Our trip to the beach turned out to be a glorious one. Surrounded by friendly faces, and filled with sunshine, sandcastles, and seaside paddling, we celebrated our last days of freedom before school returned and the summer gave way to autumn.
In between spending copious amounts of time trying to drown each other in the ocean, Shan and I had lazed idly on the toasty sand for most of the evening, carefree and untroubled by the world that was waiting for us just around the corner.
“Remember when I told you that beautiful boys with big muscles complicate everything?” I declared several hours later, sprawled out on my belly, enjoying the last of the evening sun rays, while the boys tossed a ball around further up the beach. The sun was setting, the tents had been pitched, and I was reveling in the last wisps of heat. “Well, I was right.”
“Understatement of the century,” Shan agreed from her perch beside me. “But they’re so pretty to look at.”
“True.” Pulling up on my elbows, I twisted around just in time to see Gerard leap into the air to catch the ball. “Oh, sweet baby Jesus.” He looked so damn good today. Clad in nothing but a pair of white shorts, he filled every inch of his skin like a dream. No, like a demigod. Yeah, a demigod was so much more fitting.
“I get it.” Shannon smiled knowingly. “I feel the same about Johnny.”
“It’s hard to concentrate, huh?”
“Definitely,” she agreed. “And then it gets deeper because you start to crave their words as much as their kisses.”
“Whoa,” I breathed. “Sounds intense.”
“You should tell Gibs how you feel, Claire.”
“He already knows how I feel,” I replied, settling back down on my stomach. “He’s just … Gerard.”
“And you’re Claire,” she added. “And together you make a perfect team.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“Definitely,” she assured me. “It’ll happen. I can feel it in my bones.”
I hope so. I changed the subject by saying, “I’m going to miss this. I wish we lived in a world where summer never ended.”
“But then we wouldn’t have autumn,” Shan offered, happy to follow my lead. “And you know how much we love Octobers.”
“True,” I agreed dreamily. “Woolly jumpers and falling leaves.”
“Hot chocolate and Halloween,” she added with a wistful sigh.
“Bonfires.”
“Dark evenings.”
“Trick or treating.”
“Snuggling under blankets.”
“Okay, new plan. Let’s build a world full of Octobers.”
“Now that’s a world I want to live in,” Shan agreed.
“We can be queens.”
“Or presidents.”
“Rulers.”
“Yes, joint rulers of all things autumn.”
“Genius. Hey, Shan?”
“Hm?”
Rolling onto my side, I pushed my curls back and gave my bestie my full attention. “Do you hold it against me?”
“I would never hold anything against you, Claire,” she replied, mirroring my actions.
I smiled sadly. “You don’t even know what I’m referring to.”
“Because it doesn’t matter.” She reached out with her foot and poked my leg with her toe. “It would never happen.”
“But I knew, Shan. I knew something was wrong in your house,” I confessed, repeating a conversation we’d had a couple of times this summer. “I didn’t do anything about it, and the guilt is still eating me.”
“Claire, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You didn’t know. Not really. I never told you anything. You had a feeling. And you did everything you could have done for me. Trust me, I know.” Pulling up onto her knees, Shannon grabbed a hair tie off her wrist and pulled her hair into a makeshift bun. “I’m still here. I made it. He didn’t beat me.” Smiling softly, she gestured to herself and then our surroundings. “And look at my life now.”
“I know and I’m so thankful you’re here,” I strangled out, feeling overwhelmed with emotion.
Johnny’s family had taken Shannon and her brothers in when their parents died in a house fire earlier this year. A fire that had been purposefully set by their abusive, alcoholic father.
The six Lynch siblings had been through hell and back and had finally found a soft landing in the Kavanagh home.
Their oldest brother, Darren, was grown and lived up north. Meanwhile, Joey was in therapy for his addiction issues. Shannon and the three younger boys, Tadhg, Ollie, and Sean resided in the manor with the Kavanaghs. And boy were those kids thriving.
Springing forward, I threw my arms around her and squeezed tightly. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Okay, what’s really wrong?” she asked with a small chuckle, as she hugged me back.
“What do you mean?”
“Something’s on your mind.”
“How can you tell?”
“Because you’re an open book,” Shannon explained. “I’m not going to force you into telling me anything, but know that you can, and I’ll never judge. No matter what.”
I pulled back to look at her. “It’s Liz,” I admitted. “I think she might be hurting herself again.”
“Again?” Shannon’s face paled. “What do you mean again?”
“Aw crap, I keep forgetting you weren’t around much back then. Even though we’ve been friends forever, there are huge patches of time you weren’t there when we were growing up.”
“Focus, Claire,” Shannon urged, sounding panicked. “When did this happen before?”
