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Chapter no 15 – Josh

The Friend Zone

We stood in her kitchen eating cereal, looking at each other. She ate hers out of a measuring cup because she โ€œlikes the handle.โ€ It made me smile.

โ€œDonโ€™t smile at me.โ€ She gave me a warning glare. Sheโ€™d been feisty from the moment she woke up. It was adorable.

Her hair tumbled wild around her face, still curled a little from the party, and she wore nothing but an oversize sweatshirt that bared one shoulder and the light-blue lace G-string Iโ€™d gotten to take off her last night. She was beautiful. So fucking sexy.

โ€œI canโ€™t even smile now?โ€ I grinned at her. My heart was so damn happy. Waking up with her was like Christmas when you see you got everything you wanted. I woke up with a grin on my face, and then sheโ€™d gotten up and

jumped me again.

It had been a good morning.

โ€œI need to make sure youโ€™re clear on the rules here,โ€ she said over her cereal. โ€œThis is a booty-call situation. Thatโ€™s it. Friends with benefits.โ€

Yeah, sheโ€™d said that last nightโ€”a few times actually. Iโ€™d been so focused on the sex part of that statement I hadnโ€™t really processed the rest of it. Iโ€™d been a little distracted at the time. Now that we were clothed, and my brain was working properly, I was ready to address this.

โ€œWhat if I donโ€™t want to be just friends with benefits?โ€ I smiled at her. โ€œThen weโ€™ll only be friends.โ€ Her face was stony.

Wow. Okay.

Was she really bent on this booty-call thing? Iโ€™d half thought she was just giving me shit last night with the whole โ€œthanks for the sex, get out nowโ€ bullshit. She liked to give me a hard timeโ€”it was her thing. I didnโ€™t think she was entirely serious.

I decided to poke her.

โ€œOh yeah? So we can see other people, then?โ€ I took a bite of my cereal with a smirk.

Something flashed in her eyes. โ€œOf course. Bone whoever you want.โ€ She shrugged, looking away from me.

I studied the side of her face. Her forehead wrinkled the way it did when she was frustrated. It bothered herโ€”I could see it. So if it bothered her, why was she insisting on it?

โ€œWell, we should probably start using condoms, then,โ€ I said casually, calling her bluff.

โ€œFine. We probably should have used them anyway.โ€ She put her cereal in the sink.

This wasย notย the answer I had hoped for. She didnโ€™t like condoms, so Iโ€™d been expecting something snarky along the lines of, โ€œWell,ย Iโ€™mย not the one who wants to see other people.โ€

Now Iโ€™d just talked myself into using a condom.ย Fuck.

I set my cereal down on the counter. โ€œWell, youโ€™re on birth control. And of course, if we agreed to be exclusive, we could keepโ€”โ€

โ€œNope. Condoms are fine.โ€

She walked out of the kitchen, and I watched her go with a wrinkled brow. But I didnโ€™t have time to get further into it with her. I had to be at work in twenty minutes. Iโ€™d slept all of two hours last night. I was exhausted and work was going to suck because of it.

It had been worth it.

I washed my bowl and went looking for her. She sat on the couch with Stuntman Mike, her laptop on her lap.

โ€œI gotta go to work,โ€ I said. Iโ€™d talk to her about this later.

I put my hand on the back of the couch and leaned down to kiss her, and she jerked her head back. โ€œNo. We donโ€™t kiss unless weโ€™re fucking.โ€

The comment gave me a small, unexpected jab in the heart. โ€œWhy?โ€ โ€œBecause this is a sex thing, Joshua. It will only ever be a sex thing.

Weโ€™re not dating. There are not going to be any public displays of affection

or hand-holding or any of it. If you canโ€™t deal with that, then letโ€™s stop this right now.โ€

I stared at her, and she looked back at her screen, emotionless. โ€œOkay.โ€ I straightened up. โ€œWell, Iโ€™ll see you in a few days. Forย sex.โ€ โ€œBye,โ€ she said, talking to her computer.

I gave her one more lingering look. She never raised her eyes.

A wall. An enormous wall had suddenly come up between us.ย What the hell?

I didnโ€™t understand it. Could she actually be serious about this? She didnโ€™t want to date me? At all?ย Ever?ย Why?

