As far as I knew, there had only been one person whoโd been found unworthy upon Ascension. Their name had been erased from our histories, as well as any piece of information about who they were and whatever deeds had caused his or her exile. Theyโd been forbidden to live among mortals, and without family, support, or protection, faced certain death. Even the villages and the farmers with their small Rises and guards suffered staggering mortality rates.
While my Ascension was different from the others, I could still be found unworthy, and I imagined my punishment would be just as grave, but I didnโt have the mental capacity to deal with that.
No.
That was a lie.
I didnโtย wantย to deal with that. I should, but I wasnโt leaving the room. I wasnโt stopping Hawke. Iโd already made up my mind even if I didnโt understand why he was still here, with me.
Dampening my lower lip with my tongue, I felt dizzy and even a little faint, and I never feltย faint. Those impossibly thick lashes lowered, and his gaze was so intent on my mouth that it was like a caress. I shivered.
Those eyes of his seemed even brighter than before as his finger traced the outline of my mask, all the way to where the satin ribbon disappeared under the fall of my hair. โMay I remove this?โ
Unable to speak, I shook my head no.
Hawke halted for a moment, and then the half-smile appearedโno dimple this time, though. He trailed his finger away from the mask, then ran it along the line of my jaw and down my throat, to where the cloak was fastened. โHow about this?โ
I nodded.
His fingers were deft, and he brushed the cloak aside and then trailed just one fingertip along the neckline, following the rapid rise and fall of the
swell of my breast. A riot of sensations followed his finger, so many I couldnโt make sense of them all.
โWhat do you want from me?โ he asked, toying with the small bow between my breasts. โTell me, and Iโll make it so.โ
โWhy?โ I blurted out. โWhy would youโฆdo this? You donโt know me, and you thought I was someone else.โ
A flicker of amusement crossed his striking features. โI have nowhere to be at the moment, and Iโm intrigued.โ
My brows lifted. โBecause you have nowhere to be at the moment?โ โWould you rather I wax poetic about how Iโm charmed by your
beauty, even though I can only see half your face? Which, by the way, from what I can see is pleasing. Would you rather I tell you Iโm captivated by your eyes? They are a pretty shade of green from what I can tell.โ
I started to frown. โWell, no. I donโt want you to lie.โ
โNone of those things were a lie.โ He tugged on the bow as he dipped his head, brushing his lips over mine. The soft contact sent a wave of awareness through me. โI told you the truth, Princess. Iโm intrigued by you, and itโs fairly rare anyone intrigues me.โ
โSo?โ
โSo,โ he repeated with a chuckle as his lips glided along my jaw. โYouโve changed my evening. Iโd planned to return to my quarters. Maybe get a good, albeit boring, night of sleep, but I have a suspicion that tonight will be anything but boring if I spend it with you.โ
I drew in a shallow breath, weirdly flattered, and yet still confused by his motivations. I wished someone was here to ask, but even if they were, that would be weirdโand awkward.
The two glasses by the settee appeared in my mind. โWere youโฆwere you with someone before me?โ
His head lifted and stared down at me. โThatโs a random question.โ โThere are two glasses by the settee,โ I pointed out.
โItโs also a random,ย personalย question asked by someone whose name I donโt even know.โ
My cheeks warmed. He had a point.
He was quiet for so long that doubt crept in. Maybe I shouldnโt care if he had been with someone else this evening, but I did, and if that told me anything, it screamed that this was a mistake. I was in over my head. I knew nothing about him, of what wasโ
โI was with someone,โ he answered, and disappointment swelled. โA friend who is not like the owner of the cloak. One I hadnโt seen in a while. We were catching up, in private.โ
The dismay eased, and I decided that he must be telling the truth. He didnโt have to lie to have me when he could have any number of others who would be eager toย intrigueย him.
โSo, Princess, will you tell me what you want from me?โ I took another uneven breath. โAnything?โ
โAnything.โ He moved his hand then, cupping my breast as he ran his thumb across the center.
