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Chapter no 8 – TEMPERโ€Œ

Eclipse (The Twilight Saga, Book 3)

WE ENDED UP ON THE BEACH AGAIN, WANDERING AIMlessly. Jacob was still full of himself for engineering my escape.

โ€œDo you think theyโ€™ll come looking for you?โ€ he asked, sounding hopeful.

โ€œNo.โ€ I was certain about that. โ€œTheyโ€™re going to be furious with me tonight, though.โ€

He picked up a rock and chucked it into the waves. โ€œDonโ€™t go back, then,โ€ he suggested again.

โ€œCharlie would love that,โ€ I said sarcastically. โ€œI bet he wouldnโ€™t mind.โ€

I didnโ€™t answer. Jacob was probably right, and that made me grind my teeth together. Charlieโ€™s blatant preference for my Quileute friends was so unfair. I wondered if he would feel the same if he knew the choice was really between vampires and werewolves.

โ€œSo whatโ€™s the latest pack scandal?โ€ I asked lightly.

Jacob skidded to a halt, and he stared down at me with shocked eyes. โ€œWhat? That was a joke.โ€

โ€œOh.โ€ He looked away.

I waited for him to start walking again, but he seemed lost in thought. โ€œIsย there a scandal?โ€ I wondered.

Jacob chuckled once. โ€œI forget what itโ€™s like, not having everyone know everything all the time. Having a quiet, private place inside my head.โ€

We walked along the stony beach quietly for a few minutes.

โ€œSo what is it?โ€ I finally asked. โ€œThat everyone in your head already knows?โ€

He hesitated for a moment, as if he werenโ€™t sure how much he was going to tell me. Then he sighed and said, โ€œQuil imprinted. Thatโ€™s three now. The rest of us are starting to get worried. Maybe itโ€™s more common than the stories say. . . .โ€ He frowned, and then turned to stare at me. He gazed into my eyes without speaking, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

โ€œWhat are you staring at?โ€ I asked, feeling self-conscious. He sighed. โ€œNothing.โ€

Jacob started walking again. Without seeming to think about it, he reached out and took my hand. We paced silently across the rocks.

I thought of how we must look walking hand and hand down the beach

โ€” like a couple, certainly โ€” and wondered if I should object. But this was the way it had always been with Jacob. . . . No reason to get worked up about it now.

โ€œWhy is Quilโ€™s imprinting such a scandal?โ€ I asked when it didnโ€™t look like he was going to go on. โ€œIs it because heโ€™s the newest one?โ€

โ€œThat doesnโ€™t have anything to do with it.โ€ โ€œThen whatโ€™s the problem?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s another one of those legend things. I wonder when weโ€™re going to stop being surprised that theyโ€™reย allย true?โ€ he muttered to himself.

โ€œAre you going to tell me? Or do I have to guess?โ€

โ€œYouโ€™d never get it right. See, Quil hasnโ€™t been hanging out with us, you know, until just recently. So he hadnโ€™t been around Emilyโ€™s place much.โ€

โ€œQuil imprinted on Emily, too?โ€ I gasped.

โ€œNo! I told you not to guess. Emily had her two nieces down for a visit

. . . and Quil met Claire.โ€

He didnโ€™t continue. I thought about that for a moment.

โ€œEmily doesnโ€™t want her niece with a werewolf? Thatโ€™s a little hypocritical,โ€ I said.

But I could understand why she of all people might feel that way. I thought again of the long scars that marred her face and extended all the way down her right arm. Sam had lost control just once when he was standing too close to her. Once was all it took. . . . Iโ€™d seen the pain in Samโ€™s eyes when he looked at what heโ€™d done to Emily. I could understand why Emily might want to protect her niece from that.

โ€œWould you please stop guessing? Youโ€™re way off. Emily doesnโ€™t mind that part, itโ€™s just, well, a little early.โ€

โ€œWhat do you meanย early?โ€

Jacob appraised me with narrowed eyes. โ€œTry not to be judgmental, okay?โ€

I nodded cautiously.

โ€œClaire is two,โ€ Jacob told me.

Rain started to fall. I blinked furiously as the drops pelted my face.

