THIRTY MINUTES AFTERย COLT LEFT, I walked out on to the porch and held out the PB&J to Cheese. โSandwich?โ
He looked up from the paper he was reading while sitting out on the screened-in porch. Smiling, he didnโt appear at all perturbed to be my babysitter. โThanks,โ he said, taking the plate from me.
I sat down in the chair next to him. โI didnโt know anyone still read an actual paper.โ
He chewed for a moment and then swallowed. โI like it. Makes me feel like Iโm still connected to something tangible. Thatโs weird, right?โ
โNo. Not at all. So how did you get suckered into watching me?โ
โI didnโt get suckered. It was an order, and Iโm glad to do it. Itโs an honor.โ
โWhy?โ
He frowned. โWhy what?โ โWhy is it an honor?โ
โBecause youโre Prezโs woman.โ
โI think youโve been misinformed. Colt and I barely know each other.
Iโm staying here until Zip can get my truck and I can get out of town.โ
โYou canโt drive a truck with your wrist the way it is.โ He nodded at my arm. โYou know that, though.โ
โYeah, I do. About that other thing you said? Iโm not Coltโs woman,โ I insisted.
He looked at me long and hard. โPrez is not a man who invites women to his home. You couldโve stayed at the clubhouse. Or with Zip.โ
โHeard about that, did you?โ I asked in amusement.
What the hell had Colt told his brothers? What was I missing? โCan I ask you a question?โ I asked, wanting to change the subject. โSure.โ
โWhat made you decide to become a Blue Angel? I mean, what was the appeal?โ
He paused for a moment and leaned over to rest his elbow on his thigh. โI didnโt have a lot growing up. Dad has chronic back pain and heโs on disability. He spends it all on booze and pills. Mom does the best she can, but she works at the Winn Dixieโa cashier. There was never enough, but we made do. Shopping at thrift stores, coupons, that sort of stuff.
โLast year, my eleven-year-old brother came home from school with a black eye. He got into a fight because some kid called him trailer trash. We grew up in a trailer, so I know what itโs like to be taunted at school, you know? Kids are mean. They hear their parents say shit. They repeat it even if they donโt know what it means.
โI asked Silas why the fight started. You know what he told me? The kids were making fun of him because his jeans were too short and they could see his socks. He didnโt tell Mom about having outgrown his pants because he knew there wasnโt money to get him new ones. Not at the rate he was growing.โ He shook his head. โAs a member of the club I can provide for my brother.โ
โYou couldโve joined a different club,โ I said, my heart breaking for the little boy that had been picked on. โWhy the Blue Angels?โ
โBecause of what they do for the community. I knew if I joined the Blue Angels, I wouldnโt be earning a living in a normal way that people
understand. Not a respectable nine to five. There are risks that come with being in the club, but whatโs life without a little risk? But this is more than that. The reward is more than just financial security. Iโve got a family now, one I wasnโt born into, one thatโs been made. And I can take care of Silas.โ
I pondered his words. โWhat about your brother? Are you going to let him grow up in this world?โ
โAs opposed toโฆโ
I blinked. โA world without bikers?โ
โSo he can learn what, exactly? Listen, itโs easy to judge what you donโt understand. Itโs easy to judge what doesnโt fit into a conventional box. But hereโs the thing. Our world isnโt normal. It isnโt widely accepted. And thatโs okay. You just have to live your life and follow your gut.โ
โHow old are you, Cheese?โ I asked. โTwenty six.โ
โHowโd you get to be so wise?โ
He smiled and looked down, appearing bashful. โLifeโs too short, Mia, to live it for anyone else. Just remember that.โ
Nodding, I got up from the chair to head back inside. โYou can come in, you know. Hang out, watch TV.โ
โThanks.โ He smiled, looking too boyish to be a biker. โBut Iโve got my orders to stay outside.โ
โWell, Iโll leave you to it, then.โ
I had plans to leave him alone, but I wanted to take a shower before Joni showed up. And to do that, I needed someone to Saran wrap my cast. That had been Coltโs job. A sudden stab of loneliness at his absence caught me by surprise.
