LAST NIGHT WAS ROUGH. I ditched the banquet and got shitfaced out of my mind. Then I collapsed onto my bed, alone, to toss and turn for the rest of the night.
Jade dumped me. She broke up with me and walked away, just as I fucking deserved. I should’ve known this was coming because what we had was too good to be true. And I fucked it all away from the very beginning.
If Jade gave me another chance, I’d move heaven and earth to win back her trust. I gave her the space she asked for last night, even though every fiber of my being screamed to beg for her forgiveness. To drop to my knees and plead.
I want her back. Hell, I need her back.
With the dawn comes a semblance of sobriety, enough to get my hungover self out of bed by nine. A shower helps, washing away last night’s regrets, scrubbing clean the past month’s mistakes until my skin is nearly raw. Cleaned up and dressed, I head straight to Jade’s place.
If she tells me to get lost . . . if she says that this is over for good, then I’ll have no choice but to respect that. But I’m not throwing in the towel just yet. Not until she gives the final verdict.
I take a deep breath, trying to steady the adrenaline coursing through me. I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans, and with shaky resolve, I knock on her front door.
Shannon answers almost instantly.
“Oh, West,” she says, disappointment clouding her face. “Good morning.”
“Hey, Shan,” I say, my voice tense, words shooting out like bullets. My gaze slips past her, scanning the apartment for Jade. “Could you maybe ask Jade if she’ll see me? If she’s up for it.”
Her brows knit together, a soft sigh escaping her. “She’s, uh—she’s not home, West,” she says, shifting uncomfortably on her feet. “I sort of assumed she’d be with you.”
My heart jolts. “She didn’t tell you about our breakup?” She presses her lips into a flat line. “She did.”
Disoriented, I struggle to find my footing in this conversation. “Okay, then,” I manage, my voice heavy with confusion. “I guess I’ll give it another shot later.”
“No, you don’t understand . . .” She trails off, a shadow crossing her face. “Jade didn’t spend the night here.”
“What do you mean? She didn’t come back home last night?”
“No, she came home,” she quickly clarifies. “But she didn’t stay. She said she couldn’t bear it here.”
The world seems to tilt on its axis. “God.” My hand skates across my forehead, pressing into the tension lines. “This is all on me.”
“No, it’s on me,” she says, her eyes darkening with a sorrow I hadn’t seen before. “I messed up big-time.”
With a bitter chuckle, I stand a little straighter, my back going rigid. “Well, welcome to the club. What did you do?”
She seems to shrink, her eyes dropping to the floor. “I’d rather not get into it.”
“Then can you at least tell me where she stayed last night?”
“I have no clue,” she says, her voice dropping to an uneasy whisper. “She turned her phone off. Radio silence since then.”
I swear under my breath. “She’s . . . she’s safe, right?”
“Jade can handle herself,” she says, yet her voice carries a tremor. “But, yeah, I can’t help but worry.”
I draw in another slow, steadying breath, my mind tumbling into a dark place. Had she picked up a stranger from a bar? Or, worse, was she lying somewhere hurt and alone? My chest aches at the possibilities.
“Should we do something?” I ask, frustration gnawing at my edges.
Her eyes flit toward the living room. “Want to come in? Maybe wait for her?”
I stiffen, shaking my head. “It’s probably best if we don’t ambush her.”
“You’re right. I can always try—”
Her words are cut short by a derisive scoff. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
I whirl around, coming face-to-face with Jade. She’s strung out, twisted curls falling out of her loose ponytail. She’s wearing mismatched pajamas, and her eyes tell a tale of a sleepless night, red-rimmed and shadowed. Yet, even in this disheveled state, she remains the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
Her gaze is a storm, her steps purposeful as she maneuvers around me, entering her apartment like a force of nature.
“Jade,” Shannon breathes out, relief evident. “We were so worried about you.”
“We?” Jade scoffs, her laugh a bitter note in the air. “You mean, you and West? Or you and my brother?”
I blink, completely taken aback. “Your brother’s here?”
“I don’t know if he’s still here,” she fires back, her voice biting. “Shan, why don’t you fill us in?”
Shannon shrinks, looking smaller than before. “He checked into a hotel right after you left.”
“How sweet of him.”
Shannon reaches out. “Jade, I’m so—”
“Look, I just can’t right now,” Jade cuts her off, shaking her head. She steps back, distancing herself physically and emotionally. “I get it, Shan. I know my brother; I know what he’s like. This is what he does. I’m angry at you, sure, but I can’t blame you for what happened.”
My mind spins, pieces of the puzzle clicking into place. Last night was a fucking roller coaster for Jade, in more ways than one.
“When can we talk about this?” Shannon pleads, a hint of desperation in her voice.
