MY THROAT CONSTRICTS, a harsh sensation running through me as I swallow down Jade’s rejection. After every ounce of hope, every desperate apology and explanation, she still isn’t ready to try again.
“You can’t forgive me,” I say, my voice a dejected whisper. The sting of defeat claws at me, lacing each word.
“That’s not the reason,” she says. Her voice is soft, almost comforting, in stark contrast to the situation. “I do forgive you, honestly. I see the growth in you since we first met.”
“So, you trust me, you miss me, and you forgive me,” I say, my confusion seeping into my voice. “Yet, you don’t want to be with me?”
“It’s not as simple as that.” She leans forward, her warm palm stilling my nervously bouncing knee. “It’s just—I don’t think the timing is right for us.”
“The timing,” I echo, brows knitting together. My heart thrums in my chest as I process her words, each one a sharp jab to my senses.
“I’m leaving for the summer.” She takes a deep, calming breath, her eyes dropping to her own fingers on my knee. “I’ll be states away, and you’ll be here working your ass off at camp. It doesn’t make sense for us to jump back into this relationship. Think about it.”
“I have been thinking about it,” I say, a bitter chuckle escaping me as I run a frustrated hand through my hair. “I’ve been thinking about it every goddamn day for the past few weeks. I hear what you’re saying . . . but Jade, I really don’t give a shit about the timing.”
“If we don’t have a solid foundation now, then it doesn’t make sense for us to try and work things out from a distance. I don’t want us to just
crumble again.”
My hand snakes out, fingers finding hers. I trace the outline of her wrist, each stroke a silent promise. “I won’t let that happen.”
“You can’t know that for sure.”
“So, what?” My spine stiffens, the whiplash of emotions causing my muscles to coil. “You want to be together, but you just don’t think the timing’s right? I’ll be honest with you; this seems like a cop-out.”
“It’s not,” she says. “I was already worried about the summer, and now we’ve been broken up for weeks. How can we just come back from all that and then leave each other right away?”
“Because it’s fucking worth it.” I gently tip her chin, my thumb brushing against her soft skin. “Because I’ll be thinking about you every day, regardless of whether or not we’re actually together.”
“And you don’t think that’s a problem?” She turns her head, my hand falling away from her face. “I don’t want to make this summer any more difficult for you. For either of us. Don’t we both deserve a summer free of drama?”
“Drama?” A muscle in my jaw twitches, my teeth grinding together. “That’s what this is to you?”
“It’s not . . . you’re misunderstanding me.” She stares at me, sincerity brimming in her eyes. “I’m talking about the insecurity, the jealousy, all the people who want to come between us. You know, like Cassidy and Miller.”
“And Garrett?” I add, bitterness seeping through. “Garrett’s a complete nonissue.”
“Then so are Cass and Miller,” I insist, my voice laced with conviction. “Screw them. I’ve had absolutely nothing to do with that girl since last term. Miller is an asshole, but he’s not even my friend.”
“Then you should probably tell him you’re not down for threesomes.” My muscles tense, gaze narrowing. “The fuck did he say to you?” “He—no, you know what? It really doesn’t matter.” She shakes her
head, waving it away. “I shouldn’t have even brought that up.”
“He better not have put his hands on you tonight. I don’t know what the hell he’s thinking, but—”
“See?” she cuts me off, flustered. “This is exactly what I mean, Theo. I don’t want you to have to worry about this kind of stuff all summer long. Not when you should be focusing on making your dreams come true.”
“I can focus on both,” I plead, the denial fogging my brain as her words fully register.
Theo. She fucking called me Theo. It’s like an electric jolt to my system, my pulse accelerating as she continues her point.
“You deserve to focus on yourself for the summer,” she says, her resolve knocking the wind out of me. “Once we’re both back at school, we can figure out where to go from there.”
“So, what you’re suggesting is a break, then, not a breakup.”
“Well, we’re not exactly together right now. So, if you want to get into semantics . . .”
A pit twists and turns in my stomach, gnawing at my insides. “This is really what you want?”
“I just think it’s the best decision for both of us.”
“And I disagree.” My stare holds her captive, searching her face for any hint of doubt or second-guessing. “But if this is the decision you’re making, then I guess I have to respect that.”
“It just makes sense for us right now.”
I rise from my chair, moving to settle beside her on the mattress. The closeness is both soothing and torturous. “You know, there’s something else I need to tell you. And this isn’t a last-ditch effort to make you change your mind.”
“Okay.” Her brows pinch together. “Go ahead.”
“We officially banned the Trade this week.” I tilt my head back, avoiding her gaze. “I spoke with both our captains and got them on board. As a team, we decided to get rid of the tradition once and for all. It’s over.”
“Wow, seriously?” She nudges me in the shoulder, shifting my attention back to her. “You did that for me?”
“I did it because of you,” I amend. “And because it’s the right thing to do.”
“I’m honestly shocked but really proud of you. Of your team,” she adds. “That’s . . . good.”
“The team—we—should have never allowed it in the first place.” I rake my hands through my hair. “It was a pointless, shitty competition.”
“I’m glad you not only realized that, but you actually went out and did something to fix it.”
“You helped give me the push I needed.” I turn to face her, bumping our knees together. “So, thank you, Jade.”
“I’m happy for you,” she says quietly.
I stare back at her, gaze trailing across her beautiful features. That little dusting of freckles, that sweet birthmark, and those full, rosy lips. An overwhelming urge to kiss her washes over me.
