Shannon Lynch changed me.
I knew that sounded like contrite bullshit, but it was the truth.
That day back in January, when I knocked her out with my ball, I’d been so fucking lost and miserable. I hadn’t realized just how much until I looked into those midnight-blue eyes and was met with an almost mirror replica of my own secrets and pain. I was hurt and scared for reasons completely different to hers, but something snapped into place for me that day, and I hadn’t been the same since.
She happened to me when I least expected her. I didn’t want it, wasn’t willing to negotiate with the change I knew she would bring. So, I blocked her out. I kept her at arm’s length. Until one day, I couldn’t do it anymore.
It took me some time to figure out what was happening to me, to understand the feelings thrashing through me, but once I did, once I accepted what I was feeling and set my sights on her, I was all in.
Five months had passed since the day she burst into my life, throwing everything in a spin, and my feelings for her were deeper than ever. I honest to god felt like I was drowning in everything she was. Her pain, her smiles, her horrible fucking family, her playful personality – the one that peeked out when we were alone together. I was completely caught up in her.
I was fairly sure that neither of us had a clue of what we were doing – I certainly didn’t – but I knew whatever it was, I had no intention of stopping. She wasn’t a test I could study for, or a match I could prepare for with practice and countless hours at the gym. For the first time in my life, I was out of my element, and winging my way through a relationship I wasn’t entirely sure how to navigate, but the feelings she evoked from me were addictive. Fuck addictive, I was obsessed with my girlfriend. I was in so deep with her that I could hardly breathe and still, I jumped in deeper, pushed down further, wanted more and took it, doing whatever I could to just be with her.
Between her family despising me and my rigid training schedule that was back in full swing, spending time on our own together was a problem for me. I was struggling to find a balance between rugby and my girlfriend, and most days, I fluctuated between working myself to the bone in the gym or on the pitch, and wanting to blow off training, get in my car, and go pick her up.
Feeling stronger than ever, I worked myself to the bone, falling back into my 5am gym sessions, and working overtime to make up for precious lost time. I was throwing everything into building myself back up in time, hungry to recapture and retain my position. She never complained about how much I trained or how often I went to the gym. She just encouraged me, giving me a steady flow of silent support that was more comforting than anything else, while continuously telling me that she believed in me. ‘You can do it, Johnny, I know you can.’ Her words were powerful to me. They affected me deeper than she realized. Those small affirmations helped me drag my arse out of the bed each morning when my body screamed out in protest.
I tried not to think about what the future held for us – about what would happen when that call came through, because for the first time in my life, I was invested in something other than rugby. I was invested in her.
Before I met Shannon, I wouldn’t have considered myself to be an impulsive person, but something had re-wired itself in my brain, morphing me into a reckless, unthinking eejit. I knew I messed up with her father a few weeks back, but in fairness, how the hell could I walk away? How could anyone let him walk away? Someone needed to make that monster pay.
The sound of my phone ringing cut through my thoughts and I pulled the car over outside Shannon’s house before taking it out of my pocket to answer it. Glancing at the screen, I smirked when I saw Shannon’s name flash on the screen. ‘Hi, Shannon.’
‘Hi, Johnny,’ came her soft reply. ‘How was training?’
‘Same as always.’ Sighing contently, I leaned back in my seat. ‘I’m outside.’
‘Oh no,’ she mumbled. ‘I’m not there.’
‘That’s okay,’ I replied, pushing down the surge of disappointment churning inside of me.
‘I’m actually at Claire’s house,’ she said down the line. ‘We’re going shopping.’
‘Shopping?’ I smirked to myself and plucked a piece of fluff off my thigh. ‘You got anything nice in mind to buy?’
‘Uh, no, not me,’ she replied, voice muffled. ‘But I can come over later tonight, if that’s still okay with you? Hughie said he’d drop me to your house if you still want me to come over?’
‘You better come over,’ I teased. ‘Otherwise, I’m going to have to come scale the side of your house and break you out.’
She laughed softly. ‘Oh, hang on –’ The sound of ruffling and muffled whispers filled my ears before Shannon came back to the phone. ‘Claire wants to know if Gibsie is with you?’
‘No, he drove to training today,’ I replied, glancing down at my watch. ‘He should be home soon.’
‘Did you get that?’ I heard Shannon say to Claire. ‘I miss you,’ she added then, directing this part at me. ‘A lot.’
‘I miss you, too, baby.’
