At first, I ignored the angry voices penetrating the quiet bubble of my bedroom, presuming Darren and Tadhg were going head to head again downstairs, but then I remembered Tadhg and Ollie were at a birthday party. Sean was with Nanny, Joey was AWOL, and Mam was at work. That left Darren and…
Dad?
My breath hitched in my throat and I dropped the pen I had been using to scribble revision notes into my copybook with.
For a moment, I just sat there on my bed and held my breath, waiting for my bedroom door to fly inward and my father to appear. When it didn’t happen, my anxiety lowered to the point where moving my limbs was possible again.
Unnerved, I climbed out of bed and walked over to my window to investigate. Pushing it open, I leaned out, rested my elbows on the sill, and searched for trouble.
The sight of the familiar silver Ford Focus parked outside my house caused my heart to thud rapidly.
I knew that car.
It belonged to Gerard Gibson.
And wherever Gibsie was…
‘Then go for it, because I’m not going anywhere, asshole!’ an achingly familiar voice with a thick Dublin accent boomed. ‘Go right ahead and call the fucking Gards, because quite frankly, I’d love to speak to them.’
Johnny.
Because of the veranda under my window blocking my view of the front door, I couldn’t see him, but I could hear him, and oh god, my heart thundered violently at the sound of his voice.
For a long moment I stood there, in a state of shock, absorbing his voice and the realization that he was actually here before my brain kicked into gear and my legs started to move.
Every inch of my body was aching, and the bruising on my face was darker now, more purple and prominent, but I didn’t care. I pushed past my pain, forced down my insecurities, and got dressed in record time. The jeans I threw on were loose and needed the support of a belt, but I knew I wouldn’t find one in my wardrobe, so I used my hair tie to hold them up. Slipping my feet into my runners, I grabbed one of Joey’s hoodies off the back of my door before hurrying into the landing.
Feeling skittish, I clutched the bannister and half-stumbled down the stairs in my haste to get to him. When I reached the bottom step, I had to stop for a moment and catch my breath; my lungs protesting against the sudden movement.
Darren was standing in the doorway, obstructing my view of him, as they both argued back and forth.
Moving purely on instinct, I hurried over to the door and slipped under Darren’s arm. Johnny’s brows shot up in surprise at the sight of me, but I didn’t give him a chance to say anything. Instead, I practically fell over the step of the door as I threw my arms around his neck and clung to him, feeling a rapid sense of instant relief spread across my skin like a hot flush absorbing me. ‘Hi, Johnny.’ Clenching my eyes shut, I held onto his body for dear life. ‘You came back.’
‘Hi, Shannon.’ I heard his crutches clatter to the ground as his arms came around me and then I was enveloped in the warmth and security I felt like I had been chasing my whole life. ‘I promised I would.’
This isn’t safe for you, my mind protested, you feel too much for this boy, too deeply. Getting attached to him is a bad idea…
‘Shan!’ Claire’s voice filled my ears and my head snapped up. It was only then that I noticed her and Gibsie standing slightly back from the door. She looked back at me, brown eyes filled with tears, and waved awkwardly. ‘Hi!’
At the sight of her, something snapped inside of me and a sob tore from my throat. ‘Hi,’ I strangled out, as I detangled myself from Johnny and moved for her.
‘God!’ She met me halfway, wrapping me up in a hug so tight, I flinched. ‘Are you okay?’ she demanded. Sniffling loudly, she released me and stepped back, letting her gaze trail over my body. ‘Oh my god, Shan, what happened – I can’t – I don’t even know what to – girl, you better be okay!’ Grabbing my hoodie, she dragged me back in for a monster hug. ‘I’m so mad at you,’ she hissed as tears dripped freely down her cheeks. ‘And I’m so mad at me – and him.’ She glared at Darren, who was still standing in the doorway. ‘He’s not as nice as I remember.’
‘I’m okay,’ I squeezed out, patting her back. ‘Just please be gentle.’
‘Of course,’ she sobbed, loosening her hold once more. ‘Oh god –’ her words broke off and her face contorted in pain. ‘Your face.’
‘I’m okay, Claire,’ I gently reminded her. ‘I’m here.’ I’m alive.
‘I just love you so much,’ she cried. ‘You don’t even get how important you are to me!’