This wasnโ€™t some girl I wanted to call at 2:00 in the morning to bang and leave. I liked her. I more than liked herโ€”I wanted to be with her. Iโ€™d been hoping this was the start of something between us. If sheโ€™d wanted to be exclusive, I would have slapped on the boyfriend title in a second.

Could this be about Tyler? I mean, I guess I just thought by how quickly sheโ€™d thrown herself at me that she wasnโ€™t too upset over the breakup.

We hadnโ€™t talked about itโ€”Iย certainly wasnโ€™t going to bring up Tyler ifย sheย wasnโ€™t, and she hadnโ€™t broached the subject. She didnโ€™t really filter, so if heโ€™d been on her mind or the breakup was fucking with her, sheโ€™d say it, right?

But the only thing she was saying was that she didnโ€™t wantย me. It ate at me the whole way to work.

Once I got to the station, Shawn put me through a two-hour list of shitty probie chores. By the time I had a chance to talk to Brandon, he was working out.

The gym was a large gray-carpeted room off the apparatus bay. One treadmill, a bike, and an elliptical that nobody ever used sat in a row facing a mirrored wall. Three weight benches, a punching bag, and a rack of weights lined the other wall with a view of the fire engine through a large window.

I grabbed a cup of water from the watercooler by the door and took a weight bench next to where Brandon sat doing curls. โ€œHey. Sloanโ€™s car broke down on us last night. Stranded us in a fucking parking lot in Skid Row.โ€ I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees, holding my water cup between my legs. โ€œAnd I hooked up with Kristen.โ€

Brandon finished his set. โ€œWell, I canโ€™t say either thing really surprises

me.โ€ He pivoted to face me and grinned, bouncing his eyebrows.

I took another swallow of my water. โ€œShe broke up with her boyfriend last night.โ€

โ€œGood.โ€ He started doing curls on his other arm. โ€œSloanโ€™ll be happy.โ€ โ€œWell, Iโ€™m glad someoneโ€™s getting what they want out of it. She doesnโ€™t

want to date me. Sex only.โ€

โ€œOkay. Whatโ€™s the problem?โ€ He set his weight down with a thump. โ€œI thought you didnโ€™t want to date. Didnโ€™t you blow off that yoga instructor?โ€

โ€œThis is different. I like Kristen. A lot. And we get along. We get along fucking great. And the weird thing is I know she likes me tooโ€”I can tell. Something doesnโ€™t feel right.โ€ I finished my water and crushed the cup, tossing it into the trash can by the towels.

โ€œHmm. How was the sex?โ€ he asked.

I scoffed. โ€œFuck, it was the best sex Iโ€™ve ever had. Not even kidding.โ€

Sheโ€™d pounced me like a hungry tiger that escaped its cage. The way she smelled, the way she tastedโ€”even thinking about it made my dick twitch.

Shawn came through the door and tossed a gym towel onto the weight rack. โ€œWhat up, fellas?โ€

Brandon and I nodded at him.

โ€œJust ask her what her deal is,โ€ Brandon said. โ€œItโ€™s probably because she just broke up with whatโ€™s-his-face. Kristenโ€™s pretty blunt. I donโ€™t imagine her not telling you exactly what sheโ€™s thinking if you asked.โ€

Shawn sat on the other bench next to Brandon. โ€œYou talking about Kristen? Sloanโ€™s friend? Sheโ€™s single now? Sheโ€™s hot as fuck. Iโ€™d hit it.โ€ He lay down and scooted under the weight bar.

I grabbed his towel and threw it at him. โ€œHey, asshole, sheโ€™s taken.โ€ Shawn laughed, dragging the towel off his face. โ€œNot by you.โ€ โ€œYes, by me.โ€ย Sort of.

He paused with his hands on his barbell and looked over at me. โ€œDamn!

Youโ€™re crushing that? Sheโ€™s gone slumming, bro!โ€ I gave him the finger.

Brandon chuckled. โ€œDo you want me to ask Sloan?โ€

โ€œNo.โ€ Kristen and Sloan would see that shit a mile away. โ€œDonโ€™t ask.

