The interrogation started the second we got in the car. “Oh my God, that guy’s fucking in love with you,” Maddy said, turning on the engine. “It’s cute. Honestly, I’m not usually about all that puppy dog stuff, but I liked it.”
“He is not in love with me,” I said, putting on my seat belt. “Yeah, he is. And you liiiiike him.”
“I do like him,” I admitted. “More than I thought I was going to.”
She gave me her yay face. “Okay. Awesome. When’s the wedding?” “Maddy!”
“What?”
“I can’t date him.”
She’d started pulling out of the parking space, but now she hit the brakes and threw the car in park. She pivoted in her seat to look at me straight on. “Why don’t you want to date him?”
“He has kids?” I said. “They’re his siblings.”
“I know. But he’s going to be raising them for the next six years.”
“So you’d give up someone perfect because his life took a shit turn and he ended up having to raise some kids.”
“Uh, I think you’re simplifying it a bit.”
“You are unreal.” She shook her head at me. “You’re just looking for a reason, any reason, to disqualify him.”
I scoffed. “So him having three kids isn’t a big enough reason? If I saw that on a dating profile, I would have swiped left. I’ve never dated men with kids, ever. That’s a conscious choice I make.”
“You don’t want anything that can’t fit in your luggage.” She stared at
me like she’d just had an epiphany. “The lengths you will go to stay living in the chaos you’re accustomed to—”
I rolled my eyes. “What chaos?”
“The chaos you grew up in! This whole life you’ve made—the travel nursing and the constant moving—you’re reliving your childhood,” she said. “Doing it in a safe way you can control. You slap the word ‘adventure’ on it like lipstick on a pig, but it is what it is, just another way to keep you from ever belonging to anywhere or anyone.”
“Really?” I looked at her, amused. “First of all, there is nothing wrong with me liking to travel. It’s maybe the one thing my childhood set me up for that I don’t hate. And there’s also nothing wrong with me making practical life choices. I’ve known Justin for like five minutes. So I what? Give up my career and jazz hands my way into his fragile, grieving family hoping it works out between us? Me and this guy I just met? And if it doesn’t work out? How will that affect these kids, who just lost their mom on the tail end of losing their dad?”
“Keep it separate. Don’t go over there. Don’t mix your life with theirs until you’re sure.”
I laughed. “He is a full-time parent now. A full-time single parent. He’s not going to get weekends when the kids are off with their mom and we can go do things. If I’m not willing to be around the kids, I’ll never see him. What would even be the point of staying here? For the once or twice a month when he can get away? Anyone dating him is going to be doing soccer games and pizza nights in the breakfast nook while they help Sarah with homework. I mean, look at today. And honestly, he shouldn’t even be dating anyone right now, he should be getting adjusted.”
She jabbed a finger at me. “Not your decision to make.” She looked me in the eye. “That is a good man. You are going to fuck up if you let that go.” “What exactly has Justin done to warrant this unwavering support from
you? I thought you wanted him dead.” “I think he might be The One.”
I cracked up.
“I’m serious,” she said. “You’re in denial. You’re blushing and acting like a lovesick teenager. I’ve known you half your life. I have never seen you look at someone like that.” She started ticking off on her fingers. “First he gets you to come to Minnesota, then you go over there when you’re
small and you meet his family. At this point I’m convinced the man could sell you an MLM.”
“I had very rational reasons to do all of those things,” I said.
“He’s chivalrous,” she said, going on. “He stayed with you during the Amber/Neil Lobster Lovefest. He gives you butterflies. He’s awakened something inside of your cold, dead heart.”
“Oh wow, thanks.”
“You need to jump on this before it’s too late.”
“Too late for what? What’s going to happen? If I don’t find someone to love me I shall remain forever a beast?” I made a fake scared face.
She narrowed her eyes at me.
“Do I like him? Yes. Am I attracted to him? Also yes. Did he sort of ask me today to stay in Minnesota longer? He did. But his lifestyle is not for me. It’s not a fit. I can acknowledge that I like him while also being practical enough to know it won’t work out. That’s what dating is for, to see if you’re compatible. We’re not.”
She cocked her head. “He asked you to stay?” “He asked me to sign another contract. Yes.” “And you said?”
“The truth. That it’s your turn to pick and I had to promise you two turns just to get you to come here.”
Her eyes went wide. “Oh hell no. You’re not putting this shit on me.” “Did I lie? It is your turn.”
She put a hand to her chest. “Let’s be very clear here. I am not the obstacle in the way of your happiness. That person is you.”
“Okay, Maddy. Noted.”
She studied me for a moment. Then she looked forward and put the car in drive. She drove out of the mall’s parking garage and started to navigate the streets without another word.
“Are you mad?” I asked. “No.”
“You look mad.”
“I’m not. It just… sucks. He’s a nice guy.” “Yeah,” I said. “He is. But it is what it is.”
And you know what? It really did suck. Because she was right. I did like him.