Jacob waited in silence. He wore no jacket, as usual; the rain left a spatter of dark spots on his black T-shirt, and dripped through his shaggy hair. His face was expressionless as he watched mine.

โ€œQuil . . . imprinted . . . with aย two-year-old?โ€ I was finally able to ask. โ€œIt happens.โ€ Jacob shrugged. He bent to grab another rock and sent it

flying out into the bay. โ€œOr so the stories say.โ€ โ€œBut sheโ€™s a baby,โ€ I protested.

He looked at me with dark amusement. โ€œQuilโ€™s not getting any older,โ€ he reminded me, a bit of acid in his tone. โ€œHeโ€™ll just have to be patient for a few decades.โ€

โ€œI . . . donโ€™t know what to say.โ€

I was trying my hardest not to be critical, but, in truth, I was horrified. Until now, nothing about the werewolves had bothered me since the day Iโ€™d found out they werenโ€™t committing the murders Iโ€™d suspected them of.

โ€œYouโ€™re making judgments,โ€ he accused. โ€œI can see it on your face.โ€ โ€œSorry,โ€ I muttered. โ€œBut it sounds really creepy.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s not like that; youโ€™ve got it all wrong,โ€ Jacob defended his friend, suddenly vehement. โ€œIโ€™ve seen what itโ€™s like, through his eyes. Thereโ€™s nothingย romanticย about it at all, not for Quil, not now.โ€ He took a deep breath, frustrated. โ€œItโ€™s so hard to describe. Itโ€™s not like love at first sight, really. Itโ€™s more like . . . gravity moves. When you seeย her,ย suddenly itโ€™s not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her You

become whatever she needs you to be, whether thatโ€™s a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother.

โ€œQuil will be the best, kindest big brother any kid ever had. There isnโ€™t a toddler on the planet that will be more carefully looked after than that little girl will be. And then, when sheโ€™s older and needs a friend, heโ€™ll be

more understanding, trustworthy, and reliable than anyone else she knows. And then, when sheโ€™s grown up, theyโ€™ll be as happy as Emily and Sam.โ€ A strange, bitter edge sharpened his tone at the very end, when he spoke of Sam.

โ€œDoesnโ€™t Claire get a choice here?โ€

โ€œOf course. But why wouldnโ€™t she choose him, in the end? Heโ€™ll be her perfect match. Like he was designed for her alone.โ€

We walked in silence for a moment, till I paused to toss a rock toward the ocean. It fell to the beach several meters short. Jacob laughed at me.

โ€œWe canโ€™t all be freakishly strong,โ€ I muttered. He sighed.

โ€œWhen do you think it will happen for you?โ€ I asked quietly. His answer was flat and immediate. โ€œNever.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s not something you can control, is it?โ€

He was silent for a few minutes. Unconsciously, we both walked slower, barely moving at all.

โ€œItโ€™s not supposed to be,โ€ he admitted. โ€œBut you have toย seeย her โ€” the one thatโ€™s supposedly meant for you.โ€

โ€œAnd you think that if you havenโ€™t seen her yet, then sheโ€™s not out there?โ€ I asked skeptically. โ€œJacob, you havenโ€™t really seen much of the world โ€” less than me, even.โ€

โ€œNo, I havenโ€™t,โ€ he said in a low voice. He looked at my face with suddenly piercing eyes. โ€œBut Iโ€™ll never see anyone else, Bella. I only see you. Even when I close my eyes and try to see something else. Ask Quil or Embry. It drives them all crazy.โ€

I dropped my eyes to the rocks.

We werenโ€™t walking anymore. The only sound was of the waves beating against the shore. I couldnโ€™t hear the rain over their roar.

โ€œMaybe Iโ€™d better go home,โ€ I whispered.

โ€œNo!โ€ he protested, surprised by this conclusion.

I looked up at him again, and his eyes were anxious now.

โ€œYou have the whole day off, right? The bloodsucker wonโ€™t be home

yet.โ€

I glared at him.

โ€œNo offense intended,โ€ he said quickly.

