REAP ANDย BOXER WERE AWAKE, alert and smiley as they lounged on the couches. Gray waved to me from a recliner and then turned his attention back to the TV. A local news station was on and I could distinctly make out the Shortieโs sign in the background behind the cute reporter on screen.
โWhatโs she saying?โ I asked with a chin nod at the TV.
โSheโs talking about a spike in crime in Waco.โ Gray darted his gaze to Colt. I looked at Colt over my shoulder and his face betrayed nothing of his feelings.
โThe clubhouse is full this morning,โ I commented.
โWeโre having church in an hour,โ Colt explained. โSo everyone is coming here.โ
โI need coffee,โ I muttered, heading to the kitchen where Darcy was directing Rachel and Allison with a spatula.
โGood morning,โ Darcy chirped. โHow are you? We heard about the drive by at Shortieโs.โ
โIโm okay. It was Joni who was hurt,โ I said, going to a cabinet and grabbing a mug. I emptied the pot. โWhereโs the bag of coffee? I need to make more.โ
โIโve got it,โ Allison said.
Cream and sugar were on the counter and I doctored my coffee heavily before sitting on a stool. Colt had taken a seat with the guys near the TV
and was currently talking to Gray in a low voice.
โSheโs going to be okay,โ Darcy said. โFlesh wound, right?โ
I nodded. I needed to text Joni to see how she was doing. My phone was still in Coltโs room and just as I was about to hop off the stool to go and grab it, Joni walked into the clubhouse with Zip behind her.
Her sorrel hair was pulled into a low side ponytail and she was wearing black yoga pants, flip-flops, and a pink tank top that revealed her bandaged arm.
I jumped off my stool and went to her immediately and gently embraced her. โHow are you feeling?โ
โDopey,โ she said with a smile. Her blue eyes looked a little glassy, but she wasnโt swaying. โI took some painkillers before we came over.โ
Zip came to stand by her and I noticed he was carrying a duffel bag. I pointed to it. โWhatโs that?โ
โJoniโs shit,โ he said. โSheโll be staying in a spare room at the clubhouse for a few days.โ
โWhy?โ I asked in confusion.
โColt will explain,โ Zip said. He looked at Joni for a long moment and then took her bag out of the room and headed for the stairs.
โWhat was that?โ I whispered.
โNothing.โ She grabbed my coffee and took a sip. Nodding, she added, โJust the way I like it.โ
I took her hand and led her to the kitchen counter. โSit,โ I commanded, gesturing to one of the stools.
Joni plopped her butt down and then Darcy set a plate of food in front of her. โEat every bite,โ she commanded.
โDo I need to feed you?โ Rachel asked. โI will, you know. Iโll even play the airplane game to make it more fun if thatโs what you need me to do.โ
โWhy are you guys treating me like an invalid?โ she demanded. โIโm a nurse. I know how minor this is.โ
As if to prove her point, she picked up her fork with her dominant hand, which was also the arm that was bandaged, and scooped up a bite of scrambled eggs.
She ate a few bites and then set her fork down. โSee? Iโm fine.โ
Zip came back down the stairs and walked over to stand behind Joni. โYour stuff is in last room on the right. Third floor.โ
โThanks,โ she said.
He stared at her for one long moment and then nodded before joining the guys.
โDear Lord,โ Allison muttered.
โRight? Is it too early for cocktail hour? I need to know everything that look just meant,โ Darcy said.
โNothing. It meant nothing,โ Joni said before going back to eating her food.
I leaned closer to peer at her and said aloud so the girls could hear, โHer cheeks arenโt even red. Sheโs literally gotย noย tells. Forget cocktail hour. Letโs drive to Vegas and make Joni play poker.โ
โI donโt know how to play poker,โ Joni said. โIโll teach you.โ
โI donโt know how to play either,โ Rachel said with a pout.
โGirlsโ poker night,โ I said. โOur next hang out. Iโm gonna turn you guys into hustlers.โ
โYou mean you know how to cheat?โ Darcy asked in amusement. โDamn right I know how to cheat,โ I said with a laugh.
โIโm so in,โ Allison said with a grin.
Acid and Cheese came in the back, sweaty and out of breath. โWhat happened to you guys?โ Rachel asked.
โThe kids,โ Acid wheezed. โThey have no chill.โ
โKids?โ I asked and then looked at Darcy. โYour kids?โ
She nodded. โCam and Lily are in the backyard. Along with Silasโ Cheeseโs brother.โ
The two young bikers grabbed some bottles of water from the refrigerator and then Colt yelled, โChurch!โ
All the Blue Angels trailed after their president and they disappeared down the hallway. A moment later, the back door opened and then shut.
