‘We better go back to class,’ Johnny groaned, breaking our kiss. It was the end of big lunch and we were hidden behind the school greenhouse where we spent the second half of lunch break together most days. Like usual, I was sitting on the wall surrounding the vegetable garden and, like usual, Johnny was standing between my legs, with his hands clamped on my hips, and his tongue in my mouth.
‘We can go straight to my place after school,’ he offered, pressing another searing kiss to my lips. ‘Do something before dinner?’
I didn’t want dinner unless he was on the menu. ‘What kind of something?’ I asked, voice a little breathless, as I traced my fingers down the hard ridges and grooves of his stomach. ‘What have you got in mind?’
‘I don’t know,’ he replied gruffly, hands moving to my ass. ‘We could play a little GTA? Or talk?’ He squeezed tightly and I moaned. ‘Whatever you want, Shan.’ Dropping his face to my neck, he suckled hard on my flesh. ‘Shite, I think I marked you,’ he muttered, jerking his head back, eyes locked on my neck. Grinning sheepishly, he added, ‘Sorry.’
‘Sure you are.’ He looked about as far from sorry as a person could get. ‘I believe you.’
‘How are you feeling?’ he asked then. Smiling softly, he grazed my hip with his fingers. ‘You okay?’
‘I’m fine,’ I whispered, tugging him closer. ‘Stop worrying.’
‘I can’t help it,’ he groaned. ‘I’m always worried about you.’
‘I wanted what happened, Johnny,’ I reassured him. ‘I still do.’
His eyes darkened. ‘Yeah?’
Shivering, I nodded. ‘Yeah.’
‘I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, Shannon Lynch,’ he admitted in a husky voice. ‘You make me lose my head.’
‘Good,’ I teased. ‘I like it when you turn your brain off.’
The second bell sounded, letting us know that we had two minutes to get to class, but I remained exactly where I was, gripping his waist with my thighs and mentally begging him to stay, stay, stay…
One hour of lunch wasn’t enough. It was never enough time with him, but I reluctantly released him when he mumbled something about a French test.
Johnny helped me off the wall and then secured my hand in his as we made our way back to school. ‘You nervous about dinner?’
I nodded. ‘Terrified.’
‘She won’t bring it up,’ he promised, tracing his thumb over my knuckles. ‘So don’t even worry about that, Shan.’
‘Will your dad be there, too?’ I asked, voice small.
‘Yeah,’ he replied, holding the door open for me to step inside. ‘He’s still trying to make more of an effort and be present.’ He rolled his eyes at the notion. ‘She’s still driving me around the bend, Shan. It’s worse than ever. The closer we get to June, the more of a weeping mess she becomes,’ he added with a shudder. ‘It’s all ‘how’s your willy, love,’ and ‘are your testicles swelling again‘ or else she’s reading out statistics on head injuries in rugby.’
I knew exactly how his mother felt. The closer we got to June, the more I became a weeping mess, too. I was just careful to do it when Johnny wasn’t around. I didn’t have the luxury that most girls my age had. My boyfriend would be leaving soon. I knew phone calls were coming in from the scouts, whether he told me about them or not. I knew we were on borrowed time, moving closer and closer to the goodbye that kept me up at night – to the day he would leave and I would stay.
‘So, what do think about what Claire said in the car this morning?’ I asked, dragging myself from my depressing thoughts. Pulling him to a stop outside the girls’ bathroom, I squeezed his hand and smiled up at him. ‘The camping trip for your birthday? Are you excited?’
‘Only if you’re going.’ Johnny looked down at me and frowned. ‘I’m not going if you’re not.’
‘I’m going, Johnny.’ Hail, rain, or snow. ‘I’m not missing your birthday.’
‘Oh yeah?’ He grinned. ‘Are you going to share a tent with me?’
‘That depends,’ I teased, grinning back at him. ‘Can you pitch a tent?’
Johnny gave me a knowing smirk and my face flamed in embarrassment.
‘Not that kind of tent,’ I quickly amended, blushing.
‘You’re so cute,’ he chuckled with a shake of his head. ‘I’ll meet you here after last class, okay? We can head back to my place together.’
‘No, I’ll need to go home first and get changed.’
‘You look perfect as you are,’ he argued. ‘Better than perfect.’ Grinning, he hooked an arm around my waist and dragged me flush against him. ‘In fact, you look like dinner.’
I sagged against him, feeling my body grow hot and achy. ‘I still need to go home first and check in on Joey.’ Pressing my hands against his chest, I took a safe step back before I lost all common sense and did something reckless. ‘I can ask him to drive me over to your place around eight? You’ll be done with training by then, won’t you?’
‘Oh, shite, yeah.’ Johnny frowned, like the notion of training had only come to him. ‘I have training.’
‘I know,’ I agreed, smiling. ‘I can come over afterwards.’
‘Or we could just blow –’
‘You train and I’ll come over when you’re done,’ I cut him off by saying. ‘That’s the plan, remember?’
He looked frustrated but he gave me a reluctant nod. ‘Yeah, you’re right.’
