There was a strange man in my room.
I tried to blink through the fog of my confusion to make sense of what I was seeing. I didn’t recognize him. Reddish brown hair, late thirties. He was taking my blood pressure. A pretty brown-haired woman stood next to him, unpacking a duffel bag full of medical supplies.
Had I called 911? I didn’t remember.
They didn’t look like EMTs. They were in street clothes.
My head was throbbing. I was so dehydrated I felt withered. My bottom lip had cracked in the middle, and I touched it absently with my dry tongue, my eyes listlessly sweeping the rest of the room trying to figure out what was happening.
Justin was on a ladder changing the batteries on the smoke alarm.
Justin. He came.
I would have cried if I’d had enough water in me to make tears.
He finished and started climbing down. “How fast will this help?” he asked the man and woman.
“Pretty fast,” the man said. “She should be feeling better soon.”
The man took off the blood pressure cuff and smiled at me. “Emma? I’m Jacob. This is my wife, Briana. We’re emergency medicine physicians. I’m going to give you some Zofran and some fluids, okay?”
I nodded.
Jacob started prepping the IV and Briana pulled out a stethoscope and listened to my stomach. Checking for bowel sounds, I knew, looking for blockages. She finished and put the stethoscope around her neck. “Probably norovirus. A real nasty strain going around.”
“Could be Taco Bell,” Jacob said, giving his wife a playful eyebrow.
She gasped and gave him an amused look. “Well, now you have to take me there for dinner. See what you’ve done?”
He chuckled.
“Thanks for coming,” Justin said from the foot of the bed, looking concerned.
Briana wrapped my arm with a tourniquet. “No problem. We got Benny and Jane to watch Ava. We’ll probably turn it into a date night.”
Justin chewed on the side of his thumb while she put my IV in, and I registered that he was really worried. Like, really really worried.
I started to feel better within half an hour. As soon as the nausea was under control, Briana gave me some Motrin for the headache. We had to do two bags of saline before the doctors were satisfied with my condition.
“Push fluids,” Jacob said, packing up the duffel bag. “Food is less important than getting her hydrated. Tea, anything with electrolytes. Lots of rest.”
“I’ll call tomorrow to check in,” Briana said. “Or call me if you have any other concerns, but I think she’s looking good.” She turned to me. “Justin says you’re a nurse at Royaume. Come say hi to me the next time you’re there. We can go get lunch.”
“Thank you,” I said, huskily. “I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t come.”
She nodded at Justin. “Thank him. You’re better because he came.”
She turned to go and paused. “Hey, do you know who your landlord is, by chance?”
“Neil?”
“That guy’s an asshole. Just so you know.”
I pulled my face back. “How long have you worked with him?” I asked. “Too long, but that’s not what I’m talking about. He used to date my
best friend. For seven years. The guy’s a dick. Just be careful.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and blew out a tired breath. My brain was too dried up to think about this right now.
“Anyway, it was nice meeting you,” she said, going on. “My husband’s going to take me to get a chalupa.”
Jacob smiled at his wife and put a hand around her waist as they walked out of the room.
“I’ll be right back,” Justin said, heading to follow them.
“Justin, you should go.” My voice was raspy. “I’m fine now, and norovirus is super contagious.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” There was something final in his voice. “I’ll be back in half an hour. Just get some rest.”
I did. The second they were gone, I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion. When I woke up, Justin was next to the bed with a bowl of soup and a Gatorade.
“I ordered food and groceries to the house so it was waiting when I dropped them off,” he said. “I figured chicken noodle would be best, but I also got beef barley, minestrone, and this chickpea vegetable one they said was good. I got crackers and applesauce and some bananas too and I’m making you some tea.”
He set the food on the nightstand while I scooted up gingerly to sit against the headboard, my sore stomach yelping.
“Where are the kids?” I asked.
“Sarah went to Josie’s family’s cabin for the week. Leigh took Alex and Chelsea to the ranch. I also got Imodium, Pepto, and some Kaopectate,” he said. “Do you like honey in your tea?”
He waited for my answer with the sweetest, most concerned expression.
He was so worried about me. It was in every line of his face.
