk about could make this situation any worse.

“Door’s unlocked,” I croaked out, pulling myself into a sitting position on my bed, with my pillow tucked against my stomach.

My bedroom door opened inwards and my mother appeared, eyes laced with concern. “Are you okay?”

I shrugged. “Not really.”

“Well, I’ve spoken to your brother, and he gave me his word that he’ll keep quiet until you’re ready to tell people.”

“You believe him?” “You don’t?”

“I don’t know.” I exhaled a weary sigh. “He was pretty savage down

there.”

“Your brother was a being a little shit.” Walking over to my bed, Mam sat down on the edge and reached for my hand. “Don’t you mind a word of what he said, Aoife. Not one word of it should be taken to heart.”

“I didn’t know he hated me so much, Mam,” I confessed, feeling teary again, as my brain rehashed every horrible word my brother had uttered. “I get that he’s upset about the baby, but what he said to me? There was serious hatred in his voice.”

“That wasn’t hatred you heard, Aoife, that was jealousy,” Mam corrected with a sad sigh. “And trust me, that has much more to do with your father than it has to do with you.”

My brows furrowed in confusion. “Dad?”

“Your father and brother don’t have a connection. They never have.

There’s love between them, sure, but there’s no common ground.” “How does that have anything to do with me having a baby?”

“Because, in your brother’s mind, the boy you’re having a baby with is

the same boy that bears the biggest threat to his relationship with your father.”

“Joey?”

“Joey.” She offered me a sad smile before continuing, “Can you imagine what it must have felt like these past six years for Kev? Watching your father

develop and nurture a bond with a boy from his class, while barely acknowledging his own son’s achievements?”

“Okay, but how is that Joey’s fault?”

“It’s not Joey’s fault,” Mam replied gently. “And it’s not your fault, either. It’s Dad’s fault for not making a better effort with your brother over the years.”

“Mam, I know that Kev’s your pet, but you can’t blame his outburst on daddy issues,” I argued. I’ve seen daddy issues in the flesh and that’s not what’s happening with my brother. “Trust me, we have a good father.”

“You’re right, he is a good father,” Mam agreed. “But you have to acknowledge the lack of harmony in their relationship.”

“So, Dad likes cars and Kev likes computers. Dad’s an easy-going man’s man, and Kev’s an introverted millennial,” I forced myself to concede. “They’re not compatible. Big deal. Neither are we, but you don’t see me acting like that, because I know that you still love me, just like Dad still loves Kev.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “You don’t think we’re compatible?” “Honestly?”

She nodded.

“No, Mam, I don’t.” I picked a piece of fluff on my pajama bottoms and shrugged. “Kev’s always been your golden child, while I’ve always been too much of, well, me for you to handle.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yeah, it is.” I smiled ruefully. “To be honest, I think we’ve spoken more in the last week than we have in the last three years, and that’s probably only

because we finally have something in common now.”

Pain encompassed my mother’s face and I felt like crap for putting it there.

“That’s not to say that I don’t feel loved,” I hurried to add, reaching for her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Just that I know what it’s like to feel out of sync with a parent, but still feel supported and cared for. I mean, I don’t resent you or anything like that. I don’t harbor any ill will or have any mommy issues.”

“I’m so sorry,” Mam whispered, looking truly horrified. “I never realized that you felt this way.”

“Mam.” I rolled my eyes. “Get a handle on yourself, will ya? It’s not that deep.”

“I don’t favor your brother,” she blurted out. “I don’t. I swear. I love you both the same.”

“I know that,” I told her, and I did. “And I also know that it’s okay that you get along better with Kev. That’s got nothing to do with love, Mam. That’s just a matter of Kev’s personality suiting yours better than mine, and that’s cool with me. I’m good with it, Mam. Honestly.”

“You really mean that, don’t you?” I nodded honestly. “I really do.”

She stared at me for a long time before blowing out a breath. “You’re

going to make a wonderful little mammy, do you know that, my girl?” “Yeah,” I mumbled. “Sure I am.”

“You are,” Mam pushed. “I can see it now – I can see everything so much clearer now.”

“See what?”

“You,” Mam replied. “The woman you’re becoming. That backbone of steel behind you. The reason why he’s so drawn to you.”

“Who?”

“Joey.”

My face heated. “Oh?”

“Obviously, you’re a beautiful looking girl.”

I snorted and waved a hand in front of myself. “Obviously.”

“And modest,” Mam jibed before continuing, “But you’re so much more than a pretty face. You are warm, Aoife. That poor boy never stood a chance with you, did he? Not when everything he’s never been given flows from you like a waterfall.”

“No, I’m drama, remember?” I joked, feeling embarrassed.

“You’re that, too,” she agreed with a smirk. “But my god does warmth shine out from beneath that mischievous exterior of yours. It’s infectious.”

“Ah, that would be the pregnancy glow shining, Mam.” “Would you stop deflecting and take the compliment.”

“Yeah, well, I can’t help it.” I grimaced in protest. “It’s weird.”

“You don’t have any problem taking a compliment when it comes to your face.”

“Yeah, well, I can look in a mirror whenever I want validation for the physical,” I shot back, unapologetically. “I can’t exactly cut myself open and see all this fuzzy, infectious warmth now, can I?”

“Well, trust me, it’s there,” she replied, smiling. “And don’t you dare ever lose it.”