Damen and I have two classes in common, but we don’t
We are neighbors only in English class. He waited until the end of the art hour, and until I put away my paintbrushes, to come and talk to me as I was leaving the room.
He runs after me and holds the door for me, which I pass through with downcast eyes, racking my brain for how to cancel tonight’s invitation.
Your friends suggested that I come to your house earlier, but I’m not going to be able to.
Ah good ?
I’m caught off guard. My voice betrays such relief
such joy that I am a little ashamed. I try to make amends and make him think I’m sorry, but it’s too late.
Well, I mean… uh… are you sure?
He gives me an amused look.
Absolutely. So see you Monday.
With that, he heads towards his BMW, the engine of which, mysteriously, is already purring.
When I arrive at my car, Miles is waiting for me, his arms crossed on his chest, his eyebrows furrowed, with the grin reserved for major annoyances.
You better explain to me what’s going on, because it looks like a real disaster.
I shrug, glance in the rearview mirror, and shift into reverse.
He canceled. He just told me he couldn’t.
And what did you tell him to get him to cancel?
Nothing.
Miles doesn’t take his eyes off me and his grimace deepens. I exit the parking lot and turn onto the street.
Look, it’s not my fault the evening is ruined. So, are you going to tell me what’s going on at the end?
There is nothing.
He looks out the window, while I focus on the road. I
know what he’s thinking. He ends up turning his head.
OK, but will you promise not to get angry? Here we go.
There you go, I don’t understand you. There is never anything consistent with you.
I take a deep breath, forbidding myself to react. I know the worst is yet to come.
First of all, you’re drop dead beautiful – run away, I think, because it’s hard to say, since you’re always hiding under your
horrible hooded things ten times too big. That’s right, what, I’m sorry, Ever, but you’re a sartorial disaster, you look like a homeless person’s camouflage outfit, and I’m sure you know that as well as I do. And then, if you want to know, deliberately avoiding the new guy, who is completely hot and who seems to have a crush on you, is downright weird.
He pauses and gives me an encouraging look, just to prepare me for what’s to come.
Well… unless you’re a lesbian.
I turn right, sighing. It’s the first time that I’m happy to be extralucid: it allowed me to cope with the
cut. But Miles isn’t done yet. He bursts into a nervous little laugh. We
enters unknown territory.
Because… it’s really not a problem. You can imagine that it’s not me who would tell you the opposite or who
would look askance. Not true ?
It’s not because I’m not interested in Damen that I’m a lesbian, I said in a slightly aggressive tone. And beauty isn’t enough, you know. More is needed.
A hand that gives you goosebumps when it squints at you, an intense look and a magnificent voice that imposes silence on the world, for example…
Miles is not fooled.
Is it because of Haven?
No.
I grip the steering wheel, eyes glued to the red light, praying
so that it turns green, so that I can finally drop Miles off at his house and be done with it.
But I responded too quickly. He understood it well.
I was sure of it ! This is all because of Haven… because she took an option on him. I can not believe it ! No, but you
realise ? You might be lucky enough to lose your virginity with
the most handsome guy in school, maybe even on the planet, and you
would pass up the opportunity because of Haven and that stupid stuff! I turn onto his street and park in front of his house.
Anything !
What do you mean, “anything”? Aren’t you a virgin?
Didn’t he tell me?
He smiled again. Obviously, this amuses him a lot.
It must be contagious, because I roll my eyes and burst out laughing too, despite myself.
He stares at me for a long time, grabs his books and goes downstairs.
I hope Haven realizes how lucky she is to have a friend like you,” he says before walking away.
Ultimately, the evening was canceled. First, because the little
Haven’s brother, Austin, was sick and she was the only one to take care of him. And then because Miles’ father, a sports fanatic, forced him to go with him to a football match, wear the team jersey and pretend to have fun. Learning that I would be home alone, Sabine came home early from work to take me to a restaurant.
Since I know she doesn’t approve of my jeans and hoodies,
I want to please her to thank her for her kindness towards me. I put on the pretty little blue dress that she bought me recently and the heels that go with it, I put gloss on my lips (a vestige of my previous life, when these things seemed important to me), and transfers the essential from my backpack into the matching metal pouch. Finally, I undo my ponytail and let my hair fall freely over my shoulders.
Riley materializes behind me as I’m about to leave.
It’s about time you started dressing like a girl.
I almost fall backwards and close the door so Sabine doesn’t hear.
It is not going good, no ? You gave me one of those scares! She laughs.
I know ! And where are you going like that?
Dinner at a restaurant called the Stonehill Tavern. It’s at the St Régis hotel.
My heart is still beating a hundred miles an hour. Riley raises her eyebrows.
Class, what!
What do you know about that ?
I look at her sideways, and I wonder if she’s ever been there.
After all, I don’t know what she spends her time on. She bursts out laughing, jumps onto my bed and arranges the pillows before leaning back against them.
I know a lot of things. More than you.
It annoys me to see that she is wearing the same dress and shoes as me. Except that, as she has some good
centimeters and four years younger, she looks disguised as a kid who has raided her mother’s wardrobe.
Sure, but I can’t do anything about it, can I?
She crosses her ankles and sits more comfortably.
You should get dressed more often. Because, I’m sorry
to tell you this, but your usual look is really not flattering. Do you think Brandon would have wanted you stripped like that? By the way, did you know he’s dating Rachel? Yes ! Even though they’ve been together for five months. It’s more than with you, right?
I purse my lips and tap my foot, repeating to myself like a mantra: don’t let her make you upset, don’t let her…
Oh, and you’ll never believe it, but they almost did
TO DO ! she continues. Seriously, at the beginning of the year dance, they slipped away, they had everything planned, except that… how should I put it…
She stops and bursts out laughing.
I shouldn’t say this again, but… let’s just say Brandon did something very regrettable and extremely embarrassing that completely ruined the mood. It’s the kind of gag that’s impossible to tell, but believe me, it was hilarious. Well, don’t take this the wrong way, eh? He misses you and everything. He even made a mistake once or twice and called Rachel by your name. What do you want ? Life goes on, as they say.
I take a deep breath and consider her, sprawled on
my bed, like Cleopatra on her couch, criticizing my life, my look, anything, giving me news that I don’t have
requested from former friends, like a kind of supreme, pre-pubescent authority.
It’s cool to show up whenever you want without having to do the dirty work, like the rest of us!
Suddenly, I have had enough of his little surprise visits which look very much like full-blown attacks. I just want her to leave me alone and let me live this kind of rotten life that is mine, without bombarding me with her comments.
dirty little brat.
And you, by the way, when do you start classes at the school of
angels? Unless we’ve already fired you, you little pest that you
are? His eyes narrow with fury. The moment Sabine chooses to knock on the door.
Are you ready ?
I don’t take my eyes off my sister, daring her to do something stupid that might alert our aunt.
But she just smiles at me affectionately.
Mom and Dad kiss you, she says before slipping away.