‘You two are disgusting,’ Claire’s voice snickered down the line. ‘You saw each other at school yesterday.’
Something caught my eye in the front window of Shannon’s house then, distracting me from the conversation. Arching up, I peered over the wall, watching as the curtains twitched again. ‘Who’s home, Shan?’ I asked, curious.
‘Huh?’
‘At your house?’ I asked. ‘You said Darren was in Belfast this weekend for work?’
‘Oh, he is,’ she replied.
‘So there’s nobody home?’
‘There shouldn’t be,’ she replied.
‘Oh.’ I watched as the curtains twitched around and then a little blond head popped out and then quickly disappeared. ‘Hmm.’
‘Why?’ she hurried to ask, panic evident in her voice. ‘Is there something wrong?’
‘Nope,’ I replied, keeping my voice calm as I climbed out of the car. ‘I’m just heading home now, so I’m going to have to hang up.’
‘Okay, thanks for calling.’
‘You called me, Shan,’ I reminded her as I rounded the garden wall, heading for the house.
‘Oh…yeah, right. Sorry.’
‘Don’t worry about it.’ I chuckled to myself, imagining her blushing. ‘I’ll see you later, okay?’
‘Bye, Johnny.’
‘Bye, baby.’ Hanging up, I slid my phone into my pocket and crouched down in front of the window. Less than a minute later, the net curtain twitched and a pair of big, chocolate-colored eyes locked on mine.
Sean, I mentally noted as the toddler stared through the glass at me, face solemn and streaked with dirt.
‘Hey,’ I mouthed, waving at him.
He didn’t respond.
He just stood there, staring back at me.
Unsure of what to do, I placed my hand against the window pane and held my breath. Seconds ticked by, and just when I thought the baby had turned to stone, he pressed his small, chubby hand against the glass, mirroring mine.
Smiling, I slowly stood back up, knowing that I needed to get back in my car and far away from this house, but moving towards the front door anyway. Knocking softly, I waited for a response, forcing down the urge to storm inside and demand to know what the fuck was going on.
Finally, the door opened inwards, and I was faced with the same tiny blond boy from the window. ‘Hey, Sean,’ I said in my best coaxing voice. ‘How are you?’
Another boy, no more than eleven or twelve, rushed towards us then, intercepting the toddler, and sweeping him into his arms. Swinging around, he locked his mistrusting glare on me. ‘Get out.’
‘How’s it going?’ I heard myself say as I retreated a couple of steps. ‘I’m Johnny.’
‘Yeah? Well fuck off, Johnny.’
Jaw-ticking, I swallowed down a snarky response and tried again. ‘You’re Tadhg, right?’ I hoped like fuck I had the name right. ‘I’m your sister’s boyfriend. And I know your brother Joey, too.’
A third boy appeared then, peeking around what I knew was their kitchen doorway. ‘You’re that Johnny?’ he asked in a small, hopeful voice. ‘Shannon really likes you.’
‘Don’t talk to him, Ollie,’ Tadhg said coldly. He turned his hard stare on me and hissed, ‘Leave.’
I wasn’t leaving.
I couldn’t.
‘Where’s your mother?’ I asked.
‘Mind your fucking business,’ Tadhg spat.
Christ, this kid was almost as feral as Joey.
‘Where’s Joey?’
No answer.
‘Are you guys home alone?’
With a scathing glare, Tadhg moved to swing the door shut on me.
I reached out and stopped it from closing. ‘You can tell me where she is,’ I said calmly. ‘Or you can tell the Gardaí.’
‘Joey had to go to a match,’ the middle one spilled his guts and said. ‘Mammy was supposed to drop us to Nanny’s but she’s still in bed, and she won’t wake up.’
‘Jesus fucking Christ, Ollie,’ Tadhg roared. ‘What are you trying to do to us?’
‘He asked,’ Ollie replied, lip wobbling.
‘And you just tell him our business?’ Tadhg snapped. ‘You know better!’
The middle one hung his head and sniffled. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘If you call the Gards on us, I’ll make you pay,’ Tadhg hissed, turning to glare up at me. ‘I’m dangerous.’
I bit down on my lip to stop myself from smiling. ‘I believe you,’ I told him, keeping my expression somber. ‘You’re a big lad for your age.’
‘Yeah, I’m twelve,’ he growled, puffing out his chest. ‘I could take you.’
I nodded solemnly. ‘Definitely.’
‘He talks funny,’ Ollie said then. ‘Why do you talk funny?’
