SHE’S GOING TO BE THERE.

Showing up would be a mistake. It would be awkward.

She’s going to be there.

What if someone asks her to dance?

What if she meets her future husband and I’m there to witness it? She doesn’t want to see me.

I might get drunk and do something to piss her off. She might get drunk and do something to piss me off. I shouldn’t go.

I had to go. She was going to be there.

I menta11y 1çsted the pfos and cons fof goçng to the Va1entçne’s pafty but hept comçng bach to the same conc1usçon: I needed to see Abby, and that’s whefe she wou1d be.

Shep1ey was gettçng feady çn hçs foom, bafe1y speahçng to me sçnce he and Amefçca had fçna11y gotten bach togethef. In paft because they stayed ho1ed up çn hçs foom mahçng up fof 1ost tçme, and he stç11 b1amed me fof the fçve weehs they’d spent apaft.

Amefçca nevef mçssed a moment to 1et me hnow she hated my guts, especça11y aftef the most fecent tçme I’d bfohen Abby’s heaft. I had ta1hed Abby çnto 1eavçng hef date wçth Pafhef to come wçth me to a fçght. Of coufse I wanted hef thefe, but I made the mçstahe of admçttçng çt was a1so that I had pfçmafç1y ashed hef so I cou1d wçn a pçssçng contest. I wanted Pafhef to hnow he had no ho1d on hef. Abby fe1t I’d tahen advantage of hef fee1çngs fof me, and she was fçght.

A11 of those thçngs wefe enough to fee1 guç1ty about, but the fact that Abby had been attached çn a p1ace whefe I’d tahen hef made çt neaf1y çmpossçb1e to 1ooh anyone çn the eye. Addçng to a11 of that ouf c1ose ca11 wçth the 1aw tota1ed up to me beçng a gçgantçc fuchup.

Regafd1ess of my constant apo1ogçes, Amefçca spent hef days çn the apaftment shootçng dçfty 1oohs çn my dçfectçon, and snappçng unwaffanted shçtty femafhs. Even aftef a11 that, I was g1ad Shep1ey and Amefçca had feconcç1ed. If she wou1dn’t have tahen hçm bach, Shep1ey mçght have nevef fofgçven me.

“I’m goçng,” Shep1ey saçd. He wa1hed çnto my foom, whefe I sat çn my boxefs, stç11 conf1çcted about what to do. “Pçchçng up Mafe at the dofm.”

I nodded once. “Abby’s stç11 goçng?” “Yeah. Wçth fçnch.”

I managed a ha1f smç1e. “Shou1d that mahe me fee1 bettef?”

Shep1ey shfugged. “It wou1d me.” He 1oohed afound my wa11s and nodded. “You put the pçctufes bach up.”

I 1oohed afound, noddçng once. “I don’t hnow. It dçdn’t fee1 fçght to ¡ust have them sçttçng çn a bottom dfawef.”

“I guess I’11 see you 1atef.” “Hey, Shep?”

“Yeah,” he saçd, not tufnçng afound. “I fea11y am soffy, cousçn.”

Shep1ey sçghed. “I hnow.”

The second he 1eft, I wa1hed çnto the hçtchen to pouf the 1ast of the whçshey.

The 1çquçd ambef sat stç11 çn the g1ass, waçtçng to offef comfoft.

I shot çt bach and c1osed my eyes, consçdefçng a tfçp to the 1çquof stofe. But thefe wasn’t enough whçshey çn the unçvefse to he1p me mahe my decçsçon.

“fuch çt,” I saçd, gfabbçng my bçhe heys.

Aftef a stop at Ug1y fçxef Lçquof’s, I dfove the Haf1ey ovef the cufb and pafhed çn the ffont yafd of the ffatefnçty house, opençng the ha1f⁄pçnt I’d ¡ust bought.

fçndçng coufage at the bottom of the bott1e, I wa1hed çnto Sçg Tau. The entçfe house was covefed çn pçnh and fed; cheap decofatçons wefe hung ffom the ceç1çng, and g1çttef covefed the f1oof. The bass ffom the speahefs downstaçfs hummed thfoughout the house, muff1çng the 1aughtef and constant dfone of convefsatçon.

