WHEN WE GOT BACK to the clubhouse, he disappeared into the office. While I was trying to process the loss of my childhood safe haven, Colt was sitting alone, dealing with whatever Dev had told him.
And if I’d had the energy, I’d have been spitting mad at him. Our relationship was intense, and I was still new at it. But, I wasn’t such a novice to know that when a woman needed a shoulder to lean on, it was her man’s duty to be there.
But the Blue Angels were watching me, and I refused to look like a coward. So I left Colt to his own devices and then went to find his sister.
Joni would know what to say to me. She’d grown up with him; she must’ve had some directives about how to handle Colt’s complete emotional shut down.
My heart trembled with pain and confusion. Usually, when he didn’t want to tell me something, he blamed it on club business. But this wasn’t club business. Whatever Dev said to him had gotten through Colt’s tough exterior and turned him into a different man.
The violent man from the first night I’d met him was back.
I was nearly to the third floor when Joni said, “I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Well, I do,” Zip rasped.
I paused mid-step, knowing the right thing to do would be to turn around and go downstairs to give them privacy. Or interrupt them by continuing my ascent.
I didn’t do either.
Instead, I decided to stop where I was and eavesdrop like a reality TV drama addict.
“You can’t go on a date with that doctor,” Zip stated.
Joni snorted in dry amusement. “You can’t tell me what to do. You can’t tell me who to date.”
“I’m not telling you who to date. I’m telling you who not to date.” “Why do you even care?” she demanded.
Apparently Zip didn’t appreciate her sass because he said, “Last night in your apartment you threw yourself at me.”
She gasped.
“You not only threw yourself at me, you took off your shirt and pressed your tits against me.” His voice was a low, sexy growl.
Joni didn’t reply.
“You pressed your tits against me and then you ground your body against mine.”
“Yeah,” she said, suddenly sounding tired. “And being the gentleman that you are, you didn’t even touch me.”
“Babe—”
“Which is why I’m going on a date with that doctor. You don’t see me, Zip. You’ve never seen me. And every time I put myself out there, you reject me. There’s only so much of that I can take, you know?”
“It’s complicated. Colt’s my president. My best friend. You’re his little sister.”
“It’s not complicated. Actually it’s really simple. You don’t want me enough to risk Colt’s wrath. To risk what it will do to your friendship.”
“Darlin’—Joni—please.”
She sighed. “Leave me alone, Zip. I’m begging you to leave me alone.
Give me a chance to be happy with someone else. All right?”
For a moment I wasn’t sure he’d answer her and then he said softly—so softly I almost didn’t hear him, “All right.”
The disappointment in the air was palpable. I heard Zip’s heavy booted footsteps coming toward the staircase and I immediately began hiking up the stairs again, hoping that when I ran into Zip I could play off that I was just coming up now.
He turned the corner and came down two steps before stopping. “Mia,” he said, surprise coloring his voice. “What are you doing up here?”
Blazes of color trailed up his neck. Anger? Embarrassment?
I forced a small smile. “Hey. We just got back. Colt’s in the office.”
He nodded. We moved past each other on the stairs and when he was on the second floor landing, said, “I’m sorry about your house.”
My throat tightened with emotion. “Thank you.”
I went to Joni’s room and knocked. She opened the door, swiping at her cheeks and attempting to hide her head.
“Hey,” she said, her tone morose and miserable.
“You look how I feel,” I told her, not even able to summon up a smile.
A cry escaped her lips and her eyes filled with tears. “Zip came to tell me about your grandmother’s house. I’m so sorry.”
“Is that all he came to tell you?” I asked, pinning her with a stare.
Her gaze widened and then she stood back to let me inside the guest room. It was clean and tidy with a double bed. It had its own small bathroom, but didn’t have a tub.
She shut the door and leaned back to rest her head against it. “You heard, didn’t you?”
“I might’ve been listening.”
Joni let out a strangled laugh. “Here I am, worried about something inconsequential when you’re dealing with the loss of your home.”
I swallowed. “Got any booze?”
“Not up here,” she said. “I can go down to the kitchen and swipe a bottle, but if I do that, Rachel, Allison, and Darcy will know something is up and demand entry into the sanctuary.”
