WHEN I GOT home that night, I received the usual silent treatment from my mom. Dad was working late at his downtown office, just another sign of how wrong things were.
But I wasn’t the one who had done anything wrong. So I walked upstairs, and instead of stopping at my room, I knocked on Aiden’s door.
“Come in,” he yelled.
I pushed the door open to find him with his computer out, watching
Impractical Jokers.
“You’re not doing research, are you?” I teased.
Grinning, he shrugged. “You never know when a good prank can come in handy.”
I shook my head, not sure I could bring myself to ask him for help.
Again.
“What’s up?” he asked. “I’m having…I need help.”
He hit mute on his computer and pushed it away. “What’s wrong? Is it the thing with Mom and Dad? Because I’m just as confused as you are. They never drag anything out this long.”
“No,” I said, “but same.” I sighed. “If I tell you something, you promise not to judge me?”
“Um, duh, this is a no-judgement room. That sign says so.” He pointed at a yellow sign on his wall that said run like you stole something.
I rolled my eyes but sat down in his desk chair. “This is serious, Aiden.”
His eyes finally showed concern. “What’s going on? Are you in trouble? Is it Beckett? I might not be stronger than him, but I can definitely
run fas—”
“No, it’s not Beckett!” I cried. “Well, it kind of is. Can you listen?” He nodded, completely silent.
A smile tugged at my lips, but the panic in my chest quickly tamped it down. “I…” I picked at my nails. If I couldn’t even say it to Aiden, how was I supposed to explain it to Beckett? “I started dating Beckett as a bet.”
“What?” The weight of what I’d said didn’t show on Aiden’s face. He just looked confused.
I sighed, rubbing my forehead. “It was the day I found out I have PCOS. I’d just gotten to health class, and Merritt went off about how fat people should just lose weight and no one would want to date them and I just…lost it.”
“You should have decked her,” Aiden said.
“And then embarrass Mom and get kicked out of the Academy?” “So what do you mean then? What did you say?”
I told him about the bet and what Merritt said in the bathroom. “I never thought Beckett would like me, but now he does, and I think—” My throat tightened over the word, over the thought that came next. “I think once he knows about the bet, he won’t want anything to do with me.”
“Oh, Rory,” Aiden breathed, his brows drawn together. “This is bad.” I hung my head. “I know.”
“But if he likes you as much as it seems he does, don’t you think he’ll understand?”
“If Merritt tells him and gets her twist on it?” I shook my head, shuddering.
“No,” he said, “but if you’re honest with him and ask for forgiveness?” “You think it will work?” I asked.
He frowned. “I don’t know. But I don’t know what other choice you have.”
So that’s what I would do. When I saw him after the homecoming game against Brentwood, I would tell him the truth and beg that he would see my heart beyond the mistake. I had until tomorrow night to prepare and practice.
As I walked to my room, it struck me how lonely I felt that I only had my brother to go to for advice. I missed the girls and spending the night at Zara’s or hanging out at Callie’s or scheming around the table in the AV
room. Even though I’d give everything to go back in time and not make the bet with Merritt, I’d also give anything to be their friend again.
I changed into my pajamas, got in bed, and typed a Sermo chat to the girls. And then I deleted it because it just didn’t seem good enough.
I tried a few more times, but nothing was right. Especially with Jordan’s latest, uncontested message staring back at me.
And then a new message came across my screen.
Beckett: I think my dad’s in love with you.
A soft smile spread across my lips. Just seeing his name made my heart feel lighter.
Rory: Tell your dad it’s a little soon for the L-word.
Beckett: LOL but really. He said you should come by more often. Which is saying something since he is barely around anyway.
Rory: Maybe he just doesn’t want you to be lonely?
Beckett: Maybe. Or he’s just like me and likes having you around. Rory: Oh really?
Beckett: I do. When you’re with me, it’s like…the golden hour. I want to take as many pictures as I can because the moment’s perfect and I want to make it last.
My throat felt tight, a lump growing there.
Rory: I feel the same way.
My fingers hovered over the keyboard, needing to type this message. To know if he was in as deep as I was.
Rory: What if I messed up? Beckett: What do you mean?
Rory: If I did something wrong or bad? Would you still like me?
Beckett: I don’t like you because of what you do. I like you because of who you ARE.
Rory: And who is that?
Because right now, I was having a hard time knowing who that girl was. Was I really the kind of person who could use Beckett for the sake of a bet and not have a second thought about it? That’s what I’d done. I’d used him and four girls to prove to Merritt—and myself—that I was worthy of love. But those actions just made me feel even less so.
Beckett: You like chocolate flavors more than fruity desserts. Beckett: You like guys nicknamed hot pants.
Beckett: Even when everyone talks in math class, you stay quiet, just listening to the world around you.
Beckett: You stand up for others when they’re down.
Beckett: You create art with your heart instead of your mind. Beckett: You are amazing.
Tears brimmed over my eyelashes and spilled over my cheeks. All this time, I’d been trying to get Beckett to see past my flaws, not realizing he hadn’t noticed them at all. He’d seen me. The best of me, when I’d only given him the worst.
Beckett: I have to go to bed, Cupcake, but I can’t wait for the game tomorrow, knowing you’ll be in the stands, cheering me on. It means everything to me.
Beckett: Good night, beautiful.
I held the phone to my chest like the words could fill my heart more than they already had. But really, it was hope I needed to be holding on to. The problem was, I couldn’t seem to find any.