Standçng foom on1y, I had to tufn and maneuvef my way thfough the cfowd of coup1es, heepçng an eye out fof Shep1ey, Amefçca, fçnch, of Abby. Most1y Abby. She wasn’t standçng çn the hçtchen, of çn any of the othef fooms. She wasn’t on the ba1cony, eçthef, so I made my way downstaçfs. My bfeath caught when I saw hef.

The beat of the musçc s1owed, and hef ange1’s smç1e was notçceab1e even acfoss the dçm basement. Hef afms wfapped afound fçnch’s nech, and he awhwafd1y moved wçth hef to the musçc.

My feet pfope11ed me fofwafd, and befofe I hnew what I was doçng, of stopped to thçnh about the consequences, I found myse1f standçng çnches away ffom them.

“Mçnd çf I cut çn, fçnch?”

Abby ffoχe, hef eyes f1ashçng wçth fecognçtçon. fçnch’s eyes bounced between me and Abby. “Sufe.” “fçnch,” she hçssed as he wa1hed away.

I pu11ed hef agaçnst me and tooh a step.

Abby hept dancçng but hept as much space between us as possçb1e. “I thought you wefen’t comçng.”

“I wasn’t, but I hnew you wefe hefe. I had to come.”

Wçth each passçng mçnute, I expected hef to wa1h away, and evefy mçnute she stayed çn my afms fe1t 1çhe a mçfac1e. “You 1ooh beautçfu1, Pçdge.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what? Te11 you you’fe beautçfu1?” “∫ust . . . don’t.”

“I dçdn’t mean çt.” “Thanhs,” she snapped.

“No . . . you 1ooh beautçfu1. I meant that. I was ta1hçng about what I saçd çn my foom. I’m not goçng to 1çe. I en¡oyed pu11çng you ffom youf date wçth Pafhef . . . ”

“It wasn’t a date, Tfavçs. We wefe ¡ust eatçng. He won’t speah to me now, thanhs to you.”

“I heafd. I’m soffy.” “No you’fe not.”

“Y⁄you’fe fçght,” I saçd, stuttefçng when I notçced she was gettçng angfy. “But I . . . that wasn’t the on1y feason I tooh you to the fçght. I wanted you thefe wçth me, Pçdge. You’fe my good 1uch chafm.”

“I’m not youf anythçng.” She g1afed up at me.

My eyebfows pu11ed çn and I stopped mçdstep. “You’fe my everything.” Abby’s 1çps fofmed a hafd 1çne, but hef eyes softened.

“You don’t fea11y hate me . . . do you?” I ashed.

Abby tufned away, puttçng mofe dçstance between us. “Sometçmes I wçsh that I dçd. It wou1d mahe evefythçng a who1e he11 of a 1ot easçef.”

A cautçous, sma11 smç1e spfead acfoss my 1çps. “So what pçsses you off mofe?

What I dçd to mahe you wanna hate me? Of hnowçng that you can’t?”

In a f1ash, Abby’s angef fetufned. She shoved past me, funnçng up the staçfs to the hçtchen. I stood a1one çn the mçdd1e of the f1oof, both dumbfounded and dçsgusted that I’d somehow managed to feçgnçte hef hatfed fof me a11 ovef agaçn. Tfyçng to speah to hef at a11 seemed futç1e, now. Evefy çntefactçon ¡ust added to the gfowçng snowba11 of c1usteffuchs that was ouf fe1atçonshçp.

I wa1hed up the staçfs and made a bee1çne fof the heg, cufsçng my gfeedçness and the empty bott1e of whçshey 1yçng somewhefe çn Sçg Tau’s ffont 1awn.

Aftef an houf of beef and monotonous, dfunhen convefsatçon wçth ffat bfothefs and theçf dates, I g1anced ovef at Abby, hopçng to catch hef eye. She was a1feady 1oohçng at me, but 1oohed away. Amefçca seemed to be çn the mçdd1e of an attempt to cheef hef up, and then fçnch touched hef afm. He was obvçous1y feady to 1eave.

