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Chapter no 6

The War of Two Queens (Blood and Ash, #4)

That wasย hisย ring.

That wasย hisย finger. That was a piece ofย him.

Kieran shot forward, smacking a hand down on the lid, but I still saw what lay inside. I would neverย notย see it. Not if I lived thousands of years. I wouldnโ€™t forget.

Piercing howls echoed from within Massene, shattering the stunned silence as I stared at the ruby-adorned box. Someone spoke, but I couldnโ€™t make sense of the words. The shock and bitter-tasting horror pressed against my humming skin. I had no chance to shut down my senses. My icy disbelief and anguish crashed into othersโ€™, but it was what lay under the agony that choked meโ€”the sour, suffocating churning of guilt that was mine. All mine.

Because I had caused this.

It had been my message that had antagonized the Blood Queen. My hand that held the blade thatโ€™d severed King Jalaraโ€™s head. My actions that had guided the Blood Queenโ€™s hand. I had taken the risk, believing she wouldnโ€™t harm him. Not when she needed him. Iโ€™d been mistaken.

I had brought this ontoย him.

The crack in my chest was a crevice that fractured and broke wide open. The flood of eather spilled from the chasm, brimming with unfettered rage and endless agony. The charged energy hit the air around me. Ancient power surged, rising once more, deep from the agony, absolute and final. A silvery-white aura crowded the corners of my vision as I sparked light andโ€ฆ

Tendrils of dark light arced and pulsed through the silvery aura as the eather manifested around me. Light lanced with shadows gathered near the ground, churning around my legs.

Delano edged Perry backโ€”awayย from me. The wolven sank low to the ground, his ears flattening as Reaver stretched his head to the sky, emitting a strange, staggered sound.

In the back of my mind, I knew I was making them uneasyโ€”that the raw anguish was calling the wolven to me. I might even be scaring them, and I didnโ€™t want that. But allโ€ฆ

All I saw was his ringโ€”hisย fingerย in that box.

I shuddered, and from that cold, hollow fracture in my chest, icy wrath and vengeance poured out.

That was all I became. Not Poppy.

Not the former Maiden and now the Queen of Atlantia.

There would be no more waiting. No carefully laid plans. No hesitation or thought. I would tear through Solis, sweeping across the kingdom like the plagueย sheย was. No city would be left standing. I would rip the Blood Forest apart to find her precious Malec, and then I would send her the gift ofย herย love in tinyย pieces. There would be no place for her to run. Nowhere she could find shelter.

I would lay waste to the entire realmย andย her.

Turning stiffly, I splayed my fingers wide as I started walking toward Cauldra Manorโ€”toward the waiting horizon of Oak Ambler. The reeds and tall stems of lavender parted, shrinking back. The pines trembled.

โ€œPoppy!โ€ a voice shouted, and my head snapped in the direction of the sound. The wolven halted a few feet from me, his wide eyes fixed on me, the blue now luminous, his pupils no longer black but glowing a silvery- white. โ€œWhere are you going?โ€

โ€œCarsodonia,โ€ I spoke, and my voice was full ofโ€ฆsmoke and shadow. Full of death and fire. โ€œIโ€™m going to slice every finger from the Blood Queenโ€™s hands, one by one. Iโ€™m going to peel the flesh from her body.โ€ A shiver of anticipation swirled over my skin. โ€œThen I will rip her tongue from her mouth and tear her eyes from her face.โ€

โ€œThat sounds like a damn good plan.โ€ Kieranโ€™s voice had changed, too, roughening as he took a step toward me. โ€œAnd I want to be right there beside you when you do it. I would love nothing more than to help you.โ€

โ€œThen help me.โ€ My voiceโ€ฆitย slitheredย with the wind, carrying far as the shadow-laced light rippled along the ground. Through the tall, bushy weeds and flowers, sleek, dark shapes raced toward us. The wolven. They

too would swarm the cities, a sea of claws and teeth and death. โ€œYou can all help me.โ€