With a sigh, I went into the kitchen and grabbed the supplies before heading back out onto the porch. โWill you help me?โ I asked Cheese.
โSure.โ
While he wrapped my cast I asked, โSo, how did you get the nickname Cheese?โ
โItโs not a nickname,โ he corrected. โItโs a road name.โ โRight. How did you get the road name Cheese?โ
โOn the night of my initiation, the boys dared me to eat an entire block of cheddar cheese.โ
โThatโs a weird form of hazing.โ โIt was all in good fun.โ
โDid you do it?โ I asked in amusement.
โHell yeah, I did it.โ He grinned. โThe fuckers made fun of me all the next day because I didnโt leave the bathroom.โ
โCharming,โ I said with a snort.
Placing a final rubber band around my cast he said, โThere ya go.โ โThanks. Whatโs your real name?โ
โChester,โ he said, his tone serious.
Well, at least I understood why he went by Cheese.
I headed back inside and took a fast shower. I was just pulling on a pair of new jeans and a red T-shirt when Joni arrived. With a smile, I offered her a cup of coffee, which she accepted.
โYou didnโt have to come over and entertain me,โ I said, placing the half-and-half in front of her.
โI know,โ she said. โThough I have to say itโs not completely altruistic.โ โYou want to grill me, donโt you?โ
โYep.โ
โSisterโs prerogative, I guess,โ I said with a smile.
โDefinitely.โ She tapped the rim of her coffee mug. โIโm just going to get down to it. Okay?โ
I nodded.
โI think Colt wants to keep you.โ โWhatโs that now?โ
โKeep you. Like, for good.โ
โYou canโt keep a person. Iโm not a sheep in a petting zoo. You donโt justโwhat are you even saying right now?โ
She took a sip of her coffee. โLet me give you a little insight to Colt, okay?โ
I nodded, my heart pounding in my ears.
โHe hasnโt been the same since our dad died. And that was nineteen years ago.โ
โHe told me,โ I said slowly. โAbout your dadโs death.โ
โDid he.โ It sounded like a statement and not a question. โWell, that only confirms my suspicions. You got through his wall. Somehow, you did. In a short time, too. Iโve already seen him smile more, laugh more in two days than he has in years. And I know thatโs because ofย you.โ
Her words made me uncomfortable.
โIโve never seen him behave this way around a woman.โ
โAm I supposed to be flattered by that?โ I asked, trying to stem the flow of panic.
โYeah, you should be flattered. Because Colt has the biggest heart in the world, but heโs kept himself shut away.โ
โItโs only been a few days, Joni. You know that, right? I donโt think you can assume Iโm responsible for Coltโs change.โ
โHe told you about our dadโs death. Did he tell you about our parents?
And how they met?โ I nodded.
โMy dad knew my mother was the one the moment he laid eyes on her. And she had no qualms getting on the back of his bike and riding off into the sunset with him. Westons justย know.โ
โWeston,โ I repeated. โThatโs your family name?โ โYes.โ
โWhatโs Coltโs real name?โ
โJames.โ
James.
โWhat about you?โ I asked. โWhat about me what?โ
I smiled. โWho do you want to keep?โ She sighed. โZip.โ
โNo.โ
โYeah.โ
โOh man. It all makes sense now. When I said he offered to let me stay in his home, you went allโฆโ
โYeah, I went allโฆโ She shook her head. โI knew he was doing it to get Coltโs goat and to make Colt stand up and say he wanted you to stay with him, but it still hit me hard.โ
โWhy is there no you and Zip?โ
โBecause he sees me as Coltโs younger sister.โ โYouย areย Coltโs younger sister.โ
She shook her head. โYou donโt mess around with a club memberโs family. Like, you donโt fuck their sisters or cousins or anything. Plus, Zipโs kind of a whore.โ
โExcuse me?โ
โA man whore. A big, fat, man whore. No, not a big fat one. A big, hot, tatted one.โ
โSo he sleeps around,โ I stated.
