We stood in her kitchen eating cereal, looking at each other. She ate hers out of a measuring cup because she โlikes the handle.โ It made me smile.
โDonโt smile at me.โ She gave me a warning glare. Sheโd been feisty from the moment she woke up. It was adorable.
Her hair tumbled wild around her face, still curled a little from the party, and she wore nothing but an oversize sweatshirt that bared one shoulder and the light-blue lace G-string Iโd gotten to take off her last night. She was beautiful. So fucking sexy.
โI canโt even smile now?โ I grinned at her. My heart was so damn happy. Waking up with her was like Christmas when you see you got everything you wanted. I woke up with a grin on my face, and then sheโd gotten up and
jumped me again.
It had been a good morning.
โI need to make sure youโre clear on the rules here,โ she said over her cereal. โThis is a booty-call situation. Thatโs it. Friends with benefits.โ
Yeah, sheโd said that last nightโa few times actually. Iโd been so focused on the sex part of that statement I hadnโt really processed the rest of it. Iโd been a little distracted at the time. Now that we were clothed, and my brain was working properly, I was ready to address this.
โWhat if I donโt want to be just friends with benefits?โ I smiled at her. โThen weโll only be friends.โ Her face was stony.
Wow. Okay.
Was she really bent on this booty-call thing? Iโd half thought she was just giving me shit last night with the whole โthanks for the sex, get out nowโ bullshit. She liked to give me a hard timeโit was her thing. I didnโt think she was entirely serious.
I decided to poke her.
โOh yeah? So we can see other people, then?โ I took a bite of my cereal with a smirk.
Something flashed in her eyes. โOf course. Bone whoever you want.โ She shrugged, looking away from me.
I studied the side of her face. Her forehead wrinkled the way it did when she was frustrated. It bothered herโI could see it. So if it bothered her, why was she insisting on it?
โWell, we should probably start using condoms, then,โ I said casually, calling her bluff.
โFine. We probably should have used them anyway.โ She put her cereal in the sink.
This wasย notย the answer I had hoped for. She didnโt like condoms, so Iโd been expecting something snarky along the lines of, โWell,ย Iโmย not the one who wants to see other people.โ
Now Iโd just talked myself into using a condom.ย Fuck.
I set my cereal down on the counter. โWell, youโre on birth control. And of course, if we agreed to be exclusive, we could keepโโ
โNope. Condoms are fine.โ
She walked out of the kitchen, and I watched her go with a wrinkled brow. But I didnโt have time to get further into it with her. I had to be at work in twenty minutes. Iโd slept all of two hours last night. I was exhausted and work was going to suck because of it.
It had been worth it.
I washed my bowl and went looking for her. She sat on the couch with Stuntman Mike, her laptop on her lap.
โI gotta go to work,โ I said. Iโd talk to her about this later.
I put my hand on the back of the couch and leaned down to kiss her, and she jerked her head back. โNo. We donโt kiss unless weโre fucking.โ
The comment gave me a small, unexpected jab in the heart. โWhy?โ โBecause this is a sex thing, Joshua. It will only ever be a sex thing.
Weโre not dating. There are not going to be any public displays of affection
or hand-holding or any of it. If you canโt deal with that, then letโs stop this right now.โ
I stared at her, and she looked back at her screen, emotionless. โOkay.โ I straightened up. โWell, Iโll see you in a few days. Forย sex.โ โBye,โ she said, talking to her computer.
I gave her one more lingering look. She never raised her eyes.
A wall. An enormous wall had suddenly come up between us.ย What the hell?
I didnโt understand it. Could she actually be serious about this? She didnโt want to date me? At all?ย Ever?ย Why?
This wasnโt some girl I wanted to call at 2:00 in the morning to bang and leave. I liked her. I more than liked herโI wanted to be with her. Iโd been hoping this was the start of something between us. If sheโd wanted to be exclusive, I would have slapped on the boyfriend title in a second.
Could this be about Tyler? I mean, I guess I just thought by how quickly sheโd thrown herself at me that she wasnโt too upset over the breakup.
We hadnโt talked about itโIย certainly wasnโt going to bring up Tyler ifย sheย wasnโt, and she hadnโt broached the subject. She didnโt really filter, so if heโd been on her mind or the breakup was fucking with her, sheโd say it, right?
But the only thing she was saying was that she didnโt wantย me. It ate at me the whole way to work.
Once I got to the station, Shawn put me through a two-hour list of shitty probie chores. By the time I had a chance to talk to Brandon, he was working out.
The gym was a large gray-carpeted room off the apparatus bay. One treadmill, a bike, and an elliptical that nobody ever used sat in a row facing a mirrored wall. Three weight benches, a punching bag, and a rack of weights lined the other wall with a view of the fire engine through a large window.
