We sat on brown wooden benches on opposite sides of the hallway of the courthouse, waiting for our names to be called. We’d gotten our marriage licenses and rings and managed to get the last appointment of the day for a civil ceremony.
It cost thirty-five dollars to be married by a justice of the peace, plus an extra twenty bucks for two court-assigned witnesses we didn’t know to sign our marriage certificate.
I didn’t have flowers or a cake. I wasn’t in a wedding dress. My ring was so loose I’d had to put tape around it to keep it on. It rained on us in the parking lot. We wouldn’t have a first dance or photos or the mawage guy. My best friend wouldn’t stand next to me and neither would his.
It was the lamest, saddest wedding in the history of weddings—and I was so excited about it I couldn’t stop smiling.
Now that I’d let it go, I realized how exhausting my crusade had been. Like fighting to stay awake when you want to just let go and slip into a dream.
Letting him love me was natural and easy—it was keeping him away from me that was hard. It had drained me to the core, taken everything out of me, and I was relieved that it was over.
Josh wore the brewery shirt from the day we met, under a sport coat, and I wore the black dress from Sloan and Brandon’s party, by Josh’s request.
I glanced at him, and he looked up from the paper in his lap and grinned
at me, his dimples flashing. We were writing our own vows.
This man was about to be my husband.
He’d been my boyfriend for about three minutes, my fiancé for the last two hours, and he was about to be my husband for the rest of my life.
I was going to be Kristen Copeland.
I don’t know what he was thinking as he watched me from across the wide courthouse corridor, but I’d never seen him look so happy.
“Kristen Peterson and Joshua Copeland?”
Our names being called shook us from our private moment. Josh got up and gave me his hand. Then, just before we went inside, he pulled me into him. “Are you ready?”
God, I was so ready it wasn’t even funny.
“Yes.” I drew my bottom lip into my mouth and smiled.
He caressed my cheek. “You know you’re the best thing to ever happen to me, right?” His eyes blazed with emotion. “I love you, Kristen. You are the one great love of my life.”
His words gripped my heart. “I love you too, Joshua. Forever.”
* * *
The ceremony was in an office. We stood in front of the desk as a gray- haired clerk confirmed our names and checked our IDs. Our witnesses stood against the back wall as the ceremony started. We were a few minutes into it and I was just about to read my vows when the door burst open and Sloan spilled inside.
My jaw dropped.
She looked like a zombie bridesmaid. Her braid was frizzy, and her red lipstick was crooked. She wore the pink bridesmaid’s dress from her mom’s wedding three years ago, and she’d buttoned the dress wrong. Her hands clutched the half-dead flowers from her kitchen that I’d been picking through earlier. She must have taken them out of the trash. She had deep, dark circles under her eyes, and she looked pale, even with the blush.
But she was here.
I threw my arms around her.
“I couldn’t not be here,” she whispered.
I couldn’t even imagine the strength it must have taken for her to pull
herself out of the house to be here for me. The emotional anguish she would feel, watching me have the wedding she never got.
But she came.
Josh hugged her, and for the first time, I saw Brandon’s absence etched on his face. He’d been doing a good job trying not to dwell on it, I think. But with Sloan here, Brandon was a void.
This wasn’t the way any of this was supposed to go. Sloan and Brandon would have been long done with their honeymoon by today, at home and settled in. I don’t know where Josh and I would be, but I realized now there was no world in which the two of us didn’t end up together. And Brandon and Sloan would have been in our wedding, supporting us.
Instead, it was just her. And she wasn’t really her anymore. I didn’t know if she ever would be again.
But at least she was here.
Sloan stood next to me and I sniffled, picking up the Taco Bell receipt I’d jotted my vows down on.
I looked up at Josh. His chest rose and fell a little too fast. He had this look on his handsome face—a touch of anxiety, worry, and anticipation around his brow, like he was afraid at any minute all this would be taken from him, like I might suddenly change my mind.
I deserved that.
This was a shotgun wedding. Josh was the one holding the shotgun.
This whole thing was some flash-bang-chaos campaign to hustle me into marriage before I got my bearings. He wanted to lock me down before I freaked out on him and ran. That’s why he’d rushed this. Only, the joke was on him—I wanted to be locked down, and I’d never change my mind. I’d never leave him again. If he wanted this rust bucket of a body so badly, he could have it, and I’d just have to spend the rest of my life making sure he felt secure and loved.
I looked at him, my eyes steady, and I took a deep breath. “Joshua, I vow to text you back.”
Everyone in the room laughed, my fiancé included, and his face relaxed.
I continued. “I will answer every call you make to me for the rest of my life. You’ll never chase me again.”
His eyes filled with tears, and he seemed to let go of a breath he’d been holding.
“I promise to always go to family day at the station so you know that you’re loved. I vow to support you and follow you anywhere until you’ve found the place that makes you happy. I’ll be your best friend and try and fill that hole in your heart. I’m going to take care of you and cherish you, always and no matter what.” I smiled at him. “I’ll orbit around you and be your universe, because you’ve always been my sun.”
He wiped at his eyes, and he had to take a moment before he read his own vows.
While I waited, I let his face anchor me. I soaked him in, let his love remind me again and again that I was worth it.
He looked at his paper and then seemed to decide he didn’t need it, setting it down on the desk. He gathered up my hands. “Kristen, I vow that no matter what health issues lie ahead, I will love and take care of you. I will show you every day of your life that you’re worth everything. I will carry your worries. All I ask is that you carry your own dog purse.”
The room chuckled again.
“I promise to love Stuntman Mike and slay your spiders, and keep you from getting hangry.”
Now I was laughing through tears.
“I will always defend you. I’ll always be on your side.” Then he turned to Sloan. “And I vow to protect and care for you, Sloan, like you’re my sister, for the rest of my life.”
This did it. The tears ran down my face, and I was in his arms and weeping before I knew I’d closed the distance.
We were both crying. We were all crying, even the witnesses who had no idea how hard the journey had been to get here, the sacrifices that were made for this union.
Or who we’d lost along the way.