Maybe Justin was the right guy, at the wrong time. Maybe if I’d met him a few years ago, or six years from now, when his mom was coming home, it would be a different story. But it wasn’t.
In a few weeks I was going to leave. It was what we’d agreed upon.
Four dates, one kiss, and a breakup. Just for the summer.
We drove on in silence, and I peered out the window. Then we passed the freeway on-ramp and kept driving the side streets.
I turned to Maddy. “Where are we going?” “Great Wolf Lodge. I forgot my purse.”
“Where?”
“In Justin’s stroller. In the bag with the shirt he bought.”
I pulled my face back. “Why did you put it in his shirt bag?” My phone started to ring. It was Justin.
I hit the answer button. “Hey,” I said, eyeing my best friend. “Hey,” he said. “I think Maddy left her purse in my bag.”
“I know, we’re heading to the Great Wolf Lodge now.” “Cool, I’ll bring it down. Where should I meet you?”
I looked up through the windshield at the parking lot we were driving into. “There’s a waterslide that comes out of the side of the building. I think it’s the east parking lot? We’re pulling in there.”
“Okay. I’ll be down in a bit.” We hung up.
I sat back in my seat and looked at my best friend. “Why do I feel like you did that on purpose?”
She shrugged unapologetically. “He couldn’t kiss you goodbye in front of the kids. Figured if we timed it right, he could get them back to the hotel room, then run down by himself. I drove around aimlessly for a few minutes to give him time to get them situated.”
I shook my head at her. “You are unbelievable.”
“What?” she said, pulling a mint out of the change tray and handing it to me. “You have to manifest your own destiny.”
“He’s just going to run it to the car,” I said, unwrapping it. “No, he’s not, ’cause you’re not gonna be in this car. Get out.” “What?”
“Get OUT.”
She leaned over and unbuckled me. “Get the fuck out. I mean it.” I put the mint in my mouth and looked at her, amused.
“Emma, go meet him at the door, or I will lose my shit. I didn’t push a clunky car stroller around the universe’s largest mall for five hours so you could shake hands with this guy on the way out. As soon as he shows up, I’m going to park around the front at the lobby to give you some privacy. Go get your damn forehead kiss.”
I was laughing now. “Fine. I’m going.” “Good. Leave.”
“I am.” I opened the car door. “You are the worst.” “Don’t care. Bye.”
I shook my head and closed the car door.
The parking lot was empty. It looked like the direct entrance to the water park, which probably closed the same time the mall did. Several large green waterslides snaked out of the building and looped back in. All you could hear was the whir of something electrical and the splattering of dripping water from the slides on the pavement below.
I got to the entrance just as Justin got to the door. He’d changed into a pair of running pants and a hoodie. His hair was wet like he’d taken a shower. Probably getting ready for bed. I noted how snuggly he looked and had to force myself to not think about the docking station.
“Hey,” he said, coming out. “Just admit you’re obsessed with me, you don’t have to plant things in my stuff for excuses to come see me.”
I laughed and took the purse he held out.
Justin looked over my shoulder. “Where’s she going?”
I turned around to see Maddy in the car, vanishing around the front of the building. I rolled my eyes. “I think we’ve been set up,” I said.
I started to turn back to him, but before I knew what was happening, his hands were on my waist, and I was being pulled against him. I blinked up at him, surprised. His eyes dropped to my mouth, he tipped his head down and kissed me. A warm, long soft press of his lips to mine.
I melted. My legs lost their bones.
Once when I was twenty I spilled some hot oil on my foot while I was cooking. The searing white pain was so intense it was like everything else vanished. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t hear. I could only feel.
This was the polar opposite of the same thing.
Every single molecule of my body was in the place where his mouth touched mine. I hadn’t even seen it coming and then suddenly it was
everything and all there was. The headlights of a truck, so close and fast it’s all you can see before it hits you.
I threw my arms around his neck, purse still in hand, half to keep me from buckling and half to get closer. His embrace tightened and he blew a soft breath through his nose and the warm air rolled across my face and all I could think about was some foggy memory of just a few minutes ago of Maddy saying that I was in denial, and me being in denial about it.
Then he pulled away. Just… stopped.
“What happened?” I panted. “Why’d you stop?” “That’s all you get,” he said, his voice low.
I blinked at him. “What? Why?”
“Because I said so,” he said, looking at my lips. “And no means no.”
Then he unwrapped my arms from his neck, held my cheeks in his hands, gave me another forehead kiss, and left.
I stood there, holding Maddy’s purse, staring after him. “Justin!”
“I’ll see you next week. Call Maddy to come pick you up.”
I gawked. “Just so you know, that kiss doesn’t count!” I yelled. “It has to be open-mouthed.”
“Oh, I know.” He grinned at me over his shoulder while he scanned his wristband to let himself back into the building.
I crossed my arms. “What exactly is your strategy here? To make me beg?”
He stopped in the open door. “Would you? Beg? It might help.” I gasped. “I hate you.”
He started laughing. “I don’t think so. Good night, Emma.” And then he left me in the side parking lot at Great Wolf Lodge.