“I don’t know.” Jade rakes a hand through her hair, her fingers tangling in the wild curls before yanking out the elastic. As she pulls her hair into a neat bun, she continues. “Maybe once I’ve had a chance to digest everything. Maybe when my ex-boyfriend isn’t standing there, eavesdropping on every word between us.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” I stammer, the words lodging in my throat. “Do you want me to leave?”
Jade’s eyes pin me in place, a piercing gaze that burns right through me. “Why don’t you just say what you came here to say?”
In the background, Shannon clears her throat, a loud, awkward sound in the silence. “I’ll, um—I’ll just be in my room.”
“Good idea,” Jade says, her words pointed and crisp. She seems to be holding herself together by sheer force of will.
Once we’re alone, my gaze traces the contours of Jade’s face. She’s a picture of devastation, a testament to a sleepless night. It’s as if a hurricane swept through her and left only wreckage in its wake.
“Are you okay?” I ask, the words tasting bitter on my tongue.
She laughs, a harsh, grating sound. “Hell no, I’m not okay. I mean, fuck, did you use your context cues? Figure out what happened between Ace and Shan last night?”
“Yeah, I got that part,” I manage to say, my voice a soothing contrast to her fiery outburst. “Where’d you end up staying?”
She crosses her arms, her body language defensive. “If that’s what you wanna talk about, then fine. I stayed with Garrett.”
“Your editor, Garrett? You hate that guy.”
A smirk spreads across her face. “Not after last night.”
“Wait, what are you saying? You didn’t . . .?” I trail off, my eyes searching her face, desperate for a hint, a clue.
“Didn’t what? Sleep with him?” she asks, her tone devoid of any warmth. “So what if I did?”
My mind reels. I can’t believe it, can’t rationalize it. Would she really go to him, of all people?
“If you did, then . . . fuck, Jade,” I breathe out, blood pulsing behind my temples. “You dumped me, so I guess that’s your right.”
“So, if I tell you I slept with Garrett, then that’s it? You’ll let me go?” “Fuck no, I won’t,” I say, my voice firm despite the knot in my stomach.
“Even if you slept with Garrett, it doesn’t change how I feel. I still want you back. But the thought of you turning to him of all people . . . it’s driving me up the wall.”
Her voice breaks, the façade crumbling. “What did you expect me to do? You broke my trust. And then, to come home and find Ace and Shan together . . . It’s just too fucked-up.”
“I can’t even begin to imagine the hurt you’re feeling right now. Lying to you was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. You mean everything to me,
Jade.”
Her posture deflates, crossed arms falling to her sides. “I just wish that you hadn’t done it.”
“I wish that, too.”
She’s silent for a moment, then, “Okay.”
“You know, I used to think the Trade was just a silly tradition. When I was a freshman, it seemed like a rite of passage. But now, because of you, I see how wrong it was.”
Her voice is thick, weighed down by hurt and exhaustion. “I’m glad you learned your lesson. It’s just a little too late for us.”
A pang of despair hits me. “Is there nothing I can do to earn back your trust?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. But I know I can’t look at you the same way anymore.”
“If you tell me to leave you alone, then I’ll respect that,” I promise, working to keep my voice steady.
“I just need time, West,” she says. “I don’t know how much, and I can’t say how long. I’m not saying we’ll never get back together, but I know I need some time apart right now . . . without you showing up at my apartment unannounced.”
“I can give you that.”
She gestures toward the open doorway. “Then you should probably go.”
I clench my fists, fighting the urge to reach out, to pull her close one more time. “Can I just say one more thing before I leave?”
“Sure,” she murmurs, her voice barely audible.
“Jade, I’m so damn sorry that I hurt you.” My voice is heavy with sincerity, the truth of my words ringing out in the empty space between us. “It’s the last thing I ever wanted to do.”
She stares at me for what feels like an eternity, her teeth worrying over her bottom lip. “I know that.”
“And, fuck.” I breathe out the word, my gaze roaming across her features, drinking her in. “I really hope, for Garrett’s sake, that you didn’t sleep with him last night. But if you did, just know that it doesn’t change anything between us. I want you. I want all of you. And nothing you can do will change that.”
She simply stares, lost for words as I ready myself to leave. I swallow the lump in my throat, reminding myself that if she doesn’t want me to beg,
I’ll grant her the space she needs.
But Jade . . . she’s it for me.
She was yesterday, she is today, and she will be tomorrow. No matter how long it takes, I know the two of us belong together. I knew it from the first moment my lips touched hers. This girl unhinges me, shatters me from the inside out, forces me to see the world differently.
And I know that she feels the same way about me; I’ve seen the look on her face every time we’re together. Maybe, if I’m lucky enough, someday she’ll look at me that way again.
Until then, I’ll wait.