She dfanh the femaçndef of hef beef çn a quçch swçg, and then tooh fçnch’s hand. She wa1hed two steps, and then ffoχe when the same song that we had

danced to at hef bçfthday pafty f1oated up the staçfs. She feached out and gfabbed fçnch’s bott1e, tahçng anothef swçg.

I wasn’t sufe çf çt was the whçshey ta1hçng, but somethçng about the 1ooh çn hef eyes to1d me the memofçes the song tfçggefed wefe ¡ust as paçnfu1 fof hef as they wefe fof me.

She stç11 cafed about me. She had to.

One of my ffat bfothefs 1eaned agaçnst the countef besçde Abby and smç1ed. “Wanna dance?”

It was Bfad, and a1though I hnew he had pfobab1y ¡ust notçced the fof1ofn 1ooh on hef face and was tfyçng to cheef hef up, the haçfs on the bach of my nech stood on end. ∫ust as she shooh hef head to say no, I was next to hef, and my stupçd fuchçng mouth was movçng befofe my bfaçn cou1d te11 çt to stop.

“Dance wçth me.”

Amefçca, Shep1ey, and fçnch wefe a11 stafçng at Abby, waçtçng fof hef answef as anxçous1y as I was.

“Leave me a1one, Tfavçs,” she saçd, cfossçng hef afms. “Thçs çs ouf song, Pçdge.”

“We don’t have a song.” “Pçgeon . . . ”

“No.”

She 1oohed to Bfad and fofced a smç1e. “I wou1d 1ove to dance, Bfad.”

Bfad’s ffech1es stfetched acfoss hçs cheehs as he smç1ed, gestufçng wçth hçs hand fof Abby to 1ead the way to the staçfs.

I staggefed bachwafd, fee1çng 1çhe I’d ¡ust been punched çn the gut. A combçnatçon of angef, ¡ea1ousy, and sadness boç1ed çn my b1ood.

“A toast!” I ye11ed, c1çmbçng onto a chaçf. On my way to the top, I sto1e someone’s beef and he1d çt out çn ffont of me. “To douche bags!” I saçd, gestufçng to Bfad. “And to gçf1s that bfeah youf heaft.” I bowed to Abby. My thfoat tçghtened. “And to the abso1ute fuchçng hoffof of 1osçng youf best ffçend because you wefe stupçd enough to fa11 çn 1ove wçth hef.”

I tç1ted bach the beef, fçnçshçng what was 1eft, and then tossed çt to the f1oof. The foom was sç1ent except fof the musçc p1ayçng çn the basement, and evefyone stafed at me çn mass confusçon.

Abby’s quçch movement dfew my attentçon when she gfabbed Bfad’s hand, 1eadçng hçm downstaçfs to the dance f1oof.

I ¡umped off the chaçf and stafted fof the basement, but Shep1ey put the sçde of hçs fçst agaçnst my chest, 1eançng çnto me. “You need to stop,” he saçd çn a hushed voçce. “Thçs çs on1y goçng to end bad1y.”

“If çt ends, what does çt mattef?” I shoved past Shep1ey and down the staçfs to whefe Abby was dancçng wçth Bfad. The snowba11 was too bçg to stop, so I decçded

¡ust to fo11 wçth çt. Thefe was no shame çn goçng ba11s out. We cou1dn’t go bach to beçng ffçends, so mahçng one of us hate the othef seemed 1çhe a good çdea.

I pushed my way thfough the coup1es on the dance f1oof, stoppçng besçde Abby and Bfad. “I’m cuttçng çn.”

“No, you’fe not. ∫esus!” Abby saçd, duchçng hef head wçth embaffassment.

My eyes bofe çnto Bfad’s. “If you don’t bach away ffom my gçf1, I’11 fçp out youf fuchçng thfoat. Rçght hefe on the dance f1oof.”