‘That’s because he’s a Dub,’ Tadhg sneered, giving me a scathing look. ‘Everyone knows Cork is the real capital of Ireland.’
Was he picking a fight with me over my birthplace?
Jesus…
‘So, what time’s Joey due back from his match?’ I asked, trying for nonchalance, as I leaned against the doorframe.
‘A few hours,’ Ollie said, forthcoming. ‘But if he’s working afterwards, then he’ll be really, really late.’
‘Dammit, Ollie.’ Tadhg shook his head in resignation. ‘You can’t keep anything to yourself.’
‘I’m just answering his question,’ Ollie huffed.
‘Did you guys have dinner yet?’ I asked, smiling at Sean who was staring up at me, wide-eyed. ‘Are ye hungry?’
‘We’re fine,’ Tadhg growled.
‘I’m hungry,’ Ollie piped up. ‘And we didn’t have dinner because we don’t know about the cooker.’
My heart cracked in my chest, but I masked it with a small laugh. ‘Yeah, same here,’ I told them, trying to put them at ease. ‘I don’t know much about cookers, either.’
‘Joey cooks,’ Ollie offered. ‘Shannon, too.’
Smiling, I nodded. ‘Yeah, Shannon’s a great cook.’
His eyes widened. ‘Have you tried her spaghetti? It’s my favorite.’
‘Not yet,’ I replied. ‘I must ask her to make it for me sometime.’
‘You should,’ Ollie agreed. ‘It’s really good.’
‘Hey, you know what I really like?’ I said. ‘McDonalds.’ Their eyes widened and I hurried to say, ‘Do you want to go?’
What the fuck are you doing, Johnny!
‘With you?’ Ollie asked, eyes wide.
Say no, asshole. Say fucking no!
‘Yeah,’ I replied.
‘Now?’ Tadhg piped up, sounding reluctantly excited.
You’re going to jail, Cap…
‘Yeah,’ I choked out. ‘Why not.’
Three hours, one trip to the playground and two food-runs to McDonalds later, and I was bleeding exhausted. Panic stricken, I pulled onto Gibsie’s street, knowing that I needed some backup and some life advice.
‘Lads, wait in the car, okay?’ I coaxed, glancing back at the three blond heads in the back of my Audi. Ollie and Sean were stuffing their faces with bags of sweets. Tadhg was slurping down a slushy. Empty Happy Meal boxes were scattered all over the floor of my car and I was praying these kids didn’t have allergies because I’d loaded them up on more shite than I dared to think about. ‘I’m just picking up my buddy.’
‘Can I drive now?’ Tadhg asked, unbuckling his seatbelt and moving to climb through the seats. ‘We’re on a cul-de-sac.’
‘No,’ I shot back. ‘I already told you.’
Huffing, he sat back down and took a sip from his straw. ‘You suck.’
You cheeky little fucker. ‘Just wait here,’ I muttered, climbing out of the car before I strangled my girlfriend’s baby brother.
‘What did you do?’ Gibsie asked, watching me from his front door as I hurried up the garden path towards him. ‘Johnny?’
‘I’m in trouble,’ I strangled out when I reached him. ‘Big trouble.’
‘I know,’ Gibsie replied, eyeing me with suspicion. ‘I can tell by your face. What the hell did you do?’
‘I took them!’ I choked out, pointing at my car.
‘You took what, Johnny?’ Gibsie asked warily.
Swallowing down a groan, I grabbed his arm and dragged him down the path towards my car. ‘Them,’ I strangled out, pointing to the three blond boys looking out at us.
‘You took them,’ Gibsie deadpanned. ‘You just went ahead and took some kids?’
‘You weren’t there!’ Exhaling a furious growl, I ran my hand through my hair and hissed, ‘You didn’t see what I saw, so don’t fucking judge me.’
‘Don’t judge you?’ Gibsie spluttered, eyes wide. ‘Lad, you stole some fucking kids.’ His voice rose, turning all pitchy, as he continued to rant. ‘And you brought them here – to my house – making me an accomplice!’
‘I didn’t steal them,’ I growled. ‘I took them.’
‘Steal, take – it’s all the same, Johnny,’ he snapped. ‘They are not a product of your fucked-up dick therefore you have no business taking them anywhere.’ He stepped around me and peered through the window. ‘What’s wrong with that one?’ he asked, pointing at Sean. ‘Why is he eating his fingers?’