“Fuck, baby.” The words come out all weak and gravelly. “How am I supposed to spend a whole summer away from you?”
“I’ll miss you, too.” She gives me a sad half-smile. “But that’s why I want you to forget about the breakup for a while. Just think about your training and work on yourself.”
“If we’re going to spend the whole summer apart, would you let me kiss you one last time?” I cup the side of her cheek, swiping a thumb across her birthmark. “As a goodbye?”
“Just one kiss,” she whispers. “As a goodbye.”
I lean forward, a faint brush of my lips against hers. “As a promise.” She pulls back. “Theo.”
“Okay.” I change course, heart hammering against my chest. “Just a goodbye, then. Or maybe a ‘see you later.’”
She inches closer, her breath warm and sweet against my lips. My hand instinctively moves to the base of her neck, fingers weaving through her hair, pulling her against me and sealing the space between us.
The tenderness of the moment gives way to a raw, burning hunger. There’s nothing sweet about this kiss. It’s filled with heat, with hunger, with a desire to be consumed. It’s filled with all the promises she doesn’t want to voice.
And I only last about five seconds before my restraint completely snaps. I draw her onto my lap, her body curling against mine, arms draped around my neck, legs straddling my waist. My grip tightens in her hair,
tugging her lips back to mine in a punishing caress.
Teeth grazing her bottom lip, I pour every ounce of my pent-up longing into the tangle of our mouths. The air around us grows thick as she peels off her shirt, revealing the delicate lace of her bralette. The sight of her half- naked body, flushed with arousal, is pure, divine torture.
She’s beautiful. She’s perfect. But she’s not mine.
“Wait.” My chest heaves, breathless as I force out the words. “If I can’t have you tonight, all of you, then we shouldn’t do this.”
“You’re right.” She places both hands on my shoulders, reeling back. “I’m sorry.”
For a split second, I merely gaze at her, the ticking of my racing heart the only sound echoing through the charged silence.
“Oh, fuck it,” I rasp.
My mouth finds hers again, then trails down to the sensitive hollow of her throat, my kiss drawing a breathy moan from her. My fingers dance across the small band of fabric holding her bralette together, unhooking it with ease. With a casual toss, the lace joins the growing pile of discarded clothes.
Our breaths come in sharp, ragged pants. As our eyes meet, there’s an unspoken agreement, a silent acceptance of the illusion we’ve created and the inevitable heartbreak it might bring.
Both of us are pretending that this one night won’t flip us inside out.
But right now, that looming heartache seems insignificant. I can’t bring myself to care about anything but the woman beneath me. So, I carry on, flipping her onto her back, her legs splayed out in front of me.
“Tell me what you want,” I demand, waiting as she shimmies out of her pants.
“You. I want you, Theo.”
Her confession stokes the fire inside me, a roaring blaze that threatens to consume my every thought. Hastily, I shed the rest of my clothing, my erection straining for release. Her fingers move to discard her panties, but I stay her hand.
“Leave them,” I command, my voice raspy with desire.
Her brows furrow, but the sight of my naked body seems to dispel any lingering doubt. I waste no time as I slip between her outstretched legs, my thumb brushing against her clit. The raw, primal desire to fully claim her overpowers my intention to savor the moment—to lick her, taste her, feel her climax on my mouth.
A shiver racks through her body, her back arching off the bed as she whimpers, “Please.”
“Please what?”
Her gaze flits to the throbbing length of my arousal, leaving no doubt about what she desires.
Throwing caution to the wind, I fumble for a condom in the drawer of my nightstand, tearing open the foil package with a determined tug. The latex barrier in place, I position myself at her entrance, the fabric of her panties pushed aside.
With a slow, measured thrust, I push into her warmth. Her gasp is my reward, the sweet friction of her tight heat luring me deeper. The rhythm of our bodies synchronizes, timed to the beat of my thudding heart. I cup my hands around her breasts, squeezing and kneading as her hips roll against mine.
She’s moaning, soft and breathless as I rock into her. It’s a slow, torturous pace, but it feels so fucking good. Her nails dig into my biceps, and my balls tighten, an orgasm threatening to spill out of me.
Yet, I’m desperate to prolong this pleasure, to stretch out these precious moments before the inevitable end. But her hand wrapping around my throat dictates otherwise, choking the breath right out of me. The world blurs around the edges, my pulse pounding in my ears.
When my climax finally tears through me, I swear I see stars.
She follows soon after, her thighs clenching around me as she shudders in the throes of her own orgasm. Then we’re locked together, sweaty and breathless, lost in the afterglow of our shared high.
The rest of the night is a hushed, delicate silence punctuated only by our soft breaths and the rustling of sheets. We clean up, curling against one another without a word, our bare bodies entangled under the soft blanket. And then, we drift off to a dreamless sleep.
I know I told her I would respect her decisions, but in this particular instance, her decisions are bullshit. She wants me to renounce our relationship for the summer. She thinks we can work on ourselves, live a drama-free summer without jealousy, insecurities, and doubts.
But that’s not reality. Instead, I’ll be spending the whole summer pining over her, wishing I would have done more to change her mind. Wishing I would have told her that I’m so fucking in love with her that it burns.
And that the idea of being apart feels like drowning.
But I guess my feelings are pointless. Because when I wake up the next morning, she’s already gone.