โ€œWe canโ€™t,โ€ Kieran said, the tendons in his neck standing out in stark relief. โ€œYou canโ€™t. You canโ€™t do this.โ€

I stopped. Everything stopped. The faint trembling under my feet. The wolven, who halted in their tracks. I stared at the one before me. โ€œIย canโ€™t?โ€

He stretched his neck, his chest rising and falling. โ€œNo, you canโ€™t.โ€ My head tilted. โ€œYou think you can stop me?โ€

A dry laugh rattled his body. โ€œFuck, no. But that doesnโ€™t mean I wonโ€™t try. Because I canโ€™t let you do this.โ€ He edged closer, foolishly brave. Foolishlyย loyal. Because he wasnโ€™t just a wolven. My fingers curled inward as I forced myself to focus on Kieran, on what he was saying. On what he meant to me. Advisor. Friend. More in the past weeks. โ€œI know youโ€™re in pain. That you hurt and are angry. Youโ€™re afraid for Casโ€”โ€

The silver-tinged shadows pulsed around me.ย Cas.ย Heย loved it when I called him Cas. Had said only those he trusted most called him that. That it reminded him that he was a person. I shuddered, the back of my throat burning with the rage, the guilt, and the agony.

Kieran was within reach now, mere inches from the swirling mass of power radiating from me. Tension had gathered in him, tightening the lines of his face. โ€œYou want to make her pay for what she did. I do, too. We all do. But if you do thisโ€”if you go anywhere likeย thisโ€”people will die. Innocents you want to help. People Cas wants to protect.โ€

Fiery anguish twisted my chest.ย Cas. Who was protectingย him? No one. A tremor coursed through me, hitting the ground. The pines shook harder. โ€œI donโ€™t care.โ€

โ€œBullshit. You care. Cas cares,โ€ he said, and I flinched. Not at the sound of the name but at the truth. โ€œThatโ€™s what both of you have been trying to avoid. Thatโ€™s why we have plans. But if you do this? Those you donโ€™t kill will be terrified of youโ€”of all of us. If they even saw you like this now, they would never see you as anything else.โ€

I glanced down at the whirling shadows and the light dancing over my skin.ย Inย my skin. The next breath I took was too tight. โ€œSheย hurtย him.โ€

โ€œI know. Gods, I know, Poppy. But there will never be peace if you do this,โ€ he rasped, his lips pressing back against his teeth. โ€œEven if you destroy the Blood Crown and end the Rite, you will become what mortalsย andย Atlantians fear, and you will never forgive yourself.โ€

I felt no fear from him as he lifted his hands, piercing the thrumming aura of power around me without hesitation. What bloomed in the back of my throat, easing the burn building there, was soft and sweet. The eather slipped over his hands and crawled up his forearms as his palms pressed against my cheeksโ€”against the ragged scar along my left one.

His handsโ€ฆthey trembled. โ€œWhat youโ€™re feeling is you, but what you want to do isnโ€™t. Itโ€™sย her. Itโ€™s something the Blood Queen would do. Itโ€™s something sheโ€™d want you to do. But you are not her.โ€

I wasnโ€™t anything like her.

I wasnโ€™t cruel or abusive. I didnโ€™t take pleasure in othersโ€™ pain. I didnโ€™t lash out in angerโ€ฆ

Actually, I did tend to lash out with sharp objects when angry, but I wasnโ€™tย spiteful. I wouldnโ€™t have done what she had, taking all the pain and hurt she felt after the loss of Malec and their son, all that hatred toward the former Queen of Atlantia, and turning it on not just Eloanaโ€™s sons but also an entire kingdomโ€”an entireย realm.

And that would be exactly what Iโ€™d be doing. Iโ€™d leave nothing but haunting graveyards behind. And I wouldnโ€™t be like my mother.

I would be something far worse.

Kieranโ€™s hands shook. His entire body rattled as if the ground were shaking, but it was him.

Concern rose, beating back the brutal tide of emotions. โ€œW-why are you shaking? Am I hurting you?โ€

โ€œNo. Itโ€™s theโ€ฆitโ€™s theย notam,โ€ he bit out. โ€œItโ€™s making me want to shift.