‘I don’t know, he doesn’t talk,’ I groaned, flustered. ‘I don’t know what the fuck I should do next.’
‘Take them back to whatever playground you found them in.’
‘It’s a little more complicated than that,’ I bit out, grinning and giving the boys two thumbs up. Ollie and Sean waved back at me. Tadhg gave me the middle finger. ‘We can drop that one back,’ I muttered under my breath. ‘Look,’ I said, turning back to Gibsie. ‘Can we bring them inside?’
‘Inside my house?’ Gibsie balked. ‘Yeah, because that doesn’t sound at all predatory and fucked-up. Two seventeen-year old lads bringing three small boys into their house.’
‘Can we?’
Gibsie gaped at me like I had lost my mind, and the truth was I probably had. But I was in this now and I was rolling with it. ‘Fuck no!’
‘Then what am I supposed to do with them?’
‘Take them back.’
I shook my head. ‘I can’t do that.’
‘You don’t steal children,’ he hissed. ‘It’s like the fundamental rule of life.’
‘I wasn’t thinking.’
‘You have issues,’ Gibsie accused, sounding horrified. ‘You have serious fucking issues with taking things that aren’t yours. You’re like a kleptomaniac but with humans!’
‘I know,’ I choked out. ‘I’m going to work on it, but I need you to help me with these ones.’
‘Why?’ he demanded. ‘What aren’t you telling me, Johnny? Christ, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.’
‘They’re Shannon’s brothers.’ Turning my back on the car, I whispered, ‘They were all alone, lad. Their Ma was in bed and they were hungry. I couldn’t leave them there.’ I shrugged helplessly. ‘How can I take them back to that house?’ I pointed back to the car. ‘That one’s only a baby.’
‘Shit.’ Gibsie dropped his head and groaned. ‘Should we call Shannon?’
‘No,’ I snapped, flustered. ‘She’s having a good day for once in her life. I’m not wrecking that with more shite.’
‘Then we’ll take them back to your house,’ he replied. ‘Your Mam’s at home. She’ll know what to do with them.’
‘She’s going to kill me,’ I mumbled dejectedly.
‘Yep,’ Gibs replied, clapping me on the back. ‘And me with you.’
‘Whoa!’ Tadhg and Ollie chorused when we pulled up outside my house a little while later. ‘Your house is huge.’
‘None of you are afraid of dogs, right?’ I asked as Bonnie, Cupcake, and Sookie bounded around in the back garden.
‘Nope,’ Ollie replied, pushing the door open and running straight for the dogs. ‘I like the black one,’ Tadhg stated as he hurried out after his brother.
‘Her name’s Sookie, I told him, climbing out after them. ‘She’s old so be gentle with her.’
‘Hey, Sookie,’ Tadhg called out, running across the grass to where Ollie was rolling around with my mother’s two golden retrievers.
‘What are we going to do with this one?’ Gibsie asked, as he leaned against the side of my car and pointed to Sean who was still sitting in the backseat, chewing on his fingers. ‘Why does he keep eating himself?’
‘He’s not eating himself, Gibs,’ I snapped, feeling oddly defensive of him. ‘He’s just nervous. This is all new to him, so just…leave him alone, will ya?’
‘Jesus,’ Gibsie muttered, holding his hands up. ‘Sorry, Dad.’
Ignoring my best friend, I walked around to the back door and crouched down. ‘Hey, buddy,’ I coaxed, making eye contact with him. ‘You want to come inside with me?’
Sean stared at me for a long moment before crawling over the seats and slipping his small hand into mine. Uncertain, I looked at his small face and plastered on what I hoped was a reassuring smile. ‘Good boy.’ Helping him out of the car, I had to hunch while we walked, so I didn’t pull the kid’s arm out of its socket.
‘You know, if the rugby ever fails, you’d make a mighty fine childcare provider,’ Gibsie snickered, holding the back door of the house open for me.
‘Fuck off,’ I mouthed as I helped Shannon’s youngest brother over the back step, and threw a few Hail Marys up for self-preservation purposes. ‘Ma?’ I called out, blessing myself, as I pushed the kitchen door inwards and found my mother sitting at the island with one of her work portfolios laying open. ‘I have a problem and I need your help.’
‘Try three problems,’ Gibs mused. ‘Three huge fucking problems.’
‘But don’t panic,’ I hurried to add. ‘Little ears are listening.’
Her gaze went straight to the toddler whose hand I was holding and then to Gibsie before back to me. ‘Oh, Johnny, what have you done?’ Pushing back her stool, she stood up and walked over to us. ‘Who owns this child?’
