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Chapter no 8

Wreck & Ruin

THIRTY MINUTES AFTERย COLT LEFT, I walked out on to the porch and held out the PB&J to Cheese. โ€œSandwich?โ€

He looked up from the paper he was reading while sitting out on the screened-in porch. Smiling, he didnโ€™t appear at all perturbed to be my babysitter. โ€œThanks,โ€ he said, taking the plate from me.

I sat down in the chair next to him. โ€œI didnโ€™t know anyone still read an actual paper.โ€

He chewed for a moment and then swallowed. โ€œI like it. Makes me feel like Iโ€™m still connected to something tangible. Thatโ€™s weird, right?โ€

โ€œNo. Not at all. So how did you get suckered into watching me?โ€

โ€œI didnโ€™t get suckered. It was an order, and Iโ€™m glad to do it. Itโ€™s an honor.โ€

โ€œWhy?โ€

He frowned. โ€œWhy what?โ€ โ€œWhy is it an honor?โ€

โ€œBecause youโ€™re Prezโ€™s woman.โ€

โ€œI think youโ€™ve been misinformed. Colt and I barely know each other.

Iโ€™m staying here until Zip can get my truck and I can get out of town.โ€

โ€œYou canโ€™t drive a truck with your wrist the way it is.โ€ He nodded at my arm. โ€œYou know that, though.โ€

โ€œYeah, I do. About that other thing you said? Iโ€™m not Coltโ€™s woman,โ€ I insisted.

He looked at me long and hard. โ€œPrez is not a man who invites women to his home. You couldโ€™ve stayed at the clubhouse. Or with Zip.โ€

โ€œHeard about that, did you?โ€ I asked in amusement.

What the hell had Colt told his brothers? What was I missing? โ€œCan I ask you a question?โ€ I asked, wanting to change the subject. โ€œSure.โ€

โ€œWhat made you decide to become a Blue Angel? I mean, what was the appeal?โ€

He paused for a moment and leaned over to rest his elbow on his thigh. โ€œI didnโ€™t have a lot growing up. Dad has chronic back pain and heโ€™s on disability. He spends it all on booze and pills. Mom does the best she can, but she works at the Winn Dixieโ€”a cashier. There was never enough, but we made do. Shopping at thrift stores, coupons, that sort of stuff.

โ€œLast year, my eleven-year-old brother came home from school with a black eye. He got into a fight because some kid called him trailer trash. We grew up in a trailer, so I know what itโ€™s like to be taunted at school, you know? Kids are mean. They hear their parents say shit. They repeat it even if they donโ€™t know what it means.

โ€œI asked Silas why the fight started. You know what he told me? The kids were making fun of him because his jeans were too short and they could see his socks. He didnโ€™t tell Mom about having outgrown his pants because he knew there wasnโ€™t money to get him new ones. Not at the rate he was growing.โ€ He shook his head. โ€œAs a member of the club I can provide for my brother.โ€

โ€œYou couldโ€™ve joined a different club,โ€ I said, my heart breaking for the little boy that had been picked on. โ€œWhy the Blue Angels?โ€

โ€œBecause of what they do for the community. I knew if I joined the Blue Angels, I wouldnโ€™t be earning a living in a normal way that people

understand. Not a respectable nine to five. There are risks that come with being in the club, but whatโ€™s life without a little risk? But this is more than that. The reward is more than just financial security. Iโ€™ve got a family now, one I wasnโ€™t born into, one thatโ€™s been made. And I can take care of Silas.โ€

I pondered his words. โ€œWhat about your brother? Are you going to let him grow up in this world?โ€

โ€œAs opposed toโ€ฆโ€

I blinked. โ€œA world without bikers?โ€

โ€œSo he can learn what, exactly? Listen, itโ€™s easy to judge what you donโ€™t understand. Itโ€™s easy to judge what doesnโ€™t fit into a conventional box. But hereโ€™s the thing. Our world isnโ€™t normal. It isnโ€™t widely accepted. And thatโ€™s okay. You just have to live your life and follow your gut.โ€

โ€œHow old are you, Cheese?โ€ I asked. โ€œTwenty six.โ€

โ€œHowโ€™d you get to be so wise?โ€

He smiled and looked down, appearing bashful. โ€œLifeโ€™s too short, Mia, to live it for anyone else. Just remember that.โ€

Nodding, I got up from the chair to head back inside. โ€œYou can come in, you know. Hang out, watch TV.โ€

โ€œThanks.โ€ He smiled, looking too boyish to be a biker. โ€œBut Iโ€™ve got my orders to stay outside.โ€

โ€œWell, Iโ€™ll leave you to it, then.โ€

I had plans to leave him alone, but I wanted to take a shower before Joni showed up. And to do that, I needed someone to Saran wrap my cast. That had been Coltโ€™s job. A sudden stab of loneliness at his absence caught me by surprise.