It was such a light touch, but I gasped as bolts of pleasure darted through me. My body reacted on its own, arching into his touch.
โIโm waiting,โ he said, swiping his thumb once more and scattering my already disjointed thoughts. โTell me what you enjoy, so I can make you love it.โ
โIโฆโ I bit down on my lip. โI donโt know.โ
Hawkeโs gaze flew to mine, and such a long moment passed that I began to wonder if Iโd said the wrong thing. โIโll tell you what I want.โ His thumb moved in slow, tight circles across a most sensitive part. โI want you to remove your mask.โ
โIโฆโ A sharp, pulsing thrill rippled through my body, quickly followed by my heady wonder. What I feltโฆ Iโd never felt anything like it before. Sharp and sweet, a different type of anguish. โWhy?โ
โBecause I want to see you.โ โYou can see me now.โ
โNo, Princess,โ he said, lowering his head until his lips brushed the neckline of my gown. โI want to really see you when I do this without your gown between you and my mouth.โ
Before I could ask what he meant, I felt the wet, warm glide of his tongue through the thin, silken gown. I gasped, shocked by the act and by the rush of liquid heat it brought forth, but then his gaze lifted to mine as his mouth closed over the tip of my breast. He sucked deep and long, and the gasp turned to a cry that would surely embarrass me later.
โRemove your mask.โ His head lifted as he slid a hand over my hip. โPlease.โ
He wouldnโt recognize me if I did. Hawke would never know who I was with or without the mask, butโฆ
If I removed the facial covering, would he say what the Duke often did? That I was both a masterpiece and a tragedy? And when he felt the uneven slices of skin scattered along my stomach and thighs, would he jerk his hand away in horror?
My skin chilled.
I hadnโt thought this through. At all.
The wonderful, exhilarating heat dimmed. Hawke wasnโt an Ascended, but he was like them in appearance, nearly flawless. I had never been ashamed of the scars before. Not when they were proof of the horror Iโd survived. But if heโ
Hawkeโs hand slid down my outer right thigh to where the dress parted and stopped, right over the hilt of the dagger. โWhat theโฆ?โ
Before I could even take another breath, heโd unsheathed the blade, his fingers coming precariously close to one of the scars. I sat up, but he was faster, rocking backward.
The candlelight glinted off the red blade. โBloodstone and wolven bone.โ
โGive that back,โ I demanded, scrambling to my knees.
His gaze shifted from the dagger to me. โThis is a unique weapon.โ โI know.โ My hair fell forward, over my shoulders.
โThe kind thatโs not inexpensive,โ he continued. โWhy are you in possession of this, Princess?โ
โIt was a gift.โ Which was true. โAnd Iโm not foolish enough to come to a place like this unarmed.โ
He stared at me for a moment and then focused on the dagger again. โCarrying a weapon and having no idea how to use it doesnโt make one wise.โ
Irritation flared to life just as hotly as the desire heโd elicited from me mere moments ago. โWhat makes you think I donโt know how to use it? Because Iโm female?โ
โYou canโt be surprised that I would be shocked. Learning how to use a dagger isnโt exactly common for females in Solis.โ
โYouโre right.โ And he was. It wasnโt socially appropriate for females to know how to wield a weapon or be able to defend themselves, something that always bothered me. If my mother had known how to defend herself, she might still be here. โBut I do know how to use it.โ
The right side of his lips curved up. โNow, Iโm truly intrigued.โ
He moved unbelievably fast, thrusting the dagger blade down into the bed. I gasped, wondering what the owners of the Red Pearl would think of that, but then he pounced. He took me back down to the mattress, his weight covering me once more, and he pressed into me in a way that caused all the interesting parts to meet. His mouth lined up with mineโ
A fist pounded on the door, silencing whatever he was about to ask. โHawke?โ A male voice rang out. โYou in there?โ
He stiffened above me, his warm breath against my lips as he closed his eyes.