Iโ€™m fighting it.โ€

My gaze searched the taut lines of his face. โ€œWhy is it making you want to do that?โ€

A strained chuckle left him. โ€œDo you think thatโ€™s an important question right now?โ€ He gave me a short shake of his head. โ€œBecause I can protect you better in that form. And, yes, I know you donโ€™t need our protection, but theย notamย recognizes the kind of emotion you feel as aโ€”a call of alarm. Iโ€ฆ I donโ€™t think I can fight it much longer.โ€

My attention darted over his shoulder to where I saw the forms of many wolven among the weeds. There was no way all of them couldโ€™ve already been in their wolven forms. They had been compelled to do that.

Iโ€™d forced them, and that made my stomach hurt.

Ice drenched my skin, and the chill quelled the fire. I squeezed my eyes shut. Control. I neededย control. There was no threat to me. The one at risk was in Carsodonia. Losing it did absolutely nothing to help him, and Kieran was right. I repeated that over and over. I hadnโ€™t spent the past weeks planning for how to keep people safe only to turn around and be the cause of thousands, if not millions of deaths.

That wasnโ€™t me.

That wasnโ€™t who I ever wanted to become.

Another shudder rocked me as the vibrations in my chest eased and the hum receded from my skin. The rage was still there, as was the guilt and agony, but the wrath and the hunger for vengeance was banked, returning to those cold, empty places inside me where I feared it may fester.

โ€œItโ€™s okay,โ€ Kieran said, and I was slow to realize that he wasnโ€™t speaking to me. โ€œJust give us some time, all right?โ€ There was a pause, and then he moved close as he guided my head down to his chest. I didnโ€™t fight it, welcoming the warmth and the familiar, earthy scent. He spoke about the box, about what was in it. He cleared his throat. โ€œDonโ€™t tell anyone about it. Noโ€ฆno one needs to know.โ€

Someone neared us, and Kieranโ€™s hand slid to the back of my head as the other left my cheek. โ€œThank you,โ€ he said.

In the quiet that followed, a rush of wings brought a gust of lavender- scented air. A few moments later, something brushed against my legs.ย Delano. I kept my eyes closed tightly against the sting. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry if Iโ€™d worried or scared him, but I couldnโ€™t get the words past the knot in my throat. Kieranโ€™s chin lowered, resting on the top of my head. The quiet went on for some time.

And then Kieran said in a low voice, โ€œYou scared me a little, Poppy.โ€ Pressure clamped down on my chest. โ€œIโ€™m sorry. I didnโ€™t mean to.โ€

โ€œI know you didnโ€™t.โ€ His chest rose against mine. โ€œI wasnโ€™t scared of you. I was afraidย forย you,โ€ he added. โ€œIโ€ฆIโ€™ve never seen that before. The shadows in the eather. And your voice? It was different. Like it was when you spoke to Duke Silvan.โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t know what any of that was.โ€ I swallowed thickly.

โ€œYour abilities are still changing. Growing,โ€ he said, making me think of what Reaver had shared.

Was thisโ€”the shadows in the eatherโ€”a new manifestation due to me still going through the Culling? I didnโ€™t know. And at the moment, I

couldnโ€™t spare the energy required to dwell on it.

โ€œYou know heโ€™s still alive,โ€ Kieran said after a couple of moments. Thoughts of the ever-changing abilities faded. โ€œThe imprint is still on your palm. He lives.โ€

I closed my left hand, pressing it to Kieranโ€™s chest. โ€œBut sheโ€ฆโ€ I couldnโ€™t finish.

