Naomi
At this minute, I was supposed to be jet-lagged and wandering the streets of Paris on my honeymoon. Instead I was clinging to the handlebars of an ancient ten-speed bike, trying not to tip over.
It had been years since my ass had met a bike seat. Every bump and rut on the gravel road jarred both my teeth and my lady parts. The one and only time Iโd talked Warner into trying one of those tandem bikes at the beach, weโd ended up head first in a shrub outside the kite store.
Warner had not been pleased.
There were a lot of things that hadnโt pleased Warner Dennison III. Things I should have paid more attention to.
The thicket of woods passed in a buzzing blur as we rode through swirls of gnats and the thick southern humidity. Beads of sweat trickled down my spine.
โAre you cominโ or what?โ Waylay called from what seemed like a mile ahead. She was riding a rusty boyโs bike with her arms dangling at her sides.
โWhatโs your middle name?โ I yelled back. โRegina.โ
โWaylay Regina Witt, you put both hands on your handlebars this instant!โ
โOh, come on. Youโre not one of those fun hatinโ aunts, are you?โ
I pedaled harder until I caught up. โI amย lotsย of fun,โ I huffed, partially because I was offended but mostly because I was out of breath.
Sure, maybe I wasnโt a ride-with-no-hands or a sneak-out-of-a- sleepover-to-go-kiss-boys fun, or a call-in-sick-to-go-to-a-concert fun kind of gal, but I didnโtย hateย fun. There was usually just too much that needed doing before I could get to the fun.
โTownโs this way,โ Waylay said, gesturing to the left with a flick of her chin. It was such a Tina gesture that it took away what remaining breath I had.
We abandoned gravel for smooth asphalt, and within minutes, I spotted the outskirts of Knockemout up ahead.
For a second, I lost myself in the historic familiarity of a bike ride. The sun on my face and arms, the warm air as it brushed over my skin, the call and response of a billion insects in the throes of summer. Iโd been an eleven-year-old on a bike once. Heading out for adventure into the morning swelter and not returning home until I got hungry or the fireflies came out.
There were sprawling horse farms on the outskirts of town with slick fences and emerald green pastures. I could almost smell the wealth and privilege. It reminded me of Warnerโs parentsโ country club.
Four bikers in worn denim and leather roared past us on motorcycles, the engine rumble a vibration in my bones, as they escaped the confines of town.
Horse people and bikers. It was a unique combination.
The farms disappeared and were replaced by tidy homes on tidy lots that got closer and closer together until we were on the main street. Traffic was light. So I was able to pay more attention to the downtown area than I had this morning. There was a farm supply store and a gift shop next to the mechanic. Opposite was a hardware store and the pet store where my Volvo had been stolen.
โGrocery storeโs this way,โ Waylay called from ahead of me as she took another left turn much faster than I felt prudent.
โSlow down!โ Great. Half a day in my care and my niece was going to end up knocking out her front teeth by riding face first into a stop sign.
Waylay ignored me. She zipped down the block and into the parking lot. I addedย bike helmetsย to my mental shopping list and followed her.
After parking our bikes on the rack by the front door, I pulled out the envelope Iโd โthankfullyโhidden in a box of tampons. Minutes before I was supposed to walk down the aisle, my mother had handed me a card full of cash.
It was supposed to be our wedding present. Spending money for the honeymoon. Now it was the only money I had access to until I could replace my stolen credit and debit cards.
I shuddered to think how much money Iโd stupidly shelled out of my own savings for the wedding that never happened.
โGuess you canโt buy too many brussels sprouts since weโre on bikes,โ Waylay observed smugly.
โGuess again, smarty-pants,โ I said, pointing at the sign in the window.
Home Delivery Available.
โAww, man,โ she groaned.
โNow we can get a truckload of vegetables,โ I said cheerily.
โNO.โ
โWhat do you mean, no?โ I demanded, waggling stalks of asparagus at Waylay.
โNo to asparagus,โ Waylay said. โItโs green.โ โYou donโt eat green foods?โ
โNot unless it comes in candy form.โ
I wrinkled my nose. โYou have to eat some vegetables. What about fruits?โ
โI like pie,โ she said, poking suspiciously at a bin of mangos as if sheโd never seen them before.
โWhat do you usually eat for dinner withโฆwith your mom?โ I had no idea whether Tina was a touchy subject or if she routinely left Waylay to fend for herself. I felt like I was blindfolded and being forced to shuffle out onto a frozen lake. The ice would break under my feet sooner or later, I just didnโt know where or when.
Her shoulders hiked up toward her ears. โDunno. Whatever was in the fridge.โ
โLeftovers?โ I asked hopefully.