โYup. It should totally be a turn off. I know that. But damn. Heโs so fucking hot and I want to keep him and make cute little biker babies. But he avoids me and I avoid him and we both pretend we donโt want to rip each otherโs clothes off.โ
I laughed. โPlus, babies. What man isnโt terrified of a woman hungry for seed?โ
โDo you really have to put it that way? You make me sound like a desperate woman.โ
โSorry.โ I grinned. โWhat about you?โ โWhat about me?โ
โDo you want to make cute little biker babies with my brother?โ
If Iโd been drinking something I wouldโve spit it out all over her. โYouโre insane. I barely know him.โ
โUh huh.โ
โIโm leaving town.โ
โOkay,โ she said like she didnโt believe me. โI am.โ
She snorted into her coffee.
โYouโre cute,โ she repeated, โbut so oblivious.โ
There had been no word from Colt all afternoon. Not that I expected any word from him.
Okay, that was a lie.
I had hoped he would want to check in with me, see how my afternoon with Joni was going or ask if I was taking good care of Cheese.
Joni cooked dinner and refused my help. She left early because she had a morning shift at the hospital. I waved goodbye from the porch and then turned to go back inside. Cheese was in the same spot. He hadnโt moved in hours except for one quick bathroom break.
โThanks, Cheese,โ I said. โFor what?โ
โFor keeping watch. Sorry itโs so boring.โ
He flashed me a cute grin. โIโm glad itโs boring. It means youโre safe.โ โDo you guys really expect trouble?โ
โGotta be prepared for anything. The Iron Horsemenโฆโ
โWhat?โ I demanded.
He scratched his jaw with his thumb. โI shouldnโt say anything.โ
I held my tongue but kept my eyes on him. Cheese caved. โRawlins scares the shit out of most grown men. And the ones who arenโt scared of him are just too stupid to know they should be. Itโs good youโre here and we can look out for you.โ
A pang of emotion hit my throat. โThanks.โ
I went back inside and settled onto the couch, the cell phone Colt had given me by my side. I kept glancing at it, willing it to buzz. Turning on the TV, I listened to some asinine show playing in the background as I picked up the cell. Debating all of five seconds, I scrolled through the three numbers in the phone and shot off a text to Colt.
Hey.
As soon as I sent it, I wanted to take it back.
โDarlinโ,โ a low voice whispered. โMia, wake up.โ
โNo,โ I murmured, trying to sink deeper into the couch cushions.
There was a sigh and then I felt arms moving underneath me. I was being lifted and carried, my face pressed against a warm chest and soft cotton. I snuggled into the embrace.
โAh, fuck.โ
โStop saying that,โ I said, refusing to open my eyes. I pretended it was a dream; in my dream, I could be vulnerable.
When I was awake Iโd have to ignore this thing between us.
He set me down on the bed in the guest room and settled the comforter over me. I heard the faint sound of rain against the window.
โStay,โ I whispered when I felt Colt begin to move away. โMia,โ he said, his voice dark, pleading.
โPlease,โ I begged. I wiggled over to give him room. I heard the unbuckling of a belt and then the sound of jeans hitting the floor, and
something heavy being set down on the nightstand. Colt climbed into bed next to me and pulled me into the wall of his chest. His body curled around mine as his lips brushed my ear.
I let out a sigh. โIโm not catching feelings.โ
There was a soft rumble against my back as Coltโs hand wormed its way under my shirt and rested on my stomach. โGo to sleep, sweetheart.โ
The next morning I woke up alone and confused; there was no evidence of Colt having slept in bed next to me. I bit my lip when I thought of him pressed against me from behind. Iโd never felt safer.