โ€œYes, I have the whole day. But, Jake . . .โ€

He held up his hands. โ€œSorry,โ€ he apologized. โ€œI wonโ€™t be like that anymore. Iโ€™ll just be Jacob.โ€

I sighed. โ€œBut if thatโ€™s what youโ€™reย thinkingย . . .โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t worry about me,โ€ he insisted, smiling with deliberate cheer, too brightly. โ€œI know what Iโ€™m doing. Just tell me if Iโ€™m upsetting you.โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t know โ€

โ€œCโ€™mon, Bella. Letโ€™s go back to the house and get our bikes. Youโ€™ve got to ride a motorcycle regularly to keep it in tune.โ€

โ€œI really donโ€™t think Iโ€™m allowed.โ€

โ€œBy who? Charlie or the blood โ€” orย him?โ€ โ€œBoth.โ€

Jacob grinnedย myย grin, and he was suddenly the Jacob I missed the most, sunny and warm.

I couldnโ€™t help grinning back.

The rain softened, turned to mist. โ€œI wonโ€™t tell anyone,โ€ he promised. โ€œExcept every one of your friends.โ€

He shook his head soberly and raised his right hand. โ€œI promise not to think about it.โ€

I laughed. โ€œIf I get hurt, it was because I tripped.โ€ โ€œWhatever you say.โ€

We rode our motorcycles on the back roads around La Push until the rain made them too muddy and Jacob insisted that he was going to pass out if he didnโ€™t eat soon. Billy greeted me easily when we got to the house, as if my sudden reappearance meant nothing more complicated than that Iโ€™d wanted to spend the day with my friend. After we ate the sandwiches Jacob made, we went out to the garage and I helped him clean up the bikes. I hadnโ€™t been here in months โ€” since Edward had returned โ€” but there was no sense of import to it. It was just another afternoon in the garage.

โ€œThis is nice,โ€ I commented when he pulled the warm sodas from the grocery bag. โ€œIโ€™ve missed this place.โ€

He smiled, looking around at the plastic sheds bolted together over our heads. โ€œYeah, I can understand that. All the splendor of the Taj Mahal, without the inconvenience and expense of traveling to India.โ€

โ€œTo Washingtonโ€™s little Taj Mahal,โ€ I toasted, holding up my can. He touched his can to mine.

โ€œDo you remember last Valentineโ€™s Day? I think that was the last time you were here โ€” the last time when things were still . . . normal, I mean.โ€

I laughed. โ€œOf course I remember. I traded a lifetime of servitude for a box of conversation hearts. Thatโ€™s not something Iโ€™m likely to forget.โ€

He laughed with me. โ€œThatโ€™s right. Hmm, servitude. Iโ€™ll have to think of something good.โ€ Then he sighed. โ€œIt feels like it was years ago. Another era. A happier one.โ€

I couldnโ€™t agree with him. This was my happy era now. But I was surprised to realize how many things I missed from my own personal dark ages. I stared through the opening at the murky forest. The rain had picked up again, but it was warm in the little garage, sitting next to Jacob. He was as good as a furnace.

His fingers brushed my hand. โ€œThings have really changed.โ€

โ€œYeah,โ€ I said, and then I reached out and patted the back tire of my bike. โ€œCharlieย usedย to like me. I hope Billy doesnโ€™t say anything about today โ€ I bit my lip.

โ€œHe wonโ€™t. He doesnโ€™t get worked up about things the way Charlie does. Hey, I never did apologize officially for that stupid move with the bike. Iโ€™m real sorry about ratting you out to Charlie. I wish I hadnโ€™t.โ€

I rolled my eyes. โ€œMe, too.โ€ โ€œIโ€™m really, really sorry.โ€

He looked at me hopefully, his wet, tangled black hair sticking up in every direction around his pleading face.

โ€œOh, fine! Youโ€™re forgiven.โ€ โ€œThanks, Bells!โ€

We grinned at each other for a second, and then his face clouded over. โ€œYou know that day, when I brought the bike over . . . Iโ€™ve been

wanting to ask you something,โ€ he said slowly. โ€œBut also . . . not wanting to.โ€

I held very still โ€” a reaction to stress. It was a habit Iโ€™d picked up from Edward.

โ€œWere you just being stubborn because you were mad at me, or were you really serious?โ€ he whispered.

โ€œAbout what?โ€ I whispered back, though I was sure I knew what he meant.