“After Caoimhe passed away.” Swallowing deeply, I pressed a hand to my brow and fought the internal panic clawing at me. “She was cutting for a while back then.”
“Cutting?” Her blue eyes widened in horror. “Are you talking about self-harm?”
I nodded grimly. “Um, it was a really dark time in her life, and I told my mam who then told her mam.”
“Good,” Shannon urged, offering me a supportive nod. “That’s good, Claire.”
“And I thought it helped, you know? Her parents got her into counselling, and it stopped, but then I saw her at the pool this morning and she has this huge scar on her thigh, and it looked so much like the ones I used to see on her … ” My words broke off and I blew out a shaky breath. “She said she fell on barbed wire, but that’s not true, Shan. I know it in my gut.”
“Oh God,” Shannon whispered, covering her mouth with her hand. “Poor Lizzie.”
“So, I guess I’m asking you to tell me what to do,” I added, feeling nervous and uncertain. “I don’t want to upset her or make things harder for her than they already are, but I can’t sit back and do nothing.” Like I did with you.
“No,” Shannon agreed quietly.
“So, what do I do?”
“What about talking to her about it?”
“She’s been pulling away from me for months,” I explained, using my toe to dig a hole in the sand as I spoke. “Because of Gerard.”
“Because she blames Gibs for what happened between Mark and Caoimhe.”
“Yep. Pretty much.” Releasing a pained sigh, I scooped up a handful of sand and then watched as it slowly trickled from my fingertips. “I understand where she’s coming from. Really, I do. But I won’t ever walk away from him.” Not even for Lizzie. “And she sees my friendship with him as one giant betrayal to her.” I shrugged, feeling helpless. “The closer I get to Gerard, the further Lizzie pulls away.”
“That’s a horrible situation to be put in,” Shannon offered, reaching over to cover my hand with hers. “One I think you’ve been doing a wonderful job of navigating.”
“I used to think so, too,” I admitted. “That I was good at navigating my friendships with them both. But not lately.” Not since the last camping trip. “Not anymore.”
“I’m going to help,” Shannon declared, squeezing my hand. “You’re not alone in this. She’s our best friend and I’m right here with you, Claire. We’ll do something about this.”
“What though?”
“We’ll talk to Liz,” she replied. “And we’ll talk to her mother, too.”
“She might freak,” I offered warily.
“She might,” Shannon agreed with a nod. “But it’s a risk worth taking.”
“Sorry we’re so late, guys. I didn’t get off work until eight,” Katie announced, causing our conversation to be cut short when she hurried up the beach in our direction. “Room for one more?”
Clearing her throat, Shannon smiled brightly and patted her towel. “Always.”
“Thanks,” Katie replied, sinking down on the edge of Shannon’s towel. Her cheeks were flushed, and she was still wearing her work uniform. “I have no idea what’s after getting into that brother of yours, Claire, but he’s like a monk that’s taken a vow of silence.”
“Really?” I glanced over my shoulder and spotted my brother who had just arrived. Clad in board shorts and an oversized hoodie, he pitched their tent with effortless ease before turning his attention to the makeshift fire that was dying out.
Oh God.
It had clearly gone very badly with Lizzie earlier.
“I’ll be right back,” I announced, climbing to my feet. “Two secs, guys.”
“Can you grab a hoodie for me?” Shan called after me. “The sun’s going down and it’s getting chilly.”
“On it,” I called back, not stopping until I reached my brother. “Are you okay?”
“Never better,” he replied, attention glued to the flames he was teasing back to life. “You?”
“Come on, Hugh.” I stepped closer. “What happened?”
“What do you mean?”
“With Lizzie,” I pushed. “Was she mean to you?”
“When isn’t she mean, Claire?” he replied flatly.
Oh God, she was mean.
“You know she doesn’t mean it, right?” I tried to say. “It’s her coping mechanism.”
“I don’t need anyone to explain Lizzie Young’s coping mechanisms to me,” came his hard response. “I’m well versed in them.”
“So, you asked her about it?” I chewed on my lip, anxious. “About the cutting?”
“Yes, Claire, I asked her about it.”
“And?”
“And it was a huge fucking mistake,” Hugh spat, tossing the stick in the fire. “There’s a reason we steer clear of each other, and I was reminded of that today.”
“Hugh,” I began to say, but he shook his head.
“I’m done, Claire.” Rolling his shoulders, he pushed the sleeves of his hoodie up to his elbows and stalked off in the direction of the boys, kicking at the sand as he went. “Ask Feely to talk to her because I’m so fucking done.”
“See?” Katie exclaimed when I returned to her and Shan. “He’s clearly in a mood about something, right?”
