When I got back to the cottage an hour later, Maddy was in the screened- in porch, reading. She wore shorts and flip-flops, and she was drinking a beer. She set down her book when I came in.
โHey,โ I said, flopping into a chair. โNeil dropped me off in the yacht.
He wanted to take Mom for a sunset cruise.โ
She rolled her eyes. โI wonder how long the honeymoonโs gonna last. I give it a week.โ
I didnโt answer. Though a week sounded about right.
โSo, how was it?โ she asked. She seemed de-escalated now that a few hours had passed.
โFine. She seems okay.โ โDid you get Stuffie?โ
I got my purse from the floor and pulled him out to show her.
In looking at him I wondered if you see things differently in childhood. If innocence can make anything beautiful. Because he looked like he always had, but I didnโt remember him being this tattered. His eye was gone and his fur was matted and dirty. His stuffing was flat and his neck hung limply.
โWow,โ Maddy said. โThatโs him, huh?โ
I set him on my thighs and sighed. โMaybe I can clean him up?โ โMaybe.โ She didnโt sound hopeful. โAnd the date?โ she asked.
I smiled. โHe took me to play with kittens. Then we went to a cool breakfast place and then to a park with a waterfall. It was fun.โ
โDid you tell him no to something?โ
โI didโandย I beat him in chess. He passed both of your tests.โ
โNice.โ She took a sip of her beer. โDoes he smell good?โ โHe smellsย reallyย good.โ
โDid you make out with him?โ
I shook my head. โNo. Mom and Neil were there. It would have been weird.โ I looked at her. โDid you really threaten to kill him?โ
โIt wasnโt a threat. It was a promise.โ I laughed dryly. โGod.โ
โThereโs a chance you might actually like this guy enough for him to hurt you, and I need him to know there will be repercussions if he does.โ
โWow. Youโve never threatened anyone before, he should feel special.โ โWell, Iโve never seen you chase someone before.โ
I gasped. โI amย notย chasing Justin.โ
She sat up and looked dramatically around the porch. โAre we not in Minnesota right now? You have never, in the entire time Iโve known you, put this much effort into a guy. You are aloof to a fault. You donโt even get attached after sex. Youโre like a dude.โ
I made an indignant noise.
โIโm serious,โ she said. โThis feels different from your normal MO and thereโs only so much trauma you can handle. Youโve met your lifetime maximum already. If he fucks with you and you unravel, Iโm going to unalive him with a can opener.โ
I was laughing. โI donโt have trauma.โ
She looked at me like I had two heads. โUh yeah, you do. Your entire childhood was traumatic. You should be in therapy working out the shit that woman put you throughโโ
โI went to therapy. For four years. Your parents made me go all through high school. I haveย resolvedย trauma, there is nothing wrong with me.โ
โOh yeah? Then why did you live out of a suitcase the entire time we were at home?โ
โI didnโt live out of a suitcaseโโ I said defensively. โYeah you did.โ
โI kept my suitcase under my bed and I used it to store things.โ
โYup. The things you cared about. The stuff youโd take in a fire, or if Amber showed up to get you. You never once unpacked. Not really.โ
โSo?โ
โSo you donโt think thatโs weird? That you canโt ever act like you
actually live somewhere? That youโre always ready to take off on a momentโs notice?โ
I shook my head at her. โI think youโre reading way too much into this.โ โI donโt think youโre reading enough into it.โ She sat back into her chair.
โSo when do you see Justin again?โ she asked.
I shrugged. โNext week maybe?โ
โYou didnโt want to see him sooner? You dragged me all the way to Minnesota, extorted me and everything to get here.โ
โI just feel kind of bad taking up his time when I know itโs not going to lead anywhere and Iโm leaving in a few weeks.โ
โMaybe he wants you to take up his time.โ
I looked down at Stuffie. โHeย didย say he wanted to show me around. I donโt know. I might take him up on it.โ
My phone vibrated, and I pulled it out to look at it. I couldnโt help but note that the thought that it might be Mom made me feel preemptively exhausted.
But it wasnโt Mom. It was Justin. โOh my Godโฆโ โWhat?โ Maddy said. โWhat is it?โ
โJustin sent me an exit interview.โ โHeย didnโt.โ
I scanned it, laughing. Then I read it out loud.
- On a scale from Awkward to Charming, how would you rate Justinโs performance?
- At any point during the date did you experience the following symptoms:
Butterflies in your stomach
Flushing and heating of the cheeks
Ringing in the ears
Unexplained arousal
Uncontrollable laughter
Fluttering of the heart
- On a Scale from 1โ10, how likely would you be to date Justin again if the breaking the curse thing wasnโt a factor?
- What words would you use to describe your date with Justin?
- Any further comments?
Maddy was cracking up. โIโve gotta give it to him, he does put in the effort.โ
I was smiling at my screen. โYeah, he does.โ โThat was nice of him to stay with you.โ
It was nice. Justin had impressed me. He was a little more than Iโd expected, in more ways than one.
โSo?โ Maddy said. โIf you werenโt breaking a curse together, how likely would you be to date him again?โ
I twisted my lips thinking about it. Then I checked 10.