With a sigh, I went into the kitchen and grabbed the supplies before heading back out onto the porch. โ€œWill you help me?โ€ I asked Cheese.

โ€œSure.โ€

While he wrapped my cast I asked, โ€œSo, how did you get the nickname Cheese?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s not a nickname,โ€ he corrected. โ€œItโ€™s a road name.โ€ โ€œRight. How did you get the road name Cheese?โ€

โ€œOn the night of my initiation, the boys dared me to eat an entire block of cheddar cheese.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s a weird form of hazing.โ€ โ€œIt was all in good fun.โ€

โ€œDid you do it?โ€ I asked in amusement.

โ€œHell yeah, I did it.โ€ He grinned. โ€œThe fuckers made fun of me all the next day because I didnโ€™t leave the bathroom.โ€

โ€œCharming,โ€ I said with a snort.

Placing a final rubber band around my cast he said, โ€œThere ya go.โ€ โ€œThanks. Whatโ€™s your real name?โ€

โ€œChester,โ€ he said, his tone serious.

Well, at least I understood why he went by Cheese.

I headed back inside and took a fast shower. I was just pulling on a pair of new jeans and a red T-shirt when Joni arrived. With a smile, I offered her a cup of coffee, which she accepted.

โ€œYou didnโ€™t have to come over and entertain me,โ€ I said, placing the half-and-half in front of her.

โ€œI know,โ€ she said. โ€œThough I have to say itโ€™s not completely altruistic.โ€ โ€œYou want to grill me, donโ€™t you?โ€

โ€œYep.โ€

โ€œSisterโ€™s prerogative, I guess,โ€ I said with a smile.

โ€œDefinitely.โ€ She tapped the rim of her coffee mug. โ€œIโ€™m just going to get down to it. Okay?โ€

I nodded.

โ€œI think Colt wants to keep you.โ€ โ€œWhatโ€™s that now?โ€

โ€œKeep you. Like, for good.โ€

โ€œYou canโ€™t keep a person. Iโ€™m not a sheep in a petting zoo. You donโ€™t justโ€”what are you even saying right now?โ€

She took a sip of her coffee. โ€œLet me give you a little insight to Colt, okay?โ€

I nodded, my heart pounding in my ears.

โ€œHe hasnโ€™t been the same since our dad died. And that was nineteen years ago.โ€

โ€œHe told me,โ€ I said slowly. โ€œAbout your dadโ€™s death.โ€

โ€œDid he.โ€ It sounded like a statement and not a question. โ€œWell, that only confirms my suspicions. You got through his wall. Somehow, you did. In a short time, too. Iโ€™ve already seen him smile more, laugh more in two days than he has in years. And I know thatโ€™s because ofย you.โ€

Her words made me uncomfortable.

โ€œIโ€™ve never seen him behave this way around a woman.โ€

โ€œAm I supposed to be flattered by that?โ€ I asked, trying to stem the flow of panic.

โ€œYeah, you should be flattered. Because Colt has the biggest heart in the world, but heโ€™s kept himself shut away.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s only been a few days, Joni. You know that, right? I donโ€™t think you can assume Iโ€™m responsible for Coltโ€™s change.โ€

โ€œHe told you about our dadโ€™s death. Did he tell you about our parents?

And how they met?โ€ I nodded.

โ€œMy dad knew my mother was the one the moment he laid eyes on her. And she had no qualms getting on the back of his bike and riding off into the sunset with him. Westons justย know.โ€

โ€œWeston,โ€ I repeated. โ€œThatโ€™s your family name?โ€ โ€œYes.โ€

โ€œWhatโ€™s Coltโ€™s real name?โ€

โ€œJames.โ€

James.

โ€œWhat about you?โ€ I asked. โ€œWhat about me what?โ€

I smiled. โ€œWho do you want to keep?โ€ She sighed. โ€œZip.โ€

โ€œNo.โ€

โ€œYeah.โ€

โ€œOh man. It all makes sense now. When I said he offered to let me stay in his home, you went allโ€ฆโ€

โ€œYeah, I went allโ€ฆโ€ She shook her head. โ€œI knew he was doing it to get Coltโ€™s goat and to make Colt stand up and say he wanted you to stay with him, but it still hit me hard.โ€

โ€œWhy is there no you and Zip?โ€

โ€œBecause he sees me as Coltโ€™s younger sister.โ€ โ€œYouย areย Coltโ€™s younger sister.โ€

She shook her head. โ€œYou donโ€™t mess around with a club memberโ€™s family. Like, you donโ€™t fuck their sisters or cousins or anything. Plus, Zipโ€™s kind of a whore.โ€

โ€œExcuse me?โ€

โ€œA man whore. A big, fat, man whore. No, not a big fat one. A big, hot, tatted one.โ€

โ€œSo he sleeps around,โ€ I stated.