โAnd then the women folk were stuck in the kitchen,โ Rachel muttered, causing Darcy to laugh. โI canโt believe three kids tuckered out two huge bikers.โ
โChildren have a special type of energy,โ Darcy explained. โItโs endless.
And forget giving them sugar. Thatโs the kiss of death for parents.โ
โReap is dying for a baby,โ Rachel said. โI have no idea why, considering heโs never spent more than two seconds in the same room with one.โ
โI think it has to do with wanting a kid withย you,โ Allison pointed out.
Her face went pink and she bit her lip like she was hiding something. โOh my God,โ I said, staring at her. โYouโre totally pregnant.โ
The girls looked at her in different phases of shock and disbelief. โNo,โ Darcy said. โReally?โ
Allison nodded, happiness shining from her eyes. โI told Torque last night and he was really excited.โ
Iโd never officially met Torque. He was once a nomad, meaning he called himself a Blue Angel, but he hadnโt belonged to a specific chapter. When heโd met Allison in Waco, heโd settled down, but he still had the urge to wander. He was constantly on the road, traveling.
I hadnโt even seen him in the clubhouse this morning. No doubt heโd been waiting out back when Colt called for church.
โAre the boys really gone?โ Darcy asked.
I hopped off my stool and went to the hallway and listened for a moment. There was no sound of voices or footsteps.
โTheyโre gone,โ I said. โWhy?โ
Darcy grinned and then she went to one of the cabinets and moved aside boxes of pasta and corn muffin mix to pull out a bottle of Kahlua.
โSeriously?โ Joni asked with a laugh.
โSeriously,โ Darcy said. โI think we need it. After the night you and Mia had, and now to celebrate Allisonโs good news.โ
Darcy filled our coffee cups, skipped Allison, and then raised her mug. โTo the Blue Angels women,โ Darcy said.
My throat tightened.
I was one of them now.
I wasnโt sure what it all entailed, but I knew that even with the danger, it was worth it because of the protective fold Iโd been brought into.
โTo the next generation,โ I said with a grin at Allison as she beamed with joy.
โWhoโs next, do you think?โ Darcy asked after taking a sip from her mug, her eyes skimming over us.
โDonโt look at me,โ Rachel said. โI could go a few more years without a baby. No offense.โ
Allison shrugged. โNone taken.โ
โIโm not even dating a Blue Angel,โ Joni said. โAh, shit.โ โWhat?โ I asked. โIs it your arm? Does it hurt?โ
She shook her head. โIโm supposed to go on that date with the doctor I work with. How the hell am I supposed to explain this?โ She pointed to her bandage.
โTell him youโre a klutz,โ Rachel suggested.
โAnd that you were holding a vase of flowers, tripped over your own two feet, and the vase went flying and you went down and cut yourself on the broken glass,โ Darcy said.
โYou came up with that story really fast,โ I remarked with a laugh. โItโs a good story,โ Darcy said.
โNot if youโre a nurse and you hold peopleโs lives in your hands,โ Joni stated. โIf I tell that story, he wonโt think Iโm a klutz, heโll think Iโm an idiot who canโt be trusted. He likes me because Iโm competent, not some goof.โ
Rachel frowned. โIโm pretty sure he likes you because youโve got a great rack.โ
โIโve got a great rack?โ Joni asked with a smile, puffing out her chest. โDynamite,โ Rachel said. โIโd kill for your rack.โ
โYou guys are kind of amazing, you know that, right?โ I smiled. Their banter reminded me a lot of Shelly. I thought about how much sheโd like these women and I couldnโt wait to introduce her to them. Sheโd quickly get over her biker aversion when she saw how they all treated me.
Like it didnโt matter that I was in a world of shit, or that I brought it to their front door or that Joni had gotten injured because sheโd been with me at Shortieโs.
โWhatโs wrong?โ Joni asked quietly. The other three women were smiling and talking and hadnโt noticed Iโd fallen into a somber state.
โJust thinking.โ I shook off my mood. โIโm glad youโre okay.โ โStop it.โ
โStop what?โ
โStop feeling guilty,โ she said. โItโs not necessary. Iโm okay, Mia.โ She squeezed my hand to take the sting out of her reprimand.
I heard the slam of the back door and then voices. The kitchen was suddenly overrun by Darcyโs two children and Cheeseโs brother, Silas. He was a skinny kid with skinned knees, but his smile was big and goofy. His ears stuck out just a bit, but I knew in a few years, after braces and a growth spurt, heโd be a good-looking teenager. With a biker as an older brother, I was sure heโd learn how to swagger and break a few hearts.
