May, seven years ago
“HOLY FUCK,” DES says, materializing in my dorm room. “It’s a warzone out in your hallway.”
In the hallway I hear a muffled shout as some girl loses her shit because her nail polish smudged and ohmygod there’s no time to fix it.
I close my laptop and swivel around in my chair. I glance down at my bracelet. I hadn’t called the Bargainer tonight, nor had I the day before, and many nights before that. Somewhere along the way, Des started inviting himself over.
Des crosses my room and peers out my window. Far below us, girls in gowns and boys in tuxedos cross the lawn. “What’s going on tonight?”
“May Day Ball.”
Des glances over at me, his eyebrows raised. “Why aren’t you getting ready?”
“I’m not going,” I say. I pull my legs up onto my chair. “You’re not going?” He sounds surprised.
Isn’t it already obvious? I’m wearing boxer shorts and a worn T-shirt. I suck in my lower lip and shake my head. “No one’s asked me.”
“Since when do you wait for permission?” he asks. “And also, how is that possible?”
“How is what possible?” I ask, staring down at my knees.
I’m grumpy. Officially grumpy. If I still went to my former high school, I wouldn’t have to hear the excited squeals of girls as they got ready, and they wouldn’t notice how my door was ominously shut.
“That no one’s asked you.”
I shrug. “I thought it was your job to understand people’s motives.”
When I look up, Des’s arms are folded across his chest, and I have his full attention.
“What?” I say, suddenly self-conscious at all the attention. “Do you want to go to the May Day Ball?” he asks.
Oh God, I’m not admitting this to him. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “I don’t see how that matters.”
He cocks his head, and sweet baby angels, he’s going to read me. He’s
already reading me.
“It does matter. Now, do you?”
I open my mouth, and I know that everything is in my eyes. That I don’t fit in, and people don’t entirely like me. That I’m an outsider and I want in, I always want in, but I don’t get to walk inside that particular door. I’m forever banished to watch other people live their lives while I wait for mine to begin— or end. It really could go either way. My existence so far has mostly consisted of me holding my breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Des is moving, closing the remaining space between us, and I’m just staring at him like a fool, my knees pressed close to my chest.
He kneels in front of me, the air shimmering beyond his shoulders. He takes my hand, his eyes serious.
My heart’s in my throat, and I can’t swallow it back down. I feel bare in the most exquisite way, and I’m not sure why that is.
He begins to smile. “Would you, Callypso Lillis, take me to the May Day Ball?”
Present
ELI. THE MOST Wanted List. That’s all I can think about as I step outside Des’s home and face my ex.
Our last confrontation feels like a million years ago. Honestly, after everything that’s happened in the Otherworld, this just seems … so insignificant by comparison.
“Were you trying to get caught, or did you just not give two shits about it?” Eli asks.
“I didn’t give two shits about it.” I fold my arms over my chest and lean against the entryway wall. Now I feel the heat of my anger coming back. This
bastard. “I can’t believe you had the audacity to come into my home and threaten my life and then, as if that weren’t enough, you put my name on the goddamn Wanted List.”
“Callie, I never would’ve hurt you,” he says, his voice soft. He looks almost wounded. And I’m sure it is wounding on some level, considering he is the protector of his pack.
“You came into my house during the Sacred Seven,” I say. “Of course you could have hurt me.”
He shakes his head. “You’re pack. Or at least—you were.” I feel my hackles rising at his reaction.
“Do you put all pack members on the Wanted List?” I ask. Let’s see just how big Eli’s balls are.
Eli runs a hand down his face. “What I did, all of it, was a mistake,” he says, his voice defeated. “I was angry, and my wolf was demanding justice …” He sighs. “It’s no excuse, but I regret it, if it makes any difference.”
I press my lips together. It’s not like I handled things well either, but putting someone on the supernatural Wanted List far outweighs any wrongdoing on my part.
“I’m not going to let you arrest me,” I say.
He lets out a breath. “I’m not taking you in. I just … needed to talk to you.”
“You could’ve just called.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice genuine. Coming from an alpha like him, an apology is a rare thing.
I work my jaw. I’m still so peeved at the whole thing. Pushing down my frustration, I nod, looking away. I’m not sure whether I’m acknowledging Eli’s apology or accepting it. All I know is that I want to bury the hatchet between us.
The shifters eyes move to the Bargainer’s house. “My offer still stands, Callie.”
I glance at him.