โItโs Kieran.โ The man called out a name I didnโt recognize.
โAs if I didnโt know that already,โ Hawke muttered under his breath, and a small giggle left me. His eyes opened, and that half-grin appeared.
โHawke?โ Kieran pounded some more.
โI think you should answer him,โ I whispered.
โDammit,โ he cursed. Looking over his shoulder, he called out, โIโm thoroughly, happily busy at the moment.โ
โSorry to hear that,โ Kieran replied as Hawke refocused on me. Kieran knocked again. โBut the interruption is unavoidable.โ
โThe only unavoidable thing I see is your soon-to-be broken hand if you pound on that door one more time,โ Hawke warned, and my eyes widened. โWhat, Princess?โ His voice lowered. โI told you I was really intrigued.โ
โThen I must risk a broken hand,โ Kieran answered.
A growl of frustration rumbled from deep within Hawkeโs throat, the sound strangely animalistic. Goosebumps pimpled my skin.
โTheโฆenvoy has arrived,โ Kieran added through the door.
Shadows crept across Hawkeโs face. His lips moved as if he murmured something, but the sound was too low for me to hear.
A chill chased away some of the heat. โAnโฆenvoy?โ
He nodded. โThe supplies weโve been waiting for,โ he explained. โI need to go.โ
I nodded in return, understanding that he had to leave as I reached between us, grasping the edge of the cloak.
For a long moment, Hawke didnโt move, but then he shifted off me, standing. He called out to Kieran as he grabbed his tunic off the floor. I yanked the forgotten dagger out of the mattress, quickly sheathing it as he
pulled the tunic over his head and shrugged a baldric over his shoulders, securing the belt at his waist. There were two sheaths at his sides for weaponsโweapons I hadnโt been aware of until now.
He picked up two short swords from the chest near the door, and I thought that maybe I needed to be better aware of my surroundings the next time I barged into a room.
His blades were honed to a wicked, deadly point, intended for close- contact fighting, and each side was serrated, designed to cut through flesh and muscle.
I knew how to use them, too, but I kept that to myself.
โIโll come back as soon as I can.โ He sheathed the swords flat to his sides. โI swear.โ
I nodded once more.
Hawke stared at me. โTell me that youโll wait for me, Princess.โ My heart skipped over itself. โI will.โ
Turning, he walked to the door and then stopped. He faced me. โI look forward to returning.โ
I said nothing as he left the room, opening the door only wide enough for him to slip through. When the door clicked into place behind him, I let go of the breath I had been holding and looked down at the front of my gown. The area of my breast was still damp, the white material nearly transparent. My cheeks flushed hotly as I scooted off the bed and stood on surprisingly weak knees.
My gaze lifted to the door, and I closed my eyes, unsure if I was disappointed or relieved by the interruption. Truthfully, it was a mixture of both, because Iโd lied to Hawke.
I wouldnโt be here when he returned.
โWhat did you do last night?โ
The question snapped my attention from the biscuit I was currently devouring to the Lady in Wait who sat across from me.
Tawny Lyon was the second daughter of a successful merchant, given to the Royal Court at the age of thirteen during the Rite. Tall and lithe, with
rich brown skin and beautiful brown eyes, she was absolutely enviable. Some of the Ladies and Lords in Wait were assigned tasks outside of preparation to join the Court after Ascension, and since we were the same age, she had been assigned as my companion shortly after her Rite. Her duty ranged from keeping me company to assisting me with my bath or to dress if I required it.
Tawny was one of the few people who could make me laugh over the silliest things. Actually, she was one of the few people who were even allowed to speak to me. She was the closest thing I had to a friend, and I cared for her deeply.
I believed she cared for me too, or at the very least, liked me, but she was required to be with me unless I dismissed her for the day. If she hadnโt been given the task of being my companion, we never wouldโve spoken. That fact was not a reflection upon her as a person, but because she would be like all the rest, either forbidden to socialize with me or wary of my presence.