“Maybe,” I mumbled, feeling terrible for pushing my brother into doing something that I knew full well would affect him.
“Liz!” Shannon squealed, scrambling to her feet and making a beeline for the sand dune our willowy friend was standing on. Standing beside her with his arms full of camping equipment was Pierce. “You came!”
“I came,” she laughed, reciprocating Shannon’s hug with a rare show of affection.
Shifting in discomfort, Pierce stepped around the girls and headed straight for the boys who were on their way to investigate our new guests.
“I thought you said you weren’t coming?” Patrick called out good-naturedly, shielding his eyes from the late evening sun, as he looked up at her.
“Yeah, well, I figured you’d be bored without me,” Lizzie called back, covering her mouth with her hands to send her voice further.
“Peace,” Katie mumbled under her breath. “We would have had peace without her.”
Choosing not to call her out on her mutterings, because in all honesty the girl wasn’t wrong, I stood up to make room for my brother, who had joined his girlfriend.
Dusting the sand off my thighs, I offered Lizzie a big wave. She began to reciprocate with a wave of her own but quickly stopped and veered her attention back to Shannon when I was joined by the boys.
“No fighting,” Johnny was instructing Gerard. He had his hands on Gerard’s shoulders like he was priming him for a boxing match. “No matter what she says, no matter how low she hits you below the belt, no bleeding fighting, Gibs.”
“I’ve got it,” Gerard grumbled, shaking out of Johnny’s hold. “I won’t even look in her direction.”
“Good man yourself,” Johnny encouraged. “Because we want a peaceful night.”
“Yes, we do,” Katie agreed, hooking arms with Hugh. “Peaceful.”
“You’ll have no drama from me, boss,” Gerard offered in a teasing tone, attention locked on me as he prowled towards me with mischief dancing in his eyes. “I only have eyes for one blonde.”
He had a twinkle of mischief in his eyes that was addictive. Seriously, being with Gerard felt like when you were five and waiting for Santa to come on Christmas Eve. He drew every element of emotion from my heart, and he did it without breaking a sweat.
“Don’t you dare,” I squealed, as I scampered to the side and narrowly avoided his playful onslaught. “Gerard Gibson, I’m warning you – ahhh!”
“What’s that, lover? You fancy a moonlight stroll on the beach?” Throwing me over his shoulder, Gerard proceeded to run down the beach. “Anything for you, my sweetheart.”
“Oh my God,” I half-laughed, half-screamed, as my face bounced helplessly against his back. “Let me down or I’ll pinch your ass.”
“Is that a promise?”
“I’ll do it,” I warned through fits of laughter. “I will, Gerard.” Sliding my hand into the waistband of his shorts, I pushed my hand inside. “Ooh, what’s this? A round, hairy ass cheek!”
“Okay, okay,” he laughed, surprising me by how quickly he forfeited, and set me down on my feet. “You win.”
“I do?” I replied, breathless. “Since when?”
“Since I can’t take it,” he chuckled, still smiling down at me.
“Can’t take what?”
“Being touched there.”
It was only then that I realized that I still had my hand in his shorts. “Oh crap.” Cheeks flaming, I quickly yanked my hand free and grinned up at him. “Oops.”
“Oops,” he mimicked affectionately, hands resting on my shoulders.
“Why can’t you take being touched there?”
“Because I have the worst tickles known to mankind on my hole.”
“Tickles.” I arched a brow. “On your ass?”
“Yep. So bad.” He nodded eagerly. “I lose total control of my limbs. Seriously. Try it and I’m like a ninja with a black belt.”
“And how do you know you have a tickly ass?”
“Do you really want to know the answer to that question?”
“Uh, no,” I confirmed with a grimace. “On second thoughts, don’t tell me.”
“Come on,” he chuckled, draping his arm over my shoulders. “Let’s take that moonlight stroll.”
“This is entirely inappropriate behavior.”
“Duly noted. Should we continue?”
“Of course.”
“Okay then.”
“Hey, remember that song about the summertime?” Entwining my hand with his, I twirled out of his hold before returning to his side. “The one our dads used to play all the time when we were little.”
Shifting our bodies so that he was behind me, he wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned in close. “‘In the Summertime’ by Mungo Jerry.” Mimicking the singer’s voice, he broke into the chorus, giving me a hilarious rendition of one of my favorite childhood songs. “Is that the one?”
“Yes!” Biting down on my lip with sheer delight, I gripped his forearms for dear life when he began to swing me around in circles. “Oh my God,” I squealed, feeling safer in this boy’s arms than anywhere else on earth. “Please don’t let go.”
“Never,” he vowed. “Not in a million years.”