โ€œHeโ€™s strong. You know that.โ€

Gods, Iย didย know that. But it didnโ€™t change what was done to him. โ€œHe has to be in so much pain, Kieran.โ€

โ€œI know, but he will get past this. I know it. And you will get past this.โ€ His hand tightened in my loose braid of hair. โ€œHe is still yours. You are still his.โ€

Tears stung my throat, my eyes. โ€œAlways,โ€ I whispered hoarsely. I forced myself to take a deep, steady breath. โ€œThank you forโ€ฆfor stopping me.โ€

โ€œYou donโ€™t have to thank me for that.โ€

โ€œI do.โ€ I lifted my head, and his hand fell to the middle part of my braid. โ€œAnd I am sorry about worrying youโ€”worrying all of them. I justโ€ฆI lost it.โ€

โ€œAnyone would, Poppy.โ€ Kieran slid his arm away and brought his hand up so it was between us. He took my left hand and pressed something cool and hard into my palm. My breath snagged because I knew what heโ€™d put in my hand. โ€œIn case you donโ€™t know this, no matter whatโ€™s done to Cas, he wonโ€™t regret his choice.โ€

I tried to swallow again, to stop the words from coming, but I couldnโ€™t. โ€œI do. I regret it every moment Iโ€”โ€ A soul-crushing sense of loss rose once more, stealing my breath. It took everything in me not to collapse under it and let all the rage and pain consume me once more. To lash out and inflict all that ate away at me onto anyone who stood in my way.

To unleash all the pain until nothing but bone and blood remained. โ€œWhy did he do it, Kieran? Why?โ€ I whispered, my voice catching.

Kieran squeezed my hand. โ€œYou know why. The same reason youโ€™d do just as he did if someone was hurting him.โ€

Gods, I did know the answer. A tremor coursed through me. I wouldโ€™ve done anything. Because I loved him. Because he was mine, and I was his. My other half. A part of me, even though I hadnโ€™t spoken his name in many weeks. I barely allowed myself to even think it because it hurt.

But his name was love.

It was power and strength. It would never break me.

Casteel. A shattered breath left me.ย Casteel. I made myself say it over and over in my mind.ย Casteel Hawkethrone Daโ€™Neer. My chest felt as if a bolt were tearing through it all over again, but I said his name to myself until it no longer made me want to scream. Until I could say, โ€œCasteel isnโ€™t lost to us.โ€

โ€œNo. Heโ€™s not,โ€ Kieran agreed, slipping his hand away from mine.

Slowly, I opened my fist. Hisโ€ฆCasteelโ€™s ring rested in my palm, strong and beautiful. There wasnโ€™t a trace of blood on it. Either Emil or Perry had wiped it clean when they took it from the box. โ€œWhat did they do with theโ€ฆ?โ€ I couldnโ€™t bring myself to say it.

โ€œItโ€™s up to you.โ€ Kieranโ€™s voice was hoarse. โ€œYou can burn or bury it. Or one of us can. You donโ€™t ever have to see it again. You donโ€™t need to, Poppy. Thereโ€™s no reason to.โ€

I didnโ€™t want to see it again. Forcing myself to do so did nothing but inflict damage. Glancing up at Kieran, I sensed that he had his emotions locked down once more. I knew he did it so it wouldnโ€™t add to what I was feeling.

Kieran wasโ€ฆhe was too good.

โ€œBurn it,โ€ I forced myself to say. โ€œBut I donโ€™t want you to do it. I donโ€™t want you anywhere near it.โ€

He inhaled sharply and nodded.

I squeezed the ring.ย Always and forever.ย โ€œWas there anything else in the box?โ€

โ€œA card.โ€

โ€œDid you have a chance to see it?โ€ โ€œOnly briefly.โ€

โ€œWhat didโ€”?โ€ My stomach twisted with nausea. โ€œWhat did it say?โ€ โ€œIt said that she was sorry to have caused you any pain,โ€ he told me.

There was something so,ย soย wrong with her. But at once, I knew what I needed to do. I knew what had to come next.

Because I could no longer wait.

When I took my next breath, it was easier. โ€œWe have plansโ€”ones that are important to Solis and Atlantia.โ€ The next words were hard to speak, even though they were true. โ€œPlans that are bigger thanโ€ฆCasteel and me.โ€

Kieran said nothing, but I knew he agreed. Even if Casteel stood beside me now, there would still be the Blood Crown. The Rites would continue. Children would be stripped away from their families, either to Ascend or become nothing more than cattle to the Ascended. Innocent people would still be murdered. Atlantia would still run out of land and resources.