I grinned. ‘I know.’ Taking another step back, I waved him off. ‘Now go on – and enjoy double French.’
With a heavy sigh, Johnny pressed a kiss to my cheek before strolling off down the hall. ‘Hey Shan?’ he called over his shoulder.
‘Yeah?’
Smirking, he said, ‘je veux lécher la chatte de ma copine.’
I frowned. ‘What?’
Johnny grinned devilishly. ‘I said, je veux être à l’intérieur de toi.’
I scrunched my nose up. ‘You know I’m terrible at French.’
‘I’m counting on it,’ he laughed as he sauntered off. ‘See you tonight, baby.’
Grinning like an idiot, I waved him off and rushed into the bathroom. I’d been bursting to pee since the class before big break, but didn’t want to waste a minute of my lunch hour with him. However, the moment I stepped inside the bathroom, I regretted it. Not only had I just come face to face with Bella Wilkinson, but she had two of her sixth-year friends with her.
Up until now, I had miraculously managed to avoid being on my own with her, and aside from the daily comments in the corridors and the lunch hall, she hadn’t given me any trouble. I had a feeling that was about to change. The look of pure loathing on her face as she prowled towards me only confirmed those feelings.
‘Look who it is, girls,’ Bella mused, looking as devastatingly beautiful as always, as she stood in front of my only exit. ‘The little whore without her guard dogs.’
‘Leave it alone, Bella,’ one of the girls – the one with the brown hair – surprised me by saying.
‘She’s a bitch, Tash,’ Bella spat, casting a warning look to her friend. ‘You know what she cost me.’
In full on flight mode, I turned on my heels and moved for the door, but she intercepted me, blocking my path.
My heart hammered wildly in my chest, bucking and leaping and screaming at me to get away. Instead I just stood there, looking up at the girl I knew hated me. ‘I need to go,’ I strangled out, my voice barely more than a panicked whisper. ‘Let me out,’ I added, forcing myself to straighten my shoulders.
‘We’re not done talking,’ Bella hissed. ‘We’re not even close to being done.’
‘I don’t want to talk to you.’ My heart was racing so hard, it was making me feel faint. ‘I just want to go,’ I added in a shaky tone. ‘I don’t want any trouble.’
‘You just want to go,’ Bella mimicked and then laughed. ‘Well tough shit, honey, because I have plenty to say to you.’
You fool, my brain hissed, you know better than to come in here alone.
We only had three weeks of school left and then we were done for the summer. Bella would be done with Tommen altogether. I could have avoided her for twenty-one bloody days.
Dammit, why did I have to walk in here?
Tilting her head to one-side, Bella smiled cruelly down at me. ‘How’s daddy, Shannon?’
My body seized up as a concoction of devastation and humiliation flooded me.
‘Did you hear about Shannon’s father, girls?’ Bella continued to taunt. ‘Her father is an alchy scab on the welfare.’ Narrowing her eyes, she added, ‘Apparently, he beat the shit out of her at Easter and put her in the hospital, but I think fair play to the man. He was probably just trying to beat the slapper out of her.’
‘Bella, stop!’ the girl she had called Tash barked. ‘That’s enough.’
‘It’s not enough,’ Bella snared. ‘That bitch stole my boyfriend, Tash.’
‘Well, I’m not being a part of this,’ the Tash girl said, and with that, she stalked out of the bathroom, shoving Bella out of her way as she went.
The other girl, the blonde one leaning against the sink, didn’t say anything at all. She just stood there, glancing anywhere but me, reminding me of so many other girls I’d met down through the years, and making me despise her most of all. I hated girls like her. The ones who knew something was wrong but did nothing to stop it.
Fight back, Shannon. Joey’s voice flooded my mind. Don’t let those bitches intimidate you!
‘I didn’t steal your boyfriend,’ I shot back, shaking from head to toe. ‘Because Johnny was never yours.’
Bella arched a finely plucked brow. ‘And you think he’s yours?’
‘Yeah.’ I replied, shocking myself with my words. ‘He is.’
‘Then you should know that he’s only with you for one thing,’ she spat, looking furious. ‘An easy fucking lay.’
‘That’s all he was with you for,’ I stunned myself by saying. ‘We’re not all like that, Bella.’
Her face reddened. ‘Excuse me?’
‘Let me out,’ I repeated, making a point of staring at the door. ‘Now.’
When she didn’t step aside, I moved to go around her, only to stagger backwards and land awkwardly on the floor when she pushed me full force in the chest.
‘I said we’re not done, bitch.’ Stalking towards me, Bella swiped my schoolbag off my shoulder. Unzipping it, she poured the contents on top of me. ‘You’re a dirty slut,’ she hissed, shoving my forehead with her fingers. ‘You don’t belong in this school, so go back to the council estate with the rest of your fucked-up family.’
‘…You’re a useless cunt…’
‘…You’re the biggest mistake of them all, girl…’
‘…Your own mother didn’t want you…’
‘…You’re the poison in this family…’
Enough.
Enough.
Enough.