He glared at me. โ€œYou know. When you said it was none of my business . . . if โ€” if he bit you.โ€ He cringed visibly at the end.

โ€œJake . . .โ€ My throat felt swollen. I couldnโ€™t finish.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. โ€œWere you serious?โ€ He was trembling just slightly. His eyes stayed closed.

โ€œYes,โ€ I whispered.

Jacob inhaled, slow and deep. โ€œI guess I knew that.โ€ I stared at his face, waiting for his eyes to open.

โ€œYou know what this will mean?โ€ He demanded suddenly. โ€œYou do understand that, donโ€™t you? What will happen if they break the treaty?โ€

โ€œWeโ€™ll leave first,โ€ I said in a small voice.

His eyes flashed open, their black depths full of anger and pain. โ€œThere wasnโ€™t a geographic limit to the treaty, Bella. Our great-grandfathers only agreed to keep the peace because the Cullens swore that they were different, that humans werenโ€™t in danger from them. They promised they would never kill or change anyone ever again. If they go back on their word, the treaty is meaningless, and they are no different than any other vampires. Once thatโ€™s established, when we find them again โ€”โ€

โ€œBut, Jake, didnโ€™t you break the treaty already?โ€ I asked, grasping at straws. โ€œWasnโ€™t part of it that you not tell people about the vampires? And you told me. So isnโ€™t the treaty sort of moot, anyhow?โ€

Jacob didnโ€™t like the reminder; the pain in his eyes hardened into animosity. โ€œYeah, I broke the treaty โ€” back before I believed any of it. And Iโ€™m sure they were informed of that.โ€ He glared sourly at my forehead, not meeting my shamed gaze. โ€œBut itโ€™s not like that gives them a freebie or anything. Thereโ€™s no fault for a fault. They have only one option if they object to what I did. The same option weโ€™ll have when they break the treaty: to attack. To start the war.โ€

He made it sound so inevitable. I shuddered. โ€œJake, it doesnโ€™t have to be that way.โ€

His teeth ground together. โ€œItย isย that way.โ€

The silence after his declaration felt very loud.

โ€œWill you never forgive me, Jacob?โ€ I whispered. As soon as I said the words, I wished I hadnโ€™t. I didnโ€™t want to hear his answer.

โ€œYou wonโ€™t be Bella anymore,โ€ he told me. โ€œMy friend wonโ€™t exist.

Thereโ€™ll be no one to forgive.โ€

โ€œThat sounds like aย no,โ€ I whispered.

We faced each other for an endless moment. โ€œIs this goodbye then, Jake?โ€

He blinked rapidly, his fierce expression melting in surprise. โ€œWhy?

We still have a few years. Canโ€™t we be friends until weโ€™re out of time?โ€

โ€œYears? No, Jake, not years.โ€ I shook my head, and laughed once without humor. โ€œWeeksย is more accurate.โ€

I was not expecting his reaction.

He was suddenly on his feet, and there was a loudย popย as the soda can exploded in his hand. Soda flew everywhere, soaking me, like it was spraying from a hose.

โ€œJake!โ€ I started to complain, but I fell silent when I realized that his whole body was quivering with anger. He glared at me wildly, a growling sound building in his chest.

I froze in place, too shocked to remember how to move.

The shaking rolled through him, getting faster, until it looked like he was vibrating. His shape blurred. . . .

And then Jacob gritted his teeth together, and the growling stopped. He squeezed his eyes tight in concentration; the quivering slowed until only his hands were shaking.

โ€œWeeks,โ€ Jacob said in a flat monotone. I couldnโ€™t respond; I was still frozen.

He opened his eyes. They were beyond fury now.

โ€œHeโ€™s going to change you into a filthy bloodsucker in just a few

weeks!โ€ Jacob hissed through his teeth.

Too stunned to take offense at his words, I just nodded mutely. His face turned green under the russet skin.

โ€œOf course, Jake,โ€ I whispered after a long minute of silence. โ€œHeโ€™sย seventeen,ย Jacob. And I get closer to nineteen every day. Besides, whatโ€™s the point in waiting? Heโ€™s all I want. What else can I do?โ€

Iโ€™d meant that as a rhetorical question.