All of this was bigger than us.

The Blood Crown had to be destroyed.

I brought the ring close to my chest as I lifted my stare to Kieran. โ€œBut Casteel is more important to me. I know thatโ€™s wrong. I know I shouldnโ€™t think that, let alone say it out loud, but itโ€™s the truth.โ€

Kieran said nothing, but heโ€™d gone completely still.

โ€œSheโ€™s not going to release him.โ€ A breeze caught the loosened strands of my hair, tossing them across my face. โ€œShe will hurt him again.โ€ Anger flared inside me, threatening to ignite once more. โ€œYou know that she could be doing anything to him right now. You know what it did to him last time.โ€

His jaw clenched. โ€œI do.โ€

โ€œI canโ€™t let her have him for weeks and months. And thatโ€™s how long it will take for us to take the Atlantian armies across Solis. Casteel doesnโ€™t have that kind of time. We donโ€™t have that kind of time.โ€

Kieran stared down at me. โ€œI know what youโ€™re thinking. You want to go to Carsodonia.โ€

โ€œAfterย we take Oak Ambler,โ€ I amended. โ€œThe Blood Crown needs to be destroyed, and we need to do it the right way. I need to be here to convince Valyn and the generals that our plan is the right one. I need to be here to see that through.โ€

โ€œAnd then?โ€

โ€œAnd then I will go to Carsodonia, and you will lead the armies to the other cities.โ€

His pale blue eyes hardened. โ€œAnd if youโ€™re captured in the process?โ€ โ€œItโ€™s a risk Iโ€™m willing to take. Iโ€™ll be fine. Isbeth doesnโ€™t want me

dead,โ€ I reasoned. โ€œIf that was what she wanted, she had ample opportunity to do so. Sheโ€ฆshe needs me if she seeks to control Atlantia. This is what I need to do.โ€

Kieran folded his arms over his chest. โ€œI agree.โ€ My brows flew up. โ€œYou do?โ€

โ€œI do. Cas needs to be freed, but thereโ€™s one problem with your plan. Actually,โ€ he said, frowning, โ€œthere are a lot of problems. Starting with the

fact that I doubt you even have a plan beyond walking up to Carsodoniaโ€™s Rise.โ€

I opened my mouth and then snapped it shut. His look turned knowing. Frustration bore down on me. โ€œI will come up with a plan that doesnโ€™t involve me walking up to the Rise of Carsodonia. Iโ€™m not a fool, Kieran.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™re a fool if you think Iโ€™ll be anywhere other than by your side,โ€ he shot back. โ€œThereโ€™s no way in hell youโ€™re going to Carsodonia without me.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s too dangerousโ€”โ€ โ€œAre you kidding me?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s too dangerous for anyone else to go.โ€

He stared down at me. โ€œYou do realize that weโ€™re at war? Therefore, any number of us, including me, could die.โ€

I stiffened as the statement knocked the air from my chest. โ€œDonโ€™t say thatโ€”โ€

โ€œItโ€™s the truth, Poppy. All of us know the risks, and weโ€™re not here just for you. He is our King.โ€ He met my glare with his own. โ€œAlso, I donโ€™t believe that once you have a couple of minutes to think about this, you wonโ€™t seriously reconsider taking on the entire damn Blood Crown by yourself.โ€

Maybe he was right. But at the moment, I really wanted to. โ€œOkay, I wonโ€™t go alone. I will see who wants to make the trip with me. But I need you here. I trust you to make sure Valyn and the others follow our plans. Because there can be no truce this time. No stalemate. I trust you to make sure there is a chance for peace when we destroy the Blood Crown. As the Advisor to the Crown, they have to follow your orders.โ€

โ€œI appreciate your trust. Am honored. Flattered. Whatever,โ€ he said, and I didnโ€™t think he sounded honored at all. โ€œBut you can trust others to ensure that our plans are carried out.โ€