‘This is Shannon’s baby brother,’ I explained as calmly as I could, careful not to spook the small child clinging to my hand.
‘There’s two more where he came from in your garden,’ Gibsie offered up. ‘Johnny stole them.’
‘You stole her children?’ Mam strangled out, paling.
‘Yep, so you might want to call your husband and see if he’s familiar with child abduction cases,’ Gibsie replied for me. ‘And full disclaimer here: for once, this was not my idea.’
‘This is Sean,’ I said, eyeballing my mother. Keeping my voice soft and gentle, I crouched down beside him and spoke directly to him. ‘Sean, this is my mammy. Her name’s Edel.’
Sean stared up at my mother, shoving his entire fist into his mouth this time.
‘He likes to eat his hand,’ Gibsie offered, like that was important information. ‘But Johnny reckons it’s okay.’ Shrugging, he added, ‘Don’t know much about kids, myself. All I have at home is a cat.’
‘Gerard, go down to the office and get my husband for me,’ Mam whispered. ‘Hurry now, love.’
‘Will do,’ Gibsie replied, before racing down the hallway towards my father’s home office.
‘Now.’ Crouching down in front of Sean, Mam smiled brightly. ‘Hello, Sean, love, how are you?’
Sean watched her carefully, not making a sound.
‘Does he speak?’ Mam asked gently, casting a quick glance to me.
I shook my head. ‘Don’t think so.’
‘Johnny?’ another small voice called out. ‘Can I feed your dogs?’
‘Yeah, do you have a lead so I can take Sookie for a walk?’
Seconds later, Ollie and Tadhg came barreling into the kitchen, bright-eyed and rosy-cheeked. The minute they locked eyes on my mother, they stiffened and bunched together.
‘Lads, this is my Ma,’ I explained. ‘Edel.’
‘Hello, boys,’ Mam said softly, smiling warmly at the brothers.
‘Ma, these are Shannon’s brothers; Ollie and Tadhg.’ I made the introductions from where I was still crouched next to Sean, who was squeezing my hand tightly in his. ‘It’s okay, buddy,’ I whispered in his ear. ‘You’re safe.’
‘Hi, Dellie,’ Ollie said shyly.
‘God, Ollie, he said her name is Edel,’ Tadhg grumbled. ‘Not Dellie.’
‘That’s okay,’ Mam chuckled, rising up. ‘My god, you’re the spitting image of your brother,’ she added, smiling at Tadhg.
Tadhg watched her carefully. ‘Which brother?’
‘Joey,’ Mam replied.
His eyes widened. ‘You know Joey?’
Mam nodded. ‘I do. He’s a lovely boy.’
Tadhg frowned. ‘Are you sure you know Joey?’
Mam chuckled again. ‘So, you like Sookie?’
The hardness in his eyes softened. ‘She’s okay.’
‘Her voice is funny, too,’ Ollie announced. ‘Isn’t it, Tadhg? Her voice is stranger than Johnny’s.’
‘She’s from Dublin,’ Tadhg groaned, looking embarrassed. ‘God, Ollie.’
‘And what about you, Ollie?’ Mam turned her smile on the middle one. ‘Do you like Bonnie and Cupcake?’
‘I love them,’ he told her, beaming. ‘They’re so big. I want a dog. Like so, so much, but we’re not allowed to have one because of when my Dad got the last–’
‘Ollie,’ Tadhg said in a warning tone. ‘Quiet.’
Ollie snapped his mouth shut and blushed.
‘What’s this about you kidnapping the Lynch children?’ my father chuckled as he strolled into the kitchen, looking amused. However, the moment his eyes landed on the three boys standing next to me, his smile vanished. ‘Oh, dear.’
The moment he stepped into the room, the atmosphere changed and the boys seemed to go on high-alert. Ollie and Tadhg both took a step towards me, with Tadhg shifting Ollie behind him. Sean turned into my chest and wrapped his little arms around my neck, clinging to me.
Tears filled my mother’s eyes and she covered her mouth with her hand. ‘Oh, lord.’
‘Don’t cry, Ma,’ I mouthed as I carefully wrapped my arms around Sean’s tiny body and lifted him up. ‘You’re okay, buddy,’ I coaxed. Nodding he tucked his face in my neck and cupped my cheek with his drool covered fingers.