His words cracked like snaps of a whip. โ€œAnything. Anything else.

Youโ€™d be better off dead. Iโ€™d rather you were.โ€

I recoiled like heโ€™d slapped me. It hurt worse than if he had.

And then, as the pain shot through me, my own temper burst into flame.

โ€œMaybe youโ€™ll get lucky,โ€ I said bleakly, lurching to my feet. โ€œMaybe Iโ€™ll get hit by a truck on my way back.โ€

I grabbed my motorcycle and pushed it out into the rain. He didnโ€™t move as I passed him. As soon as I was on the small, muddy path, I climbed on and kicked the bike to life. The rear tire spit a fountain of mud toward the garage, and I hoped that it hit him.

I got absolutely soaked as I sped across the slick highway toward the Cullensโ€™ house. The wind felt like it was freezing the rain against my skin, and my teeth were chattering before I was halfway there.

Motorcycles were too impractical for Washington. I would sell the stupid thing first chance I got.

I walked the bike into the Cullensโ€™ cavernous garage and was unsurprised to find Alice waiting for me, perched lightly on the hood of her Porsche. Alice stroked the glossy yellow paint.

โ€œI havenโ€™t even had a chance to drive it.โ€ She sighed. โ€œSorry,โ€ I spit through my rattling teeth.

โ€œYou look like you could use a hot shower,โ€ she said, offhand, as she sprang lightly to her feet.

โ€œYep.โ€

She pursed her lips, taking in my expression carefully. โ€œDo you want to talk about it?โ€

โ€œNope.โ€

She nodded in assent, but her eyes were raging with curiosity. โ€œDo you want to go to Olympia tonight?โ€

โ€œNot really. Canโ€™t I go home?โ€ She grimaced.

โ€œNever mind, Alice,โ€ I said. โ€œIโ€™ll stay if it makes things easier for you.โ€

โ€œThanks,โ€ she sighed in relief.

I went to bed early that night, curling up on his sofa again.

It was still dark when I woke. I was groggy, but I knew it wasnโ€™t near morning yet. My eyes closed, and I stretched, rolling over. It took me a second before I realized that the movement should have dumped me onto the floor. And that I was much too comfortable.

I rolled back over, trying to see. It was darker than last night โ€” the clouds were too thick for the moon to shine through.

โ€œSorry,โ€ he murmured so softly that his voice was part of the darkness. โ€œI didnโ€™t mean to wake you.โ€

I tensed, waiting for the fury โ€” both his and mine โ€” but it was only quiet and calm in the darkness of his room. I could almost taste the sweetness of reunion in the air, a separate fragrance from the perfume of his breath; the emptiness when we were apart left its own bitter aftertaste, something I didnโ€™t consciously notice until it was removed.

There was no friction in the space between us. The stillness was peaceful โ€” not like the calm before the tempest, but like a clear night untouched by even the dream of a storm.

And I didnโ€™t care that I was supposed to be angry with him. I didnโ€™t care that I was supposed to be angry with everyone. I reached out for him, found his hands in the darkness, and pulled myself closer to him. His arms encircled me, cradling me to his chest. My lips searched, hunting along his throat, to his chin, till I finally found his lips.

Edward kissed me softly for a moment, and then he chuckled.

โ€œI was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often.โ€

โ€œGive me a minute to work up to it,โ€ I teased, kissing him again.

โ€œIโ€™ll wait as long as you want,โ€ he whispered against my lips. His fingers knotted in my hair.

My breath was becoming uneven. โ€œMaybe in the morning.โ€ โ€œWhatever you prefer.โ€

โ€œWelcome home,โ€ I said while his cold lips pressed under my jaw. โ€œIโ€™m glad you came back.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s a very good thing.โ€

โ€œMmm,โ€ I agreed, tightening my arms around his neck.

His hand curved around my elbow, moving slowly down my arm, across my ribs and over my waist, tracing along my hip and down my leg, around my knee. He paused there, his hand curling around my calf. He pulled my leg up suddenly, hitching it around his hip.

I stopped breathing. This wasnโ€™t the kind of thing he usually allowed. Despite his cold hands, I felt suddenly warm. His lips moved in the hollow at the base of my throat.

