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Chapter no 6 – ASPARAGUS AND A SHOWDOWN

Things We Never Got Over (Knockemout, #1)

Naomi

At this minute, I was supposed to be jet-lagged and wandering the streets of Paris on my honeymoon. Instead I was clinging to the handlebars of an ancient ten-speed bike, trying not to tip over.

It had been years since my ass had met a bike seat. Every bump and rut on the gravel road jarred both my teeth and my lady parts. The one and only time Iโ€™d talked Warner into trying one of those tandem bikes at the beach, weโ€™d ended up head first in a shrub outside the kite store.

Warner had not been pleased.

There were a lot of things that hadnโ€™t pleased Warner Dennison III. Things I should have paid more attention to.

The thicket of woods passed in a buzzing blur as we rode through swirls of gnats and the thick southern humidity. Beads of sweat trickled down my spine.

โ€œAre you cominโ€™ or what?โ€ Waylay called from what seemed like a mile ahead. She was riding a rusty boyโ€™s bike with her arms dangling at her sides.

โ€œWhatโ€™s your middle name?โ€ I yelled back. โ€œRegina.โ€

โ€œWaylay Regina Witt, you put both hands on your handlebars this instant!โ€

โ€œOh, come on. Youโ€™re not one of those fun hatinโ€™ aunts, are you?โ€

I pedaled harder until I caught up. โ€œI amย lotsย of fun,โ€ I huffed, partially because I was offended but mostly because I was out of breath.

Sure, maybe I wasnโ€™t a ride-with-no-hands or a sneak-out-of-a- sleepover-to-go-kiss-boys fun, or a call-in-sick-to-go-to-a-concert fun kind of gal, but I didnโ€™tย hateย fun. There was usually just too much that needed doing before I could get to the fun.

โ€œTownโ€™s this way,โ€ Waylay said, gesturing to the left with a flick of her chin. It was such a Tina gesture that it took away what remaining breath I had.

We abandoned gravel for smooth asphalt, and within minutes, I spotted the outskirts of Knockemout up ahead.

For a second, I lost myself in the historic familiarity of a bike ride. The sun on my face and arms, the warm air as it brushed over my skin, the call and response of a billion insects in the throes of summer. Iโ€™d been an eleven-year-old on a bike once. Heading out for adventure into the morning swelter and not returning home until I got hungry or the fireflies came out.

There were sprawling horse farms on the outskirts of town with slick fences and emerald green pastures. I could almost smell the wealth and privilege. It reminded me of Warnerโ€™s parentsโ€™ country club.

Four bikers in worn denim and leather roared past us on motorcycles, the engine rumble a vibration in my bones, as they escaped the confines of town.

Horse people and bikers. It was a unique combination.

The farms disappeared and were replaced by tidy homes on tidy lots that got closer and closer together until we were on the main street. Traffic was light. So I was able to pay more attention to the downtown area than I had this morning. There was a farm supply store and a gift shop next to the mechanic. Opposite was a hardware store and the pet store where my Volvo had been stolen.

โ€œGrocery storeโ€™s this way,โ€ Waylay called from ahead of me as she took another left turn much faster than I felt prudent.

โ€œSlow down!โ€ Great. Half a day in my care and my niece was going to end up knocking out her front teeth by riding face first into a stop sign.

Waylay ignored me. She zipped down the block and into the parking lot. I addedย bike helmetsย to my mental shopping list and followed her.

After parking our bikes on the rack by the front door, I pulled out the envelope Iโ€™d โ€”thankfullyโ€”hidden in a box of tampons. Minutes before I was supposed to walk down the aisle, my mother had handed me a card full of cash.

It was supposed to be our wedding present. Spending money for the honeymoon. Now it was the only money I had access to until I could replace my stolen credit and debit cards.

I shuddered to think how much money Iโ€™d stupidly shelled out of my own savings for the wedding that never happened.

โ€œGuess you canโ€™t buy too many brussels sprouts since weโ€™re on bikes,โ€ Waylay observed smugly.

โ€œGuess again, smarty-pants,โ€ I said, pointing at the sign in the window.