Men, I realized. They were fucking terrified of grown men. Gibsie and I weren’t as much of a threat to them because we were the same age as Joey, who all these children seemed to adore – Shannon included. Disgust filled my body at a rapid rate, making it hard to function. ‘Lads,’ I said, dragging myself back to the present. ‘This is my Da – John.’ I looked to my mother for help, but she looked just as stumped as I was. ‘He’s a…’ I scrambled for the words I needed to put these kids at ease. Clearing my throat, I added, ‘He’s a big eejit, lads, but he’s completely harmless.’
Their eyes widened in shock as if they couldn’t believe what I had just said.
‘That’s right,’ Mam said, catching on quickly. Taking my father by the hand, she led him over to the island and shoved him down on a stool so he wasn’t so intimidating standing at his full 6’2 height. ‘He’s our fool, aren’t you, John?’ she added, ruffling his hair. ‘A big, old softie.’
‘Hi, John,’ Ollie said, eyeing my father warily, and offering him a small wave. ‘I’m Ollie.’
‘Hello, Ollie,’ Dad replied, smiling at the middle Lynch boy. ‘It’s lovely to meet you.’
‘Did you hear that, Tadhg,’ Ollie said, jabbing Tadhg in the ribs. ‘He talks the same as us.’
‘Because he’s from Cork,’ Tadhg muttered, shaking his head. ‘Obviously.’
‘Hello, Tadhg,’ Dad added. ‘How are you doing?’
‘Fine,’ Tadhg replied warily. ‘Thanks.’
Dad smiled. ‘So, what did Johnny do, lads?’
‘He took us to McDonalds,’ Ollie blurted out. ‘Two times.’
‘Twice,’ Tadhg corrected with a heavy sigh. ‘Say twice, Ollie.’
‘And the playground,’ Ollie continued, unperturbed. ‘And we met that weird guy over there –’ He paused to point at Gibsie. ‘Well, Tadhg says he’s weird. I think so, too, but he’s also kind of nice.’ Grinning, he added, ‘He gave me a fiver.’
‘Thanks, kid,’ Gibsie chuckled. ‘I think you’re kind of nice, too.’
‘Oh, so you boys aren’t hungry?’ Mam asked as she opened the fridge. ‘Not even for some….’ She let her words trail off as she pulled a huge chocolate cake from the fridge. ‘Dessert?’
‘Whoa,’ Ollie gasped, moving straight for her, all fears of my father forgotten now that there was cake involved. ‘We’re allowed to have some, Dellie?’
‘Edel,’ Tadhg muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘Not Dellie.’
‘Only the three biggest pieces,’ Mam replied, making her eyes go all wide with fake excitement. ‘How does that sound?’
Ollie nodded eagerly. ‘It was Tadhg’s birthday last month and he didn’t get a cake. He loves chocolate, don’t you, Tadhg?’
‘It’s okay,’ Tadhg mumbled, edging closer. ‘I guess.’
‘Well, come over here with me and we’ll cut it up,’ Mam announced, tone cheerful, but eyes watering. ‘And I’ll get some ice-cream to go with it.’
‘Oh my god!’ Ollie exclaimed, trailing after my mother. ‘Your Mam is the best, Johnny.’
‘And you,’ Mam said as she set the cake down on the counter and lifted Ollie onto a stool. ‘Remind me just of your sister.’ Stroking his hair, she smiled down at him. ‘And you are just as sweet.’
Ollie beamed up at her. ‘I am?’
Mam nodded. ‘Yes, you are.’
Tadhg snickered, joining Ollie at the island. ‘You look like Shannon.’
‘So?’ Ollie huffed, keeping his gaze trained on the cake Mam was cutting. ‘I’m sweet.’
‘You want some cake, Sean?’ I asked when his head popped up, eyes trailing his brothers. ‘I bet it’s nice.’
‘He doesn’t talk much,’ Tadhg explained, eyes widening when my mother placed a huge slice of cake in front of him. ‘He only says like seven words.’
‘It’s true,’ Ollie agreed, picking up his slice of cake with his hand and taking a huge bite. ‘And he hasn’t said anything since Daddy hurt Shannon –’
‘Ollie,’ Tadhg groaned, shoulders slumping. ‘Stop talking.’
‘It’s okay, boys,’ Mam coaxed, voice shaking a little as she set a plate of cake down in front of Dad. ‘We don’t have to talk about that today.’
‘Hey,’ Gibsie interjected then, winking at Tadhg. ‘Don’t you be eating all that cake, fatty. I want some.’
