What happened to you ? We looked for you everywhere. Yet you told me you were almost there, right?
I roll over in bed, phone in hand, back to the window, and mentally curse myself for not thinking of making up an excuse. So, I’m going to have to improvise.
Yes, I was very close, and then I got cramps, you see, and…
It’s okay, don’t add more, Miles said. Got it.
I close my eyes to block out the stream of thoughts going through his head and flashing before my eyes, like the breaking news at the bottom of the screen on CNN.
Did I miss something ?
Besides the fact that Drina never came, either? Nothing, nothing. I spent the first half of the evening helping Haven look for her, and the second half trying to find her.
convincing her that it wasn’t the end of the world and that she would be better off without her, anyway. She really looks like she’s in love, I swear. This friendship is something perverse, Ever.
Ha, ha! It rhymes !
Miles loves playing with my name.
I run my hand over my face, get out of bed and realize that, for the first time in over a week, I don’t have
hangover when you wake up. And even though, deep down, I know it’s a very good thing, the fact remains that I feel worse than ever.
And if not, what do you do? he asks. How would you like a Christmas shopping afternoon at Fashion Island?
Can not. I am still deprived of going out.
I dig through a pile of sweatshirts and come across the one Damen gave me at Disneyland, before my life descended into chaos and became extraordinarily weird, as if it wasn’t weird enough already.
For how much longer ?
I do not know.
I put the phone on the dresser while I put on a lime-colored sweatshirt. I am not unaware that the duration of my
punishment doesn’t matter and I can get out if I want to. I just need to get home before Sabine returns. In other words, it is impossible to keep an clairvoyant within four walls. But
it gives me the perfect excuse to stay quietly at home and protect myself from the aggressive energy outside. The only reason I respect Sabine’s ban, in fact.
I get the phone back in time to hear Miles say:
Will you call me when you’re free?
I put on some jeans and sit down at my desk. My head rings like a gong, my eyes burn and my hands
are shaking, but I am determined to survive this day without the help of alcohol, Damen, or illicit excursions to the
astral dimensions. I only regret that I forgot to ask Damen how to protect me. Why, in fact, does everything always bring me back to Ava?
Sabine knocks on my door before entering. She has a pale face, drawn features, red eyes, and her aura is dirty gray. The heart
tight, I understand it’s because of Jeff, because she finally discovered the truth about the mountain of lies he told her. And that I could have revealed to him from the start, avoiding this fiasco, if I hadn’t put my selfish little self before everything else.
She stands next to my bed.
Ever, I thought about it. I don’t really like this whole no-go-out thing, and since you’re almost an adult, I figured I’d better treat you like one…
So you are no longer deprived of going out: I finish his sentence in petto. But knowing that she still believes my behavior was due to grief, I died of shame.
…you are no longer deprived of going out, she concluded with a smile, a gesture of peace that I did not deserve. By the way, in case you have
changed my mind about seeing someone, I remind you that I know a therapist…
I shake my head without letting her finish. I know she wants what’s best for me, but I refuse to play along.
By the way, Sabine, would you like to go out to dinner this evening? I say as she prepares to leave. It’s me who invites you.
Stunned, she stops in the doorway.
How am I going to cope with an evening in
a crowded restaurant? No idea. In any case, I could always dip into the prize pool I won at the races to pay the bill.
That would really make me happy, she replies, committing herself.
in the corridor. I’ll be there around 7 o’clock.
I hear the front door close and the lock turn with a sharp noise. The next second, Riley is tapping me on the shoulder and yelling in my ear:
Ever! Ever! You see me ? I almost jump to the ceiling.
Riley! You scared the hell out of me! No need to shout like that!
I wonder why I’m so grumpy with her,
while I am overjoyed to find her. She wallows on my
bed. — I’ve been trying to contact you for days. I thought you couldn’t see me anymore and I started to ask myself questions.
I actually couldn’t see you anymore. Because I had started drinking… quite a bit. I even got kicked out of high school. It was nonsense, you understand?
I know. During this time, I watched you, I called you, I shouted, clapped my hands, anything to get you to react, but you were too lost to see me. Do you remember the time when
bottle slipped out of your hands? It was me. And again, you were lucky I didn’t hit you over the head with it. No,
but honestly, what happened to you?
I know I owe her an answer, an explanation to reassure her, but I don’t know where to start.
Let’s say that this energy, which bursts out in all directions, was
became too heavy to bear, I couldn’t take it anymore. So, when I realized that alcohol protected me from it, I wanted to maintain this feeling of normality. Like before, you understand?
And now ?
And now…now I find myself back at square one. Sober, but horribly wrong.
Ever, please don’t be angry, but I think you should go see Ava. (She raises her hand when I pretend to interrupt.) Let me finish, please. I really think she can help you. Actually, I know it. She’s been trying from the start,
but you refuse to listen to him. Now, I don’t think you really have a choice, right? I mean, either you start drinking again, hiding
in your room for the rest of your days, or you’re going to see her. There’s no photo, don’t you think?
I shake my head no, despite the gong that is unleashed in my
head. “Listen, I know you admire him. You do what you want. But for me, she has nothing to contribute. So please let me go, okay?
No, you’re wrong, Ava can really help you. And then what does it cost you to give him a call?
I swing my feet against the box spring, thinking that all Ava has done for me so far is
complicate life. Suddenly I notice that my sister has ditched the Halloween costumes and gone back to jeans, tee-
t-shirts and Converse of a twelve-year-old girl. At the same time, it has become vaporous and transparent, to the point that I can
almost see through it.
By the way, what happened with Damen the day you went to his house? Are you still together?
I don’t have the slightest desire to answer him. Anyway, I
wouldn’t know where to start. And then I know very well that she is trying to distract my attention from her new appearance.
What is going on ? I said in a voice that bordered on hysteria. It looks like you’re disappearing.
It’s true. I don’t have much time left.
I panic when I see her disappear with a wave of her hand, leaving Ava’s crumpled business card behind.
What do you mean you don’t have much time left? You go
come back, say?
