Adam makes TV dinners for dinner tonight.
Swedish meatballs. Which is one of my favorite TV dinners. I’m sure Adam thinks TV dinners are low brow food, but it’s sort of a treat for me. When I was struggling to make the rent, I couldn’t afford to plop down five dollars for a plastic container of meatballs, noodles, and sauce. My weekly food budget was about ten bucks. I ate a lot of Ramen noodles.
I’m just glad it isn’t raining anymore. The sky has been mostly sunny today, although it’s gotten very cold all of a sudden. I have a feeling I’m not going to be able to take Victoria out for walks much longer. I wanted to take her today, but I was worried the ground was too slippery with leaves and water from the storm last night.
“I think I’ll take my food upstairs and eat in my room,” I say as the microwave chimes to signify food is ready.
Adam frowns. “Oh. Okay.”
He doesn’t look happy about it, but he doesn’t protest. He gets it.
I put the food on a plate and I’m about to head upstairs when the doorbell rings. I glance over at Adam, who looks as surprised as I am. “Are you expecting any visitors?” I ask.
He shakes his head no. “We don’t get many solicitors out here.”
He abandons the microwave and goes over to open the door. As he’s looking through the peephole, I glance out the window. There’s a car in our driveway that looks painfully familiar. A green Ford Fiesta with scratched paint. I clasp a hand over my mouth.
“Adam!” I say. “Don’t—”
But it’s too late. Adam has already opened the door and now Freddy is standing in the doorway. He’s holding a bouquet of flowers. Not roses, like what Adam used to buy for Victoria, but carnations. Something cheap. Not that I should be surprised.
“Sylvie!” Freddy pushes past Adam and now he’s in the foyer. He’s in the house, just like that. “Sylvie, I’ve got to talk to you.”
I take a step back. My mouth opens to form words, but nothing comes out. I finally understand how Victoria feels.
“Can I help you?” Adam asks.
“Yeah.” Freddy glances at him, then looks back at me. “Sylvie and I… we…”
He is struggling to explain our relationship. He can’t. We never got married. Since he left, I would say we’re nothing.
Freddy pushes past Adam to talk to me. I can’t help but notice that in spite of everything, Freddy looks good. He always kept his dark hair shaggy, but now he’s clipped it short and professional. He’s wearing a white dress shirt and nice pants. He looks like a white-collar worker. It looks like he cleaned up his act. I wonder if he went back to school like I always told him he should.
“Sylvie, can we please talk?”
“How did you find me here?” I say. “Your old landlord told me.”
My hand squeezes into a fist. “He told you?”
“I slipped him a twenty.” He grins crookedly, like he’s proud of himself for bribing my landlord. “Anyway, it wasn’t like it was a big secret. You coulda told me where you were going.”
“Maybe you should take the hint that I don’t want you to know.” I take another step back and hit the kitchen counter. “It’s over, Freddy. That chapter in our lives is done.”
“I should never have left even when you told me to.” He frowns. “But you don’t get it. I was hurting too. It was just so… frustrating. All we did was fight. But that didn’t mean I didn’t love you. I do love you. I just kept beating myself up because the whole thing was my fault…”
That was the worst part. Freddy kept blaming himself. If only he’d insisted on coming inside with me when I talked to my father. Our whole life could have been different. He could’ve protected me.
But he didn’t.
“I’m sorry.” My voice breaks. “I just don’t want to see you anymore.” “Sylvie, come on…”
He takes another step towards me. I try to back up, but I’ve got nowhere to go. I hit the counter behind me. I had almost forgotten Adam was in the room until he clears his throat and taps Freddy firmly on the shoulder.
“Hey,” Adam says. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
“Sorry, buddy.” Freddy barely glances over his shoulder. “This doesn’t concern you.”
“It concerns me if it’s happening in my house.” Adam’s voice is cold, and a bit scary if I’m being honest. “I want you out of here. Right now.”
Freddy pauses. He turns to look at Adam and sizes him up, probably trying to figure out if he can take him. Freddy used to be pretty decent at fighting. He got into scuffles from time to time, and he always held his own. I’m not sure who would come out on top in a fight between Adam and Freddy.
It makes me think of that gun. The one that Victoria claims is in Adam’s closet.
But it doesn’t come to that. Adam whips out his cell phone. “I’m dialing 911. The cops can be here in two minutes.”
I see Freddy hesitating. It looks like he’s got his life back on track, and I’m sure the last thing he wants is to be thrown in jail.
“Sylvie,” he says in a low voice. “Will you come outside with me to talk?”
Before I can answer, Adam speaks up: “She said she wants you to leave. Leave. Now.”
Freddy’s shoulders drop. There’s a part of me that wonders if he’s going to risk it and stay. There’s a part of me that wants him to stay. After all, I used to love this man. I thought we were going to start a family together. But then he shuffles in the direction of the door. I finally relax when I see him get back in his car and drive away.
I can’t even look Adam in the eyes. “I’m sorry about that.” “Don’t worry about it. That’s what I’m here for.”
I look up at Adam. He’s been through the same thing I have. The loss of a child before it could be born. Having the person who he thought was the love of his life taken away from him. He gets it. He knows what I’ve been through because he’s been through it himself.
And then I completely lose it. I start sobbing like a baby and Adam takes me into his arms and holds me. I haven’t been held like that in such a long time. It feels so nice. He strokes my hair as I rest my head against his shoulder. And when I lift my face, he kisses me so gently on the lips that I can’t help but kiss him back.
What happens next is so very wrong. But I don’t even care anymore.