โ€œYup. It should totally be a turn off. I know that. But damn. Heโ€™s so fucking hot and I want to keep him and make cute little biker babies. But he avoids me and I avoid him and we both pretend we donโ€™t want to rip each otherโ€™s clothes off.โ€

I laughed. โ€œPlus, babies. What man isnโ€™t terrified of a woman hungry for seed?โ€

โ€œDo you really have to put it that way? You make me sound like a desperate woman.โ€

โ€œSorry.โ€ I grinned. โ€œWhat about you?โ€ โ€œWhat about me?โ€

โ€œDo you want to make cute little biker babies with my brother?โ€

If Iโ€™d been drinking something I wouldโ€™ve spit it out all over her. โ€œYouโ€™re insane. I barely know him.โ€

โ€œUh huh.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m leaving town.โ€

โ€œOkay,โ€ she said like she didnโ€™t believe me. โ€œI am.โ€

She snorted into her coffee.

โ€œYouโ€™re cute,โ€ she repeated, โ€œbut so oblivious.โ€

 

 

There had been no word from Colt all afternoon. Not that I expected any word from him.

Okay, that was a lie.

I had hoped he would want to check in with me, see how my afternoon with Joni was going or ask if I was taking good care of Cheese.

Joni cooked dinner and refused my help. She left early because she had a morning shift at the hospital. I waved goodbye from the porch and then turned to go back inside. Cheese was in the same spot. He hadnโ€™t moved in hours except for one quick bathroom break.

โ€œThanks, Cheese,โ€ I said. โ€œFor what?โ€

โ€œFor keeping watch. Sorry itโ€™s so boring.โ€

He flashed me a cute grin. โ€œIโ€™m glad itโ€™s boring. It means youโ€™re safe.โ€ โ€œDo you guys really expect trouble?โ€

โ€œGotta be prepared for anything. The Iron Horsemenโ€ฆโ€

โ€œWhat?โ€ I demanded.

He scratched his jaw with his thumb. โ€œI shouldnโ€™t say anything.โ€

I held my tongue but kept my eyes on him. Cheese caved. โ€œRawlins scares the shit out of most grown men. And the ones who arenโ€™t scared of him are just too stupid to know they should be. Itโ€™s good youโ€™re here and we can look out for you.โ€

A pang of emotion hit my throat. โ€œThanks.โ€

I went back inside and settled onto the couch, the cell phone Colt had given me by my side. I kept glancing at it, willing it to buzz. Turning on the TV, I listened to some asinine show playing in the background as I picked up the cell. Debating all of five seconds, I scrolled through the three numbers in the phone and shot off a text to Colt.

Hey.

As soon as I sent it, I wanted to take it back.

 

 

โ€œDarlinโ€™,โ€ a low voice whispered. โ€œMia, wake up.โ€

โ€œNo,โ€ I murmured, trying to sink deeper into the couch cushions.

There was a sigh and then I felt arms moving underneath me. I was being lifted and carried, my face pressed against a warm chest and soft cotton. I snuggled into the embrace.

โ€œAh, fuck.โ€

โ€œStop saying that,โ€ I said, refusing to open my eyes. I pretended it was a dream; in my dream, I could be vulnerable.

When I was awake Iโ€™d have to ignore this thing between us.

He set me down on the bed in the guest room and settled the comforter over me. I heard the faint sound of rain against the window.

โ€œStay,โ€ I whispered when I felt Colt begin to move away. โ€œMia,โ€ he said, his voice dark, pleading.

โ€œPlease,โ€ I begged. I wiggled over to give him room. I heard the unbuckling of a belt and then the sound of jeans hitting the floor, and

something heavy being set down on the nightstand. Colt climbed into bed next to me and pulled me into the wall of his chest. His body curled around mine as his lips brushed my ear.

I let out a sigh. โ€œIโ€™m not catching feelings.โ€

There was a soft rumble against my back as Coltโ€™s hand wormed its way under my shirt and rested on my stomach. โ€œGo to sleep, sweetheart.โ€

The next morning I woke up alone and confused; there was no evidence of Colt having slept in bed next to me. I bit my lip when I thought of him pressed against me from behind. Iโ€™d never felt safer.