Donโ€™t tell her what I said, yeah?โ€

He picked his weight up and started doing curls again. โ€œJust see how it goes. Give it a few weeks.โ€

Shawn grinned. โ€œCanโ€™t nail that shit down, huh?โ€

I ignored him and stood up to grab weights for my barbell. I wasnโ€™t getting into this with him. Relationship advice from Shawn was the last thing I fucking needed. Heโ€™d had his car egged by girls so many times weโ€™d had to start locking the gate to the fire station parking lot.

Shawn grunted through his set and put the bar back on the rack with a clang. โ€œShe probably wants to get back with the ex.โ€

โ€œHe reenlisted. Itโ€™s why they broke up,โ€ I said, wanting to put that theory to bed. โ€œHeโ€™s not coming back.โ€

Brandon spoke up. โ€œHer idea to break up or his?โ€

โ€œHers. Or maybe his. Iโ€™m not sure.โ€ He reenlisted knowing sheโ€™d leave him if he did.

I hadnโ€™t thought of that. Even if sheโ€™d broken up with him, her hand had been forced. So in a way, heโ€™d done the leaving.

Shit, maybe that changed things.

Shawn sat there catching his breath. โ€œHeโ€™s gonna miss those care packages and titty pics and come begging. Trust me, dude. And in the meantime sheโ€™s gonna revenge fuck her way through her contacts list.โ€ He reached down and grabbed his water bottle, taking a drink. โ€œLooks like she just got to theย jโ€™s.โ€

Jealousy surged at the thought of Tyler trying to get her back. Now I wished Iย hadย brought him up earlier so I knew how she felt about it all.

Brandon chuckled and switched arms. โ€œShe probably just needs time, bud.โ€

Shawn snickered, scooting back under his bar. โ€œShe probably just needs theย d, and not just yours.โ€

โ€œFuck you,โ€ I said, tightening my weight on the bar.

Brandon laughed. โ€œCome on, itโ€™s been what? Twelve hours since they broke up? You canโ€™t expect her to just dive right into another relationship, no matter how amazingย youย might be.โ€

Brandon had a point. But maybe Shawn did too. Sheโ€™d been tied down for two years. Maybe sheย wasย happy to be single and wanted to see what else was out there.

I didnโ€™t like that. Atย all. I didnโ€™t like anything Shawn was pointing out. Suddenly my forty-eight-hour shift felt too long.

The red lights flashed through the gym. We had a call. All three of us

were up in an instant.

The voice of the dispatcher came over the loudspeaker. โ€œPerson down. Engine ten respond to sick person at four thirty-seven Palm Drive with medic unit six hundred seventy-four.โ€

We streamed out of the gym into the apparatus bay and climbed into the engine as Javier came out of the crew quarters.

โ€œI almost got to eat a sandwich,โ€ Javier said, getting into the front seat with the laptop.

I climbed into the driverโ€™s seat. Shawn sat behind me next to Brandon and put on his headset. โ€œHey, Javier, Joshโ€™s fucking Kristen.โ€

Javier paused midโ€“seat belt and looked at me. โ€œReally? Isnโ€™t she engaged?โ€

I turned on the ignition and the engine rumbled to life. โ€œNo. She broke up with him last night. She doesnโ€™t want to date me though. And Iโ€™m not fucking her. Iย likeย her, asshole,โ€ I said over my shoulder.

Shawn snorted. โ€œNaw, sheโ€™s fuckingย you. Hey, man, for real thoughโ€”if youโ€™re a dick in a jar, you better not rock the boat.โ€

I put on my headset. โ€œWhat?โ€ I hit the button to open the bay doors and turned on the lights.

โ€œYouโ€™re a dick in a jar. Chris Rock? โ€˜Break in case of emergencies.โ€™ She had an emergency, dude,โ€ Shawn said. โ€œIf you start getting all stage-five clinger, sheโ€™s gonna replace your ass and get a new jar.โ€

Brandon laughed. โ€œI think what heโ€™s saying is to give her space.โ€

Javier opened up the laptop. โ€œNormally Iโ€™d disagree with any and everything Shawn says, but as an old married guy with two grown daughters, I have to agree with him. Itโ€™s too soon. Let things happen naturally.โ€

Javier looked at the laptop and got the specifics for the call. Vague. Sick person, possibly unconscious.

More bullshit.