โI make Easy Mac and frozen pizzas. Sometimes nuggets,โ Waylay said, growing bored with the mangos and moving on to frown at a display of green leaf lettuces. โCan we get Pop-Tarts?โ
I was getting a headache. I needed more sleep and coffee. Not necessarily in that order. โMaybe. But first we have to agree on a few healthy foods.โ
A man in a Groverโs Groceries apron turned the corner into produce. His polite smile vanished when he caught sight of us. Eyes narrowed, lip curled, he looked as if heโd just spotted us drop-kicking a plastic, light-up Baby Jesus in an outdoor nativity scene.
โHello,โ I said, adding an extra punch of warmth to my smile. He gave a harrumph in our direction and stalked off.
I glanced at Waylay, but either she hadnโt noticed the eye daggers or she was immune.
So much for southern hospitality. Though we were in Northern Virginia. Maybe they didnโt do the Southern hospitality thing here. Or maybe the man had just found out that his cat had a month to live. You never knew what people were going through behind the scenes.
Waylay and I worked our way around the store, and I noticed a similar reaction from a few other employees and patrons. When the woman behind the deli counter threw the pound of sliced turkey breast at me, Iโd had enough.
I made sure Waylay was busy leaning over an open freezer of chicken nuggets. โExcuse me, Iโm new here. Am I breaking some kind of store etiquette that results in hurled deli meats?โ
โHa. You ainโt fooling me, Tina Witt. Now, you gonna pay for that turkey or try to stuff it in your bra like last time?โ
And there was my answer.
โIโm Naomi Witt. Tinaโs sister and Waylayโs aunt. I can assure you Iโve never stuffed deli meat in my bra.โ
โBullshit.โ She said it cupping a hand to her mouth like she was using a bullhorn. โYou and that kid of yours are no good, shoplifting pains in the ass.โ
My conflict resolution skills were limited to people-pleasing. Usually I would squeak out a terrified apology and then feel compelled to buy the offended party some kind of small, thoughtful gift. But today I was tired.
โOkay. You know what? I donโt think youโre supposed to talk to patrons like that,โ I said.
I was going for firm and confident, but it came out tinged with hysteria. โAnd you know what else? Today Iโve been yelled at, robbedโtwiceโand
turned into an inexperienced instaparent, and that was before lunch. Iโve slept about an hour in the last two days. And you donโt seeย meย hurling deli meat around. All I ask from you is that you treat me and my niece with a modicum of respect as a paying customer. I donโt know you. Iโve never been here before. Iโm sorry for whatever my sister did with her breasts and your meat. But Iโd really like this turkey sliced thinner!โ
I pushed the package back over the top of the cooler at her.
Her eyes were wide in that โnot sure how to handle this unhinged customerโ way.
โYouโre not shittinโ me? Youโre not Tina?โ
โI am not shitting you.โ Damn it. I should have gone for the coffee first. โAunt Naomi, I found the Pop-Tarts,โ Waylay said, appearing with an
armload of sugary breakfast treats. โGreat,โ I said.
โSO,โย I said, sliding a strawberry kiwi smoothie in front of Waylay and taking the seat across from her. Justice, the man of my dreams, had made my afternoon latte in a mug the size of a soup bowl.
โSo what?โ Waylay asked sullenly. Her sneakered foot was kicking the pedestal leg of the table.
I wished I hadnโt run over my phone at the rest stop so I could search for โways to break the ice with kids.โ
โUh, what have you been doing this summer?โ
She looked me in the eyes for a long beat, then said, โWhatโs it to you?โ
People with kids made it look easy to talk to them. I stuck my face in my bowl oโ latte and slurped, praying for inspiration.
โThought you two ladies could use a little snack,โ Justice said, sliding a plate of cookies onto the table. โFresh out of the oven.โ
Waylayโs blue eyes went wide as she took in the plate and then looked up into Justiceโs face with suspicion.
โThank you, Justice. Thatโs so sweet of you,โ I said. I gave my niece a nudge.
โYeah. Thanks,โ Waylay said. She didnโt reach for a cookie but sat there staring at the plate.
This was an example I felt confident setting. I snatched up a peanut butter cookie and, between guzzles of my coffee, took a bite. โOhmygod,โ I managed. โJustice, I know we just met. But Iโd be honored if you marry me.โ
โSheโs already got the wedding dress,โ Waylay said.
He laughed and flashed the gold band on his left hand. โIt devastates me to say Iโm already spoken for.โ
โThe good ones always are.โ I sighed.
Waylayโs fingers furtively moved closer to the plate.
โMy favorite is the chocolate chocolate chip,โ Justice said, pointing at the biggest cookie on the plate. With a wink, he was gone.
She waited until he was behind the counter before snatching the cookie off the plate.