“What I did was wrong, but what this guy’s doing, that’s worse. He’s taking away your free will,” he says. “The Bargainer is a wanted man. Just give me
the word and I’ll go in there and take care of the issue.”
It takes several seconds to register what he’s saying. When it does, horror washes over me. “No, I don’t want that.”
“Callie.” The alpha is in his voice.
“Don’t,” I warn. He no longer has the right to exert his pull over me. “There’s so much you don’t know.”
“Then tell me,” he says. “Or else I’m just going to keep assuming the worst.”
Isn’t that exactly what I’ve been demanding of Des? To stop keeping secrets? And here I am being a hypocrite.
But this secret …
“I never told you about my past.” I rub my face.
Even now I hesitate to tell Eli. It hurts to remember, and then there’s the shame. Always the shame.
But perhaps if I tell him, he’ll understand why I acted the way I have. And perhaps it will help him feel better, about me, about Des, and about the situation.
“When I was a minor,” I begin, “my stepfather … my stepfather …” Eli goes still.
“He sexually abused me.” I force the words out.
I hear a low growl. This is what I’ve always loved about shifters—about Eli.
No one fucks with their young. No one.
I blow out a shaky breath. “It went on for years. And it only stopped …” I pause again, pinching my forehead.
I can do this.
“When I was almost sixteen, he came at me, and I fought him off with a broken bottle. Nicked an artery.” All that blood. “He was dead in a matter of minutes.”
Eli’s growl is growing louder and louder.
I stare at my hands. “I killed a man. I wasn’t even an adult. I thought my life was over before it had begun, all because I finally fought off the person abusing me.” My voice drops. “He was such a powerful seer. Had I done things the legal way, I just … I don’t know if it would’ve ended well for me.”
I take a deep breath.
“So I called on a man infamous for his deals …”
That’s all I manage to get in before Eli pulls me into a hug, holding me close. “I’m so sorry, Callie. So fucking sorry.”
I shudder a little as the memory runs its course through me and I nod against him.
“You should’ve told me this. All of this,” he admonishes me quietly. “I’m bad at sharing,” I admit.
He holds me for close to a minute, and I appreciate the comfort.
Eventually, I step out of his arms, wiping away a tear that’s managed to sneak out from the corner of one of my eyes.
“What you have to understand,” I say, “is that the Bargainer saved me. He cleaned up the mess, enrolled me in Peel Academy, hid my crime.”
Telling Eli this is a gamble. The shifter is one of the good guys. He could drag me away, dig up that old case, and let the system do its work.
I’m sort of banking on the fact that Eli’s sense of justice—pack justice—will align with my actions; people who do bad things to innocent shifters just sort of disappear.
“The Bargainer didn’t charge me then,” I continue. “I know you think he did, but he has his own code of ethics. Because I was a minor at the time, he wouldn’t allow me to do business with him like that.”
Now knowing what I did about fairies, true favors were kind of a big deal.
The fae lived to take advantage of a situation.
Eli seems to understand this too. The werewolf raises his eyebrows.
“It was only later that I called him again. And again. And again. I came up with all sorts of favors just so that he could stick around for a while.” Because I was intrigued by him. Because I was infatuated by him. Because I wanted a friend who wasn’t scared off by my darkness—and Des wasn’t.
“He should’ve never made those deals with you,” Eli growls.
I play with my bracelet, rolling the beads round and round my wrist. “No, he probably shouldn’t have,” I agree. “But we’ve all given into our baser natures a time or two, haven’t we?” I say.
Eli grunts, looking out over the Bargainer’s property.
He rubs his face. “I wish you would’ve told me all these things long ago.” Could’ve, would’ve, should’ve. It does no use getting upset about it now. “Did I ever have a chance?” Eli asks.
I glance over at the shifter. “I don’t know. But I do know that you deserve someone who can give you far more than I can.”
Stepping in close, Eli rests his palm against the side of my face. “That sonuvabitch is a lucky man.”
The words are barely out of his mouth when behind us, the front doors slam open.
I turn just in time to see Des striding out from his home, his wings visible. His stormy eyes flick to Eli, who’s still standing close to me, and I see a flash of possessiveness in them.
Reflexively, I step away from the shifter.
It’s broad daylight out here, which isn’t exactly Des’s favorite time of day. He was supposed to be in the Otherworld for several more hours. Clearly, something changed.
Did he think I was in distress? How would he even know that?
The ground shivers with Des’s power, his gaze intent on Eli as he stalks towards him.