‘Enough!’ I screamed, scrambling to my feet. ‘Don’t touch me!’ Tears were pooling in my eyes, but I blinked them away, feeling more fury in this moment than I had in my whole life. ‘Don’t you ever fucking touch me again!’ I continued to scream as I completely took leave of my senses and charged at Bella.
I caught a glance of her surprised expression about two seconds before I lunged at her, releasing sixteen years of pain and mistreatment into my fingertips as I scratched and shoved at her with everything I had in me. She was too big for me, and I knew I didn’t have a hope in hell of finishing what she started, but for once in my life, I was fighting back. Something had changed inside of me, I felt it the day I woke up in that hospital bed, lucky to be alive, and I refused to take any more. I wasn’t going to be pushed around by her or anyone else.
‘You fucking bitch,’ Bella snarled as she knocked me onto the bathroom floor and climb on top of me. ‘Who do you think you are?’ she screamed as she scratched and tore at my hair and face with her nails. ‘Little fucking scumbag.’
Refusing to just lie there and take it like I had a million times before in my old school, I pushed and shoved back at her. ‘Get off me!’ Catching ahold of her hair, I yanked hard, stunning myself with my own strength when a clump of her black hair extensions came away in my hands.
‘My hair!’ she wailed loudly. ‘Oh, I’m going to destroy you!’ Rearing back, she smacked her hand across my face before roughly pinning my hands above my head. ‘Kelly – get my bag.’
‘Stop!’ I could hardly breathe from the weight of her on top of me, but I continued to thrash and buck and try to break free. ‘Get off, Bella!’
‘Uh, Bella, maybe we should just –’
‘Get my fucking bag, Kelly!’ she screamed at the top of her lungs. ‘Now!’
Without another word, the blonde handed Bella’s schoolbag to her. ‘What do you want from it?’
‘Lunch, water, and make up,’ Bella ordered before hacking up a huge phlegm ball and spitting it on my face. Kelly pulled out a plastic lunch box and Bella said, ‘Pin her hands down for me.’
‘But I –’
‘Do it!’
Sighing heavily, Kelly knelt down and took over pinning my hands down, while Bella opened her lunch box and began to smear the contents all over my uniform. ‘Like that bitch?’ Bella hissed, as she opened a tuna sandwich and smudged it against my jumper and skirt. ‘The smell suits you.’
Still straddling me, she grabbed a tube of lipstick from her bag and then roughly cupped my jaw in her hands. ‘Go on,’ she mocked, as she smeared the lipstick over my forehead and cheeks. ‘Cry, little baby. I dare you!’
I will not cry.
I will not cry.
Do not give her the satisfaction, Shannon.
Bucking against her hold, I desperately tried to free myself, but it was no use.
I wasn’t strong enough.
‘Are you not going to say anything?’ Bella taunted as she climbed off me, holding her water bottle in her hands. Turning it upside down, she poured the contents over me. ‘No, that’s right. You’re not going to say a word, because if you do, I’ll fucking ruin you.’
Don’t lie there, Joey’s voice hissed inside of my head. Fight back, even if you can’t win.
A lone tear slid down my cheek.
‘Aw, look, the little baby’s crying,’ Bella taunted. ‘Fucking loser.’
Fight back, Shannon.
Come on.
You can do this.
‘Fuck you!’ I choked out. ‘Fuck you both.’
‘Fuck me?’ Bella sneered. Pulling her phone out of her skirt pocket, she flipped it open and started to take pictures. When she was done snapping her photos, she slid her phone back into her pocket and cupped my face, digging her nails into my cheeks so hard that I winced from the pain. ‘Fuck. You. Bitch.’
Every ounce of fight went out of me, right along with my fickle faith in humanity. She thought she was hurting me, but she didn’t know what pain was. Shivering violently, I remained perfectly still, just waiting for it to be over.
‘Come on, Kel,’ Bella said when she had given me the final once over, clearly admiring her handy work. ‘Let’s leave the bitch here.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ the blonde girl named Kelly whispered in my ear before hurrying to her feet and following Bella out of the bathroom.
Numb to the bone, I remained exactly where I was for several minutes, counting the ceiling cubes above me before finally dragging myself to my feet.
Every inch of my body ached, my lungs were burning, but it was my pride that had taken the hardest blow. Humiliated and trembling, I pulled my phone out of my shirt pocket and sobbed in relief when I realized it hadn’t been soaked along with the rest of me.
Clutching my phone in my hand, I staggered over to the sink and heaved violently until everything inside of my body was swirling down the drain. Panting, I clutched the basin with my free hand and forced myself to look at my reflection. Tiny trickles of blood tinged my cheeks from where her nails had been, and I wasn’t even surprised to see what she had written on my face.
BJ-13 was scrawled across my forehead to match Kav’s on my left cheek and Slut on my right.
Tearing my gaze from the mirror, I focused on my phone, and with shaky hands, I dialed the number I knew off by heart.
Please pick up.
Please pick up.
Please don’t be in class and pick up…
‘Shan?’ his familiar voice came down the line. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Joey.’ Clenching my eyes shut, I shuddered violently. ‘I n-need you to come g-get me.’