โ€œI do trust others. Your sister. Naill. Delano. Emilโ€”I could keep listing names. But they hold no position of authority like you do as the advisor. You are an extension of the Crown. You speak on behalf of the King and Queen. None of the others have that kind of authority.โ€

โ€œBut any of them can,โ€ he insisted. โ€œYou can make one of them a regent

โ€”a person that you, as the Queen, can appoint. Someone who will act on your behalf in your absence. Normally, that would be the Advisor to the Crown, but there is no law that states it has to be the advisor. The Crown

Regent would temporarily act on your behalf, and their word must be followed no differently than if it were you issuing the orders.โ€

โ€œOh.โ€ I blinked. โ€œIโ€ฆdidnโ€™t know that. Butโ€”โ€ โ€œThere is no but.โ€

โ€œButย there is.โ€ Panic started to creep in. โ€œIf something were to happen to youโ€”โ€

โ€œThere would be nothing for Cas to forgive you for if something did,โ€ he cut me off. โ€œHe would expect nothing less than me being by your side.โ€

I stared at him in disbelief. โ€œIf youโ€™d let me finish a sentence, I was about to sayย Iย would never forgive myself.โ€

His stare softened. โ€œAnd I would never forgive myself if you went into the heart of the Ascended without me.โ€ He clasped the back of my neck. โ€œJust as I havenโ€™t for letting Cas go all those years ago.โ€

Oh, gods. โ€œKieranโ€”โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t forget what he means to me, Poppy. Iโ€™ve known him my whole damn life,โ€ he said. โ€œWe shared the same crib more times than not. We took our first steps together. Sat at the same table most nights, refusing to eat the same vegetables. We explored tunnels and lakes, pretended that fields were new, undiscovered kingdoms. We were inseparable. And that didnโ€™t change as we grew older.โ€ His voice roughened, and he dropped his forehead to mine. โ€œHe was and still is a part of me.โ€

I closed my eyes against the burn accompanying the images that his words brought forth. Them toddling about together, Kieran on two legs and four. Holding each other as they napped. Coming home covered in dirt and the gods only knew what else.

โ€œWhere I went, Cas was there. Where he traveled, I followed. The only time we have ever been separated and couldnโ€™t get back to one another was when they held him captiveโ€”and now. But I was there for him afterward. I watched him night after night, waking in a panic and thinking that he was back in that cell. I saw what had been done to him. How he couldnโ€™t stand to be touched at one point. How even the sight of bathwater caused him to freeze up.โ€

โ€œBathwater?โ€ I asked, half afraid.

โ€œThey wanted him clean when they wanted him.โ€ Oh, gods.

Nausea churned. I shook, caught between rage and despair and shock because my mother had been one of his abusers. How could Casteel even

look at meโ€”?

I stopped myself from going downย thatย path. He knew who I was. โ€œWhat he means to me has nothing to do with a damn bond,โ€ Kieran

said. โ€œI need to go as badly as you do, and he needs me there just as badly as he needs you.โ€

Casteel did need Kieran.

โ€œIโ€™m sorry,โ€ I croaked. โ€œI forgot.โ€ โ€œItโ€™s understandable that you would.โ€

โ€œNo, itโ€™s really not.โ€ My grief was mine, and it was potent. But it was no more devastating than what Kieran or anyone else who cared for Casteel was experiencing. โ€œI wonโ€™t forget it again.โ€

Kieranโ€™s forehead slid against mine as he nodded. โ€œWeโ€™re on the same page then.โ€

โ€œWe are.โ€ I blinked back tears.

โ€œThen who will be Crown Regent,ย meyaah Liessa?โ€

It was hard to focus when all I wanted to do was hug Kieran and sob. I wanted to sit down and have a good cry, but there wasnโ€™t time for that.