I grabbed a cup of water from the watercooler by the door and took a weight bench next to where Brandon sat doing curls. โHey. Sloanโs car broke down on us last night. Stranded us in a fucking parking lot in Skid Row.โ I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees, holding my water cup between my legs. โAnd I hooked up with Kristen.โ
Brandon finished his set. โWell, I canโt say either thing really surprises
me.โ He pivoted to face me and grinned, bouncing his eyebrows.
I took another swallow of my water. โShe broke up with her boyfriend last night.โ
โGood.โ He started doing curls on his other arm. โSloanโll be happy.โ โWell, Iโm glad someoneโs getting what they want out of it. She doesnโt
want to date me. Sex only.โ
โOkay. Whatโs the problem?โ He set his weight down with a thump. โI thought you didnโt want to date. Didnโt you blow off that yoga instructor?โ
โThis is different. I like Kristen. A lot. And we get along. We get along fucking great. And the weird thing is I know she likes me tooโI can tell. Something doesnโt feel right.โ I finished my water and crushed the cup, tossing it into the trash can by the towels.
โHmm. How was the sex?โ he asked.
I scoffed. โFuck, it was the best sex Iโve ever had. Not even kidding.โ
Sheโd pounced me like a hungry tiger that escaped its cage. The way she smelled, the way she tastedโeven thinking about it made my dick twitch.
Shawn came through the door and tossed a gym towel onto the weight rack. โWhat up, fellas?โ
Brandon and I nodded at him.
โJust ask her what her deal is,โ Brandon said. โItโs probably because she just broke up with whatโs-his-face. Kristenโs pretty blunt. I donโt imagine her not telling you exactly what sheโs thinking if you asked.โ
Shawn sat on the other bench next to Brandon. โYou talking about Kristen? Sloanโs friend? Sheโs single now? Sheโs hot as fuck. Iโd hit it.โ He lay down and scooted under the weight bar.
I grabbed his towel and threw it at him. โHey, asshole, sheโs taken.โ Shawn laughed, dragging the towel off his face. โNot by you.โ โYes, by me.โย Sort of.
He paused with his hands on his barbell and looked over at me. โDamn!
Youโre crushing that? Sheโs gone slumming, bro!โ I gave him the finger.
Brandon chuckled. โDo you want me to ask Sloan?โ
โNo.โ Kristen and Sloan would see that shit a mile away. โDonโt ask.
Donโt tell her what I said, yeah?โ
He picked his weight up and started doing curls again. โJust see how it goes. Give it a few weeks.โ
Shawn grinned. โCanโt nail that shit down, huh?โ
I ignored him and stood up to grab weights for my barbell. I wasnโt getting into this with him. Relationship advice from Shawn was the last thing I fucking needed. Heโd had his car egged by girls so many times weโd had to start locking the gate to the fire station parking lot.
Shawn grunted through his set and put the bar back on the rack with a clang. โShe probably wants to get back with the ex.โ
โHe reenlisted. Itโs why they broke up,โ I said, wanting to put that theory to bed. โHeโs not coming back.โ
Brandon spoke up. โHer idea to break up or his?โ
โHers. Or maybe his. Iโm not sure.โ He reenlisted knowing sheโd leave him if he did.
I hadnโt thought of that. Even if sheโd broken up with him, her hand had been forced. So in a way, heโd done the leaving.
Shit, maybe that changed things.
Shawn sat there catching his breath. โHeโs gonna miss those care packages and titty pics and come begging. Trust me, dude. And in the meantime sheโs gonna revenge fuck her way through her contacts list.โ He reached down and grabbed his water bottle, taking a drink. โLooks like she just got to theย jโs.โ
Jealousy surged at the thought of Tyler trying to get her back. Now I wished Iย hadย brought him up earlier so I knew how she felt about it all.
Brandon chuckled and switched arms. โShe probably just needs time, bud.โ
Shawn snickered, scooting back under his bar. โShe probably just needs theย d, and not just yours.โ
โFuck you,โ I said, tightening my weight on the bar.
Brandon laughed. โCome on, itโs been what? Twelve hours since they broke up? You canโt expect her to just dive right into another relationship, no matter how amazingย youย might be.โ
Brandon had a point. But maybe Shawn did too. Sheโd been tied down for two years. Maybe sheย wasย happy to be single and wanted to see what else was out there.
I didnโt like that. Atย all. I didnโt like anything Shawn was pointing out. Suddenly my forty-eight-hour shift felt too long.
The red lights flashed through the gym. We had a call. All three of us
were up in an instant.
The voice of the dispatcher came over the loudspeaker. โPerson down. Engine ten respond to sick person at four thirty-seven Palm Drive with medic unit six hundred seventy-four.โ
We streamed out of the gym into the apparatus bay and climbed into the engine as Javier came out of the crew quarters.
โI almost got to eat a sandwich,โ Javier said, getting into the front seat with the laptop.