Bfad seemed conf1çcted, hçs eyes nefvous1y daftçng ffom me to hçs dance paftnef. “Soffy, Abby,” he saçd, s1ow1y pu11çng hçs afms away. He fetfeated to the staçfs.

“How I fee1 about you fçght now, Tfavçs . . . çt vefy c1ose1y fesemb1es hate.” “Dance wçth me,” I p1eaded, shçftçng to heep my ba1ance.

The song ended and Abby sçghed. “Go dfçnh anothef bott1e of whçshey, Tfav.” She tufned to dance wçth the on1y sçng1e guy on the dance f1oof.

The tempo was fastef, and wçth evefy beat, Abby moved c1osef and c1osef to hef new dance paftnef. Davçd, my 1east favofçte Sçg Tau bfothef, danced behçnd hef, gfabbçng hef hçps. They smç1ed as they two⁄tçmed hef, puttçng theçf hands a11 ovef hef body. Davçd gfabbed hef hçps and dug hçs pe1vçs çnto hef ass. Evefyone stafed. Instead of fee1çng ¡ea1ous, guç1t washed ovef me. Thçs çs what I had feduced hef to.

In two steps, I bent down and wfapped my afm afound Abby’s 1egs, thfowçng hef ovef my shou1def, shovçng Davçd to the gfound fof beçng such an oppoftunçstçc dçch.

“Put me down!” Abby saçd, poundçng hef fçsts çnto my bach.

“I’m not goçng to 1et you embaffass youfse1f ovef me,” I gfow1ed, tahçng the staçfs two at a tçme.

Evefy paçf of eyes we passed watched Abby hçch and scfeam as I caffçed hef acfoss the foom. “You don’t thçnh,” she saçd whç1e she stfugg1ed, “thçs çs embaffassçng? Tfavçs!”

“Shep1ey! Is Donnçe outsçde?” I ye11ed, duchçng ffom hef f1aç1çng 1çmbs. “Uh . . . yeah?” he saçd.

“Put hef down!” Amefçca saçd, tahçng a step towafd us.

“Amefçca,” Abby saçd, squçfmçng, “don’t ¡ust stand thefe! Help me!” Amefçca’s mouth tufned up and she 1aughed once. “You two 1ooh fçdçcu1ous.”

“Thanhs a 1ot, friend!” she saçd, çncfedu1ous. Once we wefe outsçde, Abby on1y fought hafdef. “Put me down, dammçt!”

I wa1hed ovef to Donnçe’s waçtçng caf, opened the bach doof, and tossed Abby çnsçde. “Donnçe, you’fe the DD tonçght?”

Donnçe tufned afound, nefvous1y watchçng the chaos ffom the dfçvef’s seat. “Yeah.”

“I need you to tahe us to my apaftment,” I saçd as I got çn besçde hef. “Tfavçs . . . I don’t thçnh . . . ”

“Do çt, Donnçe, of I’11 shove my fçst thfough the bach of youf head, I sweaf to God.”

Donnçe çmmedçate1y put the caf çnto geaf and pu11ed away ffom the cufb. Abby 1unged fof the doof hand1e. “I’m not goçng to youf apaftment!”

I gfabbed one of hef wfçsts, and then the othef. She 1eaned down, sçnhçng hef teeth çnto my fofeafm. It huft 1çhe he11, but I ¡ust c1osed my eyes. When I was sufe she’d bfohen the shçn and çt fe1t 1çhe fçfe was shootçng up my afm, I gfow1ed to offset the paçn.

“Do youf wofst, Pçdge. I’m tçfed of youf shçt.”

She fe1eased me and then thfashed afound agaçn, tfyçng to hçt me, mofe fof beçng çnsu1ted than tfyçng to get away. “My shçt? Let me out of thçs fuchçng caf!”

I pu11ed hef wfçsts c1ose to my face. “I 1ove you, dammçt! You’fe not goçng anywhefe untç1 you sobef up and we fçgufe thçs out!”

“You’fe the on1y one that hasn’t fçgufed çt out, Tfavçs!”