The knowledge often sat heavy in my chest, another chunk of ice, but even though I knew our friendship was rooted in duty, I trusted her.
At least, to a certain degree.
She knew I was trained, but she didnโt know the things I sometimes assisted Vikter with, and she had no knowledge of my gifts. I kept those things to myself because sharing that information would either put others or her in harmโs way.
โI was here.โ Wiping buttery crumbs from my fingers, I gestured to the rather sparse chamber. We were in the small anteroom that opened up to the bedroom. There were only two chairs by the fireplace, a wardrobe and a chest, a bed, one nightstand, and a heavy fur rug under our feet. Others had moreโฆcreature comforts. Tawny had a beautiful chaise in her room and a pile of plush floor coverings, and I knew some of the other Ladies and Lords in Wait had vanities or desks, walls lined with bookshelves, and even electricity.
Over the years, those items had been stripped from my chamber for one infraction or another.
โYou were not in your room,โ Tawny said. A simple topknot was tryingโand failingโto keep the mass of brown and gold curls swept back from her face. More than a few had snuck free to rest against her cheeks. โI checked on you shortly after midnight, and you werenโt here.โ
My heart skipped a beat. Had something occurred where the Duke or Duchess had sent Tawny for me? If so, Tawny wouldnโt be able to lie, but I imagined if that had happened, I would already know.
I would have already been summoned to the Dukeโs private office. โWhy were you checking on me?โ I asked.
โI thought I heard your door opening and closing, so I decided to investigate, but no one was here.โ She paused. โNo one. Including you.โ
There was no way sheโd heard me return. Iโd used the old servantsโ access, and while that door was as creaky as a bag of bones, her room was on the other side of where my bed sat. That door was one of the reasons Iโd never asked to be moved to the newer, renovated parts of the stronghold. Through there, I could access nearly any part of the castle and could come and go without being seen.
It more than compensated for the lack of electricity and the constant, chilly draft that seemed to always make its way in around the windows no matter how sunny the day was.
My palms dampened as I glanced at the closed hallway door. Had someone been looking for me? Again, I would know by now, so it was likely Tawny thought sheโd heard something.
Knowing Tawny as I did, I knew she wouldnโt let this go if I didnโt give her something. โI couldnโt sleep last night.โ
โNightmares?โ
I nodded, feeling a little guilty for the sympathy that crept into her eyes.
โYouโve been having a lot of them lately.โ She leaned back in the chair. โAre you sure you donโt want to try one of the sleeping drafts the Healer made for you?โ
โYes. I donโt like the idea ofโโ
โBeing knocked out senseless?โ she finished for me. โItโs really not that bad, Poppy. You rest very deeply, and honestly, with as little sleep as you manage, I think it would be good to at least try.โ
The mere idea of taking something that would put me in such a deep sleep that it would take an army marching through my chamber to wake me made me sweat. I would be rendered completely helpless, and that was something I would never allow to happen.
โSo, what did you do?โ A pause. โOr should I ask, where did you go?โ Her eyes narrowed as I became enraptured in the fine trim of the napkin.
โYou snuck out, didnโt you?โ
In that moment, Tawny proved that she knew me just as well as I knew her. โI donโt know why youโd think that.โ
โBecause you donโt have a history of doing that?โ She laughed when I glanced up at her. โCome on, tell me what you did. Iโm sure itโs more exciting than what I was doing, which was listening to Mistress Cambria prattle on about how inappropriate this Lady or Lord in Wait is. I pled a viciously upset stomach just to be able to excuse myself.โ
I giggled, knowing that Tawny wouldโve done just that. โThe Mistresses are a lot to handle.โ
โThat is being too kind,โ she remarked.
Grinning, I picked up the cup of creamed coffee. The Mistresses were servants of the Duchess, who helped her run the household but also kept track of the Ladies in Wait. Mistress Cambria was a dragon of a woman that scared even me.