I climbed into the driverโs seat. Shawn sat behind me next to Brandon and put on his headset. โHey, Javier, Joshโs fucking Kristen.โ
Javier paused midโseat belt and looked at me. โReally? Isnโt she engaged?โ
I turned on the ignition and the engine rumbled to life. โNo. She broke up with him last night. She doesnโt want to date me though. And Iโm not fucking her. Iย likeย her, asshole,โ I said over my shoulder.
Shawn snorted. โNaw, sheโs fuckingย you. Hey, man, for real thoughโif youโre a dick in a jar, you better not rock the boat.โ
I put on my headset. โWhat?โ I hit the button to open the bay doors and turned on the lights.
โYouโre a dick in a jar. Chris Rock? โBreak in case of emergencies.โ She had an emergency, dude,โ Shawn said. โIf you start getting all stage-five clinger, sheโs gonna replace your ass and get a new jar.โ
Brandon laughed. โI think what heโs saying is to give her space.โ
Javier opened up the laptop. โNormally Iโd disagree with any and everything Shawn says, but as an old married guy with two grown daughters, I have to agree with him. Itโs too soon. Let things happen naturally.โ
Javier looked at the laptop and got the specifics for the call. Vague. Sick person, possibly unconscious.
More bullshit.
A toothache. Drunks. So, so many drunks. Hell, this call was probably a drunk. โSick personโ was the universal code for โno idea, but probably someone shit-faced.โ
I closed the bay door behind us and fired up the sirens.
Shawn didnโt drop it. โHey, maybe sheโll get a brown jar next. I got a jar she might like.โ
โOh yeah?โ I said, turning onto Victory. โThey make jars that small?โ
The guys laughed and Javier talked to his screen. โI met the love of my life at nineteen. Never got to play the field. Kind of wish I did. Be single. Date around in the meantime.โ
โIโve dated around,โ I mumbled.
Nobody was like Kristen. Witty, beautiful. Smart. She made me laugh. I loved talking to her, loved seeing what she thought about things. Over these last few weeks, sheโd become my other best friend. And dating around wasnโt an optionโit was a waste of time.
We pulled up to a tired apartment complex. When we got inside, I was right. More bullshit. A lady pretending to be unconscious after a fight with her husband. She wanted him to think heโd given her a heart attack. A nice little guilt trip.
These theatrics seemed to be a relatively common affliction here. Iโd gone on five calls like this since Iโd gotten to California. Someone pretending to have a medical emergency to get attention. A waste of time and resources.
We didnโt get calls like this in small-town South Dakota. We got a fraction of the calls they did here, but when we did get them, they were legitimate. People didnโt call 911 unless they needed to fucking call. They didnโt use us as props for their dramas. Small-town people had pride.
I couldnโt wait to tell Kristen about this shit. She loved hearing about my calls. It was the first thing we caught up on when I would come back over after a shift. Sheโd have something hilarious to say for sure. Last week Iโd single-handedly wrangled three drunks into the back of an ambulance, and sheโd called me the Idiot Whisperer.
On the way back to the engine with the crew, I spoke low to Brandon. โHow do you stay so fucking patient with these people?โ
Brandon shrugged. โItโs just the job. You do your best to educate them when you can.โ
โDoes it work?โ
โNo,โ Shawn said with a laugh, and Javier chuckled behind him.
I shook my head. โYou know, I considered the Forest Service before the move. Iโm starting to think I should have looked more into that.โ
Shawn snickered. โWhat? You wanna be a fucking gardener?โ
โThe Forest Service isnโt that bad,โ Brandon said, loading his gear back
into the engine.
โNot having to deal with people?โ I said. โBeing outside, in nature?
Whatโs not to like?โ
Shawn climbed into the engine. โYouโre just fucking clearing brush.
Smokey the Bear shit.โ
โAnd thatโs worse thanย this?โ I asked. โWe just revived a woman who wasnโt unconscious. At least Iโd be actually accomplishing something.โ
I climbed back into my seat and put on my headset. Javier had snagged someone from the complex about the trash in front of the fire hydrant, so we all sat and waited.
Fuck. What was I doing with my life? Did I really want to do this shit for the next twenty years? I didnโt know if I had the patience. Sure, I got to go on some cool calls sometimes. I delivered a baby last week, and I put out a car fire. But most of it was crap like this. And the probation made it worse.
I could have applied for the Forest Service. Maybe tried Northern California. Lived near wine country and the redwoods where I could have hunted and owned some land.
But then there was Kristen.
If Iโd moved somewhere else and come here for Brandonโs wedding and met Kristen then, I would have wished I lived here by the time the night was done. I knew I would. She was special. She wasnโt just some girl. I think Iโd known that the day I met her.
I pulled out my cell phone and scrolled to her name, looking at the blinking line, waiting for me to type a text.ย And tell her what?ย She wouldnโt even let me kiss her goodbye this morning. Why would she want to hear from me?
My whole life was one big probationary period at the moment. I was in limbo, waiting to see if things got better.
There was only one way to get through it. Put my head down. Do a good job. And do what Iโd been told.
Iโd just have to bide my time.