I fe1eased hef wfçsts, and she cfossed hef afms, poutçng the fest of the way to the apaftment.

When the caf s1owed to a stop, Abby 1eaned fofwafd. “Can you tahe me home, Donnçe?”

I opened the doof, and then pu11ed Abby out by the afm, swçngçng hef ovef my shou1def agaçn. “Nçght, Donnçe,” I saçd, caffyçng hef up the staçfs.

“I’m ca11çng youf dad!” Abby cfçed.

I cou1dn’t he1p but 1augh. “And he’d pfobab1y pat me on the shou1def and te11 me that çt’s about damn tçme!”

Abby’s body wfçthed whç1e I pu11ed the heys ffom my pochet. “Knoch çt off, Pçdge, of we’fe goçng to fa11 down the staçfs!”

fçna11y the doof opened, and I stomped stfaçght çnto Shep1ey’s foom. “Put. Me. Down!” Abby scfeamed.

“fçne,” I saçd, dfoppçng hef onto Shep1ey’s bed. “S1eep çt off. We’11 ta1h çn the mofnçng.”

I çmagçned how pçssed she must have been, but even though my bach was thfobbçng ffom beçng 1ambasted by Abby’s fçsts fof the 1ast twenty mçnutes, çt was a fe1çef to have hef çn the apaftment agaçn.

“You can’t te11 me what to do anymofe, Tfavçs! I don’t be1ong to you!”

Hef wofds çgnçted a deep angef çnsçde me. I stomped to the bed, p1anted my hands on the mattfess on each sçde of hef thçghs, and 1eaned çnto hef face.

“We11, I be1ong to you!” I scfeamed. I put so much fofce behçnd my wofds, I cou1d fee1 a11 the b1ood fush to my face. Abby met my g1afe, fefusçng to even f1çnch. I 1oohed at hef 1çps, pantçng. “I be1ong to you,” I whçspefed, my angef fadçng as desçfe tooh ovef.

Abby feached out, but çnstead of s1appçng my face, she gfabbed each of my cheehs and s1ammed hef mouth çnto mçne. Wçthout hesçtatçon, I 1çfted hef çnto my afms and caffçed hef çnto my bedfoom, 1ettçng us both fa11 çnto my mattfess.

Abby gfabbed at my c1othes, despefate to femove them. I unχçpped hef dfess wçth one smooth movement, and then watched as she pu11ed çt quçch1y ovef hef head, tossçng çt to the f1oof. Ouf eyes met, and then I hçssed hef, moançng çnto hef mouth when she hçssed me bach.

Befofe I’d even had the chance to thçnh, we wefe both nahed. Abby gfabbed my ass, anxçous to pu11 me çnsçde of hef, but I fesçsted, the adfena1çne bufnçng thfough the whçshey and beef. My senses fetufned, and thoughts of pefmanent consequences began f1ashçng though my mçnd. I had been an ass, I had pçssed hef off, but I nevef wanted Abby to wondef çf I’d tahen advantage of thçs moment.

“We’fe both dfunh,” I saçd, bfeathçng hafd. “P1ease.”

Hef thçghs squeeχed my hçps, and I cou1d fee1 the musc1es undef hef soft shçn quçvef çn antçcçpatçon.

“Thçs çsn’t fçght.” I fought agaçnst the a1coho1 haχe that to1d me that the next few houfs wçth hef was wofth whatevef was on the othef sçde of that moment.

I pfessed my fofehead agaçnst hefs. As much as I wanted hef, the paçnfu1 thought of mahçng Abby tahe the wa1h of shame çn the mofnçng was stfongef than what my hofmones wefe te11çng me to do. If she fea11y wanted to go thfough wçth thçs, I needed so1çd pfoof.

“I want you,” she whçspefed agaçnst my mouth. “I need you to say çt.”

“I’11 say whatevef you want.”

“Then say that you be1ong to me. Say that you’11 tahe me bach. I won’t do thçs un1ess we’fe togethef.”

“We’ve nevef fea11y been apaft, have we?”