โMmmm. So good,โ I mumbled, my mouth full of cookie goodness. She rolled her eyes. โYouโre so weird.โ
โShut up and eat your cookie.โ Her eyes narrowed, and I grinned. โKidding. So, whatโs your favorite color?โ
We were on question ten of my half-assed getting to know you ice breaker when the door to the cafe flew open, and a woman strolled inside in ripped tights, a short denim skirt, and a Lenny Kravitz t-shirt. She had wild dark hair worn in a high ponytail, several earrings, and a lotus flower tattooed on her forearm. I couldnโt tell if she was in her thirties or her forties.
โThere you are,โ she said, grinning around a lollipop in her mouth when she spotted us.
The friendly greeting made me immediately suspicious. Everyone thought I was Tina, which meant if someone was happy to see me they were probably a terrible person.
The woman grabbed a chair, spun it around backwards, and flopped down at our table. โOoooh! Those look good.โ She helped herself to a cookie with red frosting, trading lollipop for baked good. โSo, Naomi,โ she began.
โUh, do we know you?โ
Our uninvited guest slapped herself in the forehead. โWhoops. Manners! Iโm already several steps ahead in our relationship. Youโll just have to catch up. Iโm Sherry Fiasco.โ
โSherry Fiasco?โ
She shrugged. โI know. Sounds made up. But itโs not. Justice, Iโll take a double espresso to go,โ she called.
My future husband raised a hand without turning around from the order he was working on. โYou got it, Fi.โ
โSo, as I was saying. In my head, weโre already friends. Which is why I have a job for you,โ she said, biting the cookie in half. โHey, Way.โ
Waylay studied Sherry over her smoothie. โHey.โ
โSo what do you say?โ Sherry asked, shimmying her shoulders. โHuh?โ
โAunt Naomiโs kind of a planner,โ Waylay explained. โShe wrote three lists so far today.โ
โAhh. A look before you leap type,โ Sherry said, nodding sagely. โOkay. Iโm a business manager, which puts me in charge of several small businesses in the area. One of them is down a server and desperately needs someone who can deliver beer and be generally charming.โ
โA waitress?โ Iโd spent the last five years of my life cooped up in an office answering emails, pushing papers, and settling human resource issues via carefully worded emails.
Being on my feet and around people all day sounded like it might be fun.
โItโs honest work. The tips are great. The uniforms are cute. And the rest of the staff is a hoot. Mostly,โ Sherry said.
โIโd need to arrange childcare,โ I hedged.
โFor who?โ Waylay demanded, her forehead scrunched up. โFor you,โ I said, ruffling her hair.
She looked appalled and dodged my hand. โI donโt need a babysitter.โ โJust because youโre used to doing something one way doesnโt mean itโs
the right way,โ I told her. โYouโve spent a lot of time looking out for yourself, but thatโs my job now. Iโm not about to leave you alone while I go to work.โ
โThatโs stupid. Iโm not a baby.โ
โNo, youโre not,โ I agreed. โBut adult supervision is a necessity.โ
Waylay muttered something that sounded suspiciously like โbullshit.โ I decided to pick my battles and pretend I hadnโt heard.
โIf thatโs your only reservation, I can easily find someone to hang out with Way here while you rake in the tip money.โ
I chewed on my lower lip. I wasnโt a fan of having to decide things on the spot. There were pros and cons to weigh. Research to do. Routes to calculate. Schedules to firm up.
โI wouldnโt feel comfortable leaving Waylay with a stranger,โ I explained.
โOf course not,โ Sherry chirped. โIโll arrange a meeting, and you can decide then.โ
โUhโฆโ
Justice whistled from the counter. โOrderโs up, Fi.โ
โThanks, big guy,โ she said, jumping up from her chair. โWell, Iโll see you two ladies later. First shiftโs tomorrow night. Be there at five.โ
โWait!โ
She cocked her head. โWhere is this job?โ
โHonky Tonk,โ she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. โBye!โ
I watched Sherry Fiasco strut out of the cafe with the confidence of a woman who knew exactly where she was going and what she was doing.
Even when my five-year plan was intact, I hadnโt had that kind of confidence.
โWhat just happened?โ I whispered.
โYou got a job and then turned me into a dumb baby.โ Waylayโs face was stony.
โI didnโt call you a dumb baby and I didnโt officially accept,โ I pointed out.
But I needed income, and the sooner the better. My checking account balance wasnโt exactly going to support us indefinitely. Especially not with rent and security deposits and utilities to worry about. Not to mention the fact that I had no vehicle, no phone, and no computer.
I picked up another cookie and took a bite. โIt wonโt be so bad,โ I promised Waylay.
โYeah, right,โ she scoffed and went back to kicking the table.