Tadhg snorted. ‘You look like you’ve had enough cake for a month.’
‘I’ll have you know that it takes hours in the gym to look as good as I do,’ Gibsie shot back, joining them at the opposite side of the counter, taking the stool next to my father.
‘Yeah,’ Tadhg snickered between bites of his cake – again, using his hands and not the fork beside him, ‘hours with your head in the fridge.’
Gibsie threw his head back and laughed. ‘You’re a cheeky little fucker.’
‘Gerard,’ Mam said, giving Gibsie a grateful smile, as she set a plate of cake in front of him. ‘No bad language.’
‘Sorry, Mammy K,’ Gibsie replied with a sheepish grin before stabbing into his cake with relish. ‘Mmm.’
‘I’ll get the ice-cream,’ Mam announced then, before hurrying into the utility room, smothering a sob as she went.
‘Will we get some?’ I asked Sean, who was now physically gravitating towards the food. ‘Yeah?’
Sean nodded and wiggled in my arms. I took it as a signal to put him down and the minute I did, he scooted towards his brothers, trying and failing to climb up. Both of his brothers ignored him, entirely too focused on their own cake as they scoffed it down. Giving up on getting their attention, he moved around the island, stopping at my father’s legs. I watched as he seemed to hesitate before reaching up and tugging on the leg of his pants.
Wordlessly, my father reached down and lifted him onto his lap, not making a big deal of it, as he set his plate of cake in front of Sean. Diving for the cake, Sean started to shove it into his mouth, sitting contently on my father’s lap as he ate.
Ollie and Tadhg turned to watch their little brother, both eyeing my father with wary curiosity.
When Mam walked into the kitchen with the tub of ice-cream, she quickly backpedaled out again. Shaking my head, I followed her into the utility to find her sobbing against the freezer. ‘God love them,’ she whispered, tears dripping down her cheeks. ‘Oh, Johnny, those poor babies.’
‘I know, Ma,’ I replied, keeping my voice low. ‘But don’t be crying. You’ll freak them out.’
‘It’s just terrible,’ she choked out. ‘How anyone could do that to those babies–’
‘Ma, stop.’ Closing the space between us, I placed my hands on her shoulders and sighed. ‘Feed them,’ I encouraged. ‘Fill them up with ice-cream and all that shite you gave us when we were small. They don’t need any more tears.’
‘You’re right.’ Sniffling, she wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand and forced a smile. ‘No more tears.’
‘Edel,’ Dad said, popping his head around the door with Sean balancing on his hip. ‘We need to talk.’
‘I know, John.’
‘No.’ He shook his head and gave my mother a meaningful look as Sean pulled on his tie. ‘We need to talk now, sweetheart.’
‘This is bullshit,’ I snarled, pacing my father’s study like a deranged lunatic. ‘I’m not bringing them back there, Da.’
‘We don’t have a choice, Johnny,’ Dad replied wearily. ‘We have to return them – preferably before their mother realizes that they’re gone.’
‘That family is in dire need of an intervention,’ Mam choked out. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with the world, but I can’t understand how they’re just left in that home with her – or how that man is walking around scot-free.’
‘Calm down, sweetheart,’ Dad coaxed, rubbing her arm.
‘It’s not fair, John,’ she strangled out. ‘I can’t bear it.’
‘No, it’s not fair,’ Dad agreed. ‘But you can’t be getting yourself worked up over it.’
‘Look at them, John!’ Stalking over to the window, she pointed outside to where Gibsie was rolling around on the lawn with the three boys. ‘Look at them.’
‘I see them, Edel,’ Dad replied calmly. ‘I see everything you’re seeing, sweetheart.’
‘If you see them then how can you possibly expect me to send them back?’ Mam hissed. ‘Something has to be done. Better has to be done for those children! They’re just kids. They don’t understand, and they don’t deserve this. And Shannon?’ Mam’s expression caved. ‘He saw, John.’ She pointed a shaky finger at me. ‘Our son recognized it from the very beginning. He might not have understood what he was seeing, but he heard the cry for help. He heard her. And he unraveled a darkness no child should be exposed to.’
‘I know,’ Dad replied, giving her a meaningful look. ‘But right now, we don’t have a legal leg to stand on. Do you want your son to be arrested, sweetheart? Because that’s exactly what will happen if we don’t do this the right way.’
‘Then when?’ Mam choked out. ‘When, John?’