Home Delivery Available.

โ€œAww, man,โ€ she groaned.

โ€œNow we can get a truckload of vegetables,โ€ I said cheerily.

 

 

โ€œNO.โ€

โ€œWhat do you mean, no?โ€ I demanded, waggling stalks of asparagus at Waylay.

โ€œNo to asparagus,โ€ Waylay said. โ€œItโ€™s green.โ€ โ€œYou donโ€™t eat green foods?โ€

โ€œNot unless it comes in candy form.โ€

I wrinkled my nose. โ€œYou have to eat some vegetables. What about fruits?โ€

โ€œI like pie,โ€ she said, poking suspiciously at a bin of mangos as if sheโ€™d never seen them before.

โ€œWhat do you usually eat for dinner withโ€ฆwith your mom?โ€ I had no idea whether Tina was a touchy subject or if she routinely left Waylay to fend for herself. I felt like I was blindfolded and being forced to shuffle out onto a frozen lake. The ice would break under my feet sooner or later, I just didnโ€™t know where or when.

Her shoulders hiked up toward her ears. โ€œDunno. Whatever was in the fridge.โ€

โ€œLeftovers?โ€ I asked hopefully.

โ€œI make Easy Mac and frozen pizzas. Sometimes nuggets,โ€ Waylay said, growing bored with the mangos and moving on to frown at a display of green leaf lettuces. โ€œCan we get Pop-Tarts?โ€

I was getting a headache. I needed more sleep and coffee. Not necessarily in that order. โ€œMaybe. But first we have to agree on a few healthy foods.โ€

A man in a Groverโ€™s Groceries apron turned the corner into produce. His polite smile vanished when he caught sight of us. Eyes narrowed, lip curled, he looked as if heโ€™d just spotted us drop-kicking a plastic, light-up Baby Jesus in an outdoor nativity scene.

โ€œHello,โ€ I said, adding an extra punch of warmth to my smile. He gave a harrumph in our direction and stalked off.

I glanced at Waylay, but either she hadnโ€™t noticed the eye daggers or she was immune.

So much for southern hospitality. Though we were in Northern Virginia. Maybe they didnโ€™t do the Southern hospitality thing here. Or maybe the man had just found out that his cat had a month to live. You never knew what people were going through behind the scenes.

Waylay and I worked our way around the store, and I noticed a similar reaction from a few other employees and patrons. When the woman behind the deli counter threw the pound of sliced turkey breast at me, Iโ€™d had enough.

I made sure Waylay was busy leaning over an open freezer of chicken nuggets. โ€œExcuse me, Iโ€™m new here. Am I breaking some kind of store etiquette that results in hurled deli meats?โ€

โ€œHa. You ainโ€™t fooling me, Tina Witt. Now, you gonna pay for that turkey or try to stuff it in your bra like last time?โ€

And there was my answer.

โ€œIโ€™m Naomi Witt. Tinaโ€™s sister and Waylayโ€™s aunt. I can assure you Iโ€™ve never stuffed deli meat in my bra.โ€

โ€œBullshit.โ€ She said it cupping a hand to her mouth like she was using a bullhorn. โ€œYou and that kid of yours are no good, shoplifting pains in the ass.โ€

My conflict resolution skills were limited to people-pleasing. Usually I would squeak out a terrified apology and then feel compelled to buy the offended party some kind of small, thoughtful gift. But today I was tired.

โ€œOkay. You know what? I donโ€™t think youโ€™re supposed to talk to patrons like that,โ€ I said.

I was going for firm and confident, but it came out tinged with hysteria. โ€œAnd you know what else? Today Iโ€™ve been yelled at, robbedโ€”twiceโ€”and

turned into an inexperienced instaparent, and that was before lunch. Iโ€™ve slept about an hour in the last two days. And you donโ€™t seeย meย hurling deli meat around. All I ask from you is that you treat me and my niece with a modicum of respect as a paying customer. I donโ€™t know you. Iโ€™ve never been here before. Iโ€™m sorry for whatever my sister did with her breasts and your meat. But Iโ€™d really like this turkey sliced thinner!โ€

I pushed the package back over the top of the cooler at her.