I step in front of the Bargainer, placing a hand on his chest to stop him from whatever he’s thinking of doing.
He glances down at my hand, his nostrils flaring, before his eyes move back to Eli. “You have two seconds to get off my property before I make you,” he says to the shifter, his voice smooth as liquor.
Eli stares at Des’s wings for a long moment, looking stunned. Finally, he tears his gaze away. “I didn’t know,” he says.
I look between the two men. “Know what?”
The Bargainer watches Eli for several seconds. Then ever so slightly, he inclines his head. “Now you do.”
“Callie told me what you did for her when she was a kid,” Eli says. “Thank you for helping her,” he continues. “No more bad blood between us, okay? I didn’t realize the situation—any of it.”
Again, Des inclines his head.
Eli backs away, casting a glance in my direction. “Take care of yourself, Callie,” he says, raising a hand goodbye. And then he turns and walks off the property and out of my life.
My brow is still furrowed long after Eli leaves. Nothing about what just happened makes a terrible amount of sense.
I was expecting a confrontation of some sort between the two men, but instead I get apologies and understanding. I should be relieved, but as Des leads me back inside, my eyes drift to his wings.
That’s what Eli was staring at with such shock. The fae king’s wings. The same wings Des studiously hid from me in the past.
There’s something I’m missing, and I’m going to figure out what it is.
BEFORE DES AND I can talk about any of what just happened, I mumble some excuse about needing to go to the bathroom and slip away to my room.
Locking the door behind me—not that it would stop the Bargainer—I grab my phone and dial Temper, pacing back and forth across the room.
“Hey bitch, wassup?” she answers.
“Temper, you know a fair bit about fairies, don’t you?” I say, jumping right in.
Before we became private investigators, when Temperance Darling was just another misfit at Peel Academy, she had a minor obsession with fairies. When I originally met her, she’d wanted to be a diplomat stationed in the Otherworld.
“Mmmmm, fair bit might be taking it too far, but I know a few things.
Why? What you need to know?” “Eli confronted me and—”
“He found you?” Temper interrupts, her voice incredulous. “Already? Wow, girl you suck at hiding.”
“And how do you think he found me? Could it be because he tapped your phone?” I say.
There’s a pause over the other end of the line. “Well, shit,” she says, “that is just messed up.”
“It’s fine. We talked through our issues, now we’re good.”
Another pause. Temper has a habit of those around me. “Are you telling me you managed to talk your way off of the Most Wanted List?”
When she said it like that …
“Shit, you did. Bitch, you must have a vagina of gold.”
I chew on a thumbnail. Outside my room, I can hear the Bargainer moving around, impatient. I’m going to have to go out there and talk with him soon. He and I both have questions that need answering.
“Listen, Temper, I need to talk to you about something important.” Immediately, her tone changes. “What is it?”
“What do you know about fairy wings?”
“Um… they’re sparkly—at least some of them—they come out most commonly when a fairy loses control of their emotions—you know, anger, lust, if a fairy drinks too much … Um, I know there’s more. Let me think, it’s been a while since I read up on this stuff… ”
I remember the look in my ex’s eyes today when he saw those wings: game over.
“Today, when Eli saw the Bargainer’s wings, he backed off. It was really weird, and I just wanted to know …”
What do I want to know?
“Those two met? Again?” And then the rest of what I say catches up to her. “Wait. What do you mean Eli saw the Bargainer’s wings?”
“It’s not like this is anything new,” I say. “Eli saw them before, when he came to my house around the full moon.”
“Yeah, but they would come out when the Bargainer was under attack if he needed to use them to fly,” Temper says. “What happened today?”
I fiddle with my bracelet. “There was another confrontation between the Bargainer and Eli, and this time when Eli saw the Bargainer’s wings, the whole dynamic changed. It was weird. I mean, Eli apologized.”
Perhaps it was because of everything I told him. Perhaps I was barking up the wrong tree.
More silence.
Finally, “Has the Bargainer shown you his wings?” Temper sounds… odd. “Outside of situations where they’re needed, or where he was being attacked.
Has he just, you know, walked around with his wings out? And flashed them like they’re his newest ice?”
“… Yes,” I say slowly, my stomach tightening. “Why?” She exhales. “Girl.”
“What?”
“There is one instance when fairies are particularly fond of keeping their wings out and flashing them whenever they feel like it. Especially the males.”
She just stops speaking.
“Oh my God, your silence is killing me,” I say. “Temper, whatever it is, just say it.”
“Fairies only do this with their betrotheds.”