I thought about it for a moment. “I’m okay with that if you are. I just—I wanted to talk to you about Colt first.”
“What about him?”
I described what had happened after he spoke to Dev on the phone and how Colt had gone cold. No emotion had crossed his face, and I worried he was ready to hurt someone.
Joni nodded. “He was like that the first few years after Dad died. It’s Colt’s version of survival mode. I couldn’t get through—most of the time he couldn’t be reached. Like, no matter what I said to him, he wouldn’t hear me.”
“Years?” I asked. “He was like this for years?”
“Yeah. He’s older now. Weathered a few more storms. But this is a part of Colt and whatever Dev said to him—he didn’t tell you, did he?” When I shook my head she went on, “Yeah, whatever Dev said to Colt shut him down.”
“It’s like he turned into someone else. Focused, callous.” “Ruthless,” Joni added.
“Colt disappeared into the office the moment we got back here. I have no idea what’s going on. I just know the party’s been canceled considering neither of us are in a celebratory mood.”
“I’m not in a celebratory mood either, if it makes any difference.” “Should I try talking to Colt?”
“No. Let him come to you.”
“My grandmother’s house was set on fire today,” I said softly. “And all I can think about is what Dev said to Colt to make him retreat.”
She reached out and squeezed my hand. Unfortunately, she hadn’t given me any tools in how to break through Colt’s coldness. I shook my head and changed the subject. “What happened between you and Zip?”
“Exactly how much did you hear?” she asked instead of answering. “Something about pressing your tits against him…”
Her cheeks flamed with sudden chagrin and then she straightened her shoulders. “I could blame the pain meds for my behavior, and maybe they did have something to do with it. It made me bold and I did exactly as he said. But he just…he pushed me off him. Something inside of me broke when he did it, Mia. That was my last straw, you know? I thought nothing could hurt worse than seeing him with tramps climbing all over him. But it turns out, when you offer yourself, body and soul to a man, and he brushes you aside, that hurts far worse than anything else.”
I sighed. “We really should’ve gotten a bottle of booze before diving into this.”
She nodded. “No shit.”
“I’ll go downstairs and grab it,” I said. “That way there’s no chance of you seeing Zip.”
Joni looked relieved. “Thank you.”
I left her room and took the stairs quickly, worried that I’d run into Zip and have to lie to his face again. But my feelings were all for naught. The only Blue Angel in the clubhouse was Gray, and he was sitting on a couch with Darcy nestled in his arms. Rachel and Allison were standing in the kitchen, drinking out of red solo cups.
“Where is everyone?” I asked.
Darcy looked over her shoulder at me. “You didn’t hear the bikes peel out of here?”
I shook my head.
“They left,” Darcy said. “Cheese, Gray, and two prospects stayed back to stand guard. The kids are watching a movie in the theater room in the basement.”
They left? And Colt hadn’t even had the courtesy to say goodbye? Fuck. That.
He didn’t get to shut down on me and then leave without saying a word.
Not after what I’d been through.
“Where’s Joni?” Gray asked. “She feeling okay? She hasn’t come out of her room all afternoon.”
“She’s fine. I actually came down to get a bottle of liquor. We’re having a girls’ pow-wow in her room.”
“Great!” Rachel said. “Now you can teach us how to play poker.” She opened a kitchen drawer and pulled out a deck of cards.
Darcy kissed Gray’s cheek and whispered something to him. He nodded and patted her leg. She hopped up and said, “What are we drinking?”
“Tequila,” Rachel and I said at the same time.
“I need a lemonade refill,” Allison said, lifting her cup. “I’ll cut the limes,” Darcy stated. “Rach, grab the salt.” “On it.”
Five minutes later, we were ready to head upstairs when Cheese came inside. “Mia,” he said, “a woman is here for you. Says she was invited to the party.”
“Crap. Blonde? Tall? Won’t take no for an answer?” He nodded, a slight smile on his face.
“That’s Shelly. I forgot to tell her the party was canceled.” I looked at the three women who were waiting by the stairs to get our girls’ night started.
“Do you guys mind one more?” I asked.
“No, bring her!” Rachel said. “We’ll meet you up there.”