After I got dressed in a pair of cut off shorts and a T-shirt, I headed downstairs, both dreading and hoping to see Colt. He was in the kitchen, dressed for the day and drinking a cup of coffee.

His eyes roved over me, lingering on my legs. โ€œMorninโ€™,โ€ he drawled.

โ€œMorning,โ€ I replied, heading to the coffeemaker and pouring myself a cup.

โ€œYouโ€™re a veryโ€ฆactive sleeper.โ€

His sensuous tone had my hand shaking, and I spilled the coffee I was pouring. I set the coffee pot back in its place and then grabbed the dishtowel hanging off the fridge to mop up the mess.

I looked at him over my shoulder. โ€œWhat does that mean?โ€

Coltโ€™s smile was slow. Hot. A rush of embarrassed desire flamed my cheeks, but I held his gaze. He didnโ€™t lose his smile. I wanted to wipe it off his face. I dropped the dishrag and walked over to him. Just when I thought I was in control, Colt reached out to grasp my hips, hauling me toward him. He settled me onto his lap and then his hand was holding the back of my neck. His brown eyes looked liquid.

โ€œJoni gave me some interesting insight about you,โ€ I said. โ€œOh yeah?โ€

I nodded. โ€œShe said something about you wanting to keep me.โ€ โ€œWhat if I do?โ€

โ€œWhat changed?โ€

โ€œYou get one life. One life to be free, to choose how you live. You want to leave town? Iโ€™ll make sure you can do thatโ€”and not have Dev on your ass. No use leaving town if you have to keep looking over your shoulder and feel like youโ€™re on the run. But Iโ€™ve also been doing some thinking,โ€ he admitted. โ€œEver since I walked into Dive Bar and kissed you. It was like Iโ€™d been surviving this whole time, but not really living.โ€ He stared at me with deep brown eyes. โ€œYou get what I mean, yeah?โ€

I nodded. I knew what it was like to float from one moment to the next.

Not really sad, but not happy either. Justโ€ฆthere.

โ€œEach day weโ€™re one step closer to the end. Donโ€™t want to die and wish Iโ€™d really lived.โ€

I was drugged by his words. A spectator weighing in might think we didnโ€™t know each other at all, that because of circumstances, Iโ€™d turned to him in an hour of need. But maybe Colt needed me too. Maybe we needed each other and it didnโ€™t matter what it looked like on the outside.

We were close enough that I could smell the coffee and mint toothpaste on his breath. My tongue darted out to touch my lips and I swore his eyes darkened.

I went in for the kill. Our mouths met in ferocious hunger and our tongues fought each other for dominance. Coltโ€™s hand on the back of my neck tightened and I leaned into him, ready for more, ready for it on the kitchen table.

A phone rang. Coltโ€™s lips tore from mine, his face wreathed in annoyance at our thwarted lust.

โ€œFuck, why does this always happen?โ€ He shifted me on his lap so he could get to the cell in his pocket and answered it. โ€œYeah?โ€

When I made a move to get up, he stopped me.

โ€œYeah, okay. Be right there.โ€ He hung up and set his phone on the kitchen table. โ€œI gotta go.โ€

โ€œOkay.โ€

We stared at each other and then our lips were meshing. โ€œI really have to go,โ€ Colt growled against my mouth even as he kissed me again.

โ€œI heard you,โ€ I answered, tugging at his shirt, wanting to get to the skin beneath.

He pulled back and grasped my hands to still their wandering. โ€œNot like this.โ€

โ€œNot like what?โ€ I demanded. โ€œEvery time I decide I want to have sex with you, we get interrupted.โ€

He didnโ€™t smile from my jest. โ€œIf all I wanted was sex, it wouldโ€™ve happened by now.โ€

โ€œWell, thatโ€™s a bit arrogant, donโ€™t you think?โ€

Coltโ€™s gaze dropped to my traitorous nipples, but said nothing. I rolled my eyes. โ€œFine.โ€

โ€œI want you, but not like this. Not when youโ€™re still confused.โ€ โ€œConfused about what exactly?โ€

โ€œConfused about what it means when I take you to my bed. Itโ€™s gonna mean something, babe. And Iโ€™m not sure youโ€™re ready for all that.โ€

โ€œWhat if Iโ€™m never ready?โ€ I ventured to ask. Coltโ€™s intensity scared me, but I valued his honesty.

โ€œThen you were never meant to be my woman.โ€

With that pronouncement, Colt stalked from the kitchen, leaving me with a lukewarm cup of coffee.

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