I pulled away, forcing myself to think over what Kieran had suggested. Worrying my lower lip, I looked down at my closed hand. The ring had warmed to my skin. I didnโ€™t know what kind of shape Casteel would be in when I found him. He could be okay or not, but he would want Kieran to be with me and to be there for him. It couldnโ€™t be just Kieran and me or a handful of others. No Queen would travel across a realm without guards. But we needed the fire of the gods.

โ€œI saw Reaver in his mortal form earlier.โ€ Kieran arched a brow. โ€œThatโ€ฆwas random.โ€ โ€œHeโ€™s blond.โ€

โ€œThanks for sharing?โ€

โ€œHe was also completely naked while perched on a pillar,โ€ I added. โ€œI donโ€™t even know what to say to that.โ€

โ€œMe, neither,โ€ I murmured. โ€œBut the point is, we need to bring a draken with us. They can help. Not just withโ€ฆwith Casteel but also with my father. Nektas wants him back.โ€

โ€œI agree.โ€ He paused. โ€œBut I have a feeling I wonโ€™t like what youโ€™re about to suggest. To bring Reaver with us. The other draken will be here soon. Aurelia shiftedโ€”โ€

โ€œFor only a few minutes. I at least know Reaver feels comfortable enough in his mortal form to do it for longer than that.โ€

โ€œGreat.โ€ Kieran appeared as if heโ€™d rather face down an army of skeleton soldiers again.

โ€œHeโ€™ll need clothing.โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t know why youโ€™re telling me this.โ€

โ€œYou two appear to be about the same size.โ€

Kieran stared at me and then cursed. โ€œWhatever. Iโ€™ll see what I have.โ€

I grinned, and it incited a confusing mix of emotions. It felt odd. Even a little wrong. But it was also a relief to know that I could still find humor despite what I held in my hand.

Then I remembered what else Reaver had told me. โ€œThis may not be the best moment to bring this up, but when I talked to Reaver, I found out that I will have to feed eventually. And, apparently, because Iโ€™m a god, I can feed off anyone. Except the draken. Even mortals. Who knew?โ€ I said, then told him what Reaver believed about how often I would need to feed. โ€œBut thereโ€™s more. It seems using eather can weaken me. He doesnโ€™t know how much I can use before it has an effect. I donโ€™t think it includes anything I was able to do beforeโ€”โ€

โ€œDoes feeding off anyone mean you can feed off wolven?โ€ he cut in.

โ€œYes. Wolven would fall under the everything-but-a-draken umbrella.โ€ โ€œThen feed off me if you need to.โ€

I sucked in a sharp breath. โ€œKieranโ€”โ€

โ€œI know you donโ€™t want to feed off anyone but Cas,โ€ he said, and the breath I took withered. โ€œAnd I know that feedings can getโ€ฆintense, but youโ€™ll be safe with me.โ€ His eyes searched mine. โ€œYou know damn well that Cas wouldnโ€™t want you feeding off anyone but me.โ€

A strangled laugh left me. Casteel would probably rip the limbs off whoever I fed fromโ€”anyone but Kieran, anywayโ€”leaving them alive only because he knew the blood was necessary for me.

โ€œItโ€™s not that,โ€ I said, shoving a strand of hair back from my face. Feedings could be intense, and I wasnโ€™t sure if feeding off someone might cause the same kinds of wicked pleasure a bite could bring. But it wasnโ€™t thatโ€”well, it wasnโ€™tย completelyย that. I hadnโ€™t even begun to wrap my head around the possibility that me feeding off someone other than my husband could bring them pleasure.

Could bringย meย pleasure.

And I wasnโ€™t about to start thinking about that right now. โ€œI donโ€™t want you to feel as if you have to offer yourself.โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t offer because Iย haveย to.โ€ Kieran squeezed the back of my neck. โ€œI offer because Iย wantย to.โ€

โ€œReally? You sure thatโ€™s not theย notam? That itโ€™s not your friendship with Casteel?โ€

โ€œIt could be partly because of theย notam. And it is because of my friendship with Cas. But itโ€™s also my friendship withย you. None of those things are mutually exclusive,โ€ he told me. โ€œI would offer the same to Cas. I would offer the same to anyone I cared about. Just like I know you would for me if I needed that.โ€

My breath stung. Iย wouldย offer myself if he needed to feed, and the reminder of how far Kieran and I had come rattled me in an entirely different way. I was pretty sure he hadnโ€™t liked me when we first met. Or, at the very least, Iโ€™d annoyed him to no end. But nowโ€ฆ? I blinked back the dampness gathering in my eyes.