“Sounds good.” The three of them disappeared and I turned back to Cheese. “Is it okay to let her in?”
“Sure thing. I’m gonna call Prez and give him the heads up about the situation.”
“You do that,” I murmured to his retreating back.
“How are you doing?” Gray asked, startling me. He was so quiet I’d forgotten he was even there.
“Okay. I guess.” I sighed. “How did you get roped in to staying back with all the women and children?”
He looked at me. “Why? You think I can’t handle shit?” “No, I didn’t mean anything by it.” I tried to backtrack.
“Hey, I was just trying to get your goat.” He smiled. “Relax. I know how it looks.”
He was soft around the middle, like a lot of men in middle age. “One thousand yards,” he said.
“Excuse me?”
“All I need is one shot, and if you’re anywhere within a thousand yards it’s bye-bye. I was a scout sniper in the Army. I can handle things here, don’t you worry.”
My eyes widened. “Darcy never mentioned…” He shrugged.
“This is the saddest party I’ve ever seen,” Shelly said, causing me to turn.
She was dressed from head to toe in all black. Her blond hair was curled and sprayed and she looked ready for a night on the town. Cheese stood behind her, gazing at her with obvious adoration.
“There’s been a change of plans,” I said, walking to her.
Shelly embraced me in a vanilla perfumed hug and I closed my eyes.
She was familiar. She was family.
“What happened?” she asked. “Where is everyone? Where’s this man of yours?”
“I’ll tell you upstairs.”
Shelly pulled back and raised her eyebrows but said nothing.
Gray introduced himself to Shelly with a quick handshake. While Gray and Shelly talked for a few minutes, I went over to Cheese who still looked awe-struck.
“She’s engaged,” I told him. “Engagements end.”
I burst out laughing, enjoying Cheese’s arrogance. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that Mark and Shelly were the real deal, and even if they weren’t and Shelly was single, she wasn’t going to go for a biker.
My phone buzzed in my back pocket and I took it out. Colt’s name flashed across the screen. I thought about being incredibly juvenile and ignoring him, but I knew he’d only call back. Or call Cheese to check in on everything.
“Yes?” I asked, answering the phone and going into the kitchen nook for a measure of privacy.
He paused. “You’re pissed.”
“Damn right, I’m pissed. You didn’t even say goodbye to me.” Colt let out a weathered sigh. “I’ll be back late. Don’t wait up.” He hung up on me and I stared at the phone for a second.
Pissed had just morphed into rage. “Uh oh,” Shelly said.
“Uh oh, what?” Cheese asked.
“Mia’s about to go O’Banion on someone’s ass.” Cheese frowned. “I don’t know what that means.”
“It means,” Shelly explained, “that she’s half Irish and it’s about to show.”
“I can hear you,” I snarled.
“Guess I better get back out there,” Cheese said, stepping toward the exit. “Prospects don’t know their asses from their elbows.”
“You were a prospect not even six months ago,” Gray said with a laugh. I grasped Shelly’s hand and pulled her to the stairs. We got up to the third floor and I could hear the sound of laughter and conversation coming from Joni’s room. Colt’s sister was perched on the bed, leaning against the wall, a cup in her hands. Darcy, Rachel, and Allison had taken pillows and set them on the floor and were sitting in a circle, the bottle of tequila and
the bowl of lime wedges in the center.
“There you are!” Darcy said with a grin. “Hi!” She looked at Shelly. “I’m Darcy.” The other women chirped their names.
“Would you like a drink?” Rachel asked Shelly.
“Sure.” She set her purse in the corner. “What are we drinking?” “Tequila shots,” Joni announced.
“Oh, then I definitely want a drink.” Shelly winked.
Those who could drink alcohol did a round of shots. When Shelly spit out her lime, she looked at me and said, “You never did tell me why the party got cancelled.”
“The party got cancelled because my house caught on fire. I wasn’t feeling very celebratory after that.”
“Holy fuck. How did that happen?”
I met Joni’s gaze and then my head swiveled to Darcy’s. Both of them had blank expressions and I knew what I had to say.
“The fire chief thinks it was something with faulty electric. I won’t know until he calls. And I don’t know the extent of the damage yet.”