โMom, Iโm hungry!โ Cam said.
โMe too!โ Lily yelled. โHi, Mia!โ
I smiled at the adorable girl. โHey, Lil.โ
The kitchen was suddenly filled with peopleโchurch had ended and the bikers were now back, grabbing plates of food and sitting at any available spot.
Colt came up behind me, reached over my shoulder and took a half- eaten piece of bacon off my plate, and popped it into his mouth.
โHey,โ I said. โI was going to eat that.โ
He grinned after he swallowed. โNo you werenโt.โ โYeah, I wasnโt,โ I admitted with a laugh.
Joni climbed off her stool and waved Colt to it. โThose pain killers are throwing me for a loop. I think Iโll go lie down.โ
Colt took her seat but not before whispering something in her ear. She nodded and then headed upstairs.
โYou ready to go?โ he asked me.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Zip set his plate of food on the coffee table and stand up. He made his way upstairs, so discreetly that even Colt didnโt notice what was going on beneath his nose.
โMia?โ Colt pressed.
โSorry. Yeah, Iโm ready.โ I looked at him in confusion. โWhere are we going?โ
โHome so we can grab your clothes and whatever else you need. Weโre staying in the clubhouse for the next few days.โ
My gaze narrowed. โNext few days, huh? So thatโs Colt-speak for โuntil the threat has passedโ.โ
He smirked. โYou already speak my language. You must be some kind of savant.โ
I rolled my eyes and pressed my hand to his chest, forgetting about his tattoo. He winced and I immediately pulled away. โIโm sorry.โ
โItโs fine.โ
โWait a minute, you two,โ Darcy said. โHush, everyone!โ The room quieted and all eyes looked to Grayโs wife. โWeโve got a situation here that no one has addressed.โ
I shrank back into the wall of Coltโs chest, afraid that Darcy was going to call out Joniโs injury and what had had happened last night. She surprised me when she announced, โMia and Colt got tattoos. We need to celebrate that!โ
There was a resounding cheer that was deafening and made my eardrums vibrate.
โTonight we rage!โ Boxer yelled.
I looked at Colt and whispered, โIs this a good idea?โ
โIs what a good idea?โ Colt looked down at me, the smile lines at his eyes crinkling. โLiving life?โ
โBut what about all the other stuff?โ
โItโll still be there tomorrow,โ he said. He wrapped his hand around my waist and pulled me to him. โYou never know how long youโve got, Mia.โ His eyes darkened and his mouth clamped shut even though he looked like he wanted to say more.
Heโd lost his parents young. Iโd lost my family too. By all accounts, Colt and I finding each other, finding some measure of happiness in a chaotic world, was a miracle.
โOkay,โ I said with a slight smile. โLetโs celebrate. One condition, though.โ
โName it.โ
โI want Shelly and Mark to come.โ โMiaโฆโ
โShe was there for me, Colt. When Grammie died. She was there for me when no one else in the whole world was. She has to be here to celebrate this new life with me. Celebrateย us. I know it will be weird, and she has
thoughts about you and the entire MC thing. She wonโt get to know you in a night, but itโs a start. Please?โ
Finally, he nodded. โBoxer is right, though. Tonight we rage. You think she can handle that?โ
I grinned. โGuess weโre going to find out.โ
We headed home, leaving the party planning in Darcy and Rachelโs capable hands. While Colt showered, I packed a bag full of clothes. I went into the bathroom to gather some of my toiletries, but lost all sense of concentration when Colt stepped out of the shower, naked and wet.
Utterly gorgeous.
He reached for a towel and quickly ran it across his head and then swaddled it around his body. He grabbed his toothbrush and slathered toothpaste across the bristles.
โWhat did you do with Richieโs corpse?โ I asked.
Colt looked at me. โDo you really think Iโm going to answer that?โ I sighed. โYouโre not going to tell me.โ
โDo you even really want to know?โ โI guess not.โ
โAs far as anyone is concerned, Richie is still missing. Iโll leave it at that. Okay?โ
โOkay.โ I blew out a breath of air. โDoes it bother you when I ask questions?โ
He rinsed out his mouth. โNo. Does it bother you that I handle shit and might not always be able to tell you what goes down?โ
โI thought it might. I donโt know. Maybe it will at some point in the future. But not now.โ
โSpeaking of future,โ he began.