I had to look awful. I hadn’t brushed my hair and I’d been barfing for two days straight. I probably smelled terrible too, but I was too weak and exhausted to do anything about it.
But I was glad he was here. Not just because I’d needed help, but because I wanted to see him. His presence comforted me the way Maddy did, or Mom when she was taking care of me and not the other way around.
It was so rare that anyone took care of me. It was rare I allowed it.
“Honey?” he asked again. “Yes, thank you.”
I ate the soup and drank the tea and fell asleep again. When I woke up, it was getting dark outside.
I got up wrapped in a blanket and wandered into the hallway. Justin was on the sofa on his laptop. Probably getting some work done. When he saw me, he put his computer on the coffee table. “Hey, you’re up.”
“Yeah.” I nodded over my shoulder. “I just need to use the bathroom.” “Can I get you anything?”
I shook my head. “No. What time is it?”
He looked at his watch. “Seven fifteen. You were asleep for a few hours.”
“You changed your clothes,” I said.
He looked down at his white T-shirt. “I ran home and got my stuff.” I nodded again, too tired for more words.
I used the bathroom, happy I was hydrated enough to need to. Justin had cleaned. The room smelled faintly of bleach.
I decided to take a shower. My legs were wobbly, but I felt gross and slightly self-conscious with Justin here. When I looked in the mirror, it was worse than I thought. I looked like absolute hell. I was pale, I had deep black circles under my eyes. I was getting undressed and I lost my balance and fell a little into the wall. A second later Justin knocked on the door. “Are you all right in there? I heard a thump.”
“Yeah.” I steadied myself. “I’m just getting ready to take a shower.” “Okay.” A pause. “Do you need any help or…?” I could hear the grin
through the door.
He actually managed to draw a laugh out of me. “No, Justin. I think I’ve got it.”
“All right, all right, I’m just trying to be useful.”
He was being nice to me, but this was the first time in almost a week he’d been playful with me.
I knew I’d broken something between us that night on the lawn. It was the price for my honesty. I just hadn’t anticipated how high it was or how much I would hate paying it.
Why did I think that he’d want casual sex with me? The idea seemed absurd to me now.
So maybe we couldn’t be more than what we were. Our lifestyles didn’t fit. But why did I want to cheapen the friendship that was there?
Because I didn’t know how not to.
I didn’t know how to be with someone that I had these complicated feelings for, I’d never done it.
He had every right to be upset.
When I came out of the shower, he’d stripped the bed and remade it with
fresh sheets. He’d opened the window over the bench seat to air out the room. There was a new bottle of Gatorade on the nightstand. I stood in the doorway, watching him with his back to me, putting the last pillowcase on my pillow.
He looked over his shoulder and saw me standing there. “Oh, hey. Sorry, I tried to get it done before you got out.”
“Thank you.”
I was wrapped in a towel. I couldn’t stomach putting on my dirty clothes again for the short walk to my room.
He set the pillow on the bed and smiled a little at me, and I felt myself blush.
I’d been fully ready to go home with him the other night. He’d had a boner pressed right into my stomach. But this was a different kind of intimacy than that and one I wasn’t used to.
“How are you feeling?” he asked. “Better. Still tired.”
He looked away, like he wasn’t sure he should be looking at me half- naked like this.
“I’ll let you get some sleep then,” he said. “Justin?”
He glanced back at me. “Yeah?” “Why?” I asked quietly.
“Why what?”
“Why did you come?”
“Because you needed me,” he said simply. “I will always come when you call.”
We stood there looking at each other. Then he seemed to remember himself and edged past me out of the room.
I got dressed and got under the covers, feeling good for the first time in days with clean clothes, clean sheets, clean body.
I passed out almost immediately. And when I did, I dreamed of him— being with him at a cafe on a date, walking his dog, going back to his house. I wanted to tell him something the whole time, but I didn’t know what. I kept opening my mouth to talk to him and then nothing would come out and he’d just smile at me. It was weird how mundane the dream was, but how totally invested I felt in it. When I woke up, I was disappointed it
was over and I was back on the island.