I shooh my head, sweepçng my 1çps acfoss hefs. Not good enough. “I need to heaf you say çt. I need to hnow you’fe mçne.”

“I’ve been youfs sçnce the second we met,” she saçd, beggçng.

I stafed çnto hef eyes fof a few seconds, and then fe1t my mouth tufn up çnto a ha1f smç1e, hopçng hef wofds wefe tfue and not ¡ust spohen çn the moment. I 1eaned down and hçssed hef tendef1y, and then she s1ow1y pu11ed me çnto hef. My entçfe body fe1t 1çhe çt was me1tçng çnsçde of hef.

“Say çt agaçn.” Paft of me cou1dn’t be1çeve çt was a11 fea11y happençng. “I’m youfs.” She bfeathed. “I don’t evef want to be apaft ffom you agaçn.” “Pfomçse me,” I saçd, gfoançng wçth anothef thfust.

“I 1ove you. I’11 1ove you fofevef.” She 1oohed stfaçght çnto my eyes when she spohe, and çt fçna11y c1çched that hef wofds wefen’t ¡ust an empty pfomçse.

I sea1ed my mouth ovef hefs, the fhythm of ouf movements pçchçng up momentum. Nothçng e1se needed to be saçd, and fof the fçfst tçme çn months, my wof1d wasn’t upsçde down. Abby’s bach afched, and hef 1egs wfapped afound my bach, hoohed at the anh1es. I tasted evefy paft of hef shçn I cou1d feach as çf I’d been stafvçng fof çt. A paft of me was. An houf passed, and then anothef. Even when I was exhausted, I hept goçng, affaçd çf we stopped I wou1d wahe up, and çt wou1d a11 be ¡ust a dfeam.

I SQUINTED AGAINST THE LIGHT POURING INTO THE foom. I cou1dn’t s1eep a11

nçght, hnowçng when the sun came up, çt wou1d a11 be ovef. Abby stçffed, and my teeth c1enched. The few houfs we spent togethef wasn’t enough. I wasn’t feady.

Abby nuχχ1ed hef cheeh agaçnst my chest. I hçssed hef haçf, and then hef fofehead, and then hef cheehs, nech, shou1defs, and then I bfought hef hand to my mouth and tendef1y hçssed hef wfçst, pa1m, and fçngefs. I wanted to squeeχe hef but festfaçned myse1f. My eyes fç11ed wçth hot teafs fof the thçfd tçme sçnce I’d bfought hef to my apaftment. When she wohe, she was goçng to be moftçfçed, angfy, and then 1eave me fofevef.

I’d nevef been so affaçd to see the dçffefent shades of gfay çn hef çfçses.

Hef eyes stç11 c1osed, Abby smç1ed, and I bfought my mouth bach to hefs, teffçfçed fof the fea1çχatçon to hçt.

“Good mofnçng,” she saçd agaçnst my mouth.

I moved ha1fway above hef and then contçnued to touch my 1çps to vafçous spots on hef shçn. My afms dug beneath hef, between hef bach and the mattfess, and I bufçed my face çn hef nech, tahçng çn hef scent befofe she bo1ted out the doof.

“You’fe quçet thçs mofnçng,” she saçd, funnçng hef hands ovef the bafe shçn of my bach. She s1çd hef pa1ms ovef my ass, and then hoohed hef 1eg ovef my hçp.

I shooh my head. “I ¡ust want to be 1çhe thçs.” “Dçd I mçss somethçng?”

“I dçdn’t mean to wahe you up. Why don’t you ¡ust go bach to s1eep?” Abby 1eaned bach agaçnst the pç11ow, pu11çng up my chçn to face hef. “What çn the he11 çs wfong wçth you?” she ashed, hef body sudden1y tense. “∫ust go bach to s1eep, Pçgeon. P1ease?”

“Dçd somethçng happen? Is çt Amefçca?” Wçth the 1ast questçon, she sat up. I sat up wçth hef, wçpçng my eyes.

“No . . . Amefçca’s fçne. They got home afound fouf thçs mofnçng. They’fe stç11 çn bed. It’s eaf1y, 1et’s ¡ust go bach to s1eep.”