‘When what, Ma?’ I asked, watching her carefully.
Mam opened her mouth to respond, but my father got there first.
‘Edel.’ He shook his head in warning. ‘This isn’t a conversation I want us to have in front of our son.’
‘Do what the right way?’ I asked, suspicious. ‘What’s going on here?’
‘Don’t ask questions,’ my father said. ‘I promise, you don’t need to know.’
‘Of course I need to know, Da –’
‘No, Johnny, you don’t!’ he snapped. ‘You need to trust me and not ask questions.’
‘I can’t do it,’ Mam choked out, dropping her head in her hands. ‘I can’t send them back there.’
‘Johnny, I need you to text their brother,’ Dad instructed. ‘Ask Joey to come over here.’
‘What?’ My brows furrowed. ‘Now?’
Dad nodded. ‘Now.’
‘Why Joey?’
‘Because he’s over eighteen and the least likely to have you arrested,’ Dad shot back.
‘Fuck,’ I muttered.
‘Yes,’ Dad offered. ‘Fuck indeed, son.’
‘But Da, I don’t think they should go back there –’
‘Do what I say,’ Dad ordered. ‘I’ve never guided you wrong before, and I don’t have plans on starting, so just trust me and text their brother.’
Frustrated, I dragged my phone out of my pocket and sighed dejectedly. ‘What do you want me to say?’
‘Tell him the truth,’ Dad commanded. ‘Tell him exactly what you told us and ask him to come pick them up.’
‘No.’ Mam shook her head. ‘Please, John –’
‘Trust me,’ Dad bit out. ‘This is the only way, Edel.’
Sniffling, Mam nodded. ‘Text Joey, love.’
Panicked, I pulled my phone out and sent a text to the one person I hoped wouldn’t have me arrested.
J: Yeah, so, strange thing happened today…
Joey the hurler: Why are you texting me?
J: Because I took your brothers and they’re at my house.
Joey the hurler: Why?
J: I don’t know.
Joey the hurler: Do you plan on giving them back?
J: I guess.
Joey the hurler: You’re really fucked up, Kavanagh.
J: I know.
Joey the hurler: I’m on my way.
‘Done,’ I muttered, sliding my phone back into my pocket. ‘He’s on the way.’
‘Thank you,’ Dad said with a sigh.
‘Don’t thank me, Da,’ I muttered. ‘Not for doing the wrong thing.’
Mam glanced between me and my father before sighing heavily. ‘You did the right thing, Johnny.’ Shoulders sagging, she walked over to where I was standing and wrapped her arms around my waist. ‘Everything will be okay.’ Pressing a kiss to my shoulder, she added, ‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ before walking out of the kitchen.
‘What’s going on, Da?’ I demanded, feeling out of the loop. ‘What aren’t you telling me?’
‘I don’t tell you a lot of things,’ my father replied evenly. ‘Parent/child privilege.’
‘You know what I mean, Da,’ I snapped. ‘If you know something to do with Shannon and you’re not telling me, I’m going to lose it.’
‘Nothing about Shannon,’ Dad told me.
‘Then what’s going on with you and Mam? What did all of that mean?’
My father sighed. ‘Johnny, you really don’t need to know.’
‘I want to know,’ I countered hotly.
‘But you don’t need to know,’ he shot back with an air of finality in his tone. ‘Because what your mother and I talk about is private.’
‘Are you fighting?’ I asked, at a complete fucking loss. ‘Over the Lynchs?’
‘If we are, then that is also private,’ Dad shot back, not missing a beat. ‘Respect that.’
Jaw-ticking, I swallowed down a snarky response and nodded stiffly.
‘Good man,’ he said, pulling his car keys out of his pocket. ‘Now, I need to go and make a few calls and see if I can keep you out of prison – at least until you turn eighteen.’ He turned and walked for the door only to halt and spin back around. ‘I forgot to ask you how training went?’
‘Fine,’ I grumbled.
‘And Coach Dennehy?’ he pushed. ‘Any word yet?’
No… ‘Uh, can we talk about it later?’ I said instead. ‘My head’s wrecked.’
‘Of course.’ Giving me a wink, he said, ‘Colorful family you’ve gotten yourself attached to, son.’
‘Like you can talk,’ I shot back accusingly, thinking about my mother’s side of the fence.
‘Don’t remind me,’ Dad muttered. ‘See you later.’
‘Yeah.’ I frowned after him, wondering what the hell he was up to. ‘I’ll see ya.’