โWe were speaking of the future?โ He shot me a look. โWe are now.โ
โOkay, Iโm listening.โ I followed him out of the bathroom, carting my toiletries and setting them down on the bed.
Colt flung off his towel and strode nude to his dresser. โDo you want kids?โ
โWhat?โ I asked, startled. โKids?โ โYeah. You know. Children.โ
โYes, Iโm aware of what a child is, Colt,โ I snipped.
โDo you want one? Or more than one?โ He pulled on his boxers but kept his gaze trained on me.
โI donโt know if I want them,โ I admitted.
He stared at me for a long moment and then asked, โDid you want kids before you got tied up with me and the Blue Angels?โ
I swallowed but didnโt answer.
โIf you want kids, weโll have kids. If you donโt want themโฆthen we can fuck on the kitchen floor whenever we want and not have to worry about scarring a kid for life.โ
A bubble of laughter escaped my lips. โThatโs your vision? Weโre on the kitchen floor and our kid comes in?โ
โWell,โ he grinned wickedly, โthe real vision is you on top of me whileย Iโmย on the kitchen floor and youโre screaming my name. Never really factored a kid walking in on that, though knowing us, it would be bound to happen.โ
The carefree way he described the situation made me smile.
โTell you what,โ I said. โLetโs get through all this crap with the Iron Horsemen and we can reevaluate the kid thing.โ
โSo youโre not saying no,โ he said. โJust so weโre clear.โ
โNot no,โ I agreed. I cocked my head to the side. โBut I think you want kids. Donโt you? Youโre just trying to be accommodating?โ
โYou think Iโm the accommodating sort? You clearly donโt know me well enough yet.โ
I refused to let him sidetrack the conversation. โI think you want kids,โ I said softly. โI think you want a family like the one you were raised in.โ
He stilled, the amusement fading from his features. โTruth?โ I nodded.
Colt sat on the edge of the bed in nothing but his boxers, his hands clasped in his lap as he stared at the floor, mulling over his words before speaking.
โMy parents loved us. They really did. But they loved each other more. Dad didnโt die of cancer. Not really. He let the cancer take him because it was less painful than living without my mom. He died of a broken heart, but you donโt say shit like that in our world. You know?โ
He shook his head and went on.
โJoni and Iโฆwe had each other. Still have each other. I donโt know what I wouldโve done without her. Sure, I left her like an ass and tried to figure out my own shitโliving in a world that my dad wasnโt in anymore, but I came back. And itโs been the two of us ever since.โ He looked at me and smiled. โUntil you came along, I didnโt think much about having kids. Why have kids if you donโt have the love of a good woman to raise them alongside you?
โI donโt know, darlinโ. One day weโll be old. One of us will go first. Whoever is left behindโฆwell, I like the idea of having the comfort of family when that time comes. A family you and I made together. A part of me, a part of you, will always be left in the world, even when weโre gone. And if we have more than one kid, theyโll be there for each other when weโre both gone.โ
His words wrecked me and I felt tears coat my eyelashes, but they didnโt fall. Somehow, I held it all back. Not because I was embarrassed or afraid of being vulnerable. The walls that Iโd erected around my heart after Grammie died were long gone, obliterated by Colt.
But there was something I had to say before I broke apart completely. โI watched Grammie die. Slowly, at first. She suffered for a long time, and then she was gone. Even though I was by her side, she died alone. Youโre born alone and you die alone, no matter what anyone tells you.โ I frowned. โI donโt know if what you said is a good enough reason for me, Colt. Do I hate the idea of you being old without me? Yeah, I do. But will having children really ease the burden of loss? I canโt say. I donโt know. But I think, weโre supposed to want better for our children than we had. Itโs one thing for me to choose this life. Choose you and all the shit that comes with it. Itโs quite another to have kids and bring them into a world where a skewed moral compass is the norm, with mentors and protectors that break laws and teach them itโs okay to do it. I just donโt know, Colt.โ
He was silent for a long moment, his dark eyes murky without giving away any emotion.
Was he upset about what Iโd said? He was good enough for me. But was he good enough to be the father of the children I didnโt even know I wanted?
โCall Shelly,โ he said finally. โInvite her and her fiancรฉ to our party.โ I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling cold down to my bones. โOkay.โ I bit my lip. โAre you mad at me? For what I said?โ
โNo.โ
โThen why are youโโ
โIโm mad because your words have merit.โ He got off the bed and went to the dresser to grab a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. โI just need a bit, all right?โ
Nodding, I left the bedroom, closing the door behind me. We were both strong people. Strong-willed, strong emotionally.
But were we strong enough as a couple to weather the truth?