โ€œNot to bring on the ire prematurely,โ€ he whispered, โ€œbut do you mind telling me what it is about this bed that you object to?โ€

Before I could answer, before I could even concentrate enough to make sense of his words, he rolled to the side, pulling me on top of him. He held my face in his hands, angling it up so that his mouth could reach my throat. My breathing was too loud โ€” it was almost embarrassing, but I couldnโ€™t care quite enough to be ashamed.

โ€œThe bed?โ€ he asked again. โ€œIย think itโ€™s nice.โ€ โ€œItโ€™s unnecessary,โ€ I managed to gasp.

He pulled my face back to his, and my lips shaped themselves around his. Slowly this time, he rolled till he hovered over me. He held himself carefully so that I felt none of his weight, but I could feel the cool marble of his body press against mine. My heart was hammering so loudly that it was hard to hear his quiet laughter.

โ€œThatโ€™s debatable,โ€ he disagreed. โ€œThis would be difficult on a couch.โ€ Cold as ice, his tongue lightly traced the shape of my lips.

My head was spinning โ€” the air was coming too fast and shallow. โ€œDid you change your mind?โ€ I asked breathlessly. Maybe heโ€™d

rethought all his careful rules. Maybe there was more significance to this bed than Iโ€™d originally guessed. My heart pounded almost painfully as I waited for his answer.

Edward sighed, rolling back so that we were on our sides again. โ€œDonโ€™t be ridiculous, Bella,โ€ he said, disapproval strong in his voice

โ€” clearly, he understood what I meant. โ€œI was just trying to illustrate the benefits of the bed you donโ€™t seem to like. Donโ€™t get carried away.โ€

โ€œToo late,โ€ I muttered. โ€œAnd I like the bed,โ€ I added.

โ€œGood.โ€ I could hear the smile in his voice as he kissed my forehead. โ€œI do, too.โ€

โ€œBut I still think itโ€™s unnecessary,โ€ I continued. โ€œIf weโ€™re not going to get carried away, whatโ€™s the point?โ€

He sighed again. โ€œFor the hundredth time, Bella โ€” itโ€™s too dangerous.โ€ โ€œI like danger,โ€ I insisted.

โ€œI know.โ€ There was a sour edge to his voice, and I realized that he would have seen the motorcycle in the garage.

โ€œIโ€™ll tell you whatโ€™s dangerous,โ€ I said quickly, before he could move to a new topic of discussion. โ€œIโ€™m going to spontaneously combust one of these days โ€” and youโ€™ll have no one but yourself to blame.โ€

He started to push me away.

โ€œWhat are you doing?โ€ I objected, clinging to him.

โ€œProtecting you from combustion. If this too much for you. โ€

โ€œI can handle it,โ€ I insisted.

He let me worm myself back into the circle of his arms.

โ€œIโ€™m sorry I gave you the wrong impression,โ€ he said. โ€œI didnโ€™t mean to make you unhappy. That wasnโ€™t nice.โ€

โ€œActually, it was very, very nice.โ€

He took a deep breath. โ€œArenโ€™t you tired? I should let you sleep.โ€

โ€œNo, Iโ€™m not. I donโ€™t mind if you want to give me the wrong impression again.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s probably a bad idea. Youโ€™re not the only one who gets carried away.โ€

โ€œYes, I am,โ€ I grumbled.

He chuckled. โ€œYou have no idea, Bella. It doesnโ€™t help that you are so eager to undermine my self-control, either.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m not going to apologize for that.โ€ โ€œCanย Iย apologize?โ€

โ€œFor what?โ€

โ€œYou were angry with me, remember?โ€ โ€œOh, that.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m sorry. I was wrong. Itโ€™s much easier to have the proper perspective when I have you safelyย here.โ€ His arms tightened around me. โ€œI go a little berserk when I try to leave you. I donโ€™t think Iโ€™ll go so far again. Itโ€™s not worth it.โ€

I smiled. โ€œDidnโ€™t you find any mountain lions?โ€

โ€œYes, I did, actually. Still not worth the anxiety. Iโ€™m sorry I had Alice hold you hostage, though. That was a bad idea.โ€

โ€œYes,โ€ I agreed.