Her eyes were wide in that โ€œnot sure how to handle this unhinged customerโ€ way.

โ€œYouโ€™re not shittinโ€™ me? Youโ€™re not Tina?โ€

โ€œI am not shitting you.โ€ Damn it. I should have gone for the coffee first. โ€œAunt Naomi, I found the Pop-Tarts,โ€ Waylay said, appearing with an

armload of sugary breakfast treats. โ€œGreat,โ€ I said.

 

 

โ€œSO,โ€ย I said, sliding a strawberry kiwi smoothie in front of Waylay and taking the seat across from her. Justice, the man of my dreams, had made my afternoon latte in a mug the size of a soup bowl.

โ€œSo what?โ€ Waylay asked sullenly. Her sneakered foot was kicking the pedestal leg of the table.

I wished I hadnโ€™t run over my phone at the rest stop so I could search for โ€œways to break the ice with kids.โ€

โ€œUh, what have you been doing this summer?โ€

She looked me in the eyes for a long beat, then said, โ€œWhatโ€™s it to you?โ€

People with kids made it look easy to talk to them. I stuck my face in my bowl oโ€™ latte and slurped, praying for inspiration.

โ€œThought you two ladies could use a little snack,โ€ Justice said, sliding a plate of cookies onto the table. โ€œFresh out of the oven.โ€

Waylayโ€™s blue eyes went wide as she took in the plate and then looked up into Justiceโ€™s face with suspicion.

โ€œThank you, Justice. Thatโ€™s so sweet of you,โ€ I said. I gave my niece a nudge.

โ€œYeah. Thanks,โ€ Waylay said. She didnโ€™t reach for a cookie but sat there staring at the plate.

This was an example I felt confident setting. I snatched up a peanut butter cookie and, between guzzles of my coffee, took a bite. โ€œOhmygod,โ€ I managed. โ€œJustice, I know we just met. But Iโ€™d be honored if you marry me.โ€

โ€œSheโ€™s already got the wedding dress,โ€ Waylay said.

He laughed and flashed the gold band on his left hand. โ€œIt devastates me to say Iโ€™m already spoken for.โ€

โ€œThe good ones always are.โ€ I sighed.

Waylayโ€™s fingers furtively moved closer to the plate.

โ€œMy favorite is the chocolate chocolate chip,โ€ Justice said, pointing at the biggest cookie on the plate. With a wink, he was gone.

She waited until he was behind the counter before snatching the cookie off the plate.

โ€œMmmm. So good,โ€ I mumbled, my mouth full of cookie goodness. She rolled her eyes. โ€œYouโ€™re so weird.โ€

โ€œShut up and eat your cookie.โ€ Her eyes narrowed, and I grinned. โ€œKidding. So, whatโ€™s your favorite color?โ€

We were on question ten of my half-assed getting to know you ice breaker when the door to the cafe flew open, and a woman strolled inside in ripped tights, a short denim skirt, and a Lenny Kravitz t-shirt. She had wild dark hair worn in a high ponytail, several earrings, and a lotus flower tattooed on her forearm. I couldnโ€™t tell if she was in her thirties or her forties.

โ€œThere you are,โ€ she said, grinning around a lollipop in her mouth when she spotted us.

The friendly greeting made me immediately suspicious. Everyone thought I was Tina, which meant if someone was happy to see me they were probably a terrible person.

The woman grabbed a chair, spun it around backwards, and flopped down at our table. โ€œOoooh! Those look good.โ€ She helped herself to a cookie with red frosting, trading lollipop for baked good. โ€œSo, Naomi,โ€ she began.

โ€œUh, do we know you?โ€

Our uninvited guest slapped herself in the forehead. โ€œWhoops. Manners! Iโ€™m already several steps ahead in our relationship. Youโ€™ll just have to catch up. Iโ€™m Sherry Fiasco.โ€

โ€œSherry Fiasco?โ€

She shrugged. โ€œI know. Sounds made up. But itโ€™s not. Justice, Iโ€™ll take a double espresso to go,โ€ she called.