โI did sneak out,โ I admitted. โWhere did you go without me?โ
โI think you might be upset when you hear where.โ โMost likely.โ
I peeked up at her. โThe Red Pearl.โ
Her eyes widened to the size of the saucers scattered across the trolley between us. โAre you serious?โ
I nodded.
โI canโtโฆโ She appeared to take a deep breath. โHow?โ
โI borrowed one of the maidโs cloaks, and I used that mask I found.โ โYouโฆyou devious little thief.โ
โI returned the cloak this morning, so I donโt think you can call me a thief.โ
โWho cares if you returned it.โ She tipped forward. โWhat was it like?โ
โInteresting,โ I said, and when she begged for more details, I told her what Iโd seen. She was enthralled, hanging on every word I said as if I were sharing with her the actual ritual that completed the Ascension.
โI canโt believe you didnโt take me with you.โ She fell back in her chair with a pout, but then sprang forward once more. โDid you see anyone there you recognized? Loren claims she goes there nearly every other evening.โ
Loren, another Lady in Wait, claimed many things. โI didnโt see her, butโฆโ I trailed off, unsure if I should tell her about Hawke.
Iโd left no more than ten minutes after Hawke had, relieved to find that Vikter was also nowhere to be seen. Neither was the strange woman who knew more than she should. Iโd done everything in my power not to think about what had happened in that room with him.
Which meant, I failed the moment I returned to my bed. Iโd lain there until exhaustion claimed me, replaying everything heโd saidโฆeverything heโd done. Iโd woken with the strangest frustration, an ache in my chest and lower belly.
โBut what?โ she asked.
I wanted to tell her. Gods, did I ever want to share whatโd happened with Hawke with someone. I had a hundred questions bursting to be let out, but last night was different. Iโd crossed a big line, and while I didnโt feel like I had debased myself or done anything truly wrong, I knew that my guardians wouldnโt agree. Neither would the Priests and Priestesses. Going to the Red Pearl was one thing. Sharing myself in any form with another was a totally different matter. That knowledge could be a weapon.
I trusted Tawny, but as I acknowledged before, only to a certain degree.
And even though the mere thought of Hawke made my stomach tighten into dozens of little coils, it wasnโt something that would ever happen again. When I saw him during the City Council sessions, he wouldnโt know that it had been me heโd calledย Princess. Heโd have no idea that heโd been my first kiss.
What weโd doneโฆit belonged to just me. It had to stay that way.
I exhaled slowly, ignoring the sudden scratchy lump in my throat. โBut many were wearing masks. She couldโve been there, and I wouldnโt have known. Anyone couldโve been.โ
โIf you ever go to the Red Pearl without me again, I will cut holes in the bottoms of your shoes,โ she warned, toying with the white beads dotting the neckline of her rose-colored gown.
A shocked laugh left me. โWow.โ She giggled.
โHonestly, Iโm glad you didnโt go with me.โ When she frowned, I quickly added, โI really shouldnโt have gone there myself.โ
โYes, going to the Red Pearl is forbidden, and Iโm sure itโs as forbidden as you being trained to use a dagger or a sword as a guard on the Rise.โ
That was something I hadnโt been able to hide from Tawny, and she had never shared, which was one of the reasons I knew I could trust her with most things. โYes, butโโ
โJust like that one time you snuck out to view a fighting ring. Or when you convinced me to bathe in the lakeโโ
โThat was your idea,โ I corrected, and her willingness to aid me in doing forbidden things was the other reason she held almost all of my trust. โAnd it was also your idea to do it without clothing.โ
โWho bathes in their clothes?โ she asked, widening her eyes innocently. โAnd that was a mutual idea, thank you very much. I think we should do that again and soon before it gets too cold to even walk outside. But I could spend all morning listing things that youโve done that are either forbidden by the Duke and Duchess or prohibited for the Maiden to do, and up until now, nothing has happened. The gods havenโt appeared and deemed you unworthy.โ
โThatโs true,โ I acknowledged as I smoothed a crease from the skirt of my gown.