โ€œI wonโ€™t do it again.โ€

โ€œOkay,โ€ I said easily. He was already forgiven. โ€œBut slumber parties do have their advantages. . . .โ€ I curled myself closer to him, pressing my lips into the indentation over his collarbone. โ€œYouย can hold me hostage any time you want.โ€

โ€œMmm,โ€ he sighed. โ€œI may take you up on that.โ€ โ€œSo is it my turn now?โ€

โ€œYour turn?โ€ his voice was confused.

โ€œTo apologize.โ€

โ€œWhat do you have to apologize for?โ€ โ€œArenโ€™t you mad at me?โ€ I asked blankly. โ€œNo.โ€

It sounded like he really meant it.

I felt my eyebrows pull together. โ€œDidnโ€™t you see Alice when you got home?โ€

โ€œYes โ€” why?โ€

โ€œAre you going to take her Porsche back?โ€ โ€œOf course not. It was a gift.โ€

I wished I could see his expression. His voice sounded as if Iโ€™d insulted him.

โ€œDonโ€™t you want to know what I did?โ€ I asked, starting to be puzzled by his apparent lack of concern.

I felt him shrug. โ€œIโ€™m always interested in everything you do โ€” but you donโ€™t have to tell me unless you want to.โ€

โ€œBut I went to La Push.โ€ โ€œI know.โ€

โ€œAnd I ditched school.โ€ โ€œSo did I.โ€

I stared toward the sound of his voice, tracing his features with my fingers, trying to understand his mood. โ€œWhere did all this tolerance come from?โ€ I demanded.

He sighed.

โ€œI decided that you were right. My problem before was more about my

. . . prejudice against werewolves than anything else. Iโ€™m going to try to be more reasonable and trust your judgment. If you say itโ€™s safe, then Iโ€™ll believe you.โ€

โ€œWow.โ€

โ€œAnd . . . most importantly . . . Iโ€™m not willing to let this drive a wedge between us.โ€

I rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes, totally content. โ€œSo,โ€ he murmured in a casual tone. โ€œDid you make plans to go back

to La Push again soon?โ€

I didnโ€™t answer. His question brought back the memory of Jacobโ€™s words, and my throat was suddenly tight.

He misread my silence and the tension in my body.

โ€œJust so that I can make my own plans,โ€ he explained quickly. โ€œI donโ€™t want you to feel like you have to hurry back because Iโ€™m sitting around waiting for you.โ€

โ€œNo,โ€ I said in a voice that sounded strange to me. โ€œI donโ€™t have plans go back.โ€

โ€œOh. You donโ€™t have to do that for me.โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t think Iโ€™m welcome anymore,โ€ I whispered.

โ€œDid you run over someoneโ€™s cat?โ€ he asked lightly. I knew he didnโ€™t want to force the story out of me, but I could hear the curiosity burning behind his words.

โ€œNo.โ€ I took a deep breath, and then mumbled quickly through the explanation. โ€œI thought Jacob would have realized . . . I didnโ€™t think it would surprise him.โ€

Edward waited while I hesitated.

โ€œHe wasnโ€™t expecting . . . that it was so soon.โ€ โ€œAh,โ€ Edward said quietly.

โ€œHe said heโ€™d rather see me dead.โ€ My voice broke on the last word.

Edward was too still for a moment, controlling whatever reaction he didnโ€™t want me to see.

Then he crushed me gently to his chest. โ€œIโ€™m so sorry.โ€ โ€œI thought youโ€™d be glad,โ€ I whispered.

โ€œGlad over something thatโ€™s hurt you?โ€ he murmured into my hair. โ€œI donโ€™t think so, Bella.โ€

I sighed and relaxed, fitting myself to the stone shape of him. But he was motionless again, tense.

โ€œWhatโ€™s wrong?โ€ I asked. โ€œItโ€™s nothing.โ€

โ€œYou can tell me.โ€

He paused for a minute. โ€œIt might make you angry.โ€ โ€œI still want to know.โ€

He sighed. โ€œI could quite literally kill him for saying that to you. I

wantย to.โ€

I laughed halfheartedly. โ€œI guess itโ€™s a good thing youโ€™ve got so much self-control.โ€

โ€œI could slip.โ€ His tone was thoughtful.