‘Can I get in on this action?’ Gibsie asked and then wrapped his arms around the both of us. ‘Group hugs,’ he mused, ruffling both our heads before stepping back and pulling out a box of cigarettes from his jeans pocket. ‘Good for the soul.’ Smiling to himself, he placed a cigarette between his lips and sparked up.
‘Hi, Gibsie,’ I sniffled, wiping my eyes with my sleeve.
‘Little Shannon,’ he replied with a wink. ‘You good?’
I nodded weakly.
‘Damn straight you are,’ he said, tone encouraging. ‘Little fighter.’
‘You look like a panda bear,’ Claire croaked out, touching the dark circles under my eyes. ‘Are you sleeping?’
Not a wink because I’m tortured with nightmares. ‘It’s just bruising.’
She flinched. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s okay,’ I whispered, offering her a watery smile. ‘I’ll be okay.’
‘Ask her now,’ Johnny barked, drawing all of our attention back to where he was still locked in a stare-down with my brother. ‘Ask your sister what she wants. Ask her if she wants us to leave. Go on. Fucking ask her!’
‘I’ve already told you,’ Darren growled. ‘She’s not–’
‘I want to stay with my friends for a while,’ I mumbled, surprising everyone. I felt four pairs of eyes land on my face and my cheeks burned. Stiffening my spine, I looked at my brother and said, ‘I’m going to spend some time with my friends.’
Darren looked at me in defeat. ‘You shouldn’t be outside after your procedure.’ He ran a hand through his hair and stifled a groan. ‘You shouldn’t be going anywhere without me or Joey.’ He gave me a meaningful stare. ‘Think about this.’
I didn’t need to think about it. I already knew what he was referring to.
Dad.
He was out there somewhere and Darren was terrified of him getting ahold of one of us.
My old friend fear roared to life, sucker punching me in the gut, and I physically flinched.
What if he finds you?
What if he comes back?
What if she takes him back while you’re gone and he’s in the house when you get home?
What if –
‘I’ll look after her,’ Johnny announced in a tone so sincere, there left no room for doubt. Darren didn’t respond to him so Johnny turned his heated gaze on me. ‘I’ll look after you,’ he repeated, blue eyes locked on mine. ‘I will.’
Exhaling a ragged breath, I nodded. ‘Okay.’
Relief flooded his features. ‘Okay?’
‘Yeah,’ I breathed, nervously clasping my hands together. ‘I want to go with you.’ I flicked my gaze back to Darren and saw the disappointment in his eyes, but held my nerve. ‘I’m going with him, Darren.’
Darren shook his head, muttered something unintelligible under his breath, and then stepped outside. Retrieving Johnny’s crutches off the ground, Darren handed them to him and hissed, ‘You better mean that because this isn’t a game, kid,’ before walking back inside. ‘Remember what I said, Shannon,’ he added.
When the front door slammed shut behind him, I released the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.
Claire beamed at me. ‘Girl, my pride levels are so high right now they could not possibly be measured.’ She took my hands in hers and squeezed. ‘How does it feel to finally stick up for yourself and win?’
I shrugged, feeling confused. ‘Unnerving?’
‘I know the appropriate song for this,’ Gibsie said, draping an arm over Claire’s shoulder. Tossing his cigarette butt in the neighbor’s garden, he waved a hand in front of them and said, ‘Bon Jovi – It’s My Life.’
‘Perfect!’ Claire chirped, wrapping an arm around his waist as they strolled down the garden path towards his car. ‘You know what, Gerard? You can be pretty smart when you’re not being pretty stupid.’
Laughing, he pulled her into his side. ‘I know, right?’
‘Shannon.’ Johnny’s deep voice came from behind me, causing a shiver to roll through my body. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m not sure,’ I admitted quietly, resisting the urge to lean back and feel his body pressed to mine.
‘Do you still want to come with me?’ he asked, standing so close to me that I could feel the heat emanating from his body. ‘It’s okay if you don’t. I’m just happy that I got to see you.’
Nodding, I turned to look up at him. ‘That’s the one thing I am sure of.’
The sound of car tires screeching loudly caused me to startle and I stiffened, instantly panicked and on edge. Johnny shifted closer to me and I automatically burrowed into his side. ‘It’s okay,’ he coaxed, frowning at something over my head. ‘I think it’s your brother?’