โOf course, it is.โ She plucked up a small, round powdery pastry and popped it into her mouth. Somehow, she didnโt get a single dusting of sugar on her. Meanwhile, if I so much as breathed in the direction of those pastries, I ended up with a fine coating of white powder in places that made no sense. โSo, when do we go back?โ
โIโฆI donโt think I should.โ โYou donโt want to?โ
I opened my mouth, then closed it and tried not to fall down that rabbit hole. The problem was that I wanted to go back.
When I was lying in bed and hadnโt been obsessively rewinding the time spent with Hawke, reliving the razor-edged yearning and thrill his kiss had dragged out of me, Iโd wondered if he had come back like he promised, and if I had done the right thing by leaving.
Of course, in the eyes of my guardians and the gods, it had been the right thing, but had it been so for me? Should I have stayed and experienced infinitely more before there might not be any more chances?
My gaze lifted to the windows that faced the west portion of the Rise. The dark shapes of the guards patrolling the ledge were the only movement. Was Hawke out there? Why was I even wondering that?
Because there was more than just a small part of me that wished Iโd stayed, and I knew it would be a long time before I stopped wondering about what wouldโve happened if Iโd waited. Would he have carried out whatever Iโd wanted?
I didnโt even know what that wouldโve entailed. I had ideas. I had my imagination. I had other peopleโs stories of their experiences, but they were not mine. They were just thin, transparent copies of the real thing.
And I knew if I returned, I would go back in hopes that heโd be there.
That was why I shouldnโt go back.
Looking at the open wardrobe, I saw first the white veil with its delicate gold chains, and a heaviness settled over me. I could already feel its substantial weight, even though the material was made out of the finest, lightest silk. When it was first slipped over my head at age eight, Iโd panicked, but after ten years, I shouldโve grown used to it by now.
While I no longer felt like I couldnโt breathe or see while wearing it, it still felt heavy.
Hanging beside it was the only color in my wardrobe, a splash of red among a sea of white. It was a ceremonial gown tailored for the upcoming Rite. The dress had arrived the morning before, and I hadnโt tried it on yet. It would be the first time I was allowed to attendโallowed to wear anything other than white and be seen without the veil. Of course, I would be masked, like everyone else.
The only reason I was allowed to attend this Rite when all the others had been forbidden, was because it would be the last Rite before my Ascension.
Whatever excitement I felt about the Rite was tempered by the fact that it would be the last.
Tawny rose and drifted to one of the windows. โThe mist hasnโt come in a while.โ
Tawny had a habit of jumping from topic to topic, but this switch was jarring. โWhat made you think of that?โ
โI donโt know.โ She tucked back a loose curl. โActually, I do. I overheard Dafina and Loren talking last night,โ she said. โThey claimed
they heard from one of the Huntsmen that the mist has been gathering beyond the Blood Forest.โ
โI hadnโt heard that.โ My stomach knotted as I remembered Finley, and I wished I hadnโt eaten so many slices of bacon.
โI probably shouldnโt have brought it up.โ She turned from the window. โItโs just thatโฆit has been decades since the mist even neared the capital. Itโs not something weโd have to worry about there.โ
No matter where we were, the mist was something to worry about. Just because it hadnโt gotten close in decades didnโt mean it wouldnโt, but I didnโt say that.
She pushed away from the window, coming back to the table to kneel next to where I sat. โCan I be honest with you for a moment?โ
My brows rose. โArenโt you always?โ โWell, yes, but thisโฆis different.โ
More than curious to know what she was thinking about, I nodded for her to go on.
Tawny drew in a deep breath. โI know our lives are different, as were our pasts, and as our futures will be, but you treat the Ascension as if it may very well be your death when itโs the exact opposite. Itโs life. Itโs a new beginning. It is a Blessingโโ
โYouโre starting to sound like the Duchess,โ I teased.