It was dark now. I felt for my phone and found it on the charger next to a perspiring glass of ice water that hadn’t been there when I went to sleep. It was 3:00 a.m.
I got up and used the bathroom. Then I poked my head into the living room looking for him. He wasn’t there. I checked Maddy’s room. Not there either.
The disappointment swallowed me.
I don’t know what I thought was going to happen. He had the kids, a dog. He had a job. I couldn’t expect him to stay on this island just to hang out with me. He’d done more than enough coming here to begin with. But discovering he was gone did something to me.
I missed him.
I’d been missing him, I realized. At work. At home. I’d been wanting to see him every single day since the water park. I never got a break from it. It was burning a hole in me.
I stopped in the doorway of the living room and peered around the cottage in the dark. I could see the dishes washed and drying on the rack. A bowl full of fruit that hadn’t been there yesterday. I padded over to the front door. It was closed and locked, but the frame was cracked. Had he kicked it in? He must have. And how did he even get here? Did Neil loan him the yacht? Did he hitchhike? Can you do that on a lake? I had questions that I’d been too out of it to ask when he was here.
I’d have to wait until a reasonable hour to call him. Though something told me that if I called him now and woke him up, he wouldn’t mind. It was weird that I knew that. That if I needed him, he would be there and he wouldn’t be bothered by it no matter how late or inconvenient the time. No… not just if I needed him. If I wanted him, he would be there. It didn’t have to be important. He would be there for anything and any reason. And I knew that.
I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then I turned for my bedroom—and that’s where I discovered Justin, sleeping on the little bench beneath the window.
A soft smile spread across my face. He’d stayed.
I gazed at him, wedged into that tiny nook, his long legs tucked almost
to his chest. The throw blanket from the couch covered him, and he was using a little decorative lake-life pillow. He must be so uncomfortable.
Why hadn’t he slept in the living room on the sofa? Or Maddy’s room for that matter? Why hadn’t he gone home and slept in his bed? But then I knew why.
He wanted to be close to me. In case I needed him. And he didn’t want to violate my space by sleeping in my bed without my permission, and he wouldn’t wake me up to ask it. So he’d squished himself on a glorified cushioned windowsill instead.
Something happened in my chest. A flutter. Or a crack. I had to clutch it with a hand like a part of me was going to spill out.
I’m not sure why, but I knew I’d always remember this. The breeze rolling gently through the curtains on either side of him. The curve of his shoulder and the way he didn’t make the room feel crowded even though anyone in my room who wasn’t Maddy took up too much space.
I thought too about the other night on the lawn. His hands gliding up my rib cage. His mouth on my neck and the warm way he smelled and the feel of his kiss.
I drank in his gentle breathing sounds. The rise and fall of his chest. And something in me accepted him. Opened up and let him in. I felt the stirring of something in my belly so rare to me I could count the occurrences of it on one hand.
Justin was on the island.
Not the real one. The one in my soul.
My eyes teared up at the realization. I didn’t know how to process it. It scared me, and I didn’t know what it meant or what I should do now or how it would change things. But suddenly nothing was the same.
I made my way over to the window and shook him gently. “Justin.” He startled awake. “What happened? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Come to bed.”
He stared up at me in the dark like he didn’t believe what he’d heard. “Come to bed,” I said again. “Come on.”
He peered at me another moment. Then he got up and came to bed. When I got under the covers, I scooted over to snuggle up next to him.
He wrapped his arms around me and tucked the blanket over my shoulder like this was the most natural thing in the world to him and we’d slept like
this a thousand times before. I put a palm over his heart and lay there feeling the rhythmic beating under my hand.
I wanted to tell him how much I’d missed him. That I’d stared at pictures that had only fragments of him in them, how I’d dreamed about him and how I felt when he came to the cottage.
I didn’t know why it was so hard to say what I was feeling. Maybe because it felt hard to feel what I was feeling.
“You didn’t leave,” I whispered.
“I will never leave you,” he said tiredly. “I mean, unless you tell me to.
I’m not a creep.”
I laughed and my sore stomach hurt.
He pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head. And for the first time maybe ever, I felt like I belonged somewhere.