My future husband raised a hand without turning around from the order he was working on. โ€œYou got it, Fi.โ€

โ€œSo, as I was saying. In my head, weโ€™re already friends. Which is why I have a job for you,โ€ she said, biting the cookie in half. โ€œHey, Way.โ€

Waylay studied Sherry over her smoothie. โ€œHey.โ€

โ€œSo what do you say?โ€ Sherry asked, shimmying her shoulders. โ€œHuh?โ€

โ€œAunt Naomiโ€™s kind of a planner,โ€ Waylay explained. โ€œShe wrote three lists so far today.โ€

โ€œAhh. A look before you leap type,โ€ Sherry said, nodding sagely. โ€œOkay. Iโ€™m a business manager, which puts me in charge of several small businesses in the area. One of them is down a server and desperately needs someone who can deliver beer and be generally charming.โ€

โ€œA waitress?โ€ Iโ€™d spent the last five years of my life cooped up in an office answering emails, pushing papers, and settling human resource issues via carefully worded emails.

Being on my feet and around people all day sounded like it might be fun.

โ€œItโ€™s honest work. The tips are great. The uniforms are cute. And the rest of the staff is a hoot. Mostly,โ€ Sherry said.

โ€œIโ€™d need to arrange childcare,โ€ I hedged.

โ€œFor who?โ€ Waylay demanded, her forehead scrunched up. โ€œFor you,โ€ I said, ruffling her hair.

She looked appalled and dodged my hand. โ€œI donโ€™t need a babysitter.โ€ โ€œJust because youโ€™re used to doing something one way doesnโ€™t mean itโ€™s

the right way,โ€ I told her. โ€œYouโ€™ve spent a lot of time looking out for yourself, but thatโ€™s my job now. Iโ€™m not about to leave you alone while I go to work.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s stupid. Iโ€™m not a baby.โ€

โ€œNo, youโ€™re not,โ€ I agreed. โ€œBut adult supervision is a necessity.โ€

Waylay muttered something that sounded suspiciously like โ€œbullshit.โ€ I decided to pick my battles and pretend I hadnโ€™t heard.

โ€œIf thatโ€™s your only reservation, I can easily find someone to hang out with Way here while you rake in the tip money.โ€

I chewed on my lower lip. I wasnโ€™t a fan of having to decide things on the spot. There were pros and cons to weigh. Research to do. Routes to calculate. Schedules to firm up.

โ€œI wouldnโ€™t feel comfortable leaving Waylay with a stranger,โ€ I explained.

โ€œOf course not,โ€ Sherry chirped. โ€œIโ€™ll arrange a meeting, and you can decide then.โ€

โ€œUhโ€ฆโ€

Justice whistled from the counter. โ€œOrderโ€™s up, Fi.โ€

โ€œThanks, big guy,โ€ she said, jumping up from her chair. โ€œWell, Iโ€™ll see you two ladies later. First shiftโ€™s tomorrow night. Be there at five.โ€

โ€œWait!โ€

She cocked her head. โ€œWhere is this job?โ€

โ€œHonky Tonk,โ€ she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. โ€œBye!โ€

I watched Sherry Fiasco strut out of the cafe with the confidence of a woman who knew exactly where she was going and what she was doing.

Even when my five-year plan was intact, I hadnโ€™t had that kind of confidence.

โ€œWhat just happened?โ€ I whispered.

โ€œYou got a job and then turned me into a dumb baby.โ€ Waylayโ€™s face was stony.

โ€œI didnโ€™t call you a dumb baby and I didnโ€™t officially accept,โ€ I pointed out.

But I needed income, and the sooner the better. My checking account balance wasnโ€™t exactly going to support us indefinitely. Especially not with rent and security deposits and utilities to worry about. Not to mention the fact that I had no vehicle, no phone, and no computer.

I picked up another cookie and took a bite. โ€œIt wonโ€™t be so bad,โ€ I promised Waylay.

โ€œYeah, right,โ€ she scoffed and went back to kicking the table.

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