A toothache. Drunks. So, so many drunks. Hell, this call was probably a drunk. โ€œSick personโ€ was the universal code for โ€œno idea, but probably someone shit-faced.โ€

I closed the bay door behind us and fired up the sirens.

Shawn didnโ€™t drop it. โ€œHey, maybe sheโ€™ll get a brown jar next. I got a jar she might like.โ€

โ€œOh yeah?โ€ I said, turning onto Victory. โ€œThey make jars that small?โ€

The guys laughed and Javier talked to his screen. โ€œI met the love of my life at nineteen. Never got to play the field. Kind of wish I did. Be single. Date around in the meantime.โ€

โ€œIโ€™ve dated around,โ€ I mumbled.

Nobody was like Kristen. Witty, beautiful. Smart. She made me laugh. I loved talking to her, loved seeing what she thought about things. Over these last few weeks, sheโ€™d become my other best friend. And dating around wasnโ€™t an optionโ€”it was a waste of time.

We pulled up to a tired apartment complex. When we got inside, I was right. More bullshit. A lady pretending to be unconscious after a fight with her husband. She wanted him to think heโ€™d given her a heart attack. A nice little guilt trip.

These theatrics seemed to be a relatively common affliction here. Iโ€™d gone on five calls like this since Iโ€™d gotten to California. Someone pretending to have a medical emergency to get attention. A waste of time and resources.

We didnโ€™t get calls like this in small-town South Dakota. We got a fraction of the calls they did here, but when we did get them, they were legitimate. People didnโ€™t call 911 unless they needed to fucking call. They didnโ€™t use us as props for their dramas. Small-town people had pride.

I couldnโ€™t wait to tell Kristen about this shit. She loved hearing about my calls. It was the first thing we caught up on when I would come back over after a shift. Sheโ€™d have something hilarious to say for sure. Last week Iโ€™d single-handedly wrangled three drunks into the back of an ambulance, and sheโ€™d called me the Idiot Whisperer.

On the way back to the engine with the crew, I spoke low to Brandon. โ€œHow do you stay so fucking patient with these people?โ€

Brandon shrugged. โ€œItโ€™s just the job. You do your best to educate them when you can.โ€

โ€œDoes it work?โ€

โ€œNo,โ€ Shawn said with a laugh, and Javier chuckled behind him.

I shook my head. โ€œYou know, I considered the Forest Service before the move. Iโ€™m starting to think I should have looked more into that.โ€

Shawn snickered. โ€œWhat? You wanna be a fucking gardener?โ€

โ€œThe Forest Service isnโ€™t that bad,โ€ Brandon said, loading his gear back

into the engine.

โ€œNot having to deal with people?โ€ I said. โ€œBeing outside, in nature?

Whatโ€™s not to like?โ€

Shawn climbed into the engine. โ€œYouโ€™re just fucking clearing brush.

Smokey the Bear shit.โ€

โ€œAnd thatโ€™s worse thanย this?โ€ I asked. โ€œWe just revived a woman who wasnโ€™t unconscious. At least Iโ€™d be actually accomplishing something.โ€

I climbed back into my seat and put on my headset. Javier had snagged someone from the complex about the trash in front of the fire hydrant, so we all sat and waited.

Fuck. What was I doing with my life? Did I really want to do this shit for the next twenty years? I didnโ€™t know if I had the patience. Sure, I got to go on some cool calls sometimes. I delivered a baby last week, and I put out a car fire. But most of it was crap like this. And the probation made it worse.

I could have applied for the Forest Service. Maybe tried Northern California. Lived near wine country and the redwoods where I could have hunted and owned some land.

But then there was Kristen.

If Iโ€™d moved somewhere else and come here for Brandonโ€™s wedding and met Kristen then, I would have wished I lived here by the time the night was done. I knew I would. She was special. She wasnโ€™t just some girl. I think Iโ€™d known that the day I met her.

I pulled out my cell phone and scrolled to her name, looking at the blinking line, waiting for me to type a text.ย And tell her what?ย She wouldnโ€™t even let me kiss her goodbye this morning. Why would she want to hear from me?

My whole life was one big probationary period at the moment. I was in limbo, waiting to see if things got better.

There was only one way to get through it. Put my head down. Do a good job. And do what Iโ€™d been told.

Iโ€™d just have to bide my time.

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