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Chapter no 9

Hello Stranger

SUE WAS SUPPOSED to come over the next day for week two of our doomed portrait sessions. But I called her when I got back from the clinic and postponed.

โ€œIโ€™m not in a good place,โ€ I told her after giving the lowdown on Peanut.

โ€œBut painting makes you feel better.โ€ โ€œNot anymore.โ€

โ€œI refuse to believe that.โ€

โ€œI painted a hundred faces the other night, and it was pure torture.โ€ Sue took that in. โ€œOkay. If thatโ€™s how it is right now.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s how it is right now.โ€

โ€œTake someย youย time, then. Binge-watch something.โ€ โ€œI canโ€™t watch TV anymore,โ€ I said.

Sue was aghast. โ€œWhy not?โ€

โ€œBecause of the face blindness.โ€ โ€œI keep forgetting about that.โ€

โ€œI canโ€™t tell the characters apart.โ€

โ€œWow,โ€ Sue said, โ€œwhat a nightmare.โ€ โ€œItโ€™s been a nightmare this whole time!โ€ โ€œBut now I really get it.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™sย what made you get it?โ€

โ€œThat,โ€ Sue conceded, โ€œand those images you texted me of upside- down faces. I, like, couldnโ€™t recognizeย anyย of those people. Not one. And then you sent the right-side-up version, and I was like, โ€˜Oh! Thereโ€™s Michelle Obama! And Julie Andrews! And Liam Hemsworth!โ€™โ€

โ€œAre you telling me,โ€ I said, โ€œthat if Liam Hemsworth walked past you with his face upside down, you wouldnโ€™t even know?โ€

โ€œIโ€™d have no idea.โ€

โ€œWelcome to my life. I pass a hundred Liam Hemsworths a day.โ€

Sue sighed like she was really getting it. Then she said, โ€œItโ€™s his loss, though. Never forget that.โ€

 

 

SO THATโ€™S HOW I spent my me time for the next few days: trying to shrink the edema in my fusiform face gyrus through sheer force of will and delivering meals of international delicacies to my beloved dog several times a day as he fought for his life in the ICU.

I confess that, after that first day, I always got a little gussied up before heading to the vet clinic. โ€œItโ€™s for Peanut,โ€ I told Sue on the phone. โ€œHe wouldnโ€™t want to see me looking dowdy.โ€

But, in truth, I had to redeem those baby-doll pajamas.

In general, I made it a rule to neverย not be okayย in front of anyone. Especially not future husbands. All I could do was hope that Dr. Addison had been far too fixated on Peanut that first morning to really notice the falling-apart me.

I mean, he probably hadnโ€™t missed the copious sobbing. But maybe he saw that all the time anyway.

The point was, some things couldnโ€™t be helped. But from now on, I would not burst into any more tears at that clinic. I would show up looking a hundred percent โ€œFine, thank you, and yourself?โ€ As a point of pride.

Which was the only saving grace on the evening of Peanutโ€™s third overnight stay there, when the pad Thai Iโ€™d ordered from his favorite spot got held up in traffic during deliveryโ€”and, desperately trying to move fast when I was still forbidden to run, I race-walked the two blocks in a ridiculous pair of heelsโ€”only to arrive just as Dr. Addison was locking up.

I knew it was him with certainty. Because all the other vets in the practice were female.

Also because of his godlike glow.

โ€œIโ€™m so sorry,โ€ I said, out of breath. โ€œThe delivery was late.โ€ I held up the takeout bag.

โ€œIs that for Peanut?โ€ I nodded. โ€œPad Thai.โ€

Dr. Addison sighed at me then, like I was a real lunatic. But at least I was wearing my favorite sundress. And Iโ€™d taught myself how to do a crown braid around my head that perfectly hid my surgical scars. And Iโ€™d gone to the trouble of finding my raspberry lipstick after it rolled under the bed.

With a headshake like he couldnโ€™t believe he was an accomplice to the moral atrocity of feeding noodles to a sick dog, he unlocked the door.

โ€œHe needs meat,โ€ he said, stepping over the threshold.

I followed, and we were once again surrounded by pop oldies on the sound system.

โ€œThis isย chickenย pad Thai,โ€ I said, raising my voice a bit.

โ€œCanโ€™t you get him hooked on barbecue or something? This is Texas.โ€ โ€œHe likes barbecue,โ€ I said. โ€œHe just likes pad Thai better.โ€

Three nights in, Peanut was doing much better. Heโ€™d had his second transfusion by now, and heโ€™d soon be getting a third. That plus the IV fluids and the appetite stimulants had him looking much more like his usual self.

All to say, tonight Peanut greeted me with a full-body wag for the first time since this all started.

Which made me tear up. Again.

But I blinked the tears away.ย No more crying at the vet clinic.ย โ€œLooks like heโ€™s feeling better,โ€ Dr. Addison said. โ€œDefinitely.โ€

โ€œSoon, I think, heโ€™ll be strong enough to start his meds.โ€ โ€œWhat are they?โ€ I asked.