โ€œIf youโ€™re going to have a lapse in control, I can think of a better place for it.โ€ I reached for his face, trying to pull myself up to kiss him. His arms held me tighter, restraining.

He sighed. โ€œMust I always be the responsible one?โ€

I grinned in the darkness. โ€œNo. Let me be in charge of responsibility for a few minutes . . . or hours.โ€

โ€œGoodnight, Bella.โ€

โ€œWait โ€” there was something else I wanted to ask you about.โ€ โ€œWhatโ€™s that?โ€

โ€œI was talking to Rosalie last night. โ€

His body tensed again. โ€œYes. She was thinking about that when I got in. She gave you quite a lot to consider, didnโ€™t she?โ€

His voice was anxious, and I realized that he thought I wanted to talk about the reasons Rosalieโ€™d given me for staying human. But I was interested in something much more pressing.

โ€œShe told me a little bit . . . about the time your family lived in Denali.โ€

There was a short pause; this beginning took him by surprise. โ€œYes?โ€

โ€œShe mentioned something about a bunch of female vampires and

you.โ€

He didnโ€™t answer, though I waited for a long moment.

โ€œDonโ€™t worry,โ€ I said, after the silence had grown uncomfortable. โ€œShe told me you didnโ€™t . . . show any preference. But I was just wondering, you know, if any ofย themย had. Shown a preference for you, I mean.โ€

Again he said nothing.

โ€œWhich one?โ€ I asked, trying to keep my voice casual, and not quite managing. โ€œOr was there more than one?โ€

No answer. I wished I could see his face, so I could try to guess what this silence meant.

โ€œAlice will tell me,โ€ I said. โ€œIโ€™ll go ask her right now.โ€

His arms tightened; I was unable to squirm even an inch away.

โ€œItโ€™s late,โ€ he said. His voice had a little edge to it that was something new. Sort of nervous, maybe a little embarrassed. โ€œBesides, I think Alice stepped out. โ€

โ€œItโ€™s bad,โ€ I guessed. โ€œItโ€™s really bad, isnโ€™t it?โ€ I started to panic, my heart accelerating as I imagined the gorgeous immortal rival Iโ€™d never

realized I had.

โ€œCalm down, Bella,โ€ he said, kissing the tip of my nose. โ€œYouโ€™re being absurd.โ€

โ€œAm I? Then why wonโ€™t you tell me?โ€

โ€œBecause thereโ€™s nothing to tell. Youโ€™re blowing this wildly out of proportion.โ€

โ€œWhich one?โ€ I insisted.

He sighed. โ€œTanya expressed a little interest. I let her know, in a very courteous, gentlemanly fashion, that I did not return that interest. End of story.โ€

I kept my voice as even as possible. โ€œTell me something โ€” what does Tanya look like?โ€

โ€œJust like the rest of us โ€” white skin, gold eyes,โ€ he answered too quickly.

โ€œAnd, of course, extraordinarily beautiful.โ€ I felt him shrug.

โ€œI suppose, to human eyes,โ€ he said, indifferent. โ€œYou know what, though?โ€

โ€œWhat?โ€ My voice was petulant.

He put his lips right to my ear; his cold breath tickled. โ€œI prefer brunettes.โ€

โ€œSheโ€™s a blonde. That figures.โ€ โ€œStrawberry blonde โ€” not at all my type.โ€

I thought about that for a while, trying to concentrate as his lips moved slowly along my cheek, down my throat, and back up again. He made the circuit three times before I spoke.

โ€œIย guessย thatโ€™s okay, then,โ€ I decided.

โ€œHmm,โ€ he whispered against my skin. โ€œYouโ€™re quite adorable when youโ€™re jealous. Itโ€™s surprisingly enjoyable.โ€

I scowled into the darkness.

โ€œItโ€™s late,โ€ he said again, murmuring, almost crooning now, his voice smoother than silk. โ€œSleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love.โ€

He started to hum my lullaby, and I knew it was only a matter of time till I succumbed, so I closed my eyes and snuggled closer into his chest.

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