“You weren’t home, right?” “No. I was at Colt’s.”
“Thank God. I’m so sorry about your house. That’s like—I can’t—why does shit keep happening to you?”
“I told you I’m a beacon for trouble,” I quipped, but my lip wobbled.
She squeezed my arm. “Okay, let me finally get a good look at your tattoo.”
I gave her my back and pulled my braid to the side so she could uncover the bandage.
My best friend whistled. “This is gorgeous.” “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Whoever did your tattoo did a stellar job.” She covered it back
up.
“Roman over at Three Kings did it,” I said.
“I’m trying to convince Mark that we should get matching ink. He’s not
having it.”
“Who’s Mark?” Rachel asked. “My fiancé.”
“You’re engaged!” Allison squealed. “Show us the ring!”
Shelly whipped her hand out to present her classy, elegant diamond. “When’s the wedding?” Joni asked.
“I’m not sure,” she said slowly, looking at me. “I kind of wanted to wait until Mia can be part of the festivities.” She shook her head. “You were leaving town and now you’re shacked up with a…Blue Angel. Jesus, things change fast.”
“Yeah. They do.”
Darcy tossed me the deck of cards. “You promised to teach us how to play poker.”
“No, I promised I’d teach you how to cheat at poker.” I laughed. Joni slid off the bed and squeezed into the circle.
“Did you get a tattoo too?” Shelly asked, gesturing to Joni’s arm.
“Take another shot,” I told her. “I have some shit to tell you.” I wasn’t able to divulge everything that was going on, but it was for her own protection.
Three hours later, we were all hammered. Gray had come upstairs to check in on us, but aside from him, there had been no word from the outside world. My phone didn’t buzz with a message from Colt.
“I need my bed,” Allison said finally.
“Why? You haven’t even been drinking,” Shelly pointed out. “I’m pregnant.”
Shelly’s eyes were glassy. “Oh. Why didn’t you say so earlier? This whole time I thought you were just a straight-laced weirdo.”
They all cackled. Shelly fit right in with my new friends and it warmed my heart.
“I need a smoke,” Rachel said.
“I need air,” Shelly muttered. “I shouldn’t have had that last shot. I’m not safe to drive.”
“Last shot?” Joni repeated with a teasing smile. “More like the last three.”
Shelly rolled her eyes.
“The sofa in the basement theater room has a pull out couch. You should crash there,” Darcy said.
“Really?” Shelly asked.
“Or, if you’re feeling dangerous, I’m sure Cheese would let you sleep in his bed,” I teased.
“Stop,” she said with a laugh.
Darcy stood up off the floor and shook out her leg. “Ooh, it fell asleep.”
I put the cards back into their box and also rose and held a hand to Joni to help her stand.
We went downstairs, drunkenly jabbering like magpies. Even though I’d had enough alcohol to fell an elephant, it didn’t fill the aching sadness in my chest. I drank to temper the feelings of watching my grandmother’s house go up in flames. I drank to forget the feelings of loneliness inspired by Colt’s sudden emotional withdrawal.
Despite being in the company of my friends and watching them all get along and joke around, I felt alone.
“I’m going to go check on Gray and the kids,” Darcy said. “I’ll meet you guys at the picnic tables.”
She waved us toward the back door and then turned the opposite direction down the hallway to the living room.
“I’m going to bed,” Allison announced. “Seriously, I can barely keep my eyes open.”
“You’re no fun now that you’re knocked up,” Rachel said with a playful grin.
“Just you wait. Your time will come.” Allison leaned over and gave me a quick hug and then did the same to Shelly. “It was great meeting you. I hope we see more of you.”
With a final wave, she went into Torque’s room and closed the door. “And then there were four,” Joni said.
The night air was warm but not sweltering and I breathed in a deep breath.
“Will it bother you if I smoke?” Rachel asked. We shook our heads and Rachel pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “I really do need to quit.”
“Yeah, you do,” Joni said.
“Now, now, Nurse Joni. None of that.” She lit the cigarette and then took a drag. “Jesus. Nothing else relaxes me quite like a cigarette.”