โBut itโs the truth.โ She reached over and clasped my hand. โIn a few months, you wonโt be dead, Poppy. Youโll be alive and no longer bound by these rules. Youโll be in the capital.โ
โIโll have been given to the gods,โ I corrected her.
โAnd how amazing is that? You will experience something very few people do. I knowโฆ I know you fear that you wonโt return from them, but youโre the Queenโs favorite Maiden.โ
โIโm her only Maiden.โ
Her eyes rolled. โYou know thatโs not why.โ I did.
The Queen had done more for me than what was ever required of her, but that didnโt change that my Ascension would be nothing like hers.
โAnd when you come back, Ascended, I will be right by your side. Just think of the mischief we can make.โ Tawny squeezed my hand, and I saw that she truly believed that would happen.
It could.
But it wasnโt a certainty. I had no idea what it truly meant to be given to the gods. Although every small detail seemed to be documented about the history of the kingdom, there were a few things that werenโt written about. Iโd never been able to find anything about previous Maidens, and Iโd asked Priestess Analia over a hundred times what it meant to be given to the gods, and the answer was always the same.
A Maiden doesnโt question the godsโ plans. She has faith in them without knowledge of them.
Maybe I truly wasnโt worthy of being a Maiden, because I found it hard to have faith in anything without knowledge of it.
But Tawny did. As did Vikter and Rylan, and literally everyone else I knew. Even Ian.
None of them had been given to the gods, though.
I searched Tawnyโs eyes, looking for just the slightest hint of fear. โYouโre not afraid at all, are you?โ
โOf the Ascension?โ She rose, locking her fingers together in front of her. โNervous? Yes. Afraid? No. Iโm excited to begin a new chapter.โ
To begin a life that was her own, where she could wake up and eat whenever she pleased, spend her days however she wanted, and with whomever she desired instead of being my perpetual shadow.
Of course, she wasnโt afraid. And while I didnโt feel the same, I had not once taken into consideration what it meant for her.
For the most part, Tawny was always more than willing to take part in whatever adventure I conjured up, and often suggested some herself. But if the gods were watching, especially this close to the Ascension, they could find her unworthy for taking part. That wasnโt something Iโd just now thought about, but it hadnโt struck me with such clarity before that my attitude towards the Ascension could ruin her eagerness.
Guilt surfaced, the taste of it sour in the back of my throat. โIโm so selfish.โ
Tawny blinked, bewildered. โWhat makes you say that?โ
โIโve most likely tarnished your excitement with all my doom and gloom,โ I told her. โI havenโt really thought about how excited you must be.โ
โWell, when you put it that way,โ she said and then laughed, the sound soft and warm. โHonestly, Poppy, you havenโt. How you feel about the Ascension hasnโt affected how I feel.โ
โIโm relieved to hear that, but still, I should be more excited for you.
Thatโs whatโฆโโI took a thin breathโโthatโs what friends do.โ
โHave you been excited for me? Happy?โ she asked. โEven though youโre worried for yourself?โ
I nodded. โOf course.โ
โThen you have done what a friend does.โ
Maybe that was true, but I promised myself I would be better, starting with no longer risking her Ascension by involving her in my escapades. I could live with the dire consequences of being found unworthy because it would be my life and my own actions that led to it, but I wouldnโt do that to Tawny.
I couldnโt live with that.
After I took supper in my room later that day, Vikter knocked on my door. When I looked up at his face, golden and weathered by life on the Rise and years in the sun, I didnโt think about knowing where he was the night before and the subsequent awkwardness. I saw his expression and knew something had occurred.
โWhatโs happened?โ I whispered.
โWeโve been summoned,โ he said, and my heart lurched in my chest. There were only two reasons why weโd be summoned. One would be the Duke, and the other was equally terrible, but for far different reasons. โThereโs a cursed.โ