Kieran started to frown. โ€œAre you about to cry?โ€ โ€œNo.โ€

โ€œDoesnโ€™t look that way.โ€

โ€œThen stop looking, and it wonโ€™t.โ€ โ€œThat doesnโ€™t even make sense, Poppy.โ€

A burst of sugary amusement gathered on the tip of my tongue. I glared at him. โ€œThis isnโ€™t funny.โ€

โ€œI know it shouldnโ€™t be.โ€ His lips twitched. โ€œBut it kind of is.โ€ โ€œShut up,โ€ I griped.

The grin appeared briefly. โ€œWeโ€™re on the same page, right? When you need to feed, youโ€™ll come to me?โ€ All traces of humor were gone now. โ€œAnd you wonโ€™t let it get to a point where youโ€™re weakened?โ€

โ€œWeโ€™re on the same page.โ€

His hold on the back of my neck firmed once more. โ€œWhat about the regent?โ€

A few moments passed. โ€œVonetta. I would make Vonetta the Crown Regent.โ€

Approval hummed as he let his walls down around him, tasting of buttery cakes. โ€œGood choice.โ€

I nodded. โ€œYou know how to get into Carsodonia, right? I doubt you and Casteel walked through the gates of the Rise.โ€

He snorted. โ€œNo. We went in through the Elysium Peaks.โ€

My stomach dropped all the way to the tips of my toes. The Peaks were vastโ€”all one could see to the west and south of Carsodonia. And they extended into the Willow Plains. Theyโ€™d even built the Rise into theโ€” It struck me then. โ€œYou all went in through the mines.โ€

Kieran nodded. โ€œThe entrances to the mines are right inside the Rise. The tunnels are guarded, but not like the gates. Of course, that was also how Malik got in there. It was how Casteel andโ€ฆโ€ His mouth tightened. โ€œThat was how Shea got him out of Carsodonia. From there, he ended up on the beaches of the Stroud Sea.โ€

Shea. Thereโ€™d been anger before when I thought of her. Now, there was only sadness.

โ€œCan we get out the same way we get in once we find Casteel and my father?โ€

Kieran nodded. โ€œWe could. But, Poppy, it will take time to get out of those mines. Besides the likelihood of them guarding those entrances now, Cas was in them for a while, searching for a way out. He may have made it sound like it took no time, but it did.โ€

โ€œGods,โ€ I whispered, heartsick over a past I couldnโ€™t change. โ€œIs there a better way?โ€

โ€œBesides going through the gates in disguise, no. If we get caught in the mines, we can fight our way out and then disappear into the city far easier than if they discover us at the gates.โ€

That was true. Carsodonia was a maze of narrow streets and vine- covered alleys that ran through districts and neighborhoods sprawled across rolling hills and valleys.

He took a breath. โ€œI donโ€™t know how to say this other than to just say it. We donโ€™t know what kind of shape Cas will be in, but we know that your father will likely be worse off.โ€

He didnโ€™t say anything else, but I knew what he meant. We couldnโ€™t free both of them.

โ€œWe will still free him,โ€ Kieran said quietly. โ€œFreeing Cas doesnโ€™t end the war. We will have to go back to Carsodonia.โ€

I nodded, hating the idea of being so close to my father and doing nothing. But he was right. Again.

โ€œItโ€™s a plan, then?โ€ Kieran asked. โ€œIt is.โ€

I took yet another breath, and it was less painful than all the ones before it because we would find and free Casteel. And I would make sure that any piece of him that he lost was found once more. He would know exactly who he was when I saw him again.

I would make sure of it.

โ€ŒCasteelโ€Œ

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