“Not even an orgasm?” Shelly asked with wicked amusement. “Well, not the same ballpark.” Rachel winked.
“Whoa, I think I need to sit down,” Joni said. “I had more to drink than I realized.” She plopped down on a picnic table bench and leaned back, resting her elbows on the table before looking up at the night sky.
I took advantage of the moment while Rachel and Shelly were in conversation to pull Joni’s attention away from the group. I took a step
closer to her and blurted out, “Zip’s going to go with you to your shifts at the hospital.”
Her head snapped up. “What do you mean?”
“Colt doesn’t want you unprotected. Zip volunteered to be the one to drive you to and from work and sit at the hospital during your shifts.”
“That fucker,” she seethed. “So when he told me he’d leave me alone, he was full of shit.”
I nodded. “Full of shit and I’m pretty sure he’s on the edge. Don’t give up on him just yet. I think he’s close to breaking.”
“I’m close to breaking.”
“Yeah, but what if you could finally get everything you want? What if you could really be with him?”
“I’ve tried throwing myself at him. He still balked.”
I nodded. “I know, but if Zip is going to be at your place of work, he’s bound to see you and the doctor who asked you out. Together. Make him jealous, Joni. Make him think he’s really lost you and the only way to have you is to take you from someone else.”
“That’s like my biggest fantasy come to life.” She grinned.
“He can’t take his eyes off you,” I said. “He stares at you when he thinks you’re not looking. Bring this shit to a boil and I guarantee he’ll be taking whatever Colt gives him. Just make sure when you get him into bed, he has no reason to leave.”
“Oh, I’m on it. There are years of sexual tension between us. We might burn the house down.” She winced. “Shit. Sorry.”
The humor on my lips died and I suddenly felt way too sober. “I think I better call it a night.”
She nodded. “It’s late. You need to be alert when you give Colt hell.”
Rachel finished her cigarette and Joni got up from the table. We walked inside the clubhouse and I paused. “You notice that Darcy never came back to join us?”
“She’s probably on top of Gray right about now,” Rachel said with a grin. “Come on, Shelly. I’ll show you the couch in the theater room. Darcy’s kids are probably asleep on the floor in sleeping bags, so don’t be alarmed if you see tiny people first thing in the morning.”
Shelly laughed. “Thanks for the heads up.” She hugged me hard. “I work tomorrow at nine, so you might still be asleep by the time I get out of here. I have to go home and shower and stuff before then. Can’t show up at the salon with mascara around my eyes and smelling like a tequila emporium.”
I laughed. “Yeah. That wouldn’t be a vote of confidence.”
“You’re okay though?” she whispered in my ear. “I mean, he treats you well? We never really did get to talk about him. Not in depth, and not in the way that we normally do.”
“He’s great.”
That was the truth.
Right now there was something between us—a cold wall—and I knew Dev was the one who’d put it there. But when Colt got home tonight, I’d claw my way through the bricks and mortar, I’d scale his fortress, I’d dig a tunnel underneath if I had to. I’d find a way back in, because we were stronger together than apart. And even if Colt couldn’t tell me everything about the Blue Angels, this thing with Dev was about me specifically and I deserved to know.
Shelly pulled back and her hands went to my shoulders. She took a moment to stare into my eyes. “The house? It’s just stuff.”
“Photographs, Grammie’s favorite tea cup, Mom’s jewelry? That’s all just stuff? There is sentiment attached to those things.”
“What did my father do when I moved out of the trailer? He set all my shit on the lawn and torched it. Things I’d bought with my own money. Tapestries that hid the dirty, water stained walls, the collage posters I spent hours making from recycled magazines I’d found outside the bowling alley.
I cried. I did. Because at that moment I only had one suitcase full of shitty old clothes that were falling apart. But I made it through, and you will too.” She squeezed my shoulders. “It’s just stuff. The fire didn’t take your memories. Okay?”
I sighed. “This is why I need you. Always.” “Soul sister.”
“Soul sister.”
With one last hug, she turned and followed Rachel down the basement steps.
Joni placed a hand on my shoulder, reminding me that she was still there and had heard my entire exchange with Shelly. “She really is amazing. It’s too bad she already has a man. She’d be a great Old Lady.”