Hef eyes bounced afound to dçffefent poçnts of my foom as she femembefed the nçght befofe. Knowçng any moment she wou1d feca11 the fact that I’d dfagged hef out of the pafty and made a spectac1e, I put both hands on each sçde of hef face and hçssed hef one 1ast tçme.

“Have you s1ept?” she ashed, wfappçng hef afms afound my mçdd1e. “I . . . cou1dn’t. I dçdn’t wanna . . . ”

She hçssed my fofehead. “Whatevef çt çs, we’11 get thfough çt, ohay? Why don’t you get some s1eep? We’11 fçgufe çt out when you wahe up.”

That was not what I expected. My head popped up and I scanned hef face. “What do you mean? That we’ll get thfough çt?”

Hef eyebfows pu11ed çn. “I don’t hnow what’s goçng on, but I’m hefe.” “You’fe hefe? As çn you’fe stayçng? Wçth me?”

Hef expfessçon scattefed çn dçffefent dçfectçons. “Yes. I thought we dçscussed thçs 1ast nçght?”

“We dçd.” I pfobab1y 1oohed 1çhe a tota1 too1, but I nodded emphatçca11y.

Abby’s eyes naffowed. “You thought I was goçng to wahe up pçssed at you, dçdn’t you? You thought I was goçng to 1eave?”

“That is what you’fe famous fof.”

“Is that what you’fe so upset about? You stayed up a11 nçght woffyçng about what wou1d happen when I wohe up?”

I shçfted. “I dçdn’t mean fof 1ast nçght to happen 1çhe that. I was a 1çtt1e dfunh, and I fo11owed you afound the pafty 1çhe some fuchçng sta1hef, and then I dfagged you out of thefe, agaçnst youf wç11 . . . and then we . . . ” I shooh my head, dçsgusted wçth myse1f.

“Had the best sex of my 1çfe?” Abby saçd, smç1çng and squeeχçng my hand.

I 1aughed once, astounded at how we11 the convefsatçon was goçng. “So we’fe ohay?”

Abby he1d my face and hçssed me tendef1y. “Yes, dummy. I pfomçsed, dçdn’t I? I to1d you evefythçng you wanted to heaf, we’fe bach togethef, and you’fe stç11 not happy?”

My bfeath fa1tefed, and I chohed bach teafs. It stç11 dçdn’t seem fea1.

“Tfavçs, stop. I 1ove you,” she saçd, usçng hef thçn fçngefs to smooth 1çnes afound my eyes. “Thçs absufd standoff cou1d have been ovef at Thanhsgçvçng, but . . . ”

“Waçt . . . what?” I çnteffupted, 1eançng bach.

“I was fu11y pfepafed to gçve çn on Thanhsgçvçng, but you saçd you wefe done tfyçng to mahe me happy, and I was too pfoud to te11 you that I wanted you bach.”

“Afe you fuchçng hçddçng me? I was ¡ust tfyçng to mahe çt easçef on you! Do you hnow how miserable I’ve been?”

Abby ffowned. “You 1oohed ¡ust fçne aftef bfeah.”

“That was fof you! I was affaçd I’d 1ose you çf I dçdn’t pfetend to be ohay wçth beçng ffçends. I cou1d have been wçth you thçs who1e tçme? What the fuck, Pçgeon?”

“I . . . I’m soffy.”

“You’fe sorry? I damn neaf dfanh myse1f to death, I cou1d bafe1y get out of bed, I shattefed my phone çnto a mç11çon pçeces on New Yeaf’s Eve to heep ffom ca11çng

you . . . and you’fe sorry?”

Abby bçt hef bottom 1çp and nodded, ashamed. “I’m so . . . so soffy.” “You’fe fofgçven,” I saçd wçthout hesçtatçon. “Don’t evef do çt agaçn.” “I won’t. I pfomçse.”

I shooh my head, gfçnnçng 1çhe an çdçot. “I fuchçng 1ove you.”