the _ The trip from Wisteria Lake was a blur. He didn’t stop driving until he parked in front of Iris and Declan’s house on the edge of the suburbs. “California?” Iris blinks at me. “What are you doing here?”
“I fly out tomorrow,” he blurted.
“I thought you were leaving on Friday?” Her eyebrows furrow. I shake my head. “I moved up my flight.”
“Because?”
“Because Lana kicked me out of the guest house.”
“Oh, shit. Come in.” Iris leads me into the house before closing the door behind me. I follow her into the empty living room.
I look around me. “Where is everything?”
“We are moving into the new house next week.” “Already?”
She laughs. “It’s been months now.”
“Wow.” A sigh escapes me as I settle into the air bed Iris has set up in front of the TV like a makeshift couch. “What happened?” She sits on the other side of the air mattress.
Lana knows about the will.
Iris’s eyebrows rise. “As?”
“She heard Rowan, Declan and I talking about it.”
His wide eyes only add to the growing anxiety building inside me. “Shit. That explains why I looked like a deer caught in the headlights.”
“I screwed it up”.
“What exactly did you say?” I explain what Lana heard.
Iris frowns. “Did she at least hear you?”
“For the most part, but that doesn’t change anything. She was already on thin ice trusting me, and now…”
“She has no reason to trust you at all,” Iris finishes for me.
My eyes fall. “No.” You may not trust me, but I will find a way to get it back and not risk my inheritance.
Iris asks me for more information, so I share everything that happened in the last few days since dinner.
“I could talk to her,” Iris offers after listening to me. I retreat. “How would that help?”
“Could I help her understand why you would keep a secret like that in the first place?”
My head shakes. “As much as I love you for wanting to help, I don’t think Lana would accept that, so I’d rather you not do it unless she gets there first.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’ve done enough damage. Sending you there… I’d rather not risk upsetting her.”
Iris lifts a shoulder. “You know her best.” Which is exactly what I’m worried about.
“What if she doesn’t forgive me?” I express my fear out loud.
She throws her arms around me. I doubt you’ll stop until she does.
I return the hug with one of my own. Even though my life is exploding around me, I always know that Iris will have my back.
“I just want you to know that I am so proud of you for taking the initiative and getting help.”
I swallow the thick lump in my throat. “I haven’t even been to rehab yet.”
“No, but your willingness to go in the first place shows a lot of progress.” I lift my chin. “I’m doing it for myself this time.”
“That’s why it will work. “You are going to get better and I will support you every step of the way.” Her genuine smile fights against the constant cold that has been present in my veins since I left the lake house behind.
With the help of Iris and Lana’s friends keeping an eye on her, there’s only one last thing stopping me from confidently going to rehab and getting my life back together once and for all.
 |
I never thought I would spend my thirty-fourth birthday voluntarily enrolling in rehab. It seems to fit the way my life is going lately to spend it alone, with nothing to keep me company except my endless thoughts about Lana and a group of fellow alcoholics going through various stages of withdrawal along with me.
No one at the facility recognizes my birthday, which is fine by me. Honestly, I prefer it that way because I’m not the most pleasant company right now. Not having a single coping mechanism to distract me from my thoughts makes me anxious and unusually agitated around everyone I come into contact with.
Without CandyCrush. No alcohol. There is no Lana or Cami to keep me company while I struggle with therapy, group sessions, enough arts and crafts to drive me crazy.
Despite receiving my approved amount of Adderall, my brain won’t stop working, long after I’m supposed to sleep every night. I am haunted by the decisions I made and how Lana could be reeling from them.
I didn’t mean to leave her alone with the consequences of my choices, but I had no choice. Staying with her would only have hurt her more. Leaving was the best option, even if it fucks me up inside to be separated from her and Cami.
Will be worth.
The pain. Lack of alcohol to cope. The constant reminders of how I failed everyone around me because of my addiction.
Not anymore.
I make the same wish I made in Dreamland, although I don’t have a candle or cake to make it official.
I want to quit my addiction forever.