After I got dressed in a pair of cut off shorts and a T-shirt, I headed downstairs, both dreading and hoping to see Colt. He was in the kitchen, dressed for the day and drinking a cup of coffee.
His eyes roved over me, lingering on my legs. โMorninโ,โ he drawled.
โMorning,โ I replied, heading to the coffeemaker and pouring myself a cup.
โYouโre a veryโฆactive sleeper.โ
His sensuous tone had my hand shaking, and I spilled the coffee I was pouring. I set the coffee pot back in its place and then grabbed the dishtowel hanging off the fridge to mop up the mess.
I looked at him over my shoulder. โWhat does that mean?โ
Coltโs smile was slow. Hot. A rush of embarrassed desire flamed my cheeks, but I held his gaze. He didnโt lose his smile. I wanted to wipe it off his face. I dropped the dishrag and walked over to him. Just when I thought I was in control, Colt reached out to grasp my hips, hauling me toward him. He settled me onto his lap and then his hand was holding the back of my neck. His brown eyes looked liquid.
โJoni gave me some interesting insight about you,โ I said. โOh yeah?โ
I nodded. โShe said something about you wanting to keep me.โ โWhat if I do?โ
โWhat changed?โ
โYou get one life. One life to be free, to choose how you live. You want to leave town? Iโll make sure you can do thatโand not have Dev on your ass. No use leaving town if you have to keep looking over your shoulder and feel like youโre on the run. But Iโve also been doing some thinking,โ he admitted. โEver since I walked into Dive Bar and kissed you. It was like Iโd been surviving this whole time, but not really living.โ He stared at me with deep brown eyes. โYou get what I mean, yeah?โ
I nodded. I knew what it was like to float from one moment to the next.
Not really sad, but not happy either. Justโฆthere.
โEach day weโre one step closer to the end. Donโt want to die and wish Iโd really lived.โ
I was drugged by his words. A spectator weighing in might think we didnโt know each other at all, that because of circumstances, Iโd turned to him in an hour of need. But maybe Colt needed me too. Maybe we needed each other and it didnโt matter what it looked like on the outside.
We were close enough that I could smell the coffee and mint toothpaste on his breath. My tongue darted out to touch my lips and I swore his eyes darkened.
I went in for the kill. Our mouths met in ferocious hunger and our tongues fought each other for dominance. Coltโs hand on the back of my neck tightened and I leaned into him, ready for more, ready for it on the kitchen table.
A phone rang. Coltโs lips tore from mine, his face wreathed in annoyance at our thwarted lust.
โFuck, why does this always happen?โ He shifted me on his lap so he could get to the cell in his pocket and answered it. โYeah?โ
When I made a move to get up, he stopped me.
โYeah, okay. Be right there.โ He hung up and set his phone on the kitchen table. โI gotta go.โ
โOkay.โ
We stared at each other and then our lips were meshing. โI really have to go,โ Colt growled against my mouth even as he kissed me again.
โI heard you,โ I answered, tugging at his shirt, wanting to get to the skin beneath.
He pulled back and grasped my hands to still their wandering. โNot like this.โ
โNot like what?โ I demanded. โEvery time I decide I want to have sex with you, we get interrupted.โ
He didnโt smile from my jest. โIf all I wanted was sex, it wouldโve happened by now.โ
โWell, thatโs a bit arrogant, donโt you think?โ
Coltโs gaze dropped to my traitorous nipples, but said nothing. I rolled my eyes. โFine.โ
โI want you, but not like this. Not when youโre still confused.โ โConfused about what exactly?โ
โConfused about what it means when I take you to my bed. Itโs gonna mean something, babe. And Iโm not sure youโre ready for all that.โ
โWhat if Iโm never ready?โ I ventured to ask. Coltโs intensity scared me, but I valued his honesty.
โThen you were never meant to be my woman.โ
With that pronouncement, Colt stalked from the kitchen, leaving me with a lukewarm cup of coffee.