โ€œPrednisone, cyclosporine, and azathioprine,โ€ Dr. Addison said, before realizing maybe that was overly specific and backing up a bit to explain: โ€œSteroids and immune suppressors.โ€

โ€œGot it,โ€ I said.

โ€œIโ€™m hopeful about him,โ€ Dr. Addison said then.

โ€œThank you,โ€ I said, taking a second to press my face against Peanutโ€™s fur. โ€œThank you for being hopeful.โ€

I was trying to move fast, but Dr. Addison, watching me, said, โ€œTake a minute. Itโ€™s okay.โ€

โ€œArenโ€™t you trying to lock up? I donโ€™t want to keep you fromโ€” whatever youโ€™ve got going on.โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t have anything going on,โ€ he said. โ€œIโ€™m glad to stay.โ€ Then he added, โ€œHeโ€™ll eat more if youโ€™re not rushing.โ€

Next I got down on the floor, crisscrossed my legs, cradled Peanut in my lap, and started feeding long, floppy pinches of pad Thai noodles to him by hand.

I thought Dr. Addison would give us a minute then, maybe go back to his office and doโ€”I donโ€™t know โ€ฆ doctorly things? What did medical professionals do when no one was looking?ย Examine charts? Study textbooks? Wear glasses and look important?

Of course, Dr. Addison didnโ€™t wear glasses.

But Iโ€™m sure he wouldnโ€™t let that hold him back.

Anyway, he didnโ€™t go off to be doctorly. He lingered there. Watching Peanut devour that entire Styrofoam box of pad Thai, slurp by slurp, like a champion.

โ€œHe really does like pad Thai.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m telling you. Heโ€™s a very worldly dog. Gastronomically.โ€ โ€œI believe you.โ€

I wanted to think I could take the chowing-down as encouragement that Peanut must be doing better. But I couldnโ€™t discount the appetite stimulant.

โ€œThis is a good sign, right?โ€ I asked as Peanut licked the empty container.

โ€œItโ€™s not a bad sign,โ€ Dr. Addison said. โ€œIโ€™m so glad heโ€™s doing better.โ€

A little pause and then Dr. Addison said, โ€œAreย youย doing better?โ€

I looked up. Bless that manโ€”heโ€™d just given me the perfect opportunity to say it: โ€œIโ€™m great,โ€ I said, with all the convincing, perky, donโ€™t-even- know-why-youโ€™re-asking energy I could muster. Mentally I added:ย I am not falling apart. I am not standing slack-jawed and helpless at the sight of my life collapsing like a sheet of the polar ice caps. I am absolutely, undeniably, categorically okay.

โ€œGood,โ€ Dr. Addison said, seeming unconvinced. Then he added, โ€œGreat.โ€

Fine. All right. Maybe my two-word statement wouldnโ€™t be enough. โ€œWeโ€™re just โ€ฆ very close,โ€ I added then. I mean, even perfectly fine people

could get weepy if their dogs were on the brink of death! That wasnโ€™t evidence of emotional pathology, was it?

โ€œYou and Peanut?โ€ Dr. Addison asked.

I nodded. โ€œPractically litter mates. My mom gave him to me when I was a kid.โ€ Were you still a kid at fourteen? Close enough.

Dr. Addison nodded. โ€œThey really curl up in your heart, donโ€™t they?โ€ That seemed like a very true way of putting it.

โ€œDo you have any pets?โ€ I asked then.

Dr. Addison shifted. โ€œIโ€™m between pets at the moment.โ€ โ€œI guess you see enough animals at work.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s one way to spin it.โ€

There was a story there, for sure.

But it was getting late. โ€œIโ€™m sure you need to get home,โ€ I said.

He thought about it. โ€œIโ€™m off to check on another patient after this, anyway. A Great Dane. Sheโ€™s too sick to stay overnight here unsupervised, so sheโ€™s at a twenty-four-hour clinic.โ€

โ€œI should let you get to that,โ€ I said, giving Peanut one more squeeze. Dr. Addison watched me clean up and then put my nose right in front of

Peanutโ€™s for one last nourishing drink of the sight of his little fuzzy face. โ€œYou be good for these guys, got it?โ€ I said to Peanut. โ€œIf they tell you to get well, you get well.โ€

Peanut licked me on the cheek in reply with his flappy pink tongue.

I put him back in the kennel, tucked him in with his squeaky squirrel, fought back any and all not-okay feelings, and latched the latch. I was fine. I was great. I was not a person who could be toppled by a run-of-the-mill goodbye.

When I turned around, Dr. Addison was waiting to walk me back to the front.

โ€œThanks again so much,โ€ I said, smiling like a just-fine person.

โ€œI have a question for you,โ€ Dr. Addison said once we were outside. โ€œWhatโ€™s that?โ€ I asked.

He finished turning the lock and turned to face me. โ€œWould you like to go on a date with me sometime?โ€

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