‘My brother?’ Frowning, I spun around to see Joey stumbling face-first out of the back of a moving car. ‘Joey?’ I called out, hurrying towards him. ‘Joe!’
The car that had deposited my brother beeped twice before speeding off down the terrace. I narrowed my eyes and glared at the black, souped-up Honda Civic as it tore off out of sight.
Awareness dawned on me, cold and ugly, as I registered who that car belonged to and what said person represented to my brother.
Nothing good.
‘Was that Shane Holland?’ I demanded when I reached him, out of breath and panting. ‘What the hell, Joey! I thought you left that behind you.’
‘Shan,’ Joey slurred, laughing to himself, as he rolled onto his back and sighed in contentment. ‘How’s it going?’
‘Get off the road, you idiot,’ I growled, feeling a mixture of relief and terror course through me. ‘Joey, get up right now!’
He mashed his lips together and sighed. ‘I missed ya.’
‘You’re going to get killed,’ I hissed, glaring down at my brother. ‘Get up before someone drives over you!’
‘Let them,’ he laughed. ‘I don’t give a fuck anymore.’
‘Clearly,’ I grumbled, dropping to my knees beside him. ‘Does Aoife know about this?’
‘Shh,’ he groaned, covering his face with his hands. ‘Don’t.’
‘No, of course she doesn’t.’ Reaching over, I checked his pockets and groaned in despair. ‘Well, your wallet’s gone,’ I informed him. ‘And your phone!’
‘I fucked up, Shan,’ he whispered then. ‘I’m always fucking up.’
My heart cracked in my chest.
‘Joe, just get up off the road and I’ll help you, okay?’
Groaning, he shook his head. ‘I’m done.’
‘What did you take?’ I asked in a hushed tone, leaning close to his ear. ‘What was it, Joe? What did they give you?’
‘He’s high?’ Johnny asked, standing over us.
I debated denying it and lying, but then thought better of it. What was the point? My brother was lying in the middle of the road in broad daylight. I could hardly pass this off as an accident. ‘Yeah,’ I choked out, shoulders sagging in defeat.
Sighing heavily, Johnny handed me his crutches and reached down. ‘You’re going to have to help me out here, lad,’ he grumbled as he caught ahold of Joey’s hand and pulled him into a sitting position. The movement caused Johnny to hiss loudly and release Joey’s hand. The moment he did, Joey flopped back down on the tarmac. ‘Fuck.’
‘Mister rugby,’ Joey slurred.
‘Joey the hurler,’ Johnny acknowledged as he reached for Joey’s hand again.
‘Joey, get up!’ I ordered, feeling flustered and embarrassed. I had tried so hard to keep our demons hidden and now here they were, on full display. I couldn’t cope with it. It was too much. I felt too exposed. ‘Please.’
‘Come on, lad,’ Johnny grunted as he tried and failed to pull Joey to his feet once more. He was seeing the worst part of my life and he was wading in, throwing himself into the mix, crutches and all. ‘You need to work with me here.’
‘What have we got here?’ Gibsie asked. Kneeling down beside me, he reached over and pulled Joey’s eyelids open. ‘Woo, you’re good and stoned, aren’t ya, Lynchy?’ he mused and then patted his chest.
‘Aw fuck,’ Joey groaned, twisting away from us. ‘Not that mad bastard.’
Gibsie laughed. ‘Glad to see I made an impression.’
‘I need to get him out of here,’ I strangled out, panicked. ‘Those guys might come back, and I don’t trust Darren not to call the –’
‘No worries, Little Shannon. I’ve got him.’ Catching ahold of Joey’s shoulders, Gibsie dragged him clean off the ground in one clean sweep. ‘Now it’s your turn not to puke in my car,’ he told Joey as he carted him over to his car and deposited him in the back seat.
Mortified, I wrapped my arms around myself and just stood there, frozen to the bone, and drowning in my emotions.
‘Does he do that a lot?’ Johnny asked, coming to stand beside me.
I shook my head and handed his crutches back to him. ‘Not usually.’
He arched a brow. ‘Not usually?’
I blew out a harsh breath. ‘Not for a long time.’
Nodding in silent understanding, Johnny adjusted his crutches and gently nudged my shoulder with his. ‘Come on